When is the right time to start a new relationship?
My ex just recently hooked up with a dude a little less than a week after we broke up, and we had a long term relationship. And I cant even think about being with someone new without instantly thinking of her.
Is it that normal and healthy to move on that quick?
There's two answers here, basically. The first is that she's unaffected by the breakup. The second is the opposite - that she's very affected, and is trying to go the rebound route to take her mind off the pain. Whenever my fiancee broke up with me in 2016, I spent hundreds of dollars signing up for every dating site under the sun less than an hour after we separated in order to turn my attention elsewhere.
I'm sorry for your loss, and I hope your pain doesn't last for long.
>Less than a week
You might not like to hear this but she left you for him, you should move on immediately. It's not easy but it's the only thing you can do
How long have you guys been together and what lead to split up?
She's fucking other dudes trying to remove her feelings for you. People do this shit all the time after a break up.
You won't be able to move on quickly from someone unless you genuinely didn't care about them. All you can do is appreciate what you had and focus on improving yourself.
My longterm s/o and I had a messy breakup and was cheating on me with the guy she's still with. And this was a year ago. Some people are just fucked up and feelings change. It's an awful feeling. Best thing to do is gather yourself up, focus on things you enjoy and hang out with friends. Always focus on you first. After that, work on finding someone new.
>Whenever my fiancee broke up with me in 2016, I spent hundreds of dollars signing up for every dating site under the sun less than an hour after we separated in order to turn my attention elsewhere.
You are a weak and pathetic excuse for a man.
I thought she was too, and I was okay witht aht. My heart was broken, but I cut the hope at the source. But shes been throwing me for loops, where shes been advocating distance and time, meanwhile the next day, she calls me at 9 am crying about missing part of our relationship and the future we planned.
I can't really look away from this, and I've been making progress distancing myself, but shes posting about her new guy while also having moments where she cries to me.
That's my go to answer for this, I think its more that he was an immediate friend that inserted himself and she feels likes shes ready cause theres a guy waiting for her.
Why did you break up? It's obvious a part of her still loves you.
We we're together for two years, and I know thats not a lot of time, but I made the best out of it. We had plans to move in together, and she was my first real love. She didn't give any reason. I can rack through my brain of all of the things that mightve been going wrong, but the answer she gave me was
>"my feelings changed and I dont know why"
Two years is plenty of time. I hope she catches a fatal STD.
Of course I still love her. Every time I get in bed, I have panic attacks cause all I want is to see her smile and laugh and tell me jokes, instead shes hooking up with a new guy. And I don't know if what I'm doing, where I'm sorting my feelings out and getting through all of this is right, considering shes already moved on.
I've had so many moments where I've gotten so angry and hurt and I just say to myself that she deserves the worst for what she did and how she went about this, but once it fades, all I have are good memories and disgusting amounts of sadness.
>I have panic attacks cause all I want is to see her smile and laugh and tell me jokes
I know this feeling all too well. It's horrifying, being abandoned by someone you thought you were going to marry. Whenever my fiancee left me, I remember how weird memories felt from a few days prior - memories that were chronologically very new, but felt like they belonged to a completely different world. Things like her referring to herself using my last name just two or three days before she left me. Mindfuckery beyond words. If you aren't on medication, I don't think it would be a bad idea to take some during the next month or two.
I'm sorry to hear about that, but I understand that so much. I hurts because I'd never let anyone in that close, and really see my insecurities and maybe not my most confident moments. Like I'd do something so small as to get gas and all it would remind me of is her, because we did so much inane shit together.
>If you aren't on medication, I don't think it would be a bad idea to take some during the next month or two.
I'm currently taking high doses of motion sickness to help at night so I dont get dizzy and emotional, but it hasn't helped me sleep at all, I still go to bed at 7am every day and wake up to go to work
Dude I have to be very honest with you
I also broke up a LTR of two years, I told him my reasons, he had his reasons as well, we decided it would be better to split. Few days later I regretted as hard as if I just have killed someone. I swear.
