Why do I always lead the wrong guys on?

Saying you're the one and only is the way they're trying to pin you down early/manipulate you into pity fucking them. Just be like "aww that's sweet! you're a close friend of mine too." Don't give them constant attention or they'll get used to it. If they emotionally unload on you about their shitty lives, tell them you feel for them but to seek help elsewhere because you're not a therapist. To really drive it home that you're not interested, make gross comments like "I just took the biggest dump" or tell them about your interest in some Chad. They'll get all mopey and it's really funny.

what exactly do you qualify as "guy stuff"?
are you saying it because you like guy stuff, or do you genuinely just want him to be into manly things because you think it's hot when a guy plays sports?

>online interactions should be considered the equivalent of an emotional relationship
Jesus christ, user... this is some heavy autism you got there.

>WE WERE GUILD MATES, YOU NARCISIST! HOW CAN YOU JUST DISCARD ME?? AFTER ALL THE RAIDS WE DID TOGETHER???

Instead of being honest let's play more games with the person who is down. This is predatory behavior and if OP wants to counteract her narcissistic tendencies then following this advice will not help her but only further her along the path.

Being open with your emotions is part of the bonding process between two human beings. It's a mutual showing of vulnerability as making yourself vulnerable is necessary for a true mutual trust bond to form between people. Unfortunately, those who are in the down position, the empathetic person, make themselves vulnerable to a predator and thus suffer the consequences. Narcissists never allow themselves to be put into the one down position and thus never show vulnerability which creates a parasitic relationship where the empathetic/codependent is depleted of their energy over time and then discarded. A parasitic relationship breeds destruction while a relationship powered by mutual trust breeds life.

This is a strawman argument and I'm not taking part.

OP has multiple traits of narcissistic behavior, if you are not aware of that or of narcissistic behavior then you should do some more research into it. I will be curious to see her reaction once she discovers this as a narcissist becoming self-aware is a rarity and a life changing moment either for the better or for the worse.

You're assuming that my words mean she needs to take responsibility for his feelings. She needs to take responsibility in her role in the dynamic as does the codependent need to take responsibility for theirs. Honesty is needed and neither side is honest which will lead to the codependent being hurt. This is the dynamic of these relationships whether you believe in it or not. A relationship can be a friendship or even an acquaintance as a relationship is a bond between organisms.

It's really not.

I could understand your point if it was real life, and you actually had an emotional relationship and relied a lot on the other person. That really doesn't sound like what is happening. OP finds a friend online, and for some reason the guys blow it out of proportion, not realizing what "there are no girls on the internet" really means, and then they freak out when she inevitably cut them off due to moving on to other things. That's what normal people do with online friends. They don't go full autism and make it sound like that person is all keeping them alive. If I have am online friend while playing a certain game, and I move on from that game, I usually stop talking to them as well, and let the contact slowly die out, because we dont have much in common anymore. Online friends aren't real friends. Not unless you go out of your way to meet online, and actually MAKE them your real friends.

>Im talking to a guy like that now and I dont know how im going to get him out of my life when I dont want his attention anymore.

I think you're well aware that you're using men for attention and then get upset when you've used them for what you want and want them to fuck off. I'm not even trying to shit on you for that, but that's incredibly poor mannered.

For whatever reason (Desperation, genuine attraction, etc) they are drawn to you, and by responding to them on a dating site, that's a pretty good implication that you are in return interested. You don't really have a foothold to feel frustrated with these guys if you continue to engage with them

>So are you saying that its just because i give them attention and not because im special?
You've pretty much outed this as your sole reason for speaking to them, is to validate yourself and feel special. Get a hobby or do whatever you gotta do to find your self worth, don't seek it out through others.

That might be the way you see it but you empathy is needed, either cognitive or affective, to know what someone else is feeling.. Many people have grown up online, isolated and with few tangible relationships. This form of online interaction is as real as it gets for someone in this position and online interaction might even be the only source of affection they have known if they have grown up in abusive household.

