>be couple with kid >be growing apart since kid >haven't had sex in weeks because i don't want >i want sex because sex is usually fun and feels acceptably nice >i don't want because he's controlling neglectful asshole already, won't share car for work, hides money and phone, no interest in my life >literally comes home from work and makes food, eats in silence, responds one word to questions, leaves with little more than 'bye' to see friends, minimal touching or affection though he'll tell his guy friends and everyone he loves them etc >both work low-stress day jobs >we had sex last week but neither finished after half an hour, stopped because appointment >last night be laying prostrate on bed next to each other snoozing >boyfriend's arm under my head so kinda snuggling, still occasional nice moments like so >boyfriend wakes and wakes me saying he's hoarny >says he'll come in like 3 strokes because not masturbated >bet. tell him he gets three strokes that's it to finish, jokingly because i honestly don't want >he gets on and 3 strokes commence (we were already half naked) >i say 'okay get off' and he keeps going >says 'blah blah you feel so good' and comes in like 30 seconds anyway >pulls out, washes off, gives peck goodbye and leaves to go hang out with friends >i feel violated and used as he keeps ignoring me >i withdraw all day and he acts like nothing's wrong, goes to bed early without a word though
I know this is Jow Forums and most yall shit but what's the deal would you consider that rape
you sound hysterical and you are using your kid as a shield
shame on you
go save money to take your kid to Disneyland instead of the nerves in your vagina
Angel Sanchez
yes
Robert Harris
explain
William Baker
>using kid as shield
No, I'm not and where did you get that, that's just... ah you are trolling. Ha. Ha ha ha. You got me.
Brandon Morgan
Well what do I do now. I don't know how to act and it actually is physically stressful to be around him. If I leave I potentially lose partial custody, he'd fight for the kid he didn't want because child support and again, control, if he got any custody he'd just hand our kid off to his mom his days
If it weren't for kid I'd pack up and leave town. Wat do.
Alexander James
Yes you are putting your needs in front of others
you are selfish
repair your family. there is therapy for that or take the easy way out
I don't care about you. I care about the kid
Asher Diaz
You're either a pedo or a completely insane creature who hates women. I'm asking other human beings for advice, thank you.
Isaiah Gray
Op here again before anyone derails this I'm going to sleep. In kid's room. But if anyone has any actual advice for moving forward that isn't attacking me pls share I will check in AM
Jose Carter
Is this bait? Sure seems like it. I think you had a bad sexual encounter but I don't think it was rape. You were being intimate and cuddling with him, he told you he was horny and expressed an interest in having sex with you. You agreed to have sex, despite not wanting to. Language is inexact, he told you he'd cum in three strokes to express his horniness. He can't know exactly the number of strokes that it would take. It sounds like he came fairly quickly. Would this encounter have been okay with you if he had said 30 seconds instead of three strokes? What if he came in four strokes? I'm sure he thought that the three strokes thing was a joke. You yourself said it was a joke. I'm sure he thought that "okay get off" was a part of the joke as well. It sounds like you have problems communicating with him and expect him to somehow become a mind reader. You need to seriously communicate with him about your relationship problems and what you are comfortable with sexually. You even say in your post you feel violated and used because he's ignoring you. Not because of what happened. If he'd stayed with you afterward, would that have made it okay? You know I am a woman and I've had experience with rape and sexual assault. After having consensual sex my ex-bf (bf at the time) held me down and physical forced himself inside of me. I resisted him physically, pushed him, tried to squirm away, told him to stop, that he was hurting me etc. In this encounter when did you tell him that you were not joking and no longer wanted to have sex? When did you give him the opportunity to stop?
Jaxon Flores
You SHOULD consider the kid, his needs come first before yours. As a parent, that's non negotiable
Michael Rodriguez
How the fuck is it rape when the man who takes care of you and your child has invested all that he has in you? He gets off, and because its not the greatest an you dont get off you consider that he raped you.... but you'd willingly fuck a random who plays his cards right one night altho he would never care for you but he fucked you just right and he fucks off but you would never consider it rape.
Kill Yourself. Women don't deserve rights.
Adrian Howard
Look around, it is very clearly negotiable
Eli Peterson
sounds like regret with consent.
If you didn't tell him to stop him when you wanted him to stop he had the green light.
Jayden Butler
A bad sexual experience doesn't equal rape if you consented. You can consent to shitty sex.
This sounds like a conversation that you need to have about your relationship more broadly, not just the sex. Yes, your child is important but you need to make time for each other.
Maybe commit to one night a week for a date night? Try to rekindle some of the romance. You can try to do this too, don't put the onus all on your partner.
Brandon Mitchell
If I was in a relationship my attention would be in no short supply. But this sort of trait is common in more "desperate" men, even if they aren't actually without standards. So why is this even more unattractive to women than being emotionally distant?
