18 y/o high school senior

no. talk to him about this. you're not a shitty girlfriend to not put out for him. if you're not ready, then you're not ready. that's all there is to it. if he can't respect and deal with that, that's his problem. [spoiler]and is probably a red flag, so beware i guess?[/spoiler]

set boundaries for yourself and make them clear. communicate with him. forgetting about this thing and not being clear is where you find yourself in bad situations.

I may have that mindset to be honest. In fact I'd say that's basically my only real reason. I certainly have a libido and sexual interests, I just am uncomfortable with sexual intimacy. I'm not sure why.

I also think he was trying to make me feel good. I'm not holding anything against him for this. Even if he were just trying to ram it in, I sort of get that too. We're teenagers, he's horny, whatever. I'm not offended by anything he did. And yes, it's really just the overtly sexual stuff. Touching my breasts didn't offend me nor did making out. It was just when it because skin-to-skin that I got really uncomfortable.

I think I'm more embarrassed of myself, to be honest. I don't know why I'm so scared of intimacy. I don't know why I'd push him off. I just feel icky.

Nothing wrong with you, telling him instead of keeping quiet and going with it was the right call
You can solve this together

> Maybe because I'm naive and stupid. I don't know.
No, it's because you instinctively knew it was wrong. What you did was already too far.

> imagine if I did break up with him for this. I'd be the biggest prude on the planet.
Hardly--and if he breaks up with you for not getting to use your body, that's his fault for being a degenerate. You're not obligated to whore yourself out to keep him around. Quite the opposite--if he cares about you for who you are, then he'd stay with you without the promise of sex because you alone are worth it anyway. Waiting (preferably until marriage, but at the very least indefinitely, so there isn't an illusion of eventual sex being a given for him to stay) is one of the best tools you have to avoid being used, and to ensure better relationship quality.

This idea that a woman is somehow "frigid" for showing due caution and restraint is arguably one of the most harmful concepts to have come out of the past 50 years.

onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/j.1741-3737.2012.00996.x/abstract
>Bivariate results suggested that delaying sexual involvement was associated with higher relationship quality across several dimensions. The multivariate results indicated that the speed of entry into sexual relationships was negatively associated with marital quality, but only among women."

onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/j.1741-3737.2003.00444.x/abstract
>"I find that premarital sex or premarital cohabitation that is limited to a woman's husband is not associated with an elevated risk of marital disruption. However, women who have more than one intimate premarital relationship have an increased risk of marital dissolution."

psycnet.apa.org/record/2010-25811-011
>"Both structural equation and group comparison analyses demonstrated that sexual restraint was associated with better relationship outcomes, even when controlling for education, the number of sexual partners, religiosity, and relationship length."

You haven't been with him very long and he's your first boyfriend, so it's definitely not weird to take it slow. You'll probably want to talk to him about it. He should be fine with it. Not all guys are spergy incels like on here. I'm a guy and not really interested in sex (basically not interested in "sexual intercourse" at all) as much as a personal relationship. Maybe your bf is the same.
But I'd recommend trying to get over "sexphobia" and being intimate with him when you're comfortable. I wouldn't recommend sex in general, because that can lead to accidents like babies.

How do I overcome something like that?

One of the main things about it is that I worry about how I'll look my parents in the eyes afterwards. I'll just feel so embarrassed and ashamed. I already feel gross enough because of what happened tonight.

You again?
The reason these statistics exist is because women are taught they have less value when they have sex with more than one person by people like YOU.
That's why the same "benefit" does not apply to men.
Have some quotes from your sources:
>"Indeed, the findings are consistent with the notion that premarital sex and cohabitation limited to one's future spouse has become part of the normal courtship process for marriage."
>"The multivariate results indicated that the speed of entry into sexual relationships was negatively associated with marital quality, but only among women."
It's not a benefit.
It's a toxic belittling gender role that you are trying to help perpetuate.

>incels arguing on the internet are the reason some women show sexual restraint

woah dude

It's not a phobia. it's normal to hesitate about sex early on. Don't do it if you're not comfortable with it.

That said, the easiest way to get used to sex is to touch yourself and get to know what feels good. Alone. Use clean fingers in the shower. Buy a silicone dildo (silicone is easiest to keep clean) and use some water based lube. Small, simple toys work well. Tantus is a decent manufacturer.

A great site to learn more about sex and young folks is go ask alice. goaskalice.columbia.edu/category/sexual-reproductive-health

Read up, ask questions, and explore! You can have sex for the rest of your life. Now is the time to learn. You don't need to dive yet.

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It's hard to say. It'll probably just take time and you two getting closer to each other. You ever just cuddle together and watch a movie/TV or something? Sometimes things heat up from there and it's more natural, better than trying to charge into things randomly.

