Wife says she'll kill herself if I leave I've been around suicidal people and I believe her but literally everything is wrong with her its like she can't participate in her own life and that's like impossible to deal with.
What do?
And please remember this is my wife not some passing bitch so I can't "just fuck it bro whatever happens happens"
Just fuck around on the side dude. You married her, so you are basically stuck if you have kids. Plus, if you married her you obviously care about her, so you dont want her to suicide.
have you called her family and gotten them involved in the situation?
I've been heavily considering that but like what? Your daughter is fucked so here you take her.
Also to the other guy yes I absolutely do care about her but she doesn't care about herself and she'd otherwise be the perfect woman but that's one hell of a flaw to overcome.
I absolutely will not mess around on the side that's a disaster for both of us.
Not saying you have to throw her to her parents and leave but they should at least know. If you had a daughter and she was married and constantly threatening to kill herself, I'm sure you'd appreciate it if her husband kept you in the loop. She needs help and this problem is beyond you. You need to bring in more resources and I'm sure her parents/family can help with that.
Make proper preparations to make sure she doesn't anhero. Then leave. Ball and chain, man. Don't let someone else's insecurities be your guiding force in life.
Fuck man, just imagining how that will go. Very strict family, nothing goes wrong, they didn't like me for the longest.
I was actually going to leave her tonight and she still considered suicide without knowing that.
I've spent so much time trying to fix her and honestly resenting her failures to some capacity due to her having a lot of opportunity. I sometimes feel like I'm I'm part of the problem and other times feel like I'm the only thing keeping her from doing it.
Sit her down very calmly and ask her, what does she really want? Keep digging at it until you get an honest answer. People don't threaten suicide unless there's something they're really unhappy about. Ask her what she wants. Tell her she can trust you to always tell her the truth and to share what you want: for both of you to be happy. I was a self-pitying wreck before and what snapped me out of it was asking what I really wanted.
Call her parents first thing in the morning. I know it's not easy and I'm sorry this is happening to you but you made a commitment to her. You don't have to sacrifice your life and happiness to make hers livable but get her the help she needs if you are committed to leaving her. You can't fix her but what you can do is help her from whatever hell she is in now. Remember what you first loved about her, that might make dealing with this shit a bit easier.
Same here, I got to the point where I made one honest attempt at giving myself a heart attack and one half hearted attempt by pointing a gun which I didn't know was loaded or not to my head.
I told her about both of these to try and connect but maybe I need to dig more into what she really wants.
So far its weight loss and nursing school. But those seem like default answers although its all I've ever seen her care about anything else.
She also doesn't seem particularly interested in those though, although she swears she is.
Maybe she really wants to lose weight so she can look better and nursing school might add some prestige and meaning to her life. Some people don't take mid-life crises well. But even a crisis can be overcome with support and communication.
I'm not committed to leaving her but it feels like I have to sacrifice my life to her to be happy at this point.
She really is a great woman. She just can't participate in her own life
I wish I had a relationship like this. How can she really love you if she could live without you?
Fuck off. Its a mess, it sounds romantic but she doesn't want to do literally anything and she is dragging down both of us with her human shell of a sinking ship due to pure inaction.
She's afraid of failure like a perfectionist, I speculate.
sounds like prime cuddling material.
It's all fun and games until you go to hang out with your friends and your gf of 6 months freaks out about it because "if you hang out with your friends you might have too much fun and break up with me >:("
Exactly
I'd say women that are an emotional and mental mess are ten times more fun to date than be in a real relationship with
Therapy
I know. That's what I told her but she wants to think on it.
If my attention is what she wants, I would latch onto her and never let go.
Have her institutionalized. You don't risk shit like that. She will thank you for it later.
Fuck you and your sick hollywood movie bullshit.
Real life relationships are messy , especially if both people are soo nuts about each other that they lose their own identities. I see it everywhere around me and it's always the same . Lots of irrational acting, lots of toxicity brewing and then eventually exploding.
I can love you and want you and be able to live without you. Both things are possible.
Reminds me of my girlfriend telling me that the reason I'm becoming distant is because I've met someone else and I'm trying to break it off with her to be with the other person when I'm thinking
" No. The reason I'm distant is because you're so irrational pathetic immature impatient weak and incompetent that me being forever alone is a better alternative than tolerating another meaningless confrontation with you and your stupid 1st world problem bullshit "
I just want it so bad.
It's hard to live knowing nobody will ever feel this way about me
You sound very very very insecure and possibly very immature. It's those kinds of people that create co-dependent relationships and then completely burn to ashes along with the relationship as they drive it to the ground with their overblown expectations and incessant neediness and insecurities.
Find peace from within. Be peaceful with yourself and your flaws. Once you are peaceful with your inner self and your life then you are able to create functional relationships where true love can flourish.
Either kill yourself or get killed whatcha gonna do
Is she not willing to seek psychiatric help?
Are there kids involved?
Seek counseling immediately. And u can both see the counselor individually as well.
Never force yourself to stay with someone because they commit suicide. Even if it's not a bluff it's not fair to you to trash your life for a selfish partner.
If your wife says she's going to do it, call 911 right away. That's the exact right thing to do. It says your serious and helps call their bluff if that are bluffing. Emergency personel are trained for it.
She needs therapy and also you need to go together in addition. She needs professional help.
No kids and I don't want to do all that to her.
I just lied and said I wasn't going to leave her last night that I was just angry. We talked about her going to therapy but she's already been before, I thought that was long over though she hasn't needed it since we met.
on this very website people will ask for suicide methods and get help with that.
So why can't I just have my destructive relationship?