ITT: Ask the opposite sex anything

>But they are family and friends of the couple. Is it a good idea to date them? If you fuck up, everyone will know.
... so what?

What can I say, I don't bother to approach people and I'm too unattractive to be said hello to. There's no reason to even want me for a one night stand.

Posted it a couple of threads ago and I'll repost it again because I have no shame.
To the girl who recommended me that city silhouette candle holder thing as a gift for my friend, (if you're lurking these threads regularly)
thanks you very much!
she really liked it!

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so why do you feel lonely at a wedding if there's no reason for you to even want a one-night stand?

I'd want it. I wouldn't get it. I'm unattractive both physically and in personality. Oh and I'm not even wealthy enough for a decent whore.

I can agree on the personality part, but that's fixable. Physical attractiveness isn't a significant issue unless you're missing limbs really. And career? That's very fixable.

So then bring a date and stay for the networking. Build your career and your social contacts. Meet people to hang out with outside of the wedding.

Seriously man, for how much people like you lament not having a gf, it's shocking you can be so deficient in every other social category without being able to realize or regret it. Start out with friends. Women will follow.

I mean, I dunno man. I am very aware that losing weight would make me infinitely happier than I am now, but I'm too unmotivated/lethargic to do it, "I won't get laid anyway", etc. I also get depressed when I try to eat healthy, further making me feel pathetic that I'm addicted to the food that causes me to be depressed. Evil circle.

I weigh nearly 400 pounds. I have a girlfriend. You have no excuse.

I mean realistically right now I have no wedding to be invited to anyway, because I know noone.
For many years now my only meaningful human contact is online. I don't speak more than necessarily with family, relatives or coworkers. And none of them interest me, because my only interest is videogames. Not even incel or whatever, more likely a sperg.

How da fuck. That's always impressed me and I don't want to imply anyone's standards. Good for you man.
I'm insecure at just over 200lb.

But your entire family will know if
>you pump and dump
>you cheat or get cheated
>you have a weird fetish
>you have a big dick
>you have erection problems

YOUR ENTIRE FAMILY.

>without being able to realize or regret it
It's because you get used to it. Like, why even bother having friends if you don't drink, hike, party and do other normie things?

Unless you're trying to be funny, and maybe even then, I think you need to talk to a mental health professional and not Jow Forums.

You two should watch Athlean-X on YouTube. This coming from the guy who doesn't want to go to the wedding.
>121 lbs and 13% fat

About what point, not having friends or being afraid of family gossips?

>But your entire family will know if
>you pump and dump
>you cheat or get cheated
>you have a weird fetish
>you have a big dick
>you have erection problems
90% of women will be equally embarrassed and won’t tell anyone, especially not family. They might tell their girlfriends but not family.

>They might tell their girlfriends
So
>they tell the bride (who is their friend and my family)
>bride tells her mom
>her mom tells her sisters and my mom
Do you see where this is going?

>It's because you get used to it. Like, why even bother having friends if you don't drink, hike, party and do other normie things?
Why not get used to not having a gf then? If you can’t, then you need to break yourself of being accustomed to not having friends. One leads to the other.

I see your point, but you’re wrong about both the likelihood of that happening and the probable effects of it.

Either way that’s like worrying about where you’ll shit tomorrow when you haven’t eaten today.

>Why not get used to not having a gf then?
Because my own body/brain/instinct tells me otherwise. This is basic biology.

I've just gotten with a new dude and he's far, far kinder to me than anyone I've ever been with. Not that the other people were unkind, just that this one goes out of his way and such. I feel like it's gonna make me an entitled, spoilt bitch, to not mince words. How do I ensure this doesn't happen?

Make sure to reciprocate the kind things he does, and be grateful that found someone like that. If you find yourself taking those kind things for granted, then you might be on the wrong path.