He looked me straight in the eyes and said that there was no coming back.
Weeks later I just had the urge feeling to connect with someone, cuddle, you know? Then I contacted an old friend of mine and asked him out. I may limit myself to stop the story around here.
The point is
I didn’t meant to end up things this ways.
I didn’t meant to split so I could ask this friend out without remorse.
And yet I still love my ex but I have no guts to say that irl to him & change the things that lead us to split.
So I guess you really should ask to your significant other what’s really going on with her. Just have a real honest talk. Nothing is better than dialogue in this case.
No she was probably a cheating whore, don’t worry, you most likely dodged a bullet
>Nothing is better than dialogue in this case.
Yeah. We can offer empathy and advice, but the only person who can really make him happy is the girlfriend. Love makes people as focused as a laser, inconvenient as that can be at times like this.
I have been, but shes been telling me very vague answers, or that she doesn't really know.
All she knows is that shes happy now, and that things are looking up, which sucks, but makes hating her and easing off a lot smoother, but then she'd call me crying about how she doesnt "miss me" but that she is upset about the relationship that won't happen anymore.
Would you say shes trying to wring me back into this, or is she just desperate? Cause if her new boy saw the whole picture, I think he'd be backing away, in my opinion.
A part of her still loves and misses you. With that, she's still a selfish bitch, and hopefully she'll die in a fire in the near future and you can roast marshmallows over her corpse.
That’s worse than I thought. Just cut off contact: she doesn’t want you as a romantic partner, she wants a beta male orbiting her while she fucks the new guy.
Sure wondering this kinda thing hurts but you must face it. I’m sorry user. I’m truly sorry.
>is it normal
yes
>and healthy
probably not but that depends on the individual.
I went from a 2 year on and off again relationship to a relationship that wound up being 3 years in the span of a month. I regret that so much to this day because I read a year into the newer relationship a book that talks about trauma and psychological damage. It showed me for the first time how even when you think you might be unaffected by something, your behaviors, thoughts, and actions might be due to something you are or are not dealing with psychologically. Then I looked back and wouldn't you know it I was a complete fucking mess at the beginning of that relationship and awful to my boyfriend.
You definitely need time to process and heal from the rejection and loss of a breakup. It's a form of grieving and rejection is a form of pain. So it's a lot. During this time just like when a relative or friend dies, people can be rash and make big choices. That may be what your ex is doing without knowing it and it was likely what I was doing without knowing it. I realize now, 3 years later, that I never learned how to be a single person as an adult. I just was broken up with from that 3 year relationship last week, and I know I'll be single for a long time. I'm putting myself and I told all my friends I am not allowed to date for a year. That sounds like a long time but you should really be able to handle your entire life alone in my mind, and I should not be so dependent on relationships for happiness so even if I am okay for a relationship it shouldn't be a NEED in my life. I would give it a while depending on how long the relationship is, but also gauge it based on how well you're dealing with your getting over the relationship.
Who's that in your picture?
Bruce Jenner
That's what I'm afraid of. If its the truth, its the truth, and I have to face it, and learn to be dependent soley on me, and even if I was upset and down to fuck, it really wouldn't help me in the long run, and I'm really worried that shes digging herself a hole and I can't help her out of it. I know its not my responsibility, but it still hurts so bad, especially when her new boy doesn't have the faintest clue, as to what dating someone as problematic and vulnerable as she is, means for the both of them.
>depends on the individual
She's a deeply emotional, and is mostly a product of those around her, since her friends dont want to russle jimmies by saying something about this.
I understand time is a factor, but even if, in this case, I felt ready to move onto someone, would that be the way to go about dealing with heart ache?
jessica lange in season 2 of american horror story as sister jude
>I felt ready to move onto someone, would that be the way to go about dealing with heart ache?
honestly no. other people are not your therapist or healers. yes it can be helpful to get laid and have distractions going on but definitely not dating or anything serious like that. socialization can be used as a tool to heal your wounds from this but not starting another relationship. people's lives are not your emotional support structure.
i told you my story to show that you can feel ready but because it's still fresh be naive about it and blind. if you're talking about the ex that you broke up with though and considering stepping in to tell her that she's moving too fast, don't. it's not your place.