I already masturbate sometimes to written erotica. Achieving orgasm can be difficult but just getting aroused is not. I think perhaps one of the reasons I pushed him away was that I wasn't aroused, but then again, why wasn't I? He's very good looking and I'm certainly attracted to him. So I don't even know why I wasn't "in the mood."

>How do I overcome something like that?
By going the high route as in the sources here.
Ensure that you have commitment BEFORE doing anything sexual. Whoring yourself out will NOT make guys commit--at best it will make no difference, at worst they'll simply stick around to use you before moving on and discarding you. There's no shame in sex per se, but there is a great deal of it in promiscuous behavior like fornication; shame is however secondary in importance to the outcomes you yourself experience.
You are objectively hurting your chances at relationship success by acting impulsively, or conversely you are improving them through acts of restraint. Your bf seems like he can understand that at least somewhat.

>One of the main things about it is that I worry about how I'll look my parents in the eyes afterwards.
Your parents got married, I assume. Wait until marriage and then tell them--I'm almost certain it's more than they did. Sex doesn't make you dirty--provided it's handled in the right way.

tl;dr There is a difference between prudence and prudishness. Saving yourself is the former.

>The reason these statistics exist is because women are taught they have less value
I love how leftists throw biological differences out the window in favor of the secular god of "education". This doesn't even make sense, since the groups by far at highest risk for divorce are the same ones that participate in degeneracy like "slut walks"--not exactly the kinds of people who'd ever listen to someone like me.

>That's why the same "benefit" does not apply to men.
Actually, it's likely due to the differences in pair bonding--testosterone is a known suppressor of oxytocin, a bonding hormone released during sex (among other functions). This doesn't mean men get a free pass--since their behavior directly impacts that of women.
ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK97287/
>"Several studies have now demonstrated that oxytocin plays a role in the development of the pair bond in the female prairie vole. Injections of an OT antagonist, a drug that blocks activation of the OT receptor, directly into the female prairie vole brain prior to cohabitation and mating inhibits the subsequent development of a partner preference"
>"These regions [of the brain with oxytocin and vasopressin receptors] are excellent candidates for facilitating pair bond formation because they are rich in dopamine, a neurotransmitter associated with reward and addiction."

>It's a toxic belittling gender role that you are trying to help perpetuate.
Facts don't care about your feelings, sweetie. I have multiple sources to back up what I'm saying, while you have infantile shouting and willful ignorance. Next time please come with sources that back up even part of the nonsense you spew--otherwise stick to visually exploring your intestinal tract as usual. Or blow it out your ass. Your call.

I'm not an incel, but his post is indeed full of unsubstantiated bullshit.

Sorry, OP. This person is insulting you. Saying you don't have your own self control when obviously you do.
You can wait until you know you're ready (it's not "when you're married"), just don't do anything you don't want to or anything you're pressured to do.

>Saying you don't have your own self control when obviously you do.
I'm actively encouraging OP to exercise self-restraint, and praised her for it already.
What the fuck are you smoking, dipshit? If I didn't think women had agency, I wouldn't be condemning them for immoral behavior--it's like yelling at a rock for rolling down a hill, it doesn't make sense.

But then again, very little hedonist dogma makes sense.

>You can wait until you know you're ready
OP has free will and can do with it what she wants. That doesn't mean there are no things which one shouldn't do.
For example, I have the ability to break into someone's bedroom and yell at them for impropriety. Does that mean I should do so? No.

OP 'can' whore herself out. That doesn't mean she should.

Who gives a shit about divorce dude? Some people want to get divorced, they don't want to be together. People who have less sex have better marriages so people should have less sex so they can have better marriages. Who gives a flying fuck? Only people who care about marriage.
I specifically used two of your sources in my previous response. You seem to have missed that part.

If I recall, your philosophy is that people need to get married because it forces them to commit because they can't otherwise, and anything less is the same as being a whore.

Wow, imagine being judged doing something extremely intimate between two people casually, a choice that you make which defines your character. Truly horrible, I'm sure cumdumpsters make fantastic wives and mothers.

What's next, gays only have high STD rates because we discriminate against them?

I'm so fucking sick of people trying to justify every awful choice they make.

Having sex makes you a worse long term partner, period. You can whine and pretend all you want but 99% of men looking for a relationship want a girl who isn't a whore and you know it, that's why you're so defensive.

>Who gives a shit about divorce dude?
Anyone who wants a stable and happy society, which marriage is extremely useful to both in the societal and individual sense.

As just one example: ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2566023/
>" Controlling for demographic and socioeconomic characteristics, the death rate for people who were unmarried was significantly higher than it was for those who were married and living with their spouses. Although the effect was significant for all categories of unmarried, it was strongest for those who had never married. The never married effect was seen for both sexes, and was significantly stronger for men than for women."