Make thankfulness a reflexive habit. The line in the sand between enjoyment and entitlement is open appreciation. The moment the thank-yous and favors-in-return are lost, the slow and steady descent begins. For everything, no matter how big or small, make sure to communicate your gratitude. A sincere word of thanks will keep a healthy dynamic alive, let alone any other forms of recognition that happen to spontaneously come to mind.

what does it mean if a girl gives you a paper fortune teller

Then, as I explained, you need to break yourself of having gotten used to being nonsocial.

It means you’re in middle school.

Are there ways to make dating or finding someone to date a fun experience?
How do you keep yourself motivated?

im not

this goes for both sexes i don't really think i should spam up Jow Forums with a new thread--- but incase any of you have gone through something similar i'll shoot.

there's a criminal case against my ex for hurting me. it's been pushed back for pretrial like 5 times now. i'm helping the assistant state attorney and last i heard about the case my victim advocate told me the assistant was trying to negotiate a plea-bargain. it's currently a 1st for battery and 2nd misd. for property damage. what should i expect? it's his first offence getting caught, and i feel like charges should go up due to it triggering a life long thing in my back. how bad/worried should i be about this i don't know what to do. :(

Why did they do surgery on a grape?

so they could research and incorporate them in plasma guns

youtu.be/wCrtk-pyP0I

I try to reciprocate but some of them aren't possible, he gives me lifts and pays for little bits like drinks and snacks all the time (he earns 2x me). I'm eternally grateful for him but I feel like constantly thanking him is going to be irritating.

Would sending a random "thanks for being awesome" be okay or ott?

I love dating, and I have fun doing it by being really upfront with how I want things to go. I want to enjoy my time so I volunteer ideas for places to go/stuff to do next. I want my date to be an active participant in the experience so I always encourage their input. If after all that things aren't going well for either of us, I cut it off before it turns into a waste of my time or hers.

I'm out to add to my life and I already know (for the most part) what I enjoy in life. That security is what provides the motivation to make the most of the date--there's no reason I shouldn't be able to have a good time with the right person.

Random text saying, at least

Constantly thanking him isn't irritating, and when I say favors-in-return I don't necessarily mean favors-in-kind. You don't have to extend beyond your means in some sort of balance with what he does. Just keep him in mind when you have the opportunity to do something for his sake.

And yes, a message like that would be right up this alley.

>Are there ways to make dating or finding someone to date a fun experience?

Use dating as an excuse to do or go to the places you’ve been curious to check out or experience.

Pretty much every single date I’ve had, it was almost always at some cafe, or restaurant, or theme park, or whatever else that I’ve always been kind of interested in, but basic too lazy to ever go out of my way to check it out on my own.

The objective of your date should to be to have fun first and foremost. Secondary to that is to get to know the other person.

Ideally what happens is you go somewhere, have fun, and the person who is there with you is *also* having fun, and as you have fun together it combines together to create a kind of resonance to amplify and elevate to something greater than you could ever experience alone. That’s how you know you might have potential starting point. That’s how you form bonding points that help carry you forward.

And that’s also how you keep yourself from burning out, by not making this really about getting iverinvested in someone who may or may not feel the same, it about going out to enjoy yourself, while maybe opening yourself up to the opportunity that more comes from it. You don’t end up feeling disappointed, or dragged down, if you never had any expectations of the other person in the first place—and that’s something you should never have towards someone who is effectively a total stranger anyway (even if you know them outside of the date, in a romantic context you still know nothing about them).

Important to note here is that it’s also entirely possible that you can be with someone and be having fun, and they can be having fun too, but that doesn’t at all necessarily mean you’re hitting that resonance i was talking about earlier. In fact, the majority of the time, that will be the case.

To be honest, inspite of what you may see on Tv, some ridiculous amount like 95%+ of all cases are settled long before they ever see a court. That’s probably where this is headed.

Regardless of the criminal trials outcome, you can always get a restraining order and sue him in the civil courts for damages.

I'm not OP.
>so I volunteer ideas for places to go/stuff to do next
What are your ideas?

I'm not OP.
>some cafe, or restaurant, or theme park
That's not something I'd enjoy.

