>ex dumps me over 2 years ago >we go no-contact, been no-contact for 2 years, except for yearly 'happy birthday' message >i don't get over it, still hung up on her 2 years later, haven't been in another relationship >she seems to get over it in a couple of months, starts dating a guy after about 5 months >they break up about 6 months ago
>my birthday 2 months ago, get her message, 'happy birthday user. maybe next year we can talk about possibly being friends'
ffw to today
>get text from my ex, nearly shit my pants with shock >hey user, at some point during uni break i'd like to meet for coffee. it could be too hard and weird and whatever but i'd like to try and have a friendship with you. it's also somewhat important to me that you see my final shows this year. I kinda want you to know what i've been working so hard on. cards on the table - Friends Only. i'm sure you've moved on anyway. exgf
I'm literally going out of my fucking mind trying to work out what the fuck just happened. There is no reason whatsoever for us to be 'friends' or even on good terms - we haven't had a conversation in over two years, there's no social crossover, if we don't choose to see each other we'll likely never speak or see each other again. Even the way she puts it, it's like she's reluctantly forcing herself to be 'friends' with me. We didn't break up on good terms so I just can't work out why she would even want to be friends, especially after this long. It's not like we'd be good friends either - the only thing we really shared in common was our relationship.
She's in a pretty famous acting school and her 'final shows' are the graduating shows for her degree. They're private, invite only, and each student only gets a limited number of tickets allocated - so if she invites me it means she can't invite someone else. We worked really hard together to get her into this school and she got accepted right before we broke up. So maybe she just wants to rub in that she's succeeded without me?
Obviously I'm still hung up on her and there's a part of me that wants this to lead somewhere else. But she doesn't know anything about my life for the past two years and couldn't possibly know that, or whether I'm seeing someone.
>constantly dangling the possibility of friendship Jesus Christ she has been manipulating you for years just to create some sense of worth, stability and control in her life
Jordan Adams
why are you even bothering? Why do you guys even send "happy birthday" stuff? If this girl makes you feel this way, you need to get her the fuck out of your life. It will only eat at you more the longer she's there. Remove her, and you'll get over her. If she even bothers asking why, just tell her you're too hung up on her to continue keeping contact.
Connor White
I don't want friendship. I don't know why she thinks I would want it. Either we get back together, or we walk away on good terms, accepting that it's not appropriate to be loitering in each others lives as exes.
I don't know. Our breakup was pretty messy, one of those, 'I can't love you anymore, but I don't hate you either, I'm just disappointed' type scenarios. I guess the birthday messages was something that happened as a way of showing each other that we didn't resent each other even though we weren't talking. Our birthdays are pretty close together, so it was more of a 'happy birthday, lets not talk for another 11 months' type deal.
It's been eating me for two years even without her in my life, with her blocked on everything except text messages. Completely avoiding the sight, mention, or chance for communication with her for two years hasn't stopped me feeling like this. Other women haven't stopped me feeling like this. Hitting the gym hasn't stopped me feeling like this. It's just been a constant that I've missed her for two fucking years.
I'm going to go meet with her. And I'll tell her, 'cards on the table', that we can't be friends until she's out of my system. If she wants more than friends she gotta be upfront about it, and we can work on it, but if she just wants to tick me off as 'reconciled with ex' then I don't want to be a part of her life.
Jeremiah Morales
Mate, sometimes it takes longer. You may have to train your brain to stop thinking about her. I dated a girl I only met in person once, who promptly dumped me. I was hung up on her for like 5 ish years. Probably because she was hot.
Figure out why you're hung up on this girl. Is it her looks? Her personality? Whatever it may be, it may help you figure out why you're still hung up on her, as well as how to stop thinking about her.
Literally just write down what and why you keep thinking of her.
Kayden Lewis
She seems like a nice person user. I'm afraid you'll fall for her again though
Hudson Price
Everything. She was just a godly girlfriend and fantastic partner. Gorgeous, funny, had a high status career she was good at, was a total freak in bed and totally insatiable, loved to be just a little bit submissive in the relationship but still stood on her own feet, would cook for you, wear sexy lingerie and suck me off when I was stressed, looked up to me like a father figure, was forgiving when I made mistakes, encouraged me to pursue my career and take risks, wasn't hung up on getting married or having kids, and understood the value of quality time spent either together or alone.
