Complicated situation

So, I've met my crush since 2006, she's a difficult person to describe (and I know this is where problems begin), she had a hard time with bullying during her childhood, and that affected her self steem a lot, believing that everyone secretly hates her, and always taking the worst meanings everything.

She's also very hard on herself, when things she tries don't work on the first try she just gives up, wondering why she keeps bothering on trying, this has happened many many times, but the thing is that she keeps trying.

All this had made her a shut in, pushing her friends away, thinking that she's annoying, and prefering to be alone, finding distraction on videogames and only relying on online friends to whom she only sends memes and videogames related stuff.

So, the thing is, she's actually a very pleasant person, she only wants to accomplish her dreams, she has goals, and she works on them, slowly, but she does.

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Ok

What's the problem?

This is why I felt in love with her, because even with all that crap on her head, she still wants to be a better person, she wants to be loved, she wants to be happy with herself. (plus I find her cute)

She had friends before, and boyfriends as well, she ended up pushing her friends away believing that they abandoned her, but it was her who stepped away. As for her boyfriends, they were all because of social pressure.

Her last boyfriend (before me) was not a bad person, he was just very pushy about trying to make her do things she obviously didn't like, trying to get her out of her comfort zone by making her do things he liked. She's still bitter about this relationship.

Knowing all this, I confessed my feelings in 2016, she obviously wasn't interested, but it's not like I expected her to be, considering all that I've already said.

So, I decided to be a good friend for her, I wanted her to be confortable with me, to enjoy my company, and feel safe being herself, and it seemed to work, as months passed she became more comfortable, we talked a lot, about everything, we spent a lot of time together, we began to cuddle, you name it (nothing sexual though, this is another issue of her, sexual things are really awkward for her).

An then I asked her if she wanted to be my girlfriend, just to make it official, and she said she do wanted it. I was so proud, and I promised myself that I would make this person happy, no matter what.

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Op wrote a whole page looking for advice, cant even describe what the problem is

Sorry, I haven't finished lol.

So, time passed, she cared about me, she made me feel like a part of her family, I went to her family events as the official boyfriend, I had a really good relationship with her parents and her brother. She even began having plans on moving out together, and she was very hyped about it. I felt like I was on top of the world.

We had our problems, of course, I became oddly jealous of when she spoke to her online friends about stuff first instead of me, I felt "betrayed" when she would play stuff without me, stupid things that honestly are all my faults, I never explicity complained to her, but jokinly say "wow I'm painted here lol" but yeah, the feelings were there.

And I also began feeling frustrated because we couldn't have conversations other than videogames and anime, I talked about this with my friends.

I know I'm making this way too long, but I feel like I need to explain where all this shit comes from lol

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Alright, so, we had our problems, she had problems with me wanting to be everywhere, and I had problems feeling like she wasn't comfortable with my anymore. I realized that was because of my insecurities.

Now, she broke with me this Frebruary, it wasn't decided, it just happened, and didn't give me much explanation other than "it isn't working anymore"

She wants to keep being friends, of course. The thing is, I needed to know exactly what made her lost her cool with me, so I began pestering her about what was it.

At first she didn't want to tell me, but then she spilled the beans:

>I enjoy being single a lot
>It's the social pressure of what a boyfriend expects from me
>You became hard to speak with.
>Your jokes became hard to differentiate from reality
>You wanted to be on everything, you would get angry when I wanted to play alone.

I felt like it was unfair, she never spoke about this problems she had with me because she felt like I was going to be hurt or something, so I never had a chance to work on this and be a better person for herself.

I'm going to make this shorter on the next post, sorry everyone.

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Alright, so it seems to me like she just got tired of the "task" of being a girlfriend, it exhausted her, and I understand, knowing all that I know of her, that's not the problem.

The problem is that even when she says she wants to be friends, and that I can still go to her house and have fun playing vidyas and talking with her and her brother, she runs away from me.

She only speaks to me online, and I noticed she has muted me, so she only reads my comments if she wants to check if I told her something.

I'm affraid I have bothered her enough, I'm not going to lie, I do want to go back with her, but I know that if things don't change, even if we go back, the same thing will happen again.

I need to solve my insecurities, which is what caused this mess to begin with, the problem is that I can't get to not think that she hates me now, but she doesn't want to admit it.

I'm affraid that she's pushing me away like she did with everyone else before.

