QTDDTOT - Ask the Opposite Sex Edition

I've just slept with you

Friends of friends/get togethers and parties, internet dating, or picking a hobby (like a short term course in dancing or cooking or whatever) you're okay with. Or volunteering or work.

Okay that is epic💯

all of these are sausage fests, save for courses and volunteering
what do women usually do in their spare time?

I dont know why people keep suggesting volunteering because the only people there you'll be compatible with are the ones in it for the community service hours. You dont want a serial volunteer. They're goodie two-shoes, usually hardcore liberals or even outspoken socialists, and more of them are activists than they let on.

I'm not even trying to be Jow Forums but that's the kind of hornets nest you're playing with when you volunteer, you get the kind of people that volunteer.

Either solitary stuff (internet, reading, sports/working out, creative hobbies) or going out for coffee, shopping or dancing/drinking with usually female friends.

Honestly I think because there's endless free entertainment online it's become a lot less common in general to be walking around looking for something to do or new people to meet. Of course women will be in bars or coffee places but they are usually with friends and feel social pressure to give them attention instead of flirting with a strange man. This is the big benefit of parties, it can be tricky to find an opening for the right kind, but everyone there is at least somewhat in the mood to have a memorable night and open to interacting with new folks.

Really, just the premise of doing volunteer work means you must suck? That's a big stretch. It's not like people doing this are saints either, it is simply a way to meet new people, it adds to your resume (quite important for many young people nowadays), you can experience doing something you would never want to do for a career, and it's often pretty low stress and social.

Maybe this is a regional thing but I know few people my age who have never done any volunteering. And sure my social circle is left leaning (and my country is left leaning compared to the US) but I don't think most right wing people like the assumption that investing in a community project without being paid for it is inherently leftist. Besides churches traditionally play a big role in community work too and are usually more conservative/attract more conservative people.

Exactly. If your choices are
a) bleeding heart tumblr user,
b) born-again Christian, and
c) two dui guy
You shouldnt even bother going.

If you want to meet new people it's best not to convince yourself everyone is shit before even going out. Why leave your house then? If people you run into are weirdos, fine, you get experience dealing with weirdos which is going to come in handy during the rest of your life. If there's no interesting girl, maybe there's a guy who's cool and actually has a friend group with interesting girls, or knows of parties that aren't sausage fests. It can only lead to more opportunities.

tfw had this exact feeling
tfw she's a mere 10 minutes away
tfw i thought we were getting back together
tfw i was wrong

And if you don't get invited to any parties?
There aren't any churches in my country that people below 50 go to. I've never heard of anyone doing volunteer work, except for unemployed people who were forced to do it.
Where do you suggest?
>there's a guy who's cool and actually has a friend group with interesting girls, or knows of parties that aren't sausage fests.
ah, yes, the good old "just wait X years" approach

Why do men hold items to show you crotch high? My boss does this and I work with reselling items. I try to avoid looking at something he shows me like this. It make a me feel so awkward. Especially if i say the item looks small then I overthink it and worry they may think im calling their dick small? Any insight on this or am I a sperg?

One day he reacted weirdly to one of his pills. It happened to him before. He started hallucinating and got really paranoid. I was aware of it being a side effect, and he told me what pills he needed to take in case it happened.
I was taking care of him, it had been probably 9 hours of him being completely out of it. I couldn't convince him to take the pill that would put him to sleep because he thought it was going to kill him.
At some point I was really frustrated and my eyes teared up. The second he saw I had tears in my eyes, he run to take the medication and went to sleep. When he was falling asleep, he talked to me as if he was about to die.
If a man loves me so much that he'd rather die than make me cry, I'm not going to let him go. I'm sticking by his side whatever happens.

There are also other things, much more significant than this one probably, but this one has always been the one I think of when we go through a rough patch and I need to remind myself that he's the one I can't afford losing.

>And if you don't get invited to any parties?
Meet and befriend more people, and/ soulsearch whether they are not party people or that you are not close enough to them. If the issue is that you can never move past acquaintance level you should try to fix that first.

