My bf is upset because I don't want to show him stuff I do.
(Plushies and figures that I make, also photos I send to my friends.) Even if I show my work to him I quickly delete photos of it. He thinks it's because I hate him even though I told him the reason is me being really scared of his negative opinion. I just really don't want to make him cringe. I don't normally care about other's opinion but he is important to me.
I feel truly comfortable in this relationship but I'm not comfortable with showing him those photos. I even made him two plushies but he still gets sad when I don't want to show him what I made recently.
What should I do?
My bf is upset because I don't want to show him stuff I do
Shown him and if he acts like a dick dump him and move on.
He nevered acted like a dick when I showed him.
He always says that whatever I do is amazing and he supports me.
But I have really low self-esteem and I just don't feel comfortable showing him.
>I feel comfortable
No you don't. You can't say you feel comfortable in a relationship when you don't feel comfortable showing your partner stuff you're making (and you're passionate about to some extent, I'm guessing).
Being able to give and receive negative opinions is a vital part of a relationship. Get over it and show him the fucking plushies. If you can't even do that then how are you going to talk about important stuff in the relationship? With this kind of mentality you'll end up lying to him and hiding stuff from him, which is one of the worst things you can do in a relationship.
When it comes to more important things in a relationship I have no problem with being honest. I don't mind his opinions on other topics. I have in my mind that set of things that I need to do in relationship and I treat it like a responsibility to be honest and talk about things and other stuff.
The problem is when it comes to a thing that is not written in the "How to be in a good relationship" book I'm getting lost.
One of which is showing him my work because it is not important in our relationship in any way. It's just a thing I like to do so it shouldn't affect any of us.
You're making so much bullshit excuses
And you resisting so hard shows just shows it.
You instinctively, is not comfortable with something. Girls don't get instinct even though you act on it all the time. It is subconscious.
You HAVE some issues, confront em or gtfo
It builds trust.
The problem is that you're so insecure. You can work on that though! Doing that would help your relationship in the long term.
Meanwhile you can explain to him that you really like him but your insecurities make it hard to show him that stuff. So it'll take time before you can do that regularly.
It's true I'm making excuses. It's only because I'm scared so much I cried for two hours after explaining everything to him. I'm crying and trembling just thinking about showing something to him. It ended up in an episode when I didn't want to show myself to anyone for a week. We only talked through the phone till I got better. That's why I want a solution without having to show him things I do.
Yeah I'm working on that. And he understands my problem. But he can't help himself feeling sad. It's a never-ending loop when I do something, he gets sad and I have to comfort him till the next time.
I just thinking about giving up on my hobbies so it won't be like that anymore.
Aw. *hugs* We all have our insecurities. In the long run, it's more important how we handle them, than how severe they are in the beginning.
Giving up on your hobbies is not a good idea. It doesn't change the underlying problem, it will pop up again in another way if you do that.
If you explain the situation and work on it, then that's what you can do. You can also try to show him, in other ways, that you care about him, and that the lack of showing your hobbies isn't a reflection on how you feel about him.
But you can't push yourself too far either - if you've explained the situation and still feel you need to "drain" yourself to comfort him, then that's gonna wear on both you and the relationship in the long run. He needs to do what he can to manage this issue in your relationship too.
Actually, reading the full message to guy #1 (not me), this does sound quite severe.
I sometimes isolate me... anxiety to the point of trembling, and isolation for a whole week is intense. I'd consider that at, or even past, my breaking point for a relationship.
Unless he can calm his pressure on you down fast, I'd recommend ending the relationship really. I don't recommend pushing yourself past your breaking point for a relationship.
....you cried for a fucking week over this and you "don't have insecurities"?
Girl. Just fucking show it to him. You are insufferable.
> I feel truly comfortable
> I just don't feel comfortable
boo-hoo
you're being a nacy about it
you gonna spend the rest of your life hiding from your SO?
imagine being in a relationship with someone and all you wanna do is participate in their hobbies and interests, but all they do is shut you out and refuse to even let you look
If you are scared of spiders and someone brings a spider to your house every day are you really that insufferable for being scared of it all the time?
I'll just give up on my interests then
We don't give a fuck.
My God, I don't know who's more stupid. The boyfriend for simply not giving a fuck and letting his girl feel like this or this dramatic attention whore here.
By all means, fucking stop doing what you love. How can someone stand being around you is amazing.
Yes.
Kill the goddamn spider. You start with fire before getting personal with a shoe or something.
This girl has some SERIOUS deep insecurity problems that she should see a therapist and face them head on
OP clearly has some extreme anxiety issues: that's not on the bf
OP, you don't need to talk to him about your hobbies, you need to talk to him about your anxiety. Shutting down for two hours over a pastime? There's something way more significant happening than figures and plushies; you've got some deep-seeded issues that you need to rectify and move past. Typically this kind of thing stems form, obviously, a fear of rejection, and that in turn typically stems form a fear of insignificance; the idea that you need external validation. It's going to sound kinda' edgy, but it's true: this can come from the two extremes of parenting, both the over-supportive, and the under-supportive type. The way the latter can cause it is more obvious, so I won't go into it, but the prior can do it too. If you spend your childhood being told that you're special, and that you can be and do whatever you want to be, but then get smashed with reality when you reach adult hood, it can create a need for a sens of validation just as badly; the impact it can have on you sense of self-worth is just as real. Regardless of the cause, because obviously I don't know anything about who you are or where you come from, the thing you need to understand is that nothing external will ever make you a valid person. The only person who can decide how valid you are is yourself; the internal desire to have someone else assure you that you're legit, even if it's just by interacting with you so you yourself can interpret that as validation, is a totally artificial concept. Even on that level, you're still doing the interpreting; unconsciously, but it's there. Realize that you're a legit person, no matter what qualities, positive or negative, you may have. They're all valid, and you're valid. Even flaws are fine; they're just something to work on, something to keep you on task on becoming a better person day-by-day. Work on them, let your bf in; that's what SOs are for anyway.
Wait so I'm attentive for not wanting attention? How does that work?
I would kill the spider if I had strength to do so. I would kill the spider if I wasn't paralyzed just by being near it. I would kill the spider if I had tools to do so. But at this point all I can do is go to someone who will help me kill the spider.
Also I'm not denying my insecurities. I know it's the first thing to work on.
Step 1: figure out why you're so insecure
Step 2: realize it doesn't matter
Step 3: ????
Thank you for explaining this to me. I'm really bad at reading my feelings and that helps me understand it a little bit more.
I'll try to work on it more and talk about my anxiety with bf.
Thank you guys for helping me out in this difficult times.
you're an "attention whore" for coming on to an internet forum, asking for help, and then dismissing all of it with, "I can't, I'm too weak, please help!" -when everyone's already telling you more-or-less what you need to be working on.
It's an anonymous image board, primarily populated with teenagers and 20-something who've probably got just as much life-experience as you do. On top of which, none of us actually know anything about you, and can only react to whatever you've posted here. There's a few good answers mixed in with the posts above this one, but they're not magical cure-alls and that seems to be what you're holding out for. Protip: the Easy button is a marketing scheme invented by Staples. It's not real.
>really scared of his negative opinion
Sounds like an anxiety disorder of some kind.
Or just really low self esteem.
I suggest using self-help for anxiety to get over this issue.