She was just everything a man in his mid to late 20's could ask for. And our relationship was fantastic because we put effort into learning how to communicate with each other, and understanding how each other thought, so we could nip arguments in the bud. We were ready to move in together when we broke up, and I was content with the thought that the relationship might never end. I didn't long for anything.
I've written more down than I care to read again over the years. Journaling, therapy, writing unsent letters, done it all. It helps a little, but not enough.
She is a nice person. I never stopped falling for her lmao. We broke up super unexpectedly, and I was basically more in love with her at that point than any other person I'd met in my life. That's why I can't just be friends with her, cause until I meet someone that sweeps me off my feet the way she did, and that's a fucking tall order, I'm gonna stay hung up on her.
Gavin Clark
Sounds like my ex only it's been one month to the day since we broke up and there was no sex. How long were you together? Why did your relationship end? Obviously there were issues since it's been 2 years.
Sounds like she's trying to give you another chance but she's uncertain herself and wants to feel you out first. I'd be as cordial as possible and go to the show even if she doesn't want to get back together. I'm in the thought camp of you never know who the connection between who you know and who you need to know is, and burning bridges without really good reason is just shooting yourself in the foot early.
Dylan Fisher
in a similar situation. i still have a dim hope ill one day get a txt like you did. i know its pathetic to put my life on hold for someone who has already moved on and doesnt even think about or consider my feelings anymore, but i dont know how to "feel" any other way. my family dislikes what ive become. everything just fell apart all at the same time. lost a parent. lost my long term friend (also an ex), then lost the "one" - but she moved right on to some other dude, got cheated on, then a couple months later is in another relationship. i know she isnt worth it. that i can do better, look wise, emotionally and mentally, but for some reason it just clicked with her, when it worked anyway. man, i havent talked about this for a while. whyd i come onto Jow Forums anyway? hope you get closure or whatever you need, user. transitioning from a person to a non-entity because the "one" left you without any answers, is, for some of us, an impossible position to shift from.
Josiah Johnson
I think your plan is really solid, honestly. I’d just do that and ignore any advice ITT that says otherwise. It allows you to maintain self-respect while giving her the chance to be honest. If she wants another go she’s going to have to put herself out there. She sounds reasonable but you deserve that, and you deserve to not be pinged yearly with loss if she can’t give you that. She doesn’t get to believe you’re just fine as an assuaging token when you have your own processing to do and life to live.
Christian Parker
Maybe she just wants to be friends, women can do that easily.
Levi Gonzalez
3 years together.
Relationship ended because of... minor infidelity. Long story short, things were shit when we first got together, commitment issues on her end, 3 months in I decided to bail, and because I'm a piece of shit decided it would be easier to do the dating while still in a relationship.
Met a girl on tinder, went on 3 dates with her, nothing happened between us, I mainly just bitched about my then-gf to this girl over drinks and dinner. Then-gf found out about the tinder, broke it off with me, but we both knew we really liked each other and reconciled immediately and worked on our relationship issues. She didn't find out about the dates, and I decided it would be easier if I didn't tell her.
2 and a half years later, she breaks her phone, I lend her my old phone from 2 and a half years earlier, didn't think to do a factory reset because I didn't think I had anything to hide. She went through my old text messages, found out about the dates, dumped me for rebuilding our relationship on a lie. It didn't help that she had just been accepted into acting school, which is super high-stress, and she didn't want to deal with the stress of fixing things with me when she was just starting her dream degree.
>Sounds like she's trying to give you another chance but she's uncertain herself and wants to feel you out first. I definitely get from the way she worded her message she's being defensive about the whole thing. She's taken the risk and been the one to break no-contact, and she's done it and worded in in a way that I think tries to keep her in control of the situation, i.e., 'you can come back into my life but only on my terms'. I just can't see why someone would want to have a friendship with someone built like that, without there being an ulterior motive, especially when we have no reason to.