Sure. A big part of it is just trying to have fun and hang out with someone new, rather than focusing on long-term goals and people you can see yourself spending the rest of your life with. I'm not saying to date for sex either. I mean literally dating, but doing shit you'd probably historically think you were getting friendzoned for doing. Literally just going out and having fun in the outdoors with another person.

Not having a lot of pressure about it helps embolden you to experiment, both in terms of things you try (you might, gasp, try to hold a girl's hand spontaneously!) and in terms of the people you meet (you might, gasp, try to date a girl without a college degree!). Part of this is important because it helps break you of your preconceived notions of what dating is, most of which are probably more geared towards late-stage dating or being married. But it's also important because the experience of trying and failing at something you don't really care about makes it less painful when you fail at something you do care about.

>What are your ideas?
Look at the FAQ for a list of different things you can try for dates.

>some cafe, or restaurant, or theme park
>That's not something I'd enjoy.
Try it before you knock it. And consider other shit. Like, ffs, let's suppose you met a really bookish girl. You could literally go to the library and do research together. Or to the museums. Who cares?

>it's been pushed back for pretrial like 5 times now. i'm helping the assistant state attorney and last i heard about the case my victim advocate told me the assistant was trying to negotiate a plea-bargain. it's currently a 1st for battery and 2nd misd. for property damage.
Pretrial delays are normal. It can take more than a year for some cases to go to trial or settle out. Most criminal cases do eventually end in a plea bargain.

>what should i expect?
In terms of what? What the result of the plea bargain will be in terms of charges or in terms of penalties? Or what you will have to go through if it goes to trial?

>and i feel like charges should go up due to it triggering a life long thing in my back
You were injured and it triggered an aggravation of a preexisting injury. That might be relevant for the penalty but not to the specific charges he faces. With all due respect, though, your injury isn't far out of the norm for what other domestic violence victims sustain.

>how bad/worried should i be about this i don't know what to do. :(
Again, about what? This is a criminal case, you have no control over what the prosecution does other than cooperating and not cooperating. The charges are not up to you, nor is the penalty. There is literally nothing for you to do, let alone to be worried about.

My ideal date: kittens, video games and pizza or chocolate (I'm too Jow Forums to have both). Would any girl be up for that?

So I've been friends with a girl for about 6 months now, and in the past month, our friendship has escalated from flirting, to sending nudes, to phone sex, to actual sex with her. I've told her that I had feelings for her before all this, but she just told me she doesn't want a relationship with anyone because of "past traumatic relationships in high school." She's also told me that she was raped by her schoolteacher when she was 8, and that the experience lessened her trust for all men. According to her friend, she uses guys for sex and just "discards" them when they're "of no more use" to her. But despite all this, I felt something with her that I've never felt with anyone before. Everything I've done with her, from just talking on the phone to having sex with her, has just felt so natural and right for some reason. I want to show her that there's still a reason to have a serious relationship with somebody, but she's just given up on dating altogether. How can I get her out of this mindset? Is it possible, or even worth the trouble?

TL;DR: Girl wants to be fwb with me but I want a serious relationship with her. She knows how I feel. What do?

how'd i do girls? nothing more needs to be said here right?

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Also, I tried talking to her yesterday and today, but she just gave me some short, uninterested responses, and now she just opens my messages and doesn't even respond. Have I been "discarded" already?

Doesn't sound like it's worth the trouble man.
Yikes. Possibly. That's shitty behavior even if not.

I realize that it might not be worth the trouble, but I can't help how I feel for her. Maybe I just fall too hard for the wrong people?

So i planned a date with this girl i really like. I lead a busy life so sometimes i have to canceal dates or take really long to plan them. We have dated before, i trust her enough that i invite her over my place while my parents are away.
At first she refuses because she had no money for train (she is a poor student), i got mad at her but then calmed down. She then got the money somehow.
At some point i had a emergency at work, and had to canceal almost last minute.
She basically attacked me with a "are you serious??"
We had an argument after this and she is currently ignoring me (i know that she will replay at some point).

Who is in the wrong here?

>I can't help how I feel for her
That's part of life. Sometimes you're wrong about someone. I feel pretty confident from what you've said here that you shouldn't waste your time on this girl. Just move on.