Long distance relationships usually start online through text, without even a raiding guild to do battle with. I have two friends that are married after meeting initially in an MMO. Relationships can and do blossom online with minimal interaction. When you spend one-on-one time with another person a bond is formed. If this person is of the opposite sex then honesty is needed because it's natural for things to become deeper over time. Honesty is needed on both sides, as both sides are being dishonest, playing games with people is not what's needed as well as using someone for attention because you're bored then throwing them out like an old toy.

I also have to mention that your categorization of people into either normal/autistic is silly. First off, normal doesn't exist, I recommend The Social Basis of Consciousness by Trigant Burrow if you want to a deeper conception of social psychology and the neurotic normal which doesn't exist.

>Many people have grown up online, isolated and with few tangible relationships.
This really isn't OPs problem. If they have mental and development issues, she has 0 obligations to help them with their apparently crippling issue. There are professionals for that. There is absolutely no way you can hold random online people accountable for this sort of thing, no matter how "real" you think a few online chats make a connection between two individuals. You are severely overreaching here. These people make OP think they can't live without her. That's not on her, and I sincerely doubt she would be able to avoid it even with disclaimers. These people are ill, and would likely just jump through more hoops to get to the same conclusion they did, anyway.

>I have two friends that are married after meeting initially in an MMO. Relationships can and do blossom online with minimal interaction.
This is very far from the norm, and anyone expecting random interactions with someone online to potentially mean marriage, is actually deranged. Just because it can happen, doesn't mean you should ever expect it. That's basing your life on winning in the lottery.

>honesty is needed from both sides
Fuck off. Listen, I can understand that she could be handling it better (for instance, none of my online friends even know my gender, and I know 95% of them assumes I am a guy, which is on purpose), but she should not need to put a disclaimer up saying she isn't looking for a relationship. That is actually an insane idea. What, she should constantly say "we are just online friends, okay? I am not interested in more" to every single person she interacts with?

I'd urge you to read up on Narcisism if you think this at all sounds like it. It has way higher requirements, and she has made no indications of landing in that category. I find it hilarious that you call me out for my use of autism, when you are doing the exact same thing with narcisism.

Hide your gender. I do, and it works. These guys can be unstable and borderline insane, so making them think you are a guy is vastly better, to avoid any unnecessary "LET ME MARRY YOU, YOU ARE ALL KEEPING ME ALIVE!" crazies.

If you use voice chat, and really can't avoid it, either make your voice sound less girly (I can manage that by just speaking low, and covering my mic with a piece of fabric), or if not... I guess there might be a program that can do it live? Can't help you there though.

I totally relate to this. I've been in a relationship fora year, but before that, I was dating around and experienced this problem with guys. I had a few one night stands where the guys would say that they see a future with me, or that they think I'm the one. Truthfully, a lot of guys are desperate, and you're not gonna escape that until you let life happen on its own course. (Not meeting guys online.) That's the best advice I can give you. I had such terrible luck meeting men in person until a chance meeting of a friend of a friend.

> OP has multiple traits of narcissistic behavior, if you are not aware of that or of narcissistic behavior then you should do some more research into it.
I made no comment about the narcissism in the original post.

> I will be curious to see her reaction once she discovers this as a narcissist becoming self-aware is a rarity and a life changing moment either for the better or for the worse.
discovers what? the hell are you talking about? I don't want to assume anything.