Notice that this is controlling for the go-to leftist copout of "socioeconomic factors".

>Some people want to get divorced, they don't want to be together
And the proportion of people in this category has steadily increased over time--furthermore, it increases with promiscuity.

>I specifically used two of your sources in my previous response. You seem to have missed that part.
Arguing with a source (which you didn't even do effectively, you just loaded your assumptions into whatever they were saying) is not the same as using it. The first part, on what is "normal", is simply a valueless descriptor--it has no bearing on what is good or effective towards a given end. You seem to have taken it as a substitute for "good" or "acceptable" when the research makes no such claim.
In the second source, it outright states that sexual recklessness is a negative for women. You took offense at the suggestion of differences between the sexes, and I then provided a further source to explain why it exists.

Sort of. Marriage is a way of enforcing and standardizing commitment, the latter being equally as important. And for anything to be a standard, it has to be distinguishable from other cases, i.e. those who don't wait.

Not every woman wants to be a traditional wife and mother.
Sure if everyone was a stoic sexless conservative the world would be a lot more predictable, but that isn't really how the world works. The world doesn't change into a hivemind because you show your data. People have their own personalities. Women and men feel like having sex before they get married which they may never do ever in their lives. And this is not the place to try to be spreading your agenda on this girl's post.

>Sure if everyone was a stoic sexless conservative
The first two don't apply to me, leave your bullshit zingers at the door.
>The world doesn't change into a hivemind because you show your data
Obviously not, but the data remains regardless of what you choose to think about it, and if we're talking about an "agenda", you are far more culpable in this since you are advocating the disregarding of such data.
> this is not the place to try to be spreading your agenda on this girl's post.
This is the advice board. I am providing sourced advice on what OP should do--you are providing unsourced advice (or more accurately, telling OP not to take sourced advice).

It's also a laughable notion that people's lives exist free of outside influence, and I assume you know this implicitly--since you hold that your own viewpoints are by default correct and would be adhered to if it wasn't for a post like mine. After all, why else would you feel bothered enough to start raging against statistics?

Stop arguing with the tripfag and it will go away. It’s sick in the head and wants attention. All we can do is ignore it until it gets banned again.

If you're not not talking about putting aside your feelings for potential partners and saving sex until marriage, maybe you need to be more clear.
My agenda is to make people feel comfortable doing what they want, not trying to broadly badger everyone into doing what my data supports. Your post was not unique to this thread, not a warm helpful gesture, but cold "sources" trying to push your point.
People have different personalities, different opinions, different priorities. Not everyone holds sex and marriage as the top priorities of life. Some people have "interests" or "hobbies" and have relationships with people who share them, and they might have sex with them for fun, but it's not as fun as just spending time with them.
This girl sounds like she wants help breaking out of her shell and getting closer to her boyfriend, but I bet you feel like the savior of the world trying to scare the shit out of her posting "scholarly links" on Jow Forums.

Sorry, I just feel bad about OP, done now.

I'm not here for attention. Please do fuck off if you have nothing to add.

>My agenda is to make people feel comfortable doing what they want
Which in many cases will lead to narcissism, apathy, and general ruin. Apocalyptic terms to be sure, but the point is assuming that this is the ultimate "good" is foolish, especially when part of your argument includes a reliance on ignorance in the form of ignoring data.

>Your post was not unique to this thread
I beg to differ. I'm the only one to bother posting sources to back it up. You're focused on encouraging OP to DO what she wants, while I am giving information to help her decide what to do, given WHAT she wants. If she wants maximized chances of stability and happiness, the data provided means she won't whore herself out.

>Not everyone holds sex and marriage as the top priorities of life.
If OP doesn't care, then my posts aren't applicable anyway. However, on balance these things are very important to the average person's life and quality thereof, so standards are applied to this group rather than the outliers.

>I bet you feel like the savior of the world trying to scare the shit out of her posting "scholarly links" on Jow Forums.
No, but I'm certainly being more honest than you, and dare I say more helpful. I'm an abrasive prick, you'll get no argument from me on that, but in the end when it's a choice between an opinionated mess like "you do you, gender differences are oppressive" or articles showing the correlation between certain actions, the latter provides much more actionable information.
Besides, OP should be "scared" of potential consequences. If you didn't feel pain from putting your hand on a hot stove, you get burned.

>narcissism, apathy, and general ruin
What was that about zingers earlier?
Comfortable doing what they want as opposed to being pressured or indoctrinated into doing something. What someone may want is exactly what you're describing and doesn't require your attempts to strong-arm it.
Unique "to" this thread, not in this thread. You've posted the same thing in other threads trying to push the same idea. It's certainly not a new concept wait until marriage to have sex. Maybe there is some kind of biological attachment to it, but you don't think that could have anything to do with the fact that it's been the norm for thousands upon thousands of years? No? Even killing women who have sex before marriage?
And I'm not sure what my honesty has to do with this.