>people's lives are not your emotional support structure.
Not OP, but I actually have used people as rebounds after painful breakups. Sure, they ended up getting hurt in the process, but that's their problem, not mine. All I cared about in the depths of despair was finding the antidote to my own poison.
OP, I recommend you do the same. Woo multiple girls. Sleep with as many people you can. Find love and intimacy everywhere you can. Cannibalize the hearts of others until your own has been cleansed. I'm serious. The pain she's put you through is unbearable. Do whatever is necessary to bring that pain to an end. Turn off your empathy for whatever innocents become involved; I did. You need to become a monster who cares only about yourself. You can become a human again once the storm has passed.
>but shes posting about her new guy while also having moments where she cries to me.
seriously, stop letting her use you as her emotional tampon. That shit should have ended as soon as the relationship did.
>Weeks later I just had the urge feeling to connect with someone, cuddle, you know? Then I contacted an old friend of mine and asked him out.
It must be nice to have a guy on standby in case you break up>
He wasn’t in stand by by any means, fren
you had a male friend willing to date you who you asked out literal weeks after breaking up. He was on standby whether or not you realise it.
Will you feel better if I just agree with you, darling?
yes
I’m sorry but I won’t.
that's okay, you're allowed to be wrong sometimes.
Doing that not only hurts the other person which is a bad thing to do for a partner that you supposedly love, but it also teaches the person who's doing it that "love cures all" is real when it's really bullshit. This makes you extremely dependent on the person you're dating and they can easily manipulate you. This makes you codependent in future relationships, because without your other half, where would you be?
OP absolutely do not do this, do not follow this advice, it's not helpful. Even if you do manage to find someone to lean on what happens when you grow old and they die, and then you have to learn as an elderly widow how to deal with your own mind for the first time in decades?
You're literally advocating for making more pain in the world because one person was hurt. That's absolutely your problem because you're making the world a worse off place than it was before, and you have to live in this world that now sucks more. Also,
>You need to become a monster who cares only about yourself. You can become a human again once the storm has passed.
You were yourself in both situations, have fun unpacking that and dealing with it for the rest of your life. If OP follows your advice you've guided them away from learning to deal with their own problems in a healthy way.
I had a long term gf leave me recently without warning. We had our ups and downs but never a real true fight and we always talked about issues so we could agree to either compromise or put the others' wants/needs ahead of our own. We kept tabs on that too so it's not like everything was always in one of our favors. She looked me right in the eyes and said there's absolutely no way we're ever getting back together, she'd never been as happy and free as she has been since breaking up, and she'll never date anyone ever again. The week before she was talking about what songs she'd like to play for our first dance at the wedding we were planning for next year.
Her reasons were "small annoyances and insecurities on both sides that just added up and made me realize I was miserable from the beginning" when her whole family and friends had been telling me for years that she'd never been as happy as she was with me. The specifics were weak like I have a tendency to overexplain things and she didn't like that I once told her friend's lesbian friend who'd been bashing men for over an hour that she just hasn't met the right guy yet. Insignificant stuff like that really ended 3 good years? Her delivery of the breakup and talking again a few weeks later didn't feel like her at all. She said she still has the same feelings for me and she'll never see me in a non-romantic way, but she still wants to be friends and see movies, go bowling, etc just not as a couple. It's like she was paid to do this or something. She's definitely not seeing anyone else- her roommate and family constantly post shit online and she's always in the background for one of them. I just don't get how we can go from happy relationship to completely done in a 3 day time period where those 3 days were filled with talking and laughs, and texts are like normal just without dating. Like how do I move on from a relatively amicable breakup that doesn't even feel real to anyone but my ex?
Is it psychopathic of me that, if it was legal, I could kill people like this and not feel a thing? People like this don't even count as human beings to me, they're just coldhearted monsters. People who poison their loved ones like this deserve to die.