It does help to mention some party anecdote (made up if you have to) or actively ask where other people go out during the weekend and what's fun in the region. Just in case you don't strike people as the type to enjoy it to begin with.

>Where do you suggest?
For optimal chances with younger girls, an animal shelter, especially if they have open to all afternoons for dog walking or bathing. There's always difficult dogs that need multiple people to keep them in check, even if grouping doesn't naturally happen.

>"just wait X years"
No, it's like when you're looking for work. If you're unlikely to get invited you are not going to send out your resume and wait for weeks for them to reply before you look into other jobs, but if you really want work you bet you'll also try that position while sending out more letters. Or networking where you don't know yet whether or not it will pay off in the future.

Ask most people who weren't forced together (like being classmates) or met through online dating how they met and they will usually tell you a lot of chance was involved. If you want to (also) try to meet women in a more roundabout way than doing speed dating, online dating, clubbing etc than you have to be prepared to make investments that might not pay off right away. In the meantime you can still have a good time, get more experience socializing, and gather stories to one day tell on a date. Life is also about making the most of time passing.

why is it so frowned upon telling an ex of yours that you miss them as in miss talking with them, joking and everything besides being intimate or regarding feelings?

Because you should cut your exes of and move on with your life, not show them that you want to be close to them.

Because it's someone you have history with, found (and presumably still find) attractive, shared intense feelings with. Being nostalgic, even if it's explicitly non-sexual, has the risk of stirring up unwanted feelings. Potentially because it moves them and makes them miss the way it was but there's also other options, e.g. if you tell this to a person who broke up with you they can experience it as a guilt trip.

That said it doesn't have to turn out bad, but that's why it's frowned upon.

cut them out if the relationship was bad or they were annoying or hurt you, okay
but if you were friends before for a long time, got together, things didn't work out?
i see
then i'm asking myself why shouldn't i text her right now "hey i genuinely miss talking to you"
i know the circumstances we ended things, i know she's with someone else, which does hurt but at the same time i do not want her back any more than she was before we were dating

>Because it's someone you have history with, found (and presumably still find) attractive, shared intense feelings with. Being nostalgic, even if it's explicitly non-sexual, has the risk of stirring up unwanted feelings. Potentially because it moves them and makes them miss the way it was but there's also other options, e.g. if you tell this to a person who broke up with you they can experience it as a guilt trip.

Wew, my Ex-gf is friends with A LOT of her exes, she has got to be some kind of messed up in her head.

>but if you were friends before for a long time, got together, things didn't work out?
Still, cut them off.
She's dating someone else, so leave her alone. You're going to hurt her current relationship by doing this shit.

Send an Ex-Girlfriend some Easter Flowers? No roses

Well for one reason, ask yourself this. Imagine you were cuddling up with your cute girlfriend and she got a text message from her ex saying "hey I genuinely miss talking to you".

How would you feel? You would probably want her to shut that down asap. You wouldn't want her to go "aww I know user".

So by texting her that you are putting her in an uncomfortable position. She can't read your mind and can't know that you don't have deeper intentions than saying this. She has a boyfriend she wants to respect and prove to that he can trust her.

she has already hurt herself, while still seeing me and him
i don't want to meddle anywhere in what she's doing now
>How would you feel?
not good, of course, but as far as i know she's not in a relationship and she's still not looking for one
i wouldn't text her that if she was in a relationship, or i for that matter

Eh, there's a lot of factors involved. I'm not saying it's impossible to have zero lingering romantic or sexual feelings for an ex. It also tends to cool down a lot as the break up is further in the past, especially if you have both changed from the person you were and got involved with other people.

I think there's a golden middle, having a pack of exes you meet up with monthly is strange as fuck, but imo it's also not a great sign if someone hates all their exes. You can feel/acknowledge that someone gave you their time, their heart, helped you grow, made you happy, but are part of a chapter of your life that's closed.