Sounds like you bugged her into scrounging up money to come see you, then you cancel at the last second after all that.
Of course she's pissed.

My bf never apologizes unless i confront him about an issue.
Is this kind of shit normal?

...

The idea is activities or experiences dude....

Exactly one of those is an activity or experience, and it’s also that is a majority of the time a solo experience...

I said “go do or go to places you’ve been curious to check out”, not sit at home and do the same shit you always do to amuse yourself.

Fuck dude, make it an arcade bar or something at the very least.

If you’re going to say, why can’t people just do what I want to do? What’s wrong with that? You potentially got some laziness and entitlement issues there bro...

Eh partly her. The "no money for the train" is bullshit. How much could it possibly cost?

You're pretty shitty for getting mad at her for not being able to afford coming over. Also, if you're gonna cancel, you should make it up to her at the earliest opportunity.

How do I get over hang ups from past relationships?

Like what specifically?

It ain't as easy as you make it out to be. I've tried before, but I ended up missing her more. Feels like I'm not trying hard enough to do things for myself as I am for doing things for other people.

Like expecting them to get mad at me for every little thing, over apologising and coming off as cold cuz showing affection was bad, that kinda thing.

Hey just seeing this now, cool!! I'm happy it worked out, thanks for the update man.

>It ain't as easy as you make it out to be.
Never said it was easy. But it's your only real option.

At 22 years old, I ask out a girl. Hypothetically she says yes. It eventually comes out that I'm a kissless dateless virgin. What does she then think?

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Sorry to say this but assuming she is telling the truth she's being really, really ballsy to just put all this painful info out there and make you understand that she has serious reasons not to want anything. It is hardly surprising that she's giving discouraging replies when you continue to push because she's been clear and you won't accept it because of how you feel. You cannot make someone date you who doesn't want to date you. It's not respectful towards her and it will eat away at your self esteem over time to pour energy and time into someone fundamentally not interested.

Realize that this feeling that everything fits and is natural is what falling in love is. It's not necessarily grounded in reality and you can feel that way about many people in your life.

You did fine and yeah leave it at this.

You are. It's not okay to press it when people flat out tell you they can't afford to do x or y. You could've suggested coming to her instead, splitting the cost, whatever. Getting angry absolutely wasn't your place. It would be different if you had been dating for some time and you knew she didn't prioritize seeing you financially, but as someone just going on dates with her, it goes quite far.

Obviously you can't help an emergency but if you cancel semi-regularly, and especially if she's coming to you more often than the other way around, yeah it sucks. There's also a big difference between "wow I'm sorry I persuaded you to come and now this thing came up and I actually have to cancel, this is so shitty, what can I do to make it up to you, are you free on x or y, can I come to you instead?" acknowledging that she went out of her way to get the money because you wanted her to and she didn't make other plans etc etc. Or just going "oh well something came up, sorry, another time".

Thanks!

I don't want to say it's normal but definitely common (especially) for young guys. They often associate apologizing with humiliation or looking like a bitch. It doesn't have to mean it's hopeless in any way, shape or form but it's not weird to expect your partner to apologize to you when they realize they were in the wrong/treated you shitty rather than when you push them to do so.

Mostly, "why?". But that's it.

Does he realise it is an issue?
Because people are different and not everyone is aware they're upsetting you. Be glad he apologises when you bring up you have an issue.

And what if the answer to the "why" is "I was too scared and pussy to make moves on girls for 22 years". What then?

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i guess i might have to. i said i was eager and willing to state my case to a judge to help out too. it just hurts. i've been hyper focused on the criminal side even though i guess it doesn't matter how i feel/want. just being out of work over half a year and honestly being diagnosed with some mental ails too after it has really affected my life. i don't know how i'll pay for a civil lawyer.
i'm sorry this has been killing me it feel like for awhile now. i suffer from ptsd/anxiety and depression now because of it. i really need therapy. i'm guessing i'm just really distraught in all of this and am looking for any and all answers. sometimes i feel like i want to die but i'm trying to hold on. and i just don't get how it could be a preexisting condition if i've never had such troubles and sensations in my nerves before he hurt me. i got a herniated/bulging disc that worsened. i'm so depressed it makes me so sad and lost to think the state doesn't seek out the best interests of the victim and society it feels like when it comes to domestic violence. it's the degradation of my quality of life, i feel like he has taken so much from me.. i didn't deserve this i wish i could just ask him why..

