On the brink of giving up

21 year old, second year CS student here.

I feel absolutely miserable. I'm in a foreign country, can't understand the lectures in any of my classes and have failed practically all the core courses so far. The only reason I'm here is because I'm a poorfag from a 3rd world shithole and got a full ride scholarship. Due to xenophobia, I'm alienated a lot and feel very lonely. All I wanted was to get out of the shithole I was born in.

There's nothing for me to do. The only reason I get up in the morning is to stave off the guilt of disappointing my parents and letting all the time and effort they put into raising me go to waste.

Psychiatrist at my school diagnosed me and put me on antidepressants half a year ago but I stopped going to see him and taking the meds because they didn't help me one bit. I enjoy nothing. I feel as if aspects of my being and personality have been slowly withering away. I feel detached from reality; as if in just watching myself go through the same monotonous routine every day.

The only small shreds of anything bearing any semblance to enjoyment are experienced vicariously through escapes from reality like art and music. These aren't mine. I have nothing.

I've had my suicide planned out for years now. Only reason I haven't done it is as I mentioned before.
I don't have a particular question. I'm sorry. I just want to tell at least someone as I have no one to talk to in real life. What else can I do?

Attached: nge.png (1440x1080, 1.52M)

Other urls found in this thread:


Are you from the Caribbean ?

Attached: 15537154292962173666325600516244.jpg (3264x2448, 2.58M)

In what country are you?

Literally me, same age and all.
Misery loves company, they say. Share that bullet with me, mate.

Seriously OP if you're from the Caribbean and on a scholarship like me I can at least talk to you if you're looking to vent with someone who can relate.

Attached: 5u-gMLQ9_400x400.jpg (391x391, 40K)

This is when you become a man. Embrace and dominate this obstacle.



I wish things didn't have to be this way

Obstacles are things that get in the way of what you want or would like. I have nothing I specifically want. There is no sense of purpose in my life

>suiciding instead of learning the language of the country you are in

>i am alone
Change it?

You are from a shithole and went to taiwan. Wtf

I'm conversational in the language (Chinese). The problem I was describing was more that I have no interest in cs


Post your discord, we'll talk

Attached: Touko laugh.gif (498x298, 2.12M)

What part of cs doesnt interest you?

Then change your course. Or change school. Do something. Tell your parents going to school for course you arent interested in was a mistake and go home.

Stop being retarded, please?

Well OP giving you a bump in case you need a friend.

Regardless, good luck with your predicament, talk to you parents and if you feel the need to pull out then do it, your health is by far the most important thing to you.

Attached: mate.jpg (850x702, 113K)

Well you have a full ride in CS at a university, that's definitely something to be proud of. Have you tried looking for an extracurricular? Universities are full of people, and you'll be surprised how many are willing to want to get to know you.

>All I wanted was to get out of the shithole I was born in.
You should have stayed in your shithole and worked to make it better.

Thank you for the kind words. My discord is [spoiler] spookee#1304 [/spoiler]

I'd like to say most of it. I could see how creating projects could be fun and rewarding but other than that there's nothing. I feel like this whole experience here has killed all interest I have in it.

That's one of the only things I have left to do.
When I was graduating from highschool and trying to see how I can get some kind of postsecondary education, it wasn't with the intention of getting a degree for the most part; it was to leave my country. I don't intend for me to ever live there again, or at least I'd very much like not to.

I'll try but from what I've seen most of the clubs speak purely in Chinese, which I don't understand completely and as such, will have difficulty participating in. There are some clubs specifically for foreign and local students to meet but everyone there just wants to talk to you to practice English.
Also, I'm in East Asia. People are reserved and "shy". I've tried talking to people and being friendly in the past but they never reciprocate.


>suicide all planned out
You fucking weakling. you are exactly what no one should ever be. You worked 21 years of your life and are in a place that's hostile and challenging- a place where people back in your home would DREAM to have the opportunity- and instead of living in the moment and bettering yourself for the future you are squandering it because of your fucking FEELINGS?
Life is hard. I understand where you are coming from. Ive worked hard for what ive achieved (which isnt much, but leaps and bounds better than where I was years ago) sometimes its difficult to find purpose or direction because you haven't made it yet. you need to reevaluate your life and throw the suicide idea out the fucking window because doing that will make you known forever to be weak. think about the lasting damage you will cause just from something stupid and emotional.

Attached: 1530490812876.jpg (468x714, 111K)

Quit spending money if you aren't interested in the program and take Chinese language courses. Chinese is really useful. Make the most of life and your situation.