>monthly
Monthly? Every other week, she's in theatre classes with 2 exes, she's in contact with an ex who works as a cop, she's a cop as well, other exes from all around her.
>You can feel/acknowledge that someone gave you their time, their heart, helped you grow, made you happy, but are part of a chapter of your life that's closed.
Of course, but have nearly all of them surround you`? Meet them one on one to go to the cinema?
Ex was bullied in school a lot, maybe has something to do with that and her seeking attention from those guys still? Don't know

>i wouldn't text her that if she was in a relationship, or i for that matter
You literally said she's with someone else.
How is it appropriate in any case? Even if she was single - if you become besties and then she sees someone else later on, it's still going to cause friction between her and her bf.

Ah right, I took being with someone to mean being together with someone.

But reading this reply, you're the guy who told her you didn't see a relationship happening anymore after two timing you right? Absolutely don't send it. You are well within your rights not to want to date her but pulling her heartstrings while you ultimately don't want to be with her is just shitty. It's also really fresh in your case. Leave it. You both need distance to heal.

If she actively arranged things so she still sees these people all the time (e.g. she did not meet those exes in theatre classes but volunteered to take them knowing she'd run into them a lot) then yes that's odd and in the best case shows she has a hard time letting go of people. At worst still wanting attention.

>after two timing you right?
two timing?
i told her i didn't want to be part of her whatever "fwb love story" while she's also fucking with someone else, when me and everyone around us thought we were getting back together.
> Leave it.
i guess
she did still invite me to her birthday party too
and texted me on mine a week ago
eh

>so she still sees these people all the time
Yes, she even works out with two guys, both of them are her exes of either a relationship or a couple months hookup thingy.
> in the best case shows she has a hard time letting go of people
Yeah she totally does, she admitted that multiple times to me.

Dude, I read at least ten posts of yours. Again, I get that you don't want to date her anymore, but realize that from my recollection
>you initiated the break up
>you ASSUMED you were exclusive despite breaking up, without promising each other anything about future partners
>you broke it off again when you found out that she was in fact also sleeping with another guy

Obviously you have a hard time letting go of each other but I'm not recommending that you leave her alone just for her sake or because she's not interested in contact. Obviously she is. I'm saying it because when you don't want to date this girl and obviously still have feelings for her - or else you wouldn't post here again and again fishing for the answer you want to hear - there is no possible good outcome. If you can't forgive her for fucking another guy no amount of flirting, nostalgia, sweet talk etc is going to result in anything (like a relationship) that either of you could benefit from. It is just going to drag out the hurt and leave you in a grey area where you don't have the perks of being single and independent and don't have the intimacy and closeness of a healthy relationship.

YES it fucking hurts to distance yourself from a loved one but it's the choice between biting the bullet and living through the pain so it can work itself out in the long term, or continuing on a dead end trail full of low key hurt.

Got a girl coming over to my dorm on Wednesday from tinder - I asked if she liked movies and she said “yeah, especially horror”

Likely she’s dtf? How do I initiate while we’re watching? I don’t know why but I get impostor syndrome when I’m with a girl one-on-one and have this strange aversion to being “too obvious” whatever.

Yeah, most likely dtf.
Put your arm around her while watching the movie, if she snuggles really close to you just cuddle with her for a bit (not anything sexual), make out, and then fuck.

first time around she broke up
and yes i can forgive her that she fucked with some other guy because, quite frankly, we weren't in a commited relationship
it's the fact that she did it full knowing how i'd feel about it that hurts me

i just might wait until next month at her birthday party?

>If the issue is that you can never move past acquaintance level you should try to fix that first.
Well, yes, and I have no idea how to go about that, but also that getting close enough to someone for them to invite you to that kind of stuff takes a lot of time.

>actively ask where other people go out during the weekend and what's fun in the region
Ask who? My friends aren't the type to party much if at all.

>an animal shelter
But those have just the kind of people the other poster described.

>Ask most people who weren't forced together (like being classmates) or met through online dating how they met and they will usually tell you a lot of chance was involved.
I don't know any people like that. Some met at work or school, some others through online dating, some through interests, I don't know anyone who doesn't fit in those categories.