I'm about to have my first tinder date. We get along really well, text all the time, have similar music taste. But I saw her in person a few days ago when she told me to visit her at work, and it's a classic case of someone being more overweight/unattractive in real life than in their photos. Trying to have an open mind about this date because I like everything else about her pretty much, she just doesn't look like what I was picturing in my head.

Should I just try and keep an open mind or hold myself to a higher standard? I have other matches but none have gone as far as this one. I just don't want to feel like an asshole for not finding her super attractive, but I also don't want to be too picky if I don't deserve to be.

Girls, do you think a guy's an asshole if you get along really well when you text but things fizzle out when you meet up? Pretty new to dating etiquette. Would appreciate responses from any gender

Nothing much, really.
If you're over that, and we like each other, all good.

Depends on her culture/region, her own past experiences, what was seen as normal in her social crowd growing up, whether she has conservative ideas about men... Having said that by the time you will tell her she will already have formed opinions on you, you have probably already kissed, a lot of the issue surrounding these things is because people picture a stereotype. Just because you are a virgin doesn't mean the "virgin" label covers who you are as a person.

Not over it yet. Trying very hard but can't make the first step of asking out a girl. Feel like my life is hopeless because of this.

I don't really hang out in "conservative" circles is the problem. A lot of friends don't even know I have this problem or that i'm a virgin.

Girls, at which point in dating does it become unacceptable to sleep with other women?
First date went well but we didn't kiss and she wants to see me again. but we haven't planned anything concrete yet.

>Girls, at which point in dating does it become unacceptable to sleep with other women?
Technically, when you tell each other you're exclusive.
In my opinion, if you like her a lot, don't sleep with other girls.

It really is my only option now. I just gotta face the facts for once and see things as they really are.
I know this all too well, but I keep doing it because I have nothing else to distract me from the reality that love doesn't happen for everyone. I should be comfortable with myself and confident in my abilities before I try to be with someone else.

I know exactly what I have to do, but I have no way of getting there on my own, especially with the way I am right now.

Just meet up with her in real life and see what that's like. Her looks might not be what you pictured but people also get more attractive to you if there's chemistry and you have fun together. I don't really see what the downside is, you'll get some more experience and there's nothing remarkable about not wanting a second date when you didn't feel the spark during the first date.

I find it hard to answer the concrete question, I mean you can tell yourself you should find her attractive because she's in your "league" or whatever but if you don't then you don't and she doesn't want a pity fuck/boyfriend unless her self-respect is close to zero. Besides just because two or more people would be considered equally attractive on average doesn't mean you feel just as attracted to them. You might like another girl who isn't prettier as much as she fits your personal preferences more. Just because you don't feel attracted to this girl doesn't mean you will only ever look conventionally hotter girls.

Also take this as a lesson to not spend too much time flirting and building someone up in your head before you meet them. Attraction is wild, you can love everything about someone until you realize their laugh makes you want to gauge your own eyes out or you hate their personal scent. Better to bite the bullet and try it out.

She might consider you an asshole if you ghost her over time, that depends on her disposition and how self-aware she is about embellishing her looks. But you can definitely count on it hurting.

>Trying very hard but can't make the first step of asking out a girl
You have to embrace the idea of not letting opportunity slip by and realising that its better try and fail than live with the regret of doing nothing. Practice with other things, asking girls out etc will come in due course.

First, I'm a guy.
Second, what are your expectations?
I've slept with a bunch of women who I was hesitant with at first, but alcohol and seeing her naked can change things.
Just be upfront that you don't want a relationship and I think you are in the clear morally.
She might get mad you "wasted her time", but it's 2019 and thanks to emancipation you don't owe anyone sex.

