What will happen to me if I never ask a girl on a date in my life?
What will happen to me if I never ask a girl on a date in my life?
The only thing that will happen is that your chance of getting a gf will be lower than average.
Not 0%, as a girl could hypothetically ask you out instead, but it would be less likely.
How much less likely?
Or alternatively, by how much will my chances of getting a date increase if i start asking girls out?
So much less likely that it would be safe to assume you'd never get a gf even though it's not a 0%
>How much less likely?
I can't quantify it exactly. Considering that most girls prefer not to ask people out, I'd estimate about 80% less likely.
>By how much will my chances of getting a date increase if i start asking girls out?
By a considerable margin. If I had to quantify it as a percentage, let's say 90%.
If you were a girl who wanted to know about not asking guys on a date, the percentages would be 20% and 10% respectively.
In western society close to 0
In south America, Africa and maybe some of asia about 20% of your average
Chances increase slightly after 30 and increase till about 50
Ok. Is it a safe assumption to presume that the only reason I’m a kissless virgin is because I’ve never asked a girl out or expressed interest in a girl? I’ve been waiting for a girl to show signs of interest in me
It is because unless youre extremely charismatic and good looking girls generally never make the first move they only give hints.
Like out of all my male friends in life i only knoe 1 that was the 'chad' stereotype whom women constantly craved
Every other one had to make moves and so will you
And they will turn down a lot of guys, its a numbers game
How do I get over my fear of rejection so that I can start asking out girls then?
That's not the only reason, but it is probably the biggest and most important reason.
Trust me user, I have the same problem. I see plenty of girls, but I feel hesitant to ask them out because they have shown no romantic interest in me. I have plenty of female friends however. Thus far, I have only asked out girls who I already had very strong feelings for.
However, as I ponder my situation, I have considered the possibility that this may not be the best strategy.
I have heard people say that the concept of a soulmate or "love at first sight" is garbage.
The more traditional way of viewing love has been that people learn to love each other as their relationship goes on.
Much like you, I have been waiting for a girl to display interest in me, but I have begun to reconsider. Instead, try to ask out a girl you think you could end up liking, and see if you grow to like her as the relationship goes on.
You learn to grow thicker skin
The firsy time you go to the gym everything hurts and you want to die after 15 minutes of cardio
By the next year you dont even feel that
For me what helps is that its a numbers game, dont stress things just try as many as you can and try different approaches
I can't say for certain; I haven't asked many girls out. When I did do so, I did it on texting/messaging because I didn't think I had the guts to do it in person.
It's super embarrassing, but at least I can work up the courage to press that button and await a response.
How does one grow thicker skin then?
I need a practical way of reducing my fear of rejection cause it’s overpowering me to the extent that I can’t even smile at a girl that I like (yes it’s that bad, I literally frown at girls when I like them)
I’m too scared even to send a message to girls I like
Do you have any friends? You could ask them for help, i.e., tell someone you trust about this, ask them if they can gauge the girl's interest in you.
If she likes you, then you could get the friend to set up a date for you.
Yeah I have friends. I’m the only one of my friends who has never been on a date. A lot of my friends have girlfriends too, or used to have a gf
I’m too scared even to ask a friend for help. What if I ask someone to help set me up with a girl, and that person thinks “oh damn, he has no chance with her...” and they mentally judge me for being so deluded I thought I had a chance
I can understand fear of a girl hating you for asking her out, but I'd like to think that my own friends wouldn't do that to me.
If you want to do it via message, try this:
Open up Microsoft Word, Google Docs, whatever you use to write.
Type out the text you want to send of asking the girl out. Remember, you aren't sending it to the girl yet. If you get overcome by anxiety, you can retreat, as this is just a document on your computer, not a text. One of my biggest fears when texting is that I might accidentally hit the send button and send the message when I wasn't meaning to. Here, though, that is nothing to fear, because there is no send button.
Once you type out the message, take some time to mentally prepare yourself. Steel your resolve. When you're ready, copy the message from the document. You still aren't in danger of accidentally sending yet, so don't fear.
Now, prepare yourself some more. Open up the messaging/texting app. If you're getting scared, hold on, you haven't even gotten to the girl's page/text yet.
Take some time to prepare yourself again. When you're ready, locate the girl's number (if texting) or page (if using Facebook etc.)
Work up the courage and merely tap her icon.
Now comes the nerve-wracking part. Paste the message into the chat bar. This part might make you anxious, because you *could* hit send on accident now. So just give yourself some time to prepare.
