Why do I not really want to be in a relationship but constantly want attention from men?

Why do I not really want to be in a relationship but constantly want attention from men?

Like I need to make sure myself that men finds me appealing but not to the point that would wanna go out with me. I enjoyed crushes but not to go further than just a crush.

I’m always in the state of fear of missing out on not being in a relationship but at the same time glad that I’m single.

What’s wrong with me? Am I damaged good or have issues?

Attached: CC8D2CC2-926B-43A0-AC07-0EA023F73F6C.png (500x319, 77K)

wanting male attention is very normal but its also normal to sometimes feel weird about wanting.

now not wanting to be in a relationship means you mivht not want to commit to one person, or maybe you wouldnt want pressure to give someone your all. i feel the same way mostly except relationships just seem awkward to me but sometimes i do desire one.

I don’t go after men or talk about them or directly flirting with them when I say I’m seeking attention.
I think I might just have fear of intimacy cause I couldn’t open to whoever I dated before. I can’t let people see my vulnerability. I don’t have a pretty childhood so I guess that’s the root. I don’t turn psycho after a break up maybe because I never really wanted one. Never feel like I’m good enough for them or they deserve someone better.
Heck. I really have issues.

just open up babe let your guard down ;^*

ur traumatized cuz ur uncle put it in ur pooper when you were a kid, but u still want to feel attractive

Much help haha thnx

It’s not funny joking about this kind of topic you know that rite?

>It’s not funny joking about this kind of topic you know that rite?
It obviously is.

the whole point of a relationship is for each one to see the vulnerability of the other. if you dont want to see other's and show yours, then you dont want a relationship and thats fine

what do you do when seeking attention? good that your not one of those that goes on and on about men.

i would say your right in not wnating more relationships because until you feel you are good enough it wont be healthy for the other person and you could hurt someone. Wait until you can confidently love someone. i understand your feeling, and i found somone caring enough and they make me feel good. not in a relationship still because i do still worry

It’s very normal to want validation on if you’re attractive or not
Especially since society is obsessed with looks
Whether you want a relationship or not most people still wanna be seen as attractive

But if it is what you’re saying then isn’t it contracted with my feelings of wanting a relationship?
Sometimes I really want to be in love but when the chance has come I’ll run for life. And never look back

I’m being friendly with them. Sometimes lead them on and indirectly let them know I’m somewhat interested but I’m not going out with them.

Men seems to fond of me too maybe because I look friendly and harmless.

I’m getting older bro. About 30s and this makes me more worried these days.

you must get over the fear of showing your vulnerability if you really want a relationship. If you cant do that then you dont want it enough to make it work

just make your mind

So you’re saying this’s normal? I actually want to be my true self but I’m afraid that if I’m going back to my true self then no men would find me attractive. And again this’s totally nut cause if I don’t want a relationship why do I afraid that men won’t find me attractive anymore?????

I really don’t know what the heck is wrong with me and what I want

>>It’s not funny joking about this kind of topic you know that rite?
>It obviously is.

Must be from some backwards third world area like Africa.

You’ve got insecurity or validation issues. They’re not uncommon, especially when you’re young and more especially on here. These kinds of things tend to stem from not feeling good about yourself and where you are or what you’re doing with your life, or perhaps even having a general feeling of inadequacy or self-loathing.

Fixing your own self image and learning to improve and validate yourself is an important part of growing older and more mature.its hard, but that self-sufficientcy is a skill you need to eventually pick up if you want to be happy with who you are. Some people never do or never realize it’s importance, but it’s always a good thing to strive to achieve and be cognizant about.

>Am I damaged good or have issues?
No, you're just human. Attention feels good. It feels good to be loved and desired and like you're worth something. Relationships, however, are not easy. Getting attention doesn't require vulnerability but being in a committed relationship with someone does. You and about 5 billion other people on the planet struggle with intimacy issues. Its not that you consciously don't want a relationship its just that subconsciously you don't allow yourself to get close enough to anyone for that to actually happen. This is really common, especially among young people. You just need to go to therapy and find out exactly why it is you're so scared of getting close to people. If I had to guess you either had some kind of dysfunctional or abandoning relationship with your father. I may be wrong but that is the most common answer. People who are taught to have trusting, stable relationships with people of the opposite sex as children can typically mimic that in their adult life and people who experienced chaos and abandonment typically cannot. Like I said, go get some therapy. If that isn't an option then at least remember what I said and try to be mindful of your patterns. Even in therapy the solution to this problem of yours is going to be voluntarily leaving your comfort zone and acclimating yourself to being emotionally engaging with the men in your life.

I've met many girls like you in the mental hospital I work at and truth be told, everyone has their problems and fucked up childhoods/growing up. Everyone who seems happy and smiling are inside their heads worried to death about making the next rent payment, trouble at job, fights with family or it could be anything else.

A relationship is about making two broken people work together. One partner should not change the other and both should be okay with each other's pasts, weaknesses and such. And then ideally you want to meet your partner in the middle of most things and also being able to have "the talk" is important to have a relationship working.

But if you can't show your weak side you should forget about relationship. This is why you should try find a stable partner in your 20's so you have more time to learn ans grow up together. The problem with dating people 30+ is that they are mostly set in their ways and less likely to do something new or change. And the older one is, the more baggage you have. This can be good or bad depending on what kind of baggage they bring.

Also as a woman. You are competing against new 18 year old girls every year. With the rise of redpill and mgtow it's going to be a lot harder for you girls nearing 30 to find a family man who won't just go for a 20 year old for more healthy children and less baggage. This might be painful but it is the truth. Of course you have the desperate men who will settle for any girl. But is that the kind of man you want to grow old with?