Lincoln Davis
If you made it clear you don't want it and he continued anyways it's rape. It'll be tough to prove in any court however, if you are even planning on taking legal action. is semi-right, your childs needs should come first. However I disagree with his assessment of the situation, for once you certainly do think of your child already and secondly I doubt the kid will be happy with parents who hate each other.
Go find help yourself first. Talk to some womans refuge or care center near you, seek therapy. Couples therapy would also be a good option if your boyfriend is willing to go through with it and you want to keep the relationship going.
You sound pretty isolated, do you have friends of your own outside or him? Or is your family close by? I'd have a face to face conversation with someone you trust.
No it's not rape you dumb clueless cunt >op wants sex >but not with her bf because she fucked up with her life choices and obviously went too ahead of herself with her impulsive love Keep blaming the guy and ignoring the kid, never had a role model during childhood? Worthless slut >insane creature who hates women You're not really making yourself out as likeable in any way shape or form
Owen Myers
OP, I feel your disappointment but its not rape only a lazy ass, good for nothing man. You knew that already though. You need to start looking elsewhere for some satisfaction, don't pair bond with any of them and when you want, call them over, have mindblowing sex and get them out of your house.
Anthony Rivera
I'm confused with everyone saying she doesn't care about her kid. If anything it seems she does and wants to get the kid away from the guy who obviously raped her feelings and her body when she didn't want it, because he's straight up evil and a terrible partner, most likely abusive in other ways. Like, she wants sex with him but not when he's careless, and he wasn't being empathetic or kind or caring about her wants and needs at the time so no, sex wasn't a good idea for him to try to achieve because it was selfish. That is rape. Everyone saying anything else is most likely a rapist themselves. And nowhere did OP say she wanted to or did fuck anyone else.
I do not know how you should proceed OP but probably start looking elsewhere to live and maybe file a restraining order. It's hard to prove rape in relationships but not impossible. This probably wasn't the first time either?
Ethan Davis
please respond
Joshua Taylor
This is an 18+ site. At least pretend you are old enough to spell out words.
Connor Diaz
>bet. tell him he gets three strokes that's it to finish, jokingly because i honestly don't want >he gets on and 3 strokes commence (we were already half naked) >i say 'okay get off' and he keeps going >says 'blah blah you feel so good' and comes in like 30 seconds anyway
You verbally consented, regardless of if you intended sarcasm, then didn't attempt to stop him when he initiated, and finally played into a joke bet 25 seconds before he came.
You can't consent, then non-verbally retract consent within 30 seconds and expect him to understand. He is not a mind reader and it sounds like your relationship is normally cold and distant, so how on earth could he be reasonably expected to know?
It's not rape.
Jonathan Gray
You are a fucking idiot. Parent's needs come first, if parents are happy then the kid's will be happy. People like you are what cause the massive divorce rate.
Don't come back with any bullshit like "Oh yeah but well what if the parent's need is to be a neglectful asshole???", either. Parent's needs refers to things like time as a couple, sticking together as one front instead of becoming divided over a child, remembering to take care of one's own health, etc.
Brandon Rodriguez
If you told him to get off and he didn't it's rape. You even set clear parameters to that encounter including an exact number of strokes allowed.
This is clearly bait to find who the rapists are...
Jonathan Richardson
Yea. That marital rape goes both ways.
Next time have sex and not just right to the intercourse. Make him work for it so he has to male you orgasm first. Oral on you should be a start. Make love. He is getting shortcut intercourse.
More or less this: I’m a dude, but my girlfriend is a survivor of childhood abuse and I’ve also loved other women who were victims, so I generally tend to side with the women...
However, I’ve also been on the receiving end of an after-the-fact accusation that shook me to my fucking core and made me feel sick to my stomach, doubting everything I knew about myself.
To be honest, the person who made those accusations was my best friend, to my girlfriend, while she was basically trying to get my girlfriend to back off and not tell her SO about nearly cheating with me (we were drunk as fuck, she started something, I sobered up and put things to a stop, called my gf right away, my friend chose to hide things from her SO. My gf forgave me but it was eating My gf alive keeping it a secret). I have absolutely no idea how much of what she said to my gf was true and how much of it was her going the nuclear route to get us to drop all communication (which is the conclusion my gf came to.) but it still makes me feel like shit.
Anyway, from my point of view, it was always her that initiated things, and once that happened and she got the ball rolling, I might get pushy and flirty, but I always knew and was respectful of the fact that there was a line was and would pull back if I knew I was crossing it. Reconsidering it all, maybe I came across more pushy than I thought, but I wish she would have expressed it then and there instead of nearly a decade after the fact.
I feel badly if that’s th case, but I also have the question if there wasn’t some retroactive revisionism that went on... if sometimes women are taking some of these things *TOO* far and are now expecting men to read their minds without them having to say anything.
I have all the sympathies, but remember there’s always two sides to this and you need to communicate. People can’t read your minds.
