I am good friends with one of my exes now. There are photos of us on my instagram account...

>good friends with exes
generally a deal-breaker, but depends on the situation

>she lives on the other side of the country
not a big deal, would be ok with it unless she was your last ex or you still had feelings for her

>regularly talk about your sex life
would definitely not be cool with this.

It's not. If your relationship is your priority, you have to treat it like such. Every other choice in your life has to be weighted, you have to think about how it is going to affect your relationship and if you think that the risks are too big compared to the possible benefits, you don't do it.
Relationships don't last if you do whatever comes to your mind and don't think about the consequences of your actions on your relationship.

I've never asked my husband to not be friends with a person in particular. We agreed to boundaries (no getting drunk alone with other people, not alone with other people in private, no friends with people we slept with, no friends with people who want to sleep with us, never investing more in a friendship than on us) and that was it.

The last one, I get. If I entered a serious relationship with someone, I would not talk to my ex about our sex life. That's rough. I'm just not seeing anyone currently.

She is my last ex, but it was over a year ago, and we only dated a couple months.

It's couples like this that make me not want to get involved with relationships in the first place.

How insecure can you be that you have to limit the amount of people you have to talk to of the opposite sex? Jesus christ, learn to fkn grow up then. Don't prioritize your relationship if this is how you're going to live your life.

Relationships aren't as important as making connections with as many around you as you can.

I want to get this better paying PR job in Seattle, but because I'm in a relationship and the person referring me to this job is a woman means I shouldn't even think about considering it? Because of my partner's insecurities?

Why not help my partner passed these insecurities instead of glorifying her problems?

I don't know. I'm just really fucking tired of the whole "guys are only friends with girls because they want to fuck them" narrative.

When I was growing up, I was the fat kid, the loser. So when I made friends with a girl, it was a joke and embarrassing for people to tell that girl that I was only around because I had a crush on her. It actually got to a point with one of my friends in high school that I had to tell her explicitly I don't have feelings for her because I had heard rumors people were saying I did and I didn't want to lose our friendship.

My close group of friends includes men and women. I am actually one of the only few that is single, and yet we all have lengthy discussions about our romantic and occasionally sex lives. We're adults. There are boundaries, and we understand them. But there also is a level of openness with friends. And the people in relationships have significant others that respect that.

Everyone has a set of guidelines, but those are all different.

I wouldn't want to be with someone who doesn't believe me when I say I don't want to fuck all my friends (and my roommate!). Jesus I'm not a robot.

What the fuck are you talking about?
I don't have any problem with my husband talking to anyone or "making connections" with anyone. You can get referred for whatever job you want by whoever the fuck you want.

I don't want my husband to hang out one on one or having drinks with other girls. I don't want my husband to hang out with girls he slept with or who want to sleep with him. I want my husband to spend more time with me than with other women. That's it.
No insecurities, just basic respect.

Didn't fully read the post I quoted so mb on that one

But i have a huge problem with:
>IF your relationship is a priority, you don't have tons of opposite gender friends

Which is an incredibly stupid statement to make. Just because I'm dating a woman shouldn't mean I have to put a limit on how many females I'm allowed to talk to/hang with. No one should have to do anything of the sort for the sake of a relationship. It sounds incredibly unhealthy and shows a complete lack of trust.

I'm single atm but if i was to date a woman and she felt incredibly insecure about the amount of females I hang with, then I'd have to reconsider the relationship between me and her instead of blindly adhering to socially constructed rules for relationships.

I'd still be friends with my ex; if she doesn't request me to take down photos of us dating, i'd leave the photos up when I date a different girl (if they don't involve anything romantic and we are actually still friends); I'm not gonna hide texts from my SO that are from women; And I most certainly will not stop talking to specific women because my SO is overly jealous. Immaturity shouldn't be tolerated.

>I'd still be friends with my ex; if she doesn't request me to take down photos of us dating, i'd leave the photos up when I date a different girl (if they don't involve anything romantic and we are actually still friends); I'm not gonna hide texts from my SO that are from women; And I most certainly will not stop talking to specific women because my SO is overly jealous. Immaturity shouldn't be tolerated.

