How do I cope with the realization that I'm not a good person? That no matter what I do or how hard I try to be kind...

How do I cope with the realization that I'm not a good person? That no matter what I do or how hard I try to be kind, I'll always just be putting on an act? That if I ever manage to "change" my entire life will be a facade and if I don't "change" and remain myself I'll drive everyone away?

Attached: spongebob diner.gif (480x270, 96K)

what makes you feel this way?

It feels like the "base" of my personality is mean, vindictive, and spiteful. Like I'm poisonous or something.

By realizing that regardless of whether you be a good person or simply act like a good person, it has the impact it has on the people around you.

That's really what matters, in the end. You don't do good for you, you do it for others.

growth from some of the places of your personality that you dislike does not mean you're living a facade, it means that you have done the right thing and decided to be a better person.

that's just growth OP. you're allowed to grow and change with the years. what specifically makes you a bad person?

>no matter what I do or how hard I try to be kind, I'll always just be putting on an act
God-fucking-dammit. That's me.

>You don't do good for you, you do it for others.
What the fuck are you talking about? Doing others good is merely a byproduct. The main point is how that can benefit me. Who gives an actual shit about others? If I help them, it's firstly because that'll make me look better, not because I care about them.

>grow and change
There's no change. It's just getting better at lying, because deep down you don't care about others if not for the fact that helping them puts you under a good light.

Then try developing some empathy you fucking degenerate
People that do "good" shit for other just to look good are actual garbage

You know, it's just that I don't believe in doing things completely selflessly. Even if I want to do something to help someone else, I will still think about the possibility of it making me look good. I wouldn't do it JUST to look good, but ALSO to look good.
Does that make me a degenerate?

Do crazy people suspect that they're crazy? Or do they more often suspect that they've figured something out that most people haven't?

What is ‘craziness’, anyway? Nobody can really tell. Maybe those who most label as ‘crazy’ have actually figured out something out others haven't.

I've told you this like 20 times already. That person, who you think is just so moral and wholesome, has their own demons that they have to dance with on a daily better. A lot of people I know think Jordan Peterson seems like a good person, but he's said it himself, "I actually have to try really hard to be good." Every sin, the most degenerate, vile, and depraved acts you can think of, whether it's putting a bullet in the back of a little Jewish girl's head or decapitating the child of a disgraced French noble, is something that you and every single person is capable of.

That's why you need to do good and let that wicked pressure off the best way you can. Channel it into your work, curse someone out after they slight you, whatever, just don't try to hide and harbor your rage until you do something you regret.

Realize every self reflective person has these thoughts, you're not alone. Also realize we all wear various masks to get through our lives. You can't look at a slice of someone's life and compare it to the whole pie of yours. Your perspective is too narrow. Stop overthinking this and focus on growth and getting through today.

>There's no change

This just flat out isn't true OP. People grow all the time in life and are constantly changing. People have small changes that don't matter much like their hair color and big changes that uproot everything they believe like finding god.

>It's just getting better at lying

No again, you can literally learn to enjoy helping others. We're empathetic and social animals. Your empathy muscles might be weak though.

So everybody is, deep down, a violent, egotistical motherfucker and just pretends not to be?

>you can literally learn to enjoy helping others
How?

If you sincerely try to be a good person, you are a good person.

>sincerely
That's the fucking point. There's no such thing as sincerity. There's just acting. Same results, but different motivations.

Everyone has different sides to themselves.
If you look at what you desire, though, you want to do good. That's not a facade. That's a part of yourself too, and you need to build it up so you can wrestle with that inner monster.

Ur a good person OP

>wrestle with that inner monster
What a shit life: continuously battling against oneself.

Yeaaaaah I'm afraid you're just an edgy teen. You'll grow out of it.

If you're not a teen then I'd honestly look into therapy.

Don't battle, accept it and do better.

Oh, shut up. Like you never think about the possibility of something making you look good, you fucking hypocrite.