> You're assuming that my words mean she needs to take responsibility for his feelings.
Correct.
> She needs to take responsibility in her role in the dynamic as does the codependent need to take responsibility for theirs. Honesty is needed and neither side is honest which will lead to the codependent being hurt. This is the dynamic of these relationships whether you believe in it or not.
Oh shit, you must mean physically hurt: I stand corrected.
¯\_(ツ)_/¯

> A relationship can be a friendship or even an acquaintance as a relationship is a bond between organisms.
Yes I 100% agree: very clear, verbose and scientific definition user.
OP is asking Jow Forums on forming a bond with human organisms unlike the narcissistic one's she currently forms where she becomes dissatisfied with the codependent. OP also asking Jow Forums on how to >get him out of my life when I don't want his attention anymore

The point of my previous post is giving OP Jow Forums on what she's asking.
The point of this post is demonstrating "codependents" like yourself are too busy getting autistic to provide that.
also this:

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This narcissism diagnosis is so embarrassing. Someone definitely got turned down by a girl he dumped his feelings on, and, well, yikes.

OP, just be honest and tell them straight up exactly what's going on- "Hey, I feel like you really value me as a friend/confidante, and I value you too. When you said "I can't live without you," though, it made me worried. I want you to be healthy and independent, blah blah.. I also wondered if that was you hinting that you had romantic feelings for me. I'm sorry if I'm wrong about that, I'm not trying to be conceited or offensive, but I've had people do that to me in the past and the best thing I've found to have worked is to point it out early on so we can work through it."

Something like that. You're adults. You should be able to not tiptoe around stuff like that. If something is worrying you, it's best to be upfront for the least amount of damage in the end.

>Guys that I meet online

This is the problem right here.

Don't feel bad about it, you could've told most guys you're straight up disinterested and they still would've thought they had a chance. Look at all the threads along the lines of "she said no when I asked her out and she has a boyfriend but she smiles at me daily, do I have a chance?".

>she said no when I asked her out and she has a boyfriend but she smiles at me daily, do I have a chance?
It's really sad that these kinds of people exist. Like, I get you dont get much attention, but being a friendly and chipper person, doesn't mean she wants your dick... I am really perplexed at how someone can think like that.

It's sad in the fact that society continuously tells them that if they just keep trying they'll get the girl, honestly. It's sad that so many on Jow Forums know not to trust mainstream media and yet consistently use it to shape their worldview on how they think people should behave.

Actually kinda opposite. I want a guy to treat me like a princess and only have eyes for me. I also want him to be cute. He would have a backbone but I would be the one to "break it". The guys that treat me like a princess when i lead them on, the reason it gets boring is because theyre not cute and werent masculine to begin with.
Sports, vidya, mechanics etc because manly is hot. I have somewhat an interest but shouldnt be expected to sperg out on it. It seems like the guys that I attract tend to be more into faggy things like photography or writing which im not into.
I agree I have narcisistic traits.
But I do have empathy sometimes. Since most of the guys are usually unstable its not worth taking things further anyway.
This may sound bad but It feels nice that ive met different people and had experiences with them. Since I dont have a lot of social interaction outside of the internet, i feel like through the people ive led on ive grown as a person. It validates me.
Preach sister. It seems like the only guys that seem like a match for me are ones ive seen or met irl. They seem like they would be in the online corners I go but they just hide. And the guys I do meet I usually meet because they actively search for relationships I guess.
Guys are really desperate. They will tell lies to girls all the time just because their thirsty and it hurts. Chances are the guys im talking about will just find another egirl bitch in no time. But I like to think that there has to be a couple that will always have me as their oneitis.

>It's sad in the fact that society continuously tells them that if they just keep trying they'll get the girl,
This isn't even wrong, people just interpret it wrong. It doesn't *literally* mean
>keep acting like every girl is the one
>keep swiping right until that one girl out of the 5000 girls you have swiped right on turns out to be the one
It means
>keep working on yourself and go for girls who has a positive attitude towards you
A girl smiles at you? She doesn't have the slightest ounce of interest yet, but she is open. Take that opening and ask her out. Maybe it fails, but that's fine, it doesn't hurt to try.

If that keeps failing, something is wrong with you, and you need to work more on yourself. Get fit, work out, focus on career and building your personal brand and confidence. Relationships are 90% about yourself, not about the other person. No one else should compensate for your own shortcomings. If you have the 90% in order, the last 10% are easy to overcome in finding the right person to settle with.