>make investments that might not pay off right away
Yeah, but we are talking on the scale of several years, just what I said. It's a ludicrously poor time scale.

The rest of my life at present also consists of waiting for things to complete, it's not a welcome addition.

Should I put my arm around her immediately when we sit on the bed?

I can't rule out that she's super naïve but the fact that she's willing to meet up just for movies makes it very likely she's at least open to the idea. The guy making a move while you're watching something is super cliché and meeting up in a public place makes it harder to pull something like that.

Pick a good movie. It Follows was pretty cool if she hasn't seen that one yet.

You can go ballsy and initiate verbally. E.g. you watch the movie for some time, pause it to get more snacks, get a breather or a smoke, and flirtily ask her if she has a habit of going over to strange men. Mind you, this is not something to do if you feel inexperienced/clumsy with flirting as you need to have the right lightness/tongue in cheek factor of tone to not sound like you're calling her a slut. Alternatively ask her something like what won her over, playfully ask what did it for her in your profile/messages. If you have made an opening that way and she is receptive (looking you in the eye, seemingly relaxed, being talkative and answering straight-forwardly - bonus points for acting giggly/flirty herself) you can move to expectations. Like "so what's your ideal outcome for tonight". If you play your cards right and she frankly admits to sex being an option you can actually fish for hints about what she'd like the sex to be like. It definitely helps to be tipsy for this.

Alternatively you go for pure touching. You can either do the bold thing and just randomly put an arm around her shoulders - which I personally hate - or work your way up to it. Sit close to her and at some point shift until your legs touch just a little. She doesn't move away? Keep it there for a bit then touch her arm and point out a cute birth mark or her freckles or that she has goosebumps or whatever. She seems enjoying it and at ease? Move to touch then grab her hand. Look at each other, if she answers your gaze steadily OR looks flustered and unable to meet your eye in a good way, slowly lean in.

>KNOW he was the one?
I used to back when fairytales made sense. Now I don't subscribe to that idea.

If you have no workable friends, don't want to broaden your social scene, don't want to try new activities, and you don't want to do things just because it might pay off romantically in the future, you have to invest in a good online dating profile at a serious website and attend speed dating events. And/or use dating apps. That's really all there is to it. It kind of sounds like you're hoping for a loophole where it's fast, high success rate, you don't have to do anything you don't feel like doing and the people present will more or less be pre-selected on being compatible with you. That's just not a thing.

>I don't know anyone who doesn't fit in those categories
Just because you met someone e.g. at college doesn't mean you just happened to sit next to one another and just happened to fall in love at first sight. Usually it also involves putting yourself out there in one way or another like meeting at a college party or noticing someone because they are friends with someone you grew to like and have a high opinion of. Yes people are pushed together more at work or in class than in other parts of life but most of the time it is still more than "just being in the same space" that made them interact more closely.

Why the hell should anyone date you anyway
You're basically guaranteed to leave the second you get bored

No
Likely, but get afirmative consent

Im 28 and I’m starting to lose hope to find a girl to wife by 30.
Had 4 long term relationships but damn I’m losing hope

What does it say about a girl who as an adult is obsessed with Disney. And by adult I mean in her 30s.

>fish for hints about what the sex could be like

Example?

> It kind of sounds like you're hoping for a loophole where it's fast, high success rate, you don't have to do anything you don't feel like doing and the people present will more or less be pre-selected on being compatible with you. That's just not a thing.
It is for normalfags. We just want the same opportunities.

Just no because she’s an ex ? It’s not roses just some eastern themed flowers.

Let me check your fortune.

Your fortune: Good Luck

That's not how polyamory works, and also I have only left abusive situations, not "when I get bored." I even got consent to keep my fwbs with my previous three exes.

Get her out of your fucking head dude.
Stop giving gifts to people you're not trying to fuck.

Yeah, because normalfags tend to have extroverted friends, and hobbies that involve more social interaction, and actually enjoy/be good at random small talk with random girls.