Conservative isn't necessarily good. It can mean appreciating more conservative behavior but being traditional about gender roles often comes with thinking real men fuck left, right and center.

Agree with the other comment, technically after the exclusivity talk but as someone monogamously inclined it would really make me second guess a relationship if I realized he would only stop fucking other women once he really absolutely had to.

Tried so so hard. Tried every piece of advice every kind user has given me, as well as the advice of not so kind anons. Tried social exposure, tried talking to women platonically first (not hard as I do actually have friends who are girls), tried therapy, tried asking friends to wingman/wingwoman me. Nothing worked. At the end of the day, I'm just too scared to do anything out of fear of rejection.

A girl could literally walk up to me and start grinding on me and grabbing at my crotch, and then turn to me and look me in the eyes and say "I like you", and I'd still be too scared to kiss her.

I guess I want a relationship in time but in general I just want experience, so I think I'm gonna go into it with an open mind and at the very least I'll be a little less rusty in the future. It's not like I told all my friends about her or anything, I guess I'm just disappointed. But at least I might get some action, I think alcohol will help me get past her looks

When I'm talking to her the storm in my head calms down and I forget about everything. When I have problems I just think of her cute smile and it makes me happier. She has such a calming presence, it's like all my troubles don't exist as long as she's there.

Should I ever tell her that ? I know it sounds gay as fuck.

Seems like you fear intimacy more than rejection desu.

I'm super inexperienced in "real" dating.
With my first and so far only real gf I didn't sleep with others even before we were offically dating because I was madly in love and could feel her interest growing.
This time it's more complicated: She's a friend of mine (honest and close firendship, not just to try and get with her) who I developed an attraction to and I have three ongoing fuckbuddy arrangements. I mean she'd have to be super daft or misunderstand intentionally to not see this as an attempt to date her, but I'm not sure yet if we're on the same page or she's just being friendly.

This is really good advice, this experience will certainly change my approach to dating in the future. I think physically she's below my "league", but considering my dry spell I guess it's appropriate to not start aiming too high.

It's a bit of both. I'm terrified of being rejected and even a 1% chance of rejection is too much for me.

But I'm also terrified of doing things wrong. I'm terrified that I'll go in to kiss a girl and I'll do it wrong and she'll think "what the fuck is wrong with this guy, why is he kissing like a total idiot?" I can't even imagine how badly I'd fuck up the act of sex either. I don't know how to do any of these things and it scares me so much

Sigh. I don't know what I did to deserve this fate.

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I'm not far ahead of you desu. Meeting a girl tomorrow. I've made a tit of myself with her so far but she still wants to see me.

You're allowed to fuck up, I think they find it cute a lot of the time.

Just dim the lights bro.
The way women move, sound, smell, how they act during sex in general can make the sex still amazing.
One girl is annoying and talks a lot and her face isn't all that pretty, but boy oh boy did she rock my world in bed. Also she's sending me nudes, so that's a win. Had I been closed minded from the beginning, I'd been missing out.
Different chick I also didn't want at first but her boobs and ass are pretty nice and the way she adores me and worships my cock /oral skills is pretty rad.
Yet another I just loved how she smelled and how every single touch of me made her quiver.
Honestly, if you're just in it for the sex you never know until you've actually slept with her.

Not a chick, but if you’re in a relationship that’s established, sure, that’s a fucking sweet thing to tell someone.

If this is someone you barely know or are aquatinted with... No.

I mean there’s a chance it *might* flatter her... but this falls too much under “confession” territory, which is cringeworthy and detrimental on so many levels because you’re effectively acting inappropriately commensurate to the established rapport you have. Don’t jump the gun.

while I got you any tips on hooking up with a big girl? Not talking obese but past the point of thick

We're not in a relationship, but we're friends and I'll probably ask her out at some point in the near future. It's terrifying tho because she's a friendly person and I'm afraid I'm reading the signs wrong.

I'm not stupid enough to do confessions tho, so I should be good there. Thanks user