Its fine. Intimacy is difficult.

>What was that about zingers earlier?
I didn't call you any of those things. If you didn't mean to call me those labels, either, I apologize for the assumption.
>Comfortable doing what they want as opposed to being pressured or indoctrinated into doing something.
Our wants are always influenced by outside factors, and those factors have varying effects. Pretending they don't exist simply allows other influences to fill the artificial void towards their own ends.

>You've posted the same thing in other threads trying to push the same idea.
So? I'd be more concerned if I advocated different standards in each thread.

>It's certainly not a new concept wait until marriage to have sex
True. I never claimed it was.

>but you don't think that could have anything to do with the fact that it's been the norm for thousands upon thousands of years?
And across multiple independent belief systems separated by thousands of miles--especially in more advanced civilizations.
> Even killing women who have sex before marriage?
That certainly helps to entrench it once it exists, but it doesn't say too much about why it occurred in the first place.
Tradition (important as it may be) alone isn't going to prove anything either way, hence why I posted my sources first.

>I'm not sure what my honesty has to do with this.
While it's a bit of a low blow to question your motives, subconsciously there are obvious incentives to rationalize your purpose (i.e. if you want one thing, and some information shows it might not be the best to want, ignoring said information is a way of ensuring your initial goal, even if you couch it in other overt terms). I'm sure I do the same thing at times. But then again our motives, conscious or otherwise, are both distinct from the end result, which is what helps OP most.

it just wants attention, don’t reply and it will give up

Whatever helps you sleep at night.

Interesting the way it feeds.

Sounds like you were interested in sex, but got overwhelmed by the moment. Understandabe, provided you make sure he understands that.

Just tell him you got nervous and arrange for a simple make out session. Then if you're feeling up to it, take the lead a little bit, enough to signal that you're ready.

What matters here is transparency and clarity. Don't leave him confused about how you percieve his and your actions. That will only fustrate him. As long as he knows it was just a first-time-anxiety thing, he'll be patient with you.

You did the right thing. Don’t do it unless you think you will marry him. I have been in a 4 year relationship since junior year of HS and I’ve just come to the realization that it might not be as stable as I thought. We have had sex, so it’s too late for me, but if things don’t work out I hope I can still find a virgin girl. It is a deal breaker for some guys. You wouldn’t want to do it, break up, and then find the guy you really want is not interested cause you’re not a virgin anymore.

You don’t need to drink or have sex until you are sure it is the guy you want to marry. I used to think like you but the longer you can wait the happier you will make your husband. I promise. I’m glad I have never had sex with my girlfriend. And I’m 20. When I was 16 I thought I was a loser for this

This is a feminist that has ruined her life and will never be loved by her husband. Don’t listen to this advice. Get advice from a potential partner. A guy like me who is 2 years older than you. (Of course we will never be actual potential partners but you get what I mean)

Who gives a shit about divorce? Really mate?

I’m glad I have never had sex besides with my girlfriend**

OP, sex stuff your first time with a bf is difficult. You overthink and worry about every little thing so its best to lose your virginity to a guy you care nothing about and likely not see again. It should be spontaneous.

OP don't worry about it.

it's your body, you are young (18 is young)

if you didn't feel comfortable you should not feel bad about enforcing your boundaries.

What you describe (the making out part) is the single most common male-female date interaction in the world. It is in the nature of guys to try, and it is in the nature of women to draw a line. Guys expect and accept that. If he is any sort of man, he will not hold it against you - though, as you acknowledge, it would be perfectly natural for him to test the boundaries again sometime in the future.

Ultimately it is more likely to be YOU who breaks things off because his pushing bothers you more than your resisting bothers him

I was the boy in this situation
> 18y/o have student
> with first GF 1.5 years
> super smart girl, good family, had good healthy goals = not degenerate
> I was ready before her, kept getting turned down

Just talk about how each person feels so no one's confused. Especially of you go to end it, talk. I had too much pride and paid the price.

> I end relationship without talking about a bad sexual experience. it's never left my conscience. I feel like a prick. Absolute piece of shit.
> finally talked some months later, and understood each other. but the damage had already been done.

The girl was only crushed for a while. she's really doing well in life, so that's good. And I'm less degenerate; would've just held us both back had I not ended it. So talk OP. Communication is key.

Yeah bruv.
Without marriage there is no divorce.
Maybe everyone should just stop getting married and the divorce rates will be at an all time low.

Another question from OP.

Should I tell my mother to see if she has advice, or keep it to myself?

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