I think it's reasonable.
But she's not coldhearted. She's asking how my parents are, how their dog's doing, if I got the raise I'd been wanting, if I saw the new trailer for a movie or game, etc. It's like she has a secret twin sister she switched with who never cared about me. I can't move on because this feels like a big prank to find the breaking point where I yell at her even though she's assuring me it's very real. There's no sense of finality or closure like if we had a huge fight or she'd been cheating on me or something. Just one day we're happily continuing the marriage plan and the next we're never getting back together. "Nothing you've done is irredeemable or unforgivable, and I've enjoyed the time and memories made more than I can express, but we are no longer dating and I hope you can find true love and happiness once again. May we both learn and grow from this experience." For anyone else I'd be absolutely pissed off but this is so out of character and her whole family is joining me in a collective "what the fuck happened?" that I don't know where to begin to recover from this. I wake up every day expecting a text saying "Just kidding! Come over and bring some snacks! Love you babe!" but it's been over a month since she split us up.
Sorry man, sounds like she used you as a safety branch while trying to monkey branch up to another dude.
Don't give a shit about her. Your sadness is your own, but lament not that you lost her, but that you wasted your time on a bitch.
What a dumb slut you are.
>The specifics were weak
apparently they were strong enough to break up with you.
>Insignificant stuff like that really ended 3 good years?
time doesn't mean anything, and it may have not been insignificant to her especially if she mentioned it to you when she was breaking up with you.
>Her delivery of the breakup and talking again a few weeks later didn't feel like her at all.
so then maybe she became a completely different person with you and realized she didn't like it or it wasn't her. maybe you never met her. maybe she was grieving the relationship so that's why she felt that way to you.
Often times when there's an out of the blue breakup, it's not out of the blue really. It's out of the blue to the one being broken up with, which is the issue because they either can't see how the person is unhappy or upset about certain things, or the other person didn't communicate that to them.
I remember that with my ex when I would bring up something that bothered me he would say stuff like "I was having a good day before this!" or "everything was fine before" or a few times he got really upset where he was like "i didn't realize this was an issue" and a lot of that was him not understanding or listening to me. It was something I said before would bother me in the future or once I mentioned how I had issues trusting him since he broke up with me a few months ago and he, I shit you not, said that he thought everything was fine. He clearly had a different understanding of how long it takes to process stuff than I did.
She likely is seeing someone else and ended things to do so.
>When is the right time to start a new relationship?
Depends , i took 8 month's - i just got done fucking a poly fwb and wanted something real so i ended the sex part. Once that happened i knew i just made room for something real, then I met my current gf
>My ex just recently hooked up with a dude a little less than a week after we broke up, and we had a long term relationship. And I cant even think about being with someone new without instantly thinking of her.
You need to cut her out. It's over, stop talking to her. Quit caring about her life. Focus on yours.
>Is it that normal and healthy to move on that quick?
Normal yes. Healthy no.
> Sure, they ended up getting hurt in the process, but that's their problem, not mine
If you made them aware you were using them then you'd have some sort of point but if you went along with shit knowing they thought there would be more then you definitely have responsibility in that.
In every breakup there is a dumper and a dumpee. The end usually comes as a surprise to the dumpee, but the dumper has been thinking about it for a while. So your ex is not necessarily cold - she is just a few months further down the getting-over-it process than you.
Ideally, after a relationship you take a step back to mourn, reflect on what you had, on your behavior in the relationship, turn a blank page in your head etc.
In practice many people find this superhard and instead look for quick fixes like partying, sex/infatuation with a different person or substances. So it is ideal and healthy? No. Is it common? Very much so. If you posted here telling people you just broke off everyone would be recommending you to go out and fuck someone, too.