Ironically what a lot of Jow Forums guys fail to understand, is that they go for the girls who are already at the 90%. They have the job or career they want, or at least know how to get there. They work out stay pretty, and dress for confidence. They do everything they can to improve their own self image, and use that to get gets. These will never settle for someone who has no self confidence, and doesn't know what they want, because to them, that's a sign of immaturity, it's a guy who still hasn't gone through his own development - why would he be good at developing a relationship?

This ironically goes both ways, it just doesn't seem that way, because gender flip this, and what happens is that the guy will fuck and dump her. That makes it *look* like the girl has it easier, when the end result is the exact same.

Which is worse, to get no attention from females or to get too much attention from men? Women are so entitled it's honestly horrifying.

>Which is worse, to get no attention from females or to get too much attention from men? Women are so entitled it's honestly horrifying.
Way to miss the point.

If you work even a little bit on yourself, and dress well, and act positive and happy in general, people will pay attention to you. This is not arguable, and applies to both genders.

If a girl is fat and does nothing to make herself look good, she will get no attention. Simple as that.

And guys have this weird tendency to think "girl can just go up to guy, spread legs and have sex, so easy!", as if this is at all a good thing. Extremely few girls think like this. Sex isn't good on it's own, in fact, this is *exactly* why so many girls get so disillusioned with dating, because so many guys only want sex, and nothing else. That's not good. That's not even neutral. That's actively bad, but most guys fail to realize that, because their brain is located in their dick, and they are too stupid to understand basic differences between genders.

Most guys who aren't just thinking relationships = Sex realize this. But of course a virgin basement dweller can't grasp this simple concept.

If you think about it, what im doing makes sense.
Of course it hurts to be treated like an item when you realize it. Its happened to me.
But girls hit the wall faster than guys and guys arent monogamous by nature unless they are.
Making a bunch of guys like me as much as I can compensates for when I age. All the bonding, the compliments, laughter, nudes, its documentation for my self worth.
A famous person has popularity. People worship their image and remember them for their image in their prime.
So since its been about a dozen of guys ive led on its like im famous in a way.
The more guys, the more the chance one of them thought I was better then the next guy did. The more the chance one of them thought I had the prettiest voice or the hottest body ever. Plus my quirkiness must make me memorable to some of them.
Guys never think about just one girl. They always cheat mentally. It would be a shame to waste my prime on one guy only to know he thought about so many other girls.
The more guys that obsess over me, the more the chance that at any moment in time, if the guy i like is thinking about another girl, at least one of "them" are thinking of me.

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Women complain about how they get too much attention. When shown how incredibly entitled that is, they write a wall of text in their triggered fury.
>because so many guys only want sex
>virgin basement dweller
Funny how in your previous paragraph you say sex is worthless, and then you define a man's worth based on the sex he's had in the very next. Entitled and hypocritical.

Maybe stop finding 80% of guys unattractive?

How do I do this??

>then you define a man's worth based on the sex he's had in the very next.
I literally dont, but I suppose that's what an autistic and triggered basement dweller would think.

Guys, especially virgins guys just attribute way too much worth to sex. That's outright bad for most girls, who doesn't value sex at all, they value attention and emotional connection. So when a guy have sex with a girl, and immediately bails, he thinks he got something of value, and she feels she lost.

It's sad and depressing to see guys think a girl is lucky to have easy access to sex. Really shows how ignorant guys are these days.

> Really shows how ignorant guys are these days.
If you start by whining about getting too much attention, it is quite natural to show your entitlement. If you bash virgins while devaluing sex, it is quite natural to point out your hypocrisy. If you end it all by projecting about ignorance of men, it is very natural to point out your stupidity. Men value attention just like women do. And attention is something that women get infinitely easier. I wouldn't even be replying to you if you didn't start by complaining about getting too much of it.