And it's obviously a conscious decision on her part - in two months shes gone from 'friends in a year' to 'lets grab coffee'.
Bentley Johnson
You'll get the answers. Think about why it happened. If she's going from guy to guy she's not looking at herself for some reason. Maybe she's scared of who she is. Maybe she has anxiety and depression that make her unhappy in relationships. Maybe she got hurt in the past and instead of stopping to pick up the pieces she's grabbing baggage from different relationships and wondering what's wrong with everyone else. Maybe it's Mabeline. My ex and I had been talking about getting married when she dumped me out of the blue blaming both of us and the more I think about it the more I see that yes, I have areas to work on too, but the real problem is she has acceptance and identity issues from childhood that never got resolved so she feels she can never be accepted for who she is because she doesn't know who she is. I didn't give a fuck about that- I loved her for who I see her to be and she loved that. But those issues caused anxiety and depression when faced with the reality of marriage so instead of dealing with the problems she took the easy way out and ran from the situation. Maybe something similar happened with you.
Noah Carter
But why tho? She has a gazillion friends, she doesn't need to have a friend that also has all the fucking emotional baggage we have. We have nothing in common outside of our relationship, vastly different worldviews, live on opposite sides of the city, and move in completely isolated social circles. And on top of that she knows absolutely nothing about how my life has progressed in the last 2 years.
I just can't work out why she'd take the risk of breaking no-contact, and then being vulnerable saying 'it means something to me for you to come to {major life event}' at the risk of me either stonewalling her, ghosting her, or some other negative response, just to 'be friends', because I'm not seeing the value proposition there, unless it's some sort of fucked up 'must become friends with my ex to get full closure' shit. That or she just wants to drag me through an emotional wringer to fuck with me.
My theories so far are basically: - shes in therapy and was told to do it to get 'closure' - shes bored/lonely/horny and wants the validation of my attention - she wants to reconcile for closure - shes interested in me romantically again/nostalgia - shes just fucking with me out of revenge - shes completely tone-deaf and thinks we can genuinely just be platonic friends - she pities me and wants to involve me in her graduation as some kind of closure for me - some weird daddy shit?
Thanks. I think the minimum I can do is go meet her and hear her out. I just really want to go into it prepared with an understanding of why the fuck she wants to have these things all of a sudden. I don't want to get blindsided, because I don't want to be hurt by her again for no reason.
Alexander Stewart
She's not "looking at herself" because she doesn't have to, there's nothing wrong with dating around. Or, she is being mindful of herself and that's why she's dating around. Either way it's not our or OPs business, what's his business is does he want to be her friend or neh.
Aaron Lee
Academy of dramatic arts?
Mason Watson
just dont answer like she never did and stop validating stupid whores, they dont love you, they never love anyone apart from themselfs
Jaxon Thomas
she wants to say thanks by letting you in on this super secret invite only show so in her mind you will be honored and the bad breakup is forgiven aswell the fact shed never make it there without you
like i said ignore the selfish bitch all of them
Brody Stewart
If she loved you she wouldnt have dumped your ass for something so long ago, thats just an excuse to leave you behind. Sorry man, she just wants to see how much shes grown :( Tell her youre not mature enough to see her as just a friend ir something, if she still is interested then idk go for it maybe
Benjamin Morales
No, Juilliard, Tisch, that sort of thing. Top 10 acting school worldwide. Super tough admission standards, super tough, intensive course, very prestigious.
Dunno what she thinks she needs to thank me for after not speaking to me for two years.
Lmao I already answered and said I would go, RIP in peace my heart I guess
Kevin Butler
I felt a lot of the same things as you when my first GF dumped me and I spent twice as long recovering. Don't go. She wants your time and attention without exchanging sex or affection in return. That's an unfair trade. Draw a line and have some pride. Is it really worth having your heart dragged through 2 more miles of broken glass just to see her on stage? She's an attention whore, that's why she's up there.
You still need time to heal and every message from her is like ripping the band-aid off the wound again. Ignore her. Friends is a consolation prize for losers. You don't need friends and if you do it's gonna be with a guy, not an unreliable impossible-to-please cunt like her.