Hahaha are you honestly surprised? How can it be 2019 and guys are still getting wrapped up in these webs of emotional lies? You deserve this, pal.
it sounds like she wanted to break up and hasn't been in love with u for a long time, that's why it ended so strange and without a fight.
she was probably too scared to break up during that time though and tried to convince herself to keep the relation to not deal with breaking up, hence saying things about ur wedding next year.
honestly OP my ex-gf did almost the same thing, we broke up like half a year ago, stayed on some intimate level a month after and after that she had already fucked with some other guy
months pass, we start seeing each other again for a couple of months and the week of valentines day i find out she fucked with one of her guy friends, while i thought we were getting back or were on the way to it, she tried to blame me for "restricting her"
all i did was ask who she was meeting up with
anyway, she tells me she wants to stay single, doesn't want a relationship
over a monht passes, we meet up for some chit chat and guess what? she's in a relationship with that guy
what i'm saying is, imo if someone jumps relationships so quickly after another ended, they are coping way too hard and won't process the end of the previous relationship enough to get into another one, the baggage will stack and ultimately they just might end up unfullfilled
don't sweat it user, go out with friends, listen to some happier music, treat yourself even if it's just something small
First post more or less got it, but to expand on it
>The first is that she's unaffected by the breakup.
There’s the decent chance that if this is the case, this relationship has been dead and done for a while, and she’d already long since been upset, angry, grieved over, and come to terms with its end, long before the breakup actually happened.
So if that’s the case, to her the breakup was just saying words out loud that had already been true to her for weeks/months before.
I'm not saying that I don't hold responsibility. I'm saying that it's "their problem" in the sense that they're the ones feeling hurt, not me.
You're dramatically underestimating the effectiveness of my coping strategy.
Here's how it works. Being loved feels good. It can fill the holes in your heart left behind by very serious, intimate relationships. However, it's possible to soak up the love others give you without falling in love yourself. You have to become attached to them to SOME extent or else their love won't succeed in healing your wounds, but at the same time you can also keep your feelings mild enough that - when all is said and done - you can detach yourself with no real damage.
And that's what happened. I found people who loved me, and I let my guard down enough that their love made me happy, but I refused to fall in love with them myself. By the time I cut the apron strings about six or seven months later, I was fully over my ex-girlfriend, and had managed to avoid 90 percent of the pain that the situation would have brought me otherwise.
Also, your last sentence is a gross simplification of human nature. EVERYONE becomes more selfish when they're in pain. It's necessary. Even the most virtuous of saints would act unlike themselves if you crank up their hurt to a certain intensity. Everyone has their breaking point, user.
and thus you fuck over your brain and bonding chemicals
That's alright. I care less about being happy, and more about not being vulnerable.
>I care less about being happy
jesus user....
I broke up with my ex and started a new relationship very shortly after.
I had no feelings for my ex for years. I stayed with him because I was supporting him financially and didn't want to make him homeless.
When he found a job I just dropped him and pursued the guy I actually liked.
Not saying it's the same for you, but she probably checked out of your relationship long before you two broke up.
It's not effective because you need to use another person essentially like someone would use alcohol or sex to cope with things, rather than learning how to deal with the issue and the pain that comes with loss at all. So not only have you not learned how to deal with these issues but you've decided to avoid it and harm others while you're avoiding it. It's the equivalent of telling someone that alcohol helps numb the pain when they ask how to get through grief, except in your case you're also hurting someone else through the maladaptive coping mechanism you've learned to use.
If this psychological injury is a physical injury your recommendation for getting over a broken foot is to manipulate others so you can step on them.
>had managed to avoid 90 percent of the pain that the situation would have brought me otherwise.
not a good thing
>Also, your last sentence is a gross simplification of human nature. EVERYONE becomes more selfish when they're in pain. It's necessary. Even the most virtuous of saints would act unlike themselves if you crank up their hurt to a certain intensity. Everyone has their breaking point, user.
Pic related user. Just because you feel that way about pain doesn't make it true. Plenty of people seek out others and deal with pain in healthy ways. Many people suffer from depression and are wonderful people otherwise, many suicide victims often leave survivors shaken because they never saw it coming. Domestic violence victims exist for a reason. People with chronic pain who are not assholes constantly exist. Torture does not generally work, even if you want to believe it does.