I agree with this completely, even the point that if my current SO wanted me to take pictures down, I probably would oblige because I know my friend would understand.

I mean, you shouldn't have a quota. But if every time we want to hang out you have to go out with Kayla and Jenna, and if every other Saturday you're getting drunk with Kristal and sleeping over at her place, and if Katherine knows more about you than me, and if you have a harem of girls you sort of flirt with and ex girlfriends you still talk to - I'm wasting my time. This is all free drama that sooner or later is going to ruin our relationship.
When you prioritise your partner, and she becomes the person you spend most of your time with, and you stop acting like you're single and act respectfully, your number of opposite friends goes down a fair amount by itself.

Again, I'm not insecure or jealous, I don't think my husband would ever cheat on me. I never went through his phone, or felt like I had to be on his back, or asked him to take down photos of his exes from his social media or anything. I'm not insecure, mostly because he behaves like a person who is invested in our relationship and mature about it.

This point is true for friends regardless of gender though. You could change the names of all of those examples to dudes names and the point would be the same.

I mean, if you're not bisexual you're not flirting with other dudes, you don't have ex boyfriends and it's not as inadeguate if you get drunk and sleep in bed with another dude as with another girl.
If you were bi, then, yes - same "rules" would apply.

This is all understandable and doesn't seem to be the typical thing guys would do anyway (imo).

Your previous statement seemed more like the relationship becomes restrictive on who you can be friends with rather than being promiscuous with other women.

I think a bit of flirting when your SO isn't around shouldn't be too much of a problem as long as it doesn't escalate further than basic compliments. Same goes for checking others out.

I agree with everything you've said but the last sentence. You can still have platonic friendships with several of the opposite sex; throwing the assumption that you're not a scumbag trying to fuck every girl you find cute

Again, I never told my husband "don't be friends with women" or "don't be friends with this or that girl". He can be friends with whoever he wants. But once you start being serious about your girlfriend and giving her most of your time and attentions, and especially once you realise that you can't behave like you're single when you have a girlfriend, the number of women you're friends with just decreases by itself.

My best friend other than my husband is a man. He was my best man at my wedding, couldn't imagine having another person there but him. Been my best friend since I was 3.
Still, our relationship deeply changed when we got partners because I love my husband and he loves his wife and we'd never want to harm them and harm our friendship by making them feel uncomfortable with it.

>I think a bit of flirting when your SO isn't around shouldn't be too much of a problem as long as it doesn't escalate further than basic compliments.
Completely inappropriate IMO.

this is such a minefield and I've been through two breakups so I'm familiar with this. I've basically decided that my instagram is my space for myself, not my relationship. don't post shit that you wouldn't be comfortable having there after a breakup.

the bigger issue is if you two have a photo of ONLY you two after the breakup. that's a large red flag that you guys are still really emotionally invested in one another.

>I think a bit of flirting when your SO isn't around shouldn't be too much of a problem as long as it doesn't escalate further than basic compliments.
To add on this - specifically because you do when your SO isn't around, it is a huge problem.
Whatever you do behind your SO back is a huge problem. If you have to hide something from them, you're acting like you're single. When you're alone, act like you would act when you're in front of them and that's how it is appropriate to act.

Whats wrong with a bit of playful flirting?
Obviously telling your SO you do this or even doing it infront of her is going to make her uncomfortable.

Hiding things isn't a problem as long it doesn't harm the relationship. I'm not gonna openly reveal my fetishes that may be too much for my SO to handle.

Because it is disrespectful.
Flirting is signalling you're sexually interested in someone, you shouldn't do it if you're committed to someone else.
Would you like knowing your girlfriend goes around flirting with other dudes? Would you be happy knowing your girlfriend has tinder or sexts with guys online? Where do you draw the line?
Don't do things you wouldn't want your girlfriend to know. Be transparent.

If you know something would make your girlfriend uncomfortable, don't do it.