I don't know what to do anons, I keep having these nightmares when I try to talk to her and try to make things straigths, only for her to get angry for not letting her be alone and at peace and leaving me for good this time. Sometimes I'm fine with waiting for her to realize that I want to be a better person and decide to try again, and then sometimes I think that she's only still talking to not feel bad.

Am I an idiot, anons? Should I just give up and move on with my life? Should I keep waiting, Should I try to talk to her? It's obvious that she doesn't enjoy talking about serious stuff.

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user, if you are being honest with all this shit, then i'll be honest too. Sounds like she is just fucking stupid "gamer grill", and she has no fucking idea of what the fuck she wants. And since you said that "same thing will happen again" i suggest you to move on. Cuz if you dont it'll only hurt more. I've been there mate, it will take some time to heal, but you are going to be fine.

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You really expect us to read all that shit?
I skimmed and got a sense that your problem is “I’m obsessed with a shitty girl who doesn’t give a fuck about me, what do?” The answer is clear, cut her toxic ass out of your life.

I guess I didn't want to think about this solution, because I hate giving up, but it really seems to be the only answer.

Thanks guys, and sorry for the long blog-posting.

Look up “sunk cost fallacy.” You’ve known her so long that it’s hard to let go, but sometimes people really aren’t worth it to be around anymore, no matter the time you’ve put into them.

>you expect me to actually analyze your issues and write a valid and helpful response? pffft, this board is reserved for suicide tips. what are you doing here looking for actual advice on an advice board?

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>I've met my crush since 2006
>2006
>Still going
>Still writing essays on Jow Forums about this

GIVE. UP.

Lol I just met her in 2006, she wasn't my crush back then, I began developing feelings around 2014 or so.

No one is worth anguishing over for this long. Get a pocket pussy, dude.

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user, I can say I relate to you 100% right now.

I'm currently going through something similar. I was dating a girl throughout high school and she was my everything, and there were a ton of bumps and she was younger than me, but she recently cut it off with nothing more than "it's just not working and my feelings changed" and when I tried to ask her for reasons as to what could've changed her feelings, considering I'd been going through a lot lately and working my ass off, she would shrug and cry. Now, a week later, shes with a new guy and showing off how happy she is, meanwhile just yesterday she called me crying about how shes upset that the future we planned wont come to fruition.

You and I are in the same boat, and I can tell she means a lot to you and that you've got a lot left in you to unpack, but really, as hard as it is, you gotta take a step back. You gotta take 12 steps back. Let her figure her own shit out. My girl and your girl clearly have no idea what the fuck they want, and you'll only bury yourself and drown if you are letting her live in your head.

I hate giving up as well, theres nothing more that I want to do is talk and push and intervene and just love her, but you gotta sit back, extend and olive branch at most, but nothing more.

Yeah my dude, she doesn't know what the hell she wants, and she doesn't even want to think about it because is better to just ignore it and distract herself with her hobbies, like she has done during all of her life.

I don't even want to think that she will get her shit together, ever, she already has some plans of studying confectionery in may, she loves that shit and I really hope it works out for her.

As far as I see it, there's no space for a boyfriend in her plans, she actually said she wasn't interested in a relationship with anyone right now, (but before that she said that let's go back to be friends and see what time tells, as in not ruling out that we could get back)

It's just sad that I had it, and I lost it because of these little issues that could have been fixed if she only had faith in me and talked about them, I can't stop thinking that I deserved a second chance, or that she wasn't entirely honest.

And now I feel like she's testing me, she says and does these things that she knows are rude, and that I complained back then, like when when I ask her something and she just won't answer, or making fun of stuff that she never did before, as in checking for my reaction.

But it's stupid, one thing is being a crybaby, and another is just being plain rude, what do she expects from me, to be a docile boring piece of shit that never complains and complies with every crap she throws at me? Hell no, relationships are about giving and taking, they are not to be conditioned.

All this crap just makes me sad, angry, confused and disappointed all at the same time.

You see, this morning I was a mess because I missed her, now I'm just ranting about her, thinking that she's not worth it, but maybe tomorrow I'll be missing her again...ugh.

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Most girls don't really know what they want, and its just a product of their environments.