It's not a gross oversimplification of human nature, I'm literally describing what you're doing. You're telling OP to deal with her issues using a coping mechanism that doesn't help her grow or learn from the experience. It's a coping mechanism to deal with pain but not to deal with the actual stuff that's going on.
this
had it done to me thought i'd get back with an ex and she got together with one of her friends months after
her go to method to get over someone? fuck someone else a couple weeks after the break up
not healthy at all
>not a good thing
Yes it is. 'Learning how to deal with pain through experience' is largely a meme. Every situation is different enough that going through severe hurt one time won't toughen you up for the second. Instead, the second time will hurt just as badly for its own unique reasons.
>in the process of getting over someone fucking with someone else and hurting them too because you don't want somethin serious, but full knowing they du fuck with them
yea totally a good thing
Girls move on much quicker than men do. Often times, men feel good about the breakup initially, but then feel immense regret and loss over the course of months where as a girl might be "devastated" by the breakup for a week, but then be banging some other dude before next month.
OP here
Thanks user, my biggest takeaway from all of this, is that I'm gonna spoil myself and just think about the happy things. I will feel fulfilled by my friends, the things around me, and just life, while shes fulfilling herself by thinking that moving on and feeling ready means a new relationship, and although I wasn't sure that it was the right thing to do, in this case, I can see that what shes doing might feel good now, but is unhealthy.
I would be okay with hat, had she given me a reason as to why it wasn't working. I'd have been okay with just saying that she liked someone new, or that there had been distance. She had told me she'd been thinking about this for a week, which isnt a lot of time.
>I've come out of a 2 year relationship, she stopped loving me and we broke up, she then fucked someone else, I can't function like a normal person without thinking of her
Block her on everything, stop looking at her profiles, stop looking at pictures of her or both of you, go out and do whatever you want to do, take up a new hobby or something, you will talk to new people and realise she isn't that special and that you can love other people just as much or more.
>Is it that normal to move on?
Moving on is very normal, people do it all the time.
But we already agreed we'd be friends, and I feel like it would hurt more if I found out about it later when I've pieced myself back together.
I have started not looking at her snapchat tho. Everytime I get the urge, I pinch myself and turn off my phone. I have tried getting out more and more, but then it leads up to bed time and I cant stop thinking about her.
>staying friends
pls dont ever do this
>But we already agreed we'd be friends
big, fat, fucking LOL, why does it matter if she is upset over losing a friend who she broke up with? YOU agreed to be friends because YOU can't let go of her, nothing to do with breaking an agreement to be friends.
Who gives a shit what you agreed? she broke up with you and fucked someone else... why does being friends matter? are you going to keep talking to her if you meet someone else? are you going to get coffee and hear how much fun she had fucking someone else? are you going to hear about the new guy she is dating and the nice things he did for her? Cut all ties to her, that's the best option otherwise you're going to carry on feeling hurt.
You're trying to avoid mourning the loss of the relationship and as a result you felt hurt when she fucked someone else after SHE BROKE UP WITH YOU.
>I have started not looking at her snapchat and I pinch myself in a weird baby's first self harm strategy because I gave her that much sway in my life.
Go a step further, remove and block her on everything.
>I have tried getting out more and more, but then it leads up to bed time and I cant stop thinking about her.
What so you try and you fuck up trying your shoes? you can't figure out how to open a door after she broke up with you? you can't socialise with people because you got dumped?
If you talk to other people, you will feel better, even if you talk to guys about shit you will feel better, if you talk to a woman and she smiles you will realise there are women who think higher of you than the woman who broke up with you, said she wants to be friends and then fucked someone else.
But she means more to me than just a girlfriend, shes my best friend, and I'd like to, when all of this is said and done, stay in contact, as she wants that and I want that. She explicitly said she didn't want to cut me out completely.
But its like a car crash, I can't look away. I just wanna see the end result of her decisions, even though it might not be the best thing for me.