I randomly went to China for work when I didn't know the language and ended up taking a class and living with Chinese and picking it up. Life is China was pretty crappy but I made the most of it. I tried.

dont do chinese user. if you are white just do yourself a favor and DONT do it. if you want to expat look at other countries because mainland china is going to suck

Op is already in Taiwan. They also speak Mandarin Chinese, maybe it is slightly different, and just using traditional characters. They should learn Chinese if they are already there.

Read the fucking thread

he shouldn't be there if he is so lost so why should he learn the language any more than what he already learned. Maybe you should read the thead again

learning Chinese and going to mainland china will only doom him

touko is best girl

>Obstacles are things that get in the way of what you want or would like. I have nothing I specifically want. There is no sense of purpose in my life

everybody works through something to find meaning.

it doesn't have to be the same thing, scale, or commitment from person to person, you know that right?

maybe reflect on this specific thing some more.

And maybe engage in a thought exercise about stepping through your younger life for moments when you felt either you had meaning, or were striving toward something meaningful.

You're South African, aren't you?

I'm from Belize (central America)

>Obstacles are things that get in the way of what you want or would like

You know it

Attached: heh.gif (500x281, 466K)

Git gud. Failure is part of life, learn with it.

Stay off the fucking meds.

Are you saying you're xenophobic or the country you're taking classes is?

>I've had my suicide planned out for years now.

So does everyone else in a remotely similarly circumstance. Everyone who's depressed considers the best method of ending their life.

You need try to stop "impressing" or fulfilling your parents dreams since you clearly aren't fulfilling your own.

The country I'm in is. Not violently or rudely so but people don't really associate with you. They keep to themselves.

You're right. However, there's also the fact that my family isn't well off and I'm from a relatively poor country. I picked cs initially solely because of how profitable it is.

Then it sounds as if you made the best of what you could for the sake of your family. But, you should already understand that the best of what you can do may not be enough to live up what you hope for.

That stress is clearly seeping into what you have planned of providing for them. You might not be able to meet the expectations you originally had, but if you get caught up in those naive expectations you'll continue to fail your classes. Work on ignoring your family problems in order to help your family. Good luck OP.

The thing is I don't know what to do myself to make me happy. If I ignore that pressure and just do whatever would make me happy, I wouldn't know where to start

t. From one suicidal subhuman to another

Look if you feel like its all going to hell just remember you made it further then anybody else, if you can get something out of this then you improve your own life and your families life, don't even think of the expectations, just be the best you can be and you will have some success. Plus your 21, you literally have your entire life in front of you, even if you just pass you can still do things to climb and be the person you want to be and help out your family, god bless you Belize user.

Nobody said to go to China. I said I was in China. He should leave the program he hates and learn how to communicate in the country he is in. How stupid can you possibly be to not be able to read what is written right in front of you?


Improve in what way? Degrees aren't created equal. I really don't care for engineering/stem degrees as I don't want to be some mindless drone working for corporations. At the same time, those are some of the only jobs that pay enough to live comfortably, unless you get lucky or have connections in other fields; of which neither apply to me. Maybe these are just naive thoughts. Maybe I'm just immature and stupid. Maybe I'm just spoilt.
I don't deserve my kind parents or any of the opportunities afforded to me.

I don't even know what to think anymore.

Thank you for your time and kind words.

I'm sorry if this sounds like a bunch of ramblings. I'm having trouble giving structure to my thoughts and feelings.

china is a shithole and so are you fag

Good luck brah

Make sure you're always doing the tri-fecta of good life habits

+Good sleep
+Good food
+Good exercise habits (at least 30 minutes x 3 a week of cardio) and weights

You're like really bad at trolling.
As they say it is an art form.
Not everyone can capture the nuance.

Kill yourself please


>The only reason I'm here is because I'm a poorfag from a 3rd world shithole and got a full ride scholarship. Due to xenophobia, I'm alienated a lot and feel very lonely.
Ungrateful, self dramatising, entitled shitskin detected

The dirty red poster have good taste.

>Psychiatrist at my school diagnosed me and put me on antidepressants half a year ago but I stopped going to see him and taking the meds
Please go back OP (:

You 4channers need to STOP thinking about suicide every time an obstacle crosses your path in life.

This needs to happen NOW.

Stop letting your brain contemplate that kind of shit. Kill it at the roots as soon as a thought appears. Fuck sake man... No one can handle life problems anymore or they just threaten to commit suicide, what is humanity.

Lol they are the same as Chinese international students here in america. Those guys litterally keep it to themselves and never try to break any barriers. Some of them like soccer and anime, try talking about that with them. Tho they will mostly ignore you, fuck chinks

The meds weren't helping me at all. I was just burning through money to no avail.

This isn't just a single obstacle. I can't see a point in which I would ever be happy with my life. I have no reason to get up in the morning. It all seems pointless.