"I just want to be able to get the same results at something I'm not good at as someone who's good at it" is not a workable starting point. The only thing you can do it get better at it which means having to sacrifice your natural inclinations here and there.

Yeah, no because you need to get over her.

And if I wanted to fuck her

God fucking damnit just tell me where the fucking sperg bar is.

Don't spread despair on an advice board. It's evil.

I know your personality, so I get it, I understand. Just be careful what message you send across and where you are.

It probably means that she’s really immature. I mean I guess you have to look at her other qualities but most girls I know who are even my age who are obsessed with Disney are super immature and peaked in middle school, and I’m 21. It’s okay to like Disney and animated movies and stuff, but to be obsessed is a little much..

Getting to know girls is social interaction. Flirting is social interaction. Dating is social interaction. Sex is social interaction. Don't turn around and act surprised that dating is hard for you when you don't want to deal with social interaction.

It's not despair, It's depression

As for an example though, I guess stuff like reading circles or free/open to all lectures would be about as close as you could get to attracting more introverted people.

Still though, you would have to walk up to someone spontaneously when it's over or else you can sit there and go home without accomplishing anything. You can create the opportunity but you still need to grab the opportunity.

I am fine at social interaction, AMONG MY OWN PEOPLE.

>super immature and peaked in middle school
yeah that kind of sounds like this girl lmao

It's called "do things outside with people you associate with, or you're screwed."

Yeah, but look, where do women hang out? Because I strongly doubt they're all at animal shelters.
Nearest speed dating event is about a day by train away, less if I fly but still not something you do without taking the day off. And I don't want a LDR.
The only dating app moderately popular here is Tinder, which is just for hookups from what I hear from the people using it - both male and female.
So yeah. I'm not opposed to broadening my social scene or trying new activities, but those are extremely long-term solutions.
Can't talk to them though. That'd be extremely rude, it's like the people who tell you to hit on girls in the library.

Can I get a Like?

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❤️

People skills are about connecting to other people in general. No one likes everyone but being somewhat open minded, being able to discover things you have in common, being able to make small talk with anyone are a big part of the social skills that allow you to make friends.

Being friendly to the people in the top 5% of compatibility, your personal favorites, is not what I'm talking about. If you can only interact well or only want to interact with the kind of people you've always known you're not going to meet different ones, including girls. You need to broaden your horizon for that, cast a wider net. The closest thing you get to not leaving your comfort zone is online dating, otherwise it's trial and error including sitting through boredom, dealing with rejection and trying things without results. BUT you will build skills that will come in handy for the rest of your life. You will be influenced by if not dependent on other people you don't particularly like in your work, around your in laws, when it comes to your neighbors. Learning how to make the most of it without much potential really does make life better especially when you don't deal well with stifled forced social interactions that feel awkward. You can learn to smooth the awkwardness over and make life easier on yourself even if it will never be your hobby to go bar hopping with randoms.

And how? The only suggestion I've gotten so far are animal shelters, and those people tend to be legitimately insane judging from the few people I've met who have volunteered there.

how do i seduce women for casual sex?

>walk in park
>beach
>museums
>touristy things
>swim
>entertain yourselves like normal people

Can a spookbro get a like in return?

sure😃

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>where do women hang out?
Stores, coffee shops, parks, bars, museums, universities, clubs, libraries... but yes most of these are places where women will be either accompanied by friends or trying to get something done.

Try a dancing course for example, especially more classical dancing is usually a clamfest. A course on cooking or something like photography or gardening is also good. Or go to a music event of an artist you know is more popular among women, that's usually easily to figure out.

>That'd be extremely rude
I can't speak for the place you live in but my country isn't exactly known for its extroversion and we leave other people alone in the public domain, but if you go to a group movie night or an academic event or a reading circle or something you have the main event and afterwards there's drinks/a bar and people chat and discuss the night with each other. Not a regular lecture of course but other than that I think most activities have a built in socialization moment.