And ofc I can socialize, but I'm in a weird spot where I can't go to bars and socialize there, i'm not going to college so I'm not around peers, and I'm working almost everyday. I just don't know where to start looking, and I dont wanna hook up and start dating someone, because I know that would be unhealthy considering how I'm taking all of this, but just to try something new.
Yea but you’re going to let your emotions fuck this up. Regardless of whether you’re staying friends or not, there needs to be some time of no contact to process this. If she is actually your friend, she would understand. Move along and don’t talk to her.
be honest with yourself, are not you hoping that things might turn around between you two again? no matter how much you have in common, it's best to cut them out
That’s fair enough. I might’ve stuck myself in a corner where I wanted everything to be out in the open and not letting my emotions and theories fester, and face the truth.
>its like a car crash
You are the car crash, even if the result of fucking that guy doesn't help her now, she will meet someone else, then someone else, then someone else.
>I can socialize
>but I can't socialise in places because my friends aren't here and my new friend who broke up with me and fucked someone else won't go to bars with me because she is busy fucking other guys, I don't even know where to meet new people despite people being almost everywhere and I'm scared that I will hook up/date someone as that would be really unhealthy because feeling like I'm being faithful to a woman who broke up with me and fucked someone else while I have to pinch myself so I don't look at her social media is the healthy option.
If you can't strike up conversation with a stranger and befriend them, you can't socialise. Having friends or having had a gf doesn't mean you can socialise, you are a social retard at the moment even if you weren't before.
Meet new people and focus on being able to male small talk while looking them in the eye
Then try talking to people and share anecdotes that are relevant, don't require insider knowledge of people and have a predetermined start, middle and end without steering the conversation
Then try talking to women and doing this
Then try talking to women and tell them if you are interested in them (the "friend zone" is called being friends)
Then date women and take things from there.
Your ex broke up with you and fucked someone else, she isn't going to realise you were the only guy who loved her and run back to you, she isn't going to apologise for fucking someone else after breaking up with you, she isn't going to be upset if you stop talking to her or remove her on social media, you're at the very best a chore, someone she talks to out of pity, she stopped loving you and is pursuing other men, if you had any self respect or self worth you would stop talking to her and looking at her social media.
I have slimmers of hope, but only because she’s been drawing me back in. Every time I would go crying to her about how I was feeling, I never once said we should get back together, but rather that we need to get everything out.
And she was telling me how we need distance and she’s moved on, but then she has messaged me saying similar things and then called me the day she is dating a new guy.
I’m not gonna let her treat me like a bitch, it’s just a process that I haven’t done before.
You are right. I’ve just been getting such confusing signs and I didn’t know if how she’s handling it is how I should.
That's it OP. Take your time and focus on yourself. I wish u the best.
>I have slimmers of hope
Sad.
>I would go crying to her about how I was feeling
>we need to get everything out.
Closure is for TV shows and books, you don't need to get everything off your chest, she doesn't owe you anything, she broke up with you, that's the end of it, you aren't entitled to cry on her shoulder, ask her about herself, the relationship or call her for a chat.
>she was telling me how we need distance and she’s moved on
>called me the day she is dating a new guy
>I’m not gonna let her treat me like a bitch
You are a bitch, you listen to her talk about fucking a new guy, being a cuckold would be less pathetic only because you would be with her and at least gain something from it.
>You are right
You say that but you don't acknowledge it.
>I’ve just been getting such confusing signs
She broke up with you, fucked someone else and told you about it, how many more signs do you need?
>and I didn’t know if how she’s handling it is how I should.
How she is handling things is irrelevant. If she turns to porn tomorrow and does a 2 hour interracial gang bang special being triple penetrated non stop then live streams herself being executed by ISIS, it doesn't matter, you broke up, she broke up with you, she fucked someone else, you have no rights to any information, she doesn't owe you shit, she doesn't owe you an explanation, friendship and you don't owe her a fucking thing if she gets upset that you don't want to talk to her.