When it's pasted into the bar, you only have one step: hit send. This is really difficult, but it's the last step. Remember that you don't have to worry about articulating your thoughts anymore; you only have to hit a button.
This might be tricky, but you can do it. It's just one little button. Put your thumb close to it, get ready, and then finally press it.
You might panic afterwards, but you've already pressed the button, so you're done! Now just await a response.
This can work if you take it step by step. If you chicken out in the middle of it, you can come back later.
I sense a great deal of fear in you, someone who wants to ask put someone but is both petrified of rejection, and doesn’t know how to do the “asking out step” it.
Admittedly, rejection happens and it kinda really fucking sucks the first go around as a shy guy but it does get better so unfortunatly but truthfully you just need to start trying.
As for what to say, one method I’ve learn about and found pretty helpful is a 3 step method tgat starts off with adressing the potential awkwardness of the situation, saying what you like sbout them, that you like them, and then offering something fun to do.
Example “hey so I know this is kinda weird being out of the blue and all, but I’ve kind of grown to like you, and was wondering if you’d like to see a movie sometime”.
And you can sub in that with oretty much anything and it makes it easier I speak from experience as a shy guy who hated this step. People saying just ask her out doesn’t magically make it easier when you have literally no clue where to start and now hopefully you have a basis to start on for at least the most crucial part to get ovet
Also something to consider is to increase your status level in society. Having a successful life will greatly increase your chance of having a gf.
I say this as someone who has been turned down too. One by someone who looking back I cannot see why I liked her or gave her as much leeway as I did. She was a bitch about it. Polite for the first 4 days afterwards before she and her friends actively ripped into fresh wounds. The most recent by someone who was infinitly more respectful and considerate of how I would cope.
Unfortunatly some people are just mean spirited and that part sucks if you get turned down by them but the usually the closer you are to someone the more they care about how you feel after the fact especially given how aware some people are of the courage it can take to muster up.
Well this works but I don’t think I know any girls I could just ask out of the blue like that
I know a lot of women. But all of them are either friends (who I don’t want to date) or acquaintances (who I know well enough to chat with if I see them, but not well enough to just message out of the blue or ask on a date)
Don’t know what I’m supposed to do
If you don't want to ask a girl you already know, you have two options.
1. Actively try to find a girl you might like. Just going place where you might find people you might like is good. The advantage of this is that you may find a gf quicker, but the disadvantage is that you might not meet a girl you *really* like, meaning it might take time for you to warm up to her.
2. Wait for a girl who you feel really attracted to to come along. This is how I've always done it, but it's gotten me nowhere. The disadvantage is that obviously you have to wait a long time for the "perfect girl" to come along, when in fact she may never appear. The advantage is that if you do get lucky and meet a really good girl, you'll feel great about your relationship with her from the start.
Not trying to be a shill
But if you really want a practical way to developing your confidence talking to girls,
look up “girlschase forum newbie assignment”
Its a well broken down program of baby steps that slowly but steadily push you from “lets try make eye contact with a girl” to “get a date with this girl you just met”
Well I know a lot of girls. And some of them I’d like to ask out. But I don’t know them well enough to. I don’t get it. What’s the proper course of action here
Ah, OK, I misunderstood your comment.
You already have some girls in mind, but you don't know them very well.
Again you have two options:
1. Just ask them out straight away, using the method I provided previously. The risk is that if they say no, then they may not want to be around you if they don't know you. The advantage would be having a chance to ask a girl out soon.
2. Just get to know them better first, become actual friends with them. The advantage is that they will probably still want to be friends even if they reject you (this is what happened to me). Unfortunately, this takes time, potentially months.
If you're impatient, if you want a gf ASAP, then try option 1, but remember the risk.
smiling is key when meeting women
the hard part is actually getting to a smile
I can like the girl all I want but it's a chore for my mind to make a smile happen no matter how hard I try
Listen user, I've been the biggest beta male up until the age of 16 when I scored my first date, Now you can do this in one step.... Think of life as meaningless not in a suicidal sense but as if anything you say doesn't matter personally this worked for me since I just didn't give a fuck about anything and just asked a girl if she wanted to go out with me, its as easy as that so get to know a girl and just ask her out. (extra tip, keep in mind that you do not know what will happen to you tomorrow, ANYTHING could happen even death so even if the first girl says no, keep trying and keep your head up!)
I try to do this sometimes. It helps a bit.