How do you meet people doing this?
There aren't much tourist things in my city, but the rest there are. How do I meet people while walking in the park, for instance?
There's a reason they're female dominated. I hated doing all of these in school, it'd be obvious I was disinterested and there with some ulterior motive.

How do you meet people at music events? You go there, listen to the music, go home. Not like you can talk while the music is playing, too loud.

That's the part where you have to nicely break your stranger danger tabboo.
Compliment non body things on women.

that'd be creepy as fuck m8

All I want to know is where I can go where people will ask me "are you going to see Hathaway's Flash" instead of "are you going to see the new Avengers." I can put up a fake face in front of these people all day but the MINUTE questions come out I'm a fucking space alien to these people.

What do girls think of guys who are too pussy to make the first move?

Is there any hope for me as a guy if I'm too scared to make the first move?

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"Your scarf looks nice"
is not as creepy as "Nice tits, babe"

No, but both are creepy outside of America.

Are you women really as OBSESSEd with height as Tinder and mainstream shit make it appear?

And what do I do about clearly being there with no interest in what's going on outside of who I might be able to date

Well, no wonder the rest of the world's replacement rates are so abysmal besides china and india..
How do foriegners even flirt if being foward/nice is so shameful?

they don't, they meet each other through school/work/interests
I share neither with them
Maybe I should drop out of engineering school and study something else

If you can't put your best foot forward and not be visibly annoyed that's an issue in itself. I don't really think people would necessarily assume you have an ulterior motive (I mean, plenty of people want to learn to cook just because they get sick of eating shitty food/being dependent on takeaway for example) but no one looks attractive when sulking. You are going to need to do more in life you don't enjoy, what if you start dating a girl who expects you to come visit her parents with her and sit around while her friends talk about people you don't know, or show interest in her stories about a hobby you don't relate to? There's a middle ground between enjoying it so much you'd go out of your way to do it and hating your life while it happens.

These were also just examples, theatre related things are usually expensive but would also be pretty okay, as someone who's been in a lot of literary things they are usually female dominated too, women are more avid readers.

>How do you meet people at music festivals?
You talk to them beforehand in line or when everyone is getting drinks, or during the break, and while the music is going on just yell something into each other's ear at time and enjoy the music together. When happy people get a little drunk they are also likely to enjoy a little dancing/swaying even if they don't know you well. If there's a click you can move to a place where you can talk more easily afterwards. You can even use an app like tinder and suggest going to a specific place, saying that you want to go and don't know anyone else who enjoys the music, so you know if someone says yes you will talk first.
No it's not a perfect opportunity but your expectations are too high. If there was a perfect place where introverted guys could find love everyone here would know of it. If you think it's hard now just trust me that in ten years, where you stand out as the old guy in these places, you're going to think you had it easy.

No. It's the insecure men that scream about it mostly.

Should I tell this girl that I had a dream about her and that I had kissed her in that dream? I never met this woman IRL and we are just bearly online acquaintances. It felt so fucking real.

how do i keep an egirl in the friendzone?

Sounds like you shoukd fake being american instead of dropping out of school.

It's not really easy to distinguish between not daring to make the first move and not wanting to make a move. I don't really have a lot of thoughts on it. If I like a guy enough I'll ask him out no problem.

Having said that I definitely wouldn't recommend sitting around and waiting this happens to you. At the least make sure to socialize and try to bond without taking the leap and outright suggesting going out. People develop feelings more easily when they see people more often.

fml
*should

I'm a kissless dateless virgin. I've also never asked a girl out in my adult life. It's very hard for me to tell if the reason for me being a KDV is because no girls like me, or if the reason is because I'm too scared to make the first move.

I socialize with girls a hell of a lot, and try to do some rudimentary flirting if I like them. Still, nothing overt. And nothing ever happens. No dates, no kisses, nothing. Sometimes I feel like I'm totally sexually invisible.

Worse still, my friends are finally starting to take notice. I keep getting asked "do you like any girls user?" And friends keep pushing me to approach girls when they show even the slightest possible sign of interest in me.