Your issue is that you "tried" getting out then defeated yourself, you are the only thing stopping you, if she is upset about you moving on then who gives a fuck? she broke up with you, you owe her less than she owes you, and she doesn't owe you anything.
Go out, live your life, you will be having a great time doing what you like in a couple of months and you will feel stupid for having felt how you do now, I promise you that.
I’m aware it’s sad of me, and I wanna be angry and push her aside, but this is my first.
But I will do as you said. Going forward, if she calls, I will answer and tell her to go talk to her new boytoy instead. I will no longer lay down just feel sorry for myself. If she’s gonna post about how happy she is, I truly wish the best for her, but I don’t owe her anything and she doesn’t owe me anything, as much as the relationship and the connection we formed may feel like the opposite is the case.
She wasn’t talking to me about fucking a new guy, she was telling me how she misses aspects of our relationship and that her feelings are all over the place right now. She told me about it because we agreed not to keep things from one another and drag our feet.
I feel stupid now, and I know that going forward, I can’t give her anything more than I already did. And she’s trying to replicate and replace me, which means that in the end, I was the better man, and going forward I’ll become spiteful and unaffected, and it’s honestly freeing.
>if she calls, I will answer and tell her to go talk to her new boytoy instead
Block the number, don't even bother letting it get that far
>If she’s gonna post about how happy she is, I truly wish the best for her
You won't have to keep doing that if you remove her
>She wasn’t talking to me about fucking a new guy
You just found out via magic then
>we agreed not to keep things from one another and drag our feet
You gain absolutely nothing by talking to her about anything after she broke up with you
>going forward I’ll become spiteful and unaffected
You have already been affected, you're not going to be spiteful by cutting ties with her.
If she notices you blocked her/changed your number and she is genuinely that bothered, she will seek you out either by making a new account and messaging you or by seeking you out in person, in that case you can tell her she broke up with you and if you are really pining for her that much, it's a relationship or nothing.
If she fucks guys, you don't owe her anything, if she becomes self destructive, you don't owe her anything (and don't become captain save-a-ho), if she threatens self harm or suicide, you don't owe her anything other than informing the relevant authorities who will get her help.
Live your life OP, you owe yourself that.
As much as that hurts, it’s the right path.
If anything, I feel better knowing that I’ll be doing better and completely disassociated from her problems, and that she’ll become dependent on whatever dickhead comes swinging her way, and I did the best I could’ve done.
I went to the moon and back twice over for her, and that wasn’t enough for her, so fuck her. Blocking her number and instagrams today. A part of her clearly still misses me, and if she thinks she can treat me like a beta orbiter and feign concern for me and my feelings, then I won’t put in the effort.
Its going to be allright user...
At least thats what Im telling myself.
>it’s gonna be okay
Is thinking like that helping you move forward with your life?
I'm not saying learn to cope with the pain through sitting in a dark room and crying. I'm saying learn to cope with it p r o p e r l y. Socialize, grieve, talk about it with friends, distract yourself, enjoy yourself, and take care of your mind and body during that time. If the pain is too much to handle then you should obviously seek healthy ways to deal with the pain directly or actual treatment. It's the difference between using ice and anti-inflammatory and using booze when you sprain your ankle. They're both ways to manage the pain, but one doesn't help the actual injury and will likely make it worse while the other heals even though it's uncomfortable in the moment. I'm not saying sit and live through the pain because it'll magically heal you.
what has happened to you, user?
OP, don't listen to him.
That only contributes tot he problems of others and builds more people like him. By doing so you're showing extreme lack of regard for other people as human beings. You become the thing that you hate when you do that.
I did it twice and I regret it horribly, because I hurt people and that affects people long term. It shows a lack of maturity.
That’s what I’ve been thinking.
That as much as I’m hurting and I’ve got this constant ache in my stomach, the only thing that will help me improve myself, is me. I can’t be running to a new girl, I can’t be deluding myself that I’m okay and ready to try again, considering this could happen again.