Not that simple, unfortunately. For both genders, even. Proper studies have proven that there are no gender variations on how attractive people are actually perceived.

It is why the feministic "appreciate the fat lady!!!!!" Screeching doesn't help.

>But I like to think that there has to be a couple that will always have me as their oneitis.
Why would you like to think that? Wow, pegged you right from the word go.

>If you bash virgins
I didnt bash virgins, brainlet. Read and understand the posts you are responding to, instead of getting this triggered and anger fuelled.

>all attention is good!
Imagine thinking this. What a world to live in.
>damn you are so lucky you got raped
>oh wow you find a guy that beats you? I wish I got attention as well!
>being harassed? Pfft, I wish I was!
It's appaling that people like you exist.

2/3 of those things are your fault, because those are results of attention seeking

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>nstead of getting this triggered and anger fuelled.
I don't think you could elicit any kind of emotion from me. Stop literally shaking, and perhaps you might see straight.
>>damn you are so lucky you got raped
>>oh wow you find a guy that beats you? I wish I got attention as well!
>>being harassed? Pfft, I wish I was!
If three horrendous strawmen are the best you can come up with, yeah, you've been absolutely demolished in this argument. This is like whining about the potential of getting robbed, because you're rich. Yeah, must suck being rich. Must suck having a Ferrari. Embarrassingly bad arguments. Those are all crimes, and they're literal indicator that you have something of great value. Yet you keep whining about how awful it is. Well, you know, you can always disfigure yourself, if you want to get rid of all that pesky attention.

You're an entitled and ignorant hypocrite.

And it sucks because I do often get sexually aroused by these guys for the attention they give me.
I think hooking up is degenerate and I dont understand it. I dont understand why girls would have casual sex with random fuckboys.
But I would however hookup with a guy if he was completely smitten by me and its clear that I would have an impact on him for a long time. Otherwise theres no point in wrecking my pussy and wasting my time.
So for that reason I do sometimes get sexually and emotionally intimate with them because of lonliness.
The only thing that makes it not a relationship is the fact that when they ask I say im not ready for one, making them feel as if they are my first everything and i just dont intend to date.
And I think to myself it would be perfect between us if only they were my type.

Go to sleep

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I cant i have insomnia

Get some sleep woman, your posts are starting to be really fucking weird

>Getting so mad he fails to quote properly
I'll let you cool off now. Get some fresh air user, don't pop a vessel.

>Sports, vidya, mechanics etc because manly is hot.
yeah, that's just about the worst possible option I had in mind.
you aren't actually looking for something in a relationship but a general "setting" that feels attractive to you, or compensates for some kind of insecurity by wanting to be seen with someone sufficiently more manly than you.
That is a terribly inefficient way to set standards you can afford to have, try to look for something that will contribute more to the relationship.

>It's sad and depressing to see guys think a girl is lucky to have easy access to sex.
any girl who isn't too disfigured to get casual sex can get married by demanding marriage before sex.

>any girl who isn't too disfigured to get casual sex can get married by demanding marriage before sex.
Most run off at the mention of parents, much less marriage, and forcing marriage like this lead to an obscene amounts of divorces. Look back just 50 years were people married extremely young due to unprotected sex resulting in pregnancy, and see how many people remarried like 3 times.

That's not better.

I agree with you that sluts have it easy, because they just need to stay fit, and apply make up, and they can get all the sex they want, and they *do* want it. But that's the same as the usual Chad guys. Easy sex with whatever slut they want, with very little actual effort, because they are already so far deep in the confidence zone that they are unfazed by anything.

OP, why are you talking to so many men? Only talk to men you have interest in as a potential partner. If you want friends, talk to women. No guy wants to date a girl who talks to a ton of guys.