At the very least, take comfort in that your girl is taking time to herself and making the efforts to just focus on friends, hobbies, and especially herself.I understand because you and I probably feel it more in our everyday lives, where we play a vidya or go out somewhere or experience something amazing, and you wanna be sharing it with the person you let in the closest.

If I were you, do not cling to the hope of it possibly working out. You two need to be in very different places from where you are now to even be considering it at all. What you both need, and what I know my ex especially needs, are friends and long term comfort, and also to just get this dumb emotional shit out now.

Its gonna suck now. I'm still up in bed crying, missing my ex and everything we used to do, and just take comfort knowing that you'll both be okay eventually, so long as you dont rush the healing process.

Yeah, you're right, at least it's good to know that good things are in the way for her and that she didnt entirely got back to her absolutely neet pseudo hikkikomori style.

I really hope things go well for her and she feels fullfilled, I know that even if I'm not there for her, I'll be very proud, and I hope that I helped her somehow, It's goiing to be bittersweet for me, of course, but in the end she will get better than she was before our relationship began.

I have a lot to work on myself, like these insecurities, these jealous burst I have, learn to be happy with myself, and not need a partner, i still have my friends,and family and a job, and a house, and a car, things are working out for me already, hell, I COULD even find someone elseif I'm lucky enough, but first I need to fix these issues I have myself. I'm already seeing a pshycologist to help me ordering my thoughts, and aapparently I have a rescuer-rescuee syndrome,it makes me want to "rescue" people that are unhappy, the problem is that there always has to be a problem for me to feel needed, otherwise I'm going to feel useless.

Man just talking about it makes me feel better. Thanks for listening user.

I’ve somewhat been where you are, and even before I read any of your responses, the first thing I was going to tell you was:

Fixing her problems will never fix yours.

It’s good that you recognized that’s whats going on with you though.

You need to move on with your life.

Don’t try to send yourself down a rabbit hole of what if’s and what could be’s

I can say from experience that years down the line, when you look back at this, you’ll realize that her issues wer her own to deal with, and whatever else happened, things were always going to play out like they did because that’s just the reality of the place you were both at in your lives. The end was the end, and it’s time for you to start something new, different, and better now that you at least know your faults and can improve on them.

Sounds like you base your life off her validation thats not healthy dude, but I understand. Better yourself and find something else to focus on

Sounds like she's not well-adjusted for society. There's not really much you can do and it appears the last boyfriend was in your shoes and tried to fix it as well.
She's going to be a recluse up until there's a wake-up call and she realizes she's ruining her own life. There's honestly nothing much you can do about it and it seems that she will just push you away if you try.
Sometimes relationships just don't work out because the timing is bad or one person isn't ready. This is one of those times and I would suggest moving on. You can't keep living like this forever -- hoping that she becomes a better person.

>bitches about the quality of other anons’ advice
>doesn’t give advice to OP at all
hmmmm

No problem, the biggest thing that has helped me is just talking about it and not focusing on making a new relationship.

The biggest thing for both of us to improve on is self worth. Most girls will want a partner to dash away their insecurties and it becomes a situation where they depend on the attention and the idea that someone loves them, when they should be taking months to love themselves, especially my girl, who still feels guilty about hurting me.

Go spoil yourself, take a day off work and go for a drive, meet some new people, have a good time with friends and don't be afraid to just take the time to work on yourself, even if you feel ready and you wanna rescue someone new, cause you need to rescue yourself.

Nah man, you didn't give up, she did. This is a two sided thing, if one gives up it is over, you can't just carry the entire package by yourself.
I know it's hard, especially after so long of having the same crush, but you need to refocus that idea.
Instead of thinking "I can't give up after so long" think it how it is "I've been in shit for too long".
Yes, you love her, your brain is on crush mode so it is hard to understand, I know it. But how long have you been in this cycle now?
You are stuck thinking "Poor her, she had a rough life and she has this and that issue". What you need to understand is that a shitty past doesn't give you a free pass to be a shitty person. Stop playing the whiteknight for her, she doesn't need it, she doesn't want it. Nobody should expect anyone to solve their issues for them, and nobody should, your burden is your own, and she's not part of it. If she can't deal with her stuff, it's not your problem. Move on, be selfish. She might not know what she wants, but it's clear you have an idea of what YOU want. Get up and go look for it somewhere else, because here you are just wasting time.

>crush since 2006
Get over it already. I'm already telling myself to start doing so and its been about a month.