Not sure how much help this is. But welcome to reality. It does not care for your feelings. If you have not already felt the baby clock ringing it is coming and it's just like an erection. It makes you dizzy and only wanting one thing.

Good luck i guess. Vulnerability is not a bad thing. It's feminine to be vulnerable. Many men are still old school "save the damsel" but these are vanishing.

What is your trueself user? You got my curiosity with that phrase?

>If I had to guess you either had some kind of dysfunctional or abandoning relationship with your father.

Both parents and a few things along the line. I tried therapy before but I guess I need a psychologist then cause it’s no help.

Oh this’s exactly what’s in my mind lately. You guys are totally right cause I started to freak out cause even tho I don’t see the necessity of being in relationship I still don’t know if I’m missing on something I would never have a chance to experience.

>But if you can't show your weak side you should forget about relationship

How can I show them my vulnerability when it is what stops me being together with them. I’m not confident that they’ll stay and I know if they don’t by then I’ll go kill myself.
I have a tendency of blaming myself for whatever happened abd will happen even if it’s my fault or not.

Oh it’s nothing fancy or mysterious or interesting. It’s just I’m not high maintenance. I can’t keep up with girls thing. Everyday when I have to put up girls stuffs I’m drained after going home and get changed. I’m comfortable in men dressing style and even pixie haircut. Of course I have to stop living that way in order to socialize with others and also to not go out of the norm. Plus I’m pretty cold hearted. I don’t feel much emotion to be frank

>Both parents and a few things along the line.
Well, here's the root of your issue. It was instilled in you as a child that becoming emotionally attached was a negative thing. This is the way you were taught to handle relationships.

>I tried therapy before but I guess I need a psychologist then cause it’s no help.
Good call. This isn't an issue that is going to solve itself. I'd recommend CBT, honestly.

Sounds like you're mainly looking for validation. I know it feels good but it's not really healthy to use male attention as a crutch. If you're always going to worry about what other people think, you're never going to be happy. You need to learn to be confident in yourself, and to be comfortable with who you are as a person.

Ok so it feels like you like the attention, as most people. That part is normal.

However, have you actually tried to just go out as how you see yourself instead of a "costume"? I feel you might not want to pursue anything further than flirting is because the pepple who flirt are not flirting with the real you and if you become yourself outside it might help alleviate that.

Also, cold hearted? In what way?

Yeah sound like a good call. I’ll try CBT to see if it help. We never know. I appreciate your thoughts tho. Means a lot.

Exactly this.

>have you actually tried to just go out as how you see yourself instead of a "costume"?

I never tried and never dare to try it again after college. Come to think of it, you’re very spot on on > the pepple who flirt are not flirting with the real you and if you become yourself outside it might help alleviate that.

It’s actually the reason to be honest. I’m not confident that they’ll like the whole package.

>Also, cold hearted? In what way?
Like once I decided on something there will be no turning back. Whatever the reason is. I don’t care that much of other feelings cause myself don’t feel that much either.

Life is a risk. A gamble. Its just like when a shy boy asks how to ask a girl out and people tell him "just ask her". So if you want to learn how to be vulnerable you have to meet with men and talk. It's no good being vulnerable to a man that won't show his vulnerability so you have to find someone who talks about his problems. How you do this I don't know because I'm not a girl. But many guys seeking advice on dating girls will tell men to not show emotions and you feminists make fun of emotional men so welcome to modern Post feminism world of dating. Where everyone has expectations like X height, X education etc etc. Instead of just wanting to meet a new person. Ideally your man should also be your friend. If your relationship is only based on love and sex you won't make it very far. You are X years old. Imagine having spent your current yeara with a man. That's what it's like to be in stable relationship. Have to find a man you can be with at least as many years as you are old.

Just like you have problems showing your weak side. I have problems sharing too much about my past and weaknesses and I've paid a heavy price for being naive and giving bad girls the benefit of doubt. I am no "selfless nice guy" anymore. Love is fake and you really have to decide if you want to ride this life alone as it sucks hard enough already, or share in the pain of life with another person who at any point could change and be different. Life is unfair.

I once told coworkers that my dream was to have a wife and 5 children. But the 4 coworkers just laughed at me and asked "who the hell would want more than one baby?" etc etc. My dream of having big family is almost gone. I'm almost 30 with no girl or relationship experience except for 2 years in an abusive relationship. Does the fact that I will never pass of my genes mad? Yes. But I am probably destined like most men to just work and die. So make out of life what you want. For me it's finding self love.

Ok now i am even more interested in the "whole package" and finding out more about you. Why do you think people wont like you? What is wrong with the whole package?

Also, you are talking about being decisive not being cold hearted. Maybe with not caring about other peoples opinions, but even that is sth else, maybe "solo" person?

i can relate, expect i'm a male not female. after good amount of time of deep thinking to myself i pretty sure is due to fear of opening up to people, afraid they might see all my weakness etc. it could be due to fear of goodbye, at least for me i kind of scare of it, you never know when someone going to leave you so its better to be alone and avoid relationship so you don't have to deal with what comes after break up if there is one. It really mess with your thoughts.

You are looking for the attention from the right man, OP. It usually reverberates back to the relationship with the father, for a femanon.

Try to understand your relationship with your mother, who she is/was, and the kind of love your father has/had for you, and what you would expect.

As a female, you will always garner male attention, but what you want is the male attention that will fulfill you.

Hope this helps, LARPer.

Funny, its the same situation with me, but reverse the genders. I kept blue-balling women

You're afraid of intimacy. Pretty obvious.