>Most run off at the mention of parents
and yet there is still a huge supply, many of whom see waiting for marriage to be better than continuing to not have sex, especially if they WANT a girl who won't have sex before marriage.
It IS better

>Guys that I meet online that aren't really my type
Then stop treating them like you love them.
>get him out of my life
What a shitty attitude towards other humans. Tell them no, shut it down before they mentally marry you and stop being such a whore that it happens to "guys that I meet online" (plural).

> not cute and werent masculine to begin with
This isn't too far removed from what I intended to mean. I stand by my original advice and think you may find the right men if you approach more rather than leading the one's that treat you like a princess upfront (usually the desperate type, and there are a lot.) Most still won't be what your looking for, but it would broaden your market.

Everyone's talking about the narcissism in your post: I didn't find it relevant to the specific advice you're asking, however more broadly speaking:
> the reason it gets boring
Even if you find the right guy, there is a lot of excitement in the leading on. Maybe he is cute and masculine and so it will get boring because of something else. People with narcissism greatly want that excitement, so it can be more difficult to settle.
Nobody can establish a pattern of behavior from a single post looking for advice, but it's something to consider if you find the shoe fits.

what you got against writing you vacuous whore. personally i cant imagine what its like to get so much attention that ur problem becomes getting rid of it. Imagine being some glorified mentally stunted eunuch and getting so much attention you can afford to get all frustrated about it and criticize the dudes who want you lol. You want masculine men yet females actively augment emasculated society I dont know why you're surprised, you dumb fuckin castrated midget fuck you and learn your place in the world.

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feel like women dont really appreciate how much it hurts for men to be in this situation... when u say shit like "how im going to get him out of my life" as if u're not the one playing with his heart. dont act like you're the victim when u could literally find replacements for any of these guys at any time, while for them you're prolly the only female whos shown them kindness in long time. I'm not saying u have to be nice to them but just understand that it's hard to be in that situation for a man, just have some empathy pls. cant tell you how many times ive fallen for some girl because she approached me and acted nice towards me, only later to treat me like walking garbage when she didnt want my attention anymore. im a virgin too so it kinda sucks when ppl use you for attention and then act like they're the ones getting inconvenienced just by your liking them, when in reality they're pretty much driving u into mental illness and most of the time they think it's funny

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youre not getting raped whore youre receiving the genuine goodwill of multiple men simultaneously and your only problem is that they arent ur perfect ideal man. if you dont like them then dont talk to them, turn them down n be respectful about it instead of dragging it out which hurts both of you in the end.

Be honest with them as you're honest with us.
Either tell them to back off because it's too much on ya, or ghost them.
You don't owe anyone anything and you shouldn't care (too much) about their feelings.
Of course, I'm not telling you to "HAHA U STUPID CUCC" at them or anything, just to be clear, just realize it's your life, it's your time, do what you wanna do instead of banging your head on the wall for them.

I have an idea, let’s abolish the concept of love and relationships! We don’t need to have sex anymore, since we have IVF, and it would do good to the population control. Maybe we can engineer a way to remove sexual desires from people. Anyone found in a relationship should be shot by the official state secret police. It would be great! Everyone will be friends, everyone will understand each other, there will be true equality for both genders - all hail the sexless utopia!

Holy shit maybe human civilisation would be so much improved because of this, imagine the advancements in philosophy and science because of this, imagine how more intellectual and intelligent people will become, how cultured people will become, how much better music will become if normies just move their interests to something else - I am going to start an anti-sex dictatorship! Hiel Unsexia! Hiel Unsexia! Hiel Unsexia!

People in relationships should unironically be shot though, public displays of affection fucking disgusts me like nothing else - off with these selfish cunts. They should serve, and move their pursuits, towards the greater good of humanity not themselves. Death to people in relationships! Fuck them to death! Seriously, fuck them! Fuck them, fuck those disgusting unvirgins! Fuck them! Fuck them! Fuck them! Fuck them! Fuck them! Fuck then!

Why should they be so happy, when I am so sad?

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