Wife had sex with best friend before he died of cancer

My wife and I have been together for 14 years. We have two daughters aged 4 and 1. Let's call her friend Mike. They've been best friends for ages.

Mike and I got along well and he was a cool guy to be around. Unfortunately, a copule of years ago, he announced that he had cancer and he decided not to undergo chemotherapy. My wife took it real bad.

Mike was a great guy and we all felt bad. It was a really emotional time for my wife and she helped him clear his bucket list. Mike passed away later that year.

Yesterday, my wife told me that she wanted to talk to me. So, after the kids went to sleep, she came to me and started crying. I was really worried and asked her what happened. She told me that she did something really bad and started apologizing. Finally, after an eternity, she told me that she had sex with Mike before he died.

She told me that it was a very emotional time for her and it was not out of love. She also told me that I'm the only guy she loves. I was really devastated. Sure, Mike was a great guy, but I never expected that this would've happened between them.

She wants to make it up to me. But I'm really depressed. This has upended my life. I can't even imagine it. I hate to admit it, but I really love her. I really don't understand how I should cope up now. Any advice is welcome guys. Thanks for listening.

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Wtf? He's dead, man. You won.

have sex with her

go fuck someone else

She told you the truth because she cares more about being honest to you than you leaving her. She must have felt sorry for him in a bad way and let weakness happen. It’s all up to you if you want to trust her or leave her. All we can do is offer sympathy for your issue.

You absolutely need marriage counseling, right the fuck now, and the both of you need to take it seriously when you go.

That means neither of you can hold back "out of respect for the dead" or whatever - you need to express (not explain) to your wife white fucked up this makes you feel. Likewise you need to really listen to your wife express the course of how this came to be. She also needs to be aware that there can be no backtracking or rationalizing, just plain language of what happened.

Trust has been broken and regardless of whether the guy is dead or alive the problem lies between you two and not with Mike. It'll take time to be rebuilt and the absolute most important thing is for you to to be HONEST and real with yourselves and reach other about what you're feeling and accept that as the truth from each other. That way the bond can be rebuilt OVER TIME. It is really easy for resentment to build up so be very clear in your introspection.

Dig up mike's body and fuck him

He finally found a way out of the friend zone.

Clearly mike wasn’t as great a guy as he seemed. It karma exists, he got what he deserved.

But really, how can you trust someone who has gone behind your back, made a complete fool of you and undeniably taken away your masculinity?

>male best friend
This is when you should have NOPE'D out of the relationship.

This. He's dead.
This is one exception where cheating might not be cause for ending the relationship.

honestly if this were to happen to me, I would have go on a psychotic rampage and probably might destroy the house too. you should really listen to this guy advice. building the trust again is important

This isnt about him you dimwit. Its about op and his wife. There was a massive breach of trust.

Op, if this is bait Ill tip my fedora collection to you, good story. If its not Im sorry for you, this is a shitty situation. I have no idea what you can do about it. I guess wait and see if youll be able to see her in the same light or at least trust her to some extent. Marriage counseling might help, but if you feel like the therapist is taking sides stop it or look for something else. If there werent children involved I wouldve said just bail, but since there are you cant simply up and leave.

>she helped him clear his bucket list
I'll say she did.
>she told me that she had sex with Mike before he died
I think the imporant thing to take away is that your wife came forward to tell you this and that she is genuinely remorseful that it happened. If she didn't think your marriage was strong enough to endure this, she probably would have taken this secret to the grave. Clearly, it was a one-time deal. The person who deserves the brunt of your wrath is the guy who leveraged his illness to coerce his female friend into having sex with him. On the other hand, is there any point in holding a grudge against the dead?

I hope that in time you'll learn to forgive your wife. In the interim, hatefuck her and scream, "HOW DO YOU LIKE THIS, MIKE?" the moment you climax. She has no grounds for protest.

Thanks user. I am considering ending the relationship to be honest. The dates make me think my 1 year old might not be my child but "mike's"...

She told you because it ate away at her and she wanted to feel better.
Regardless of how she felt about his bucket list, he chose not to get treatment, upset or not you don't fuck someone else just because they want to before they die, him dying doesn't make it any better, the fact is that she chose to fuck someone else.

>She wants to make it up to me.
She can't unfuck him, she can't untell you so you feel better, she can't realistically do anything to convince you it's all ok and that your family life stays the same.
Get counselling, get couples counselling, write everything down, start putting money aside. If there's anything you want to do to satisfy some feeling or get back at her that's your call. I spent 5 years with a woman who cheated on me 2 years in, I spent the 3 years after that with her giving me blowjobs on demand anytime and any place, I've gotten a blowjob in a cinema, many car parks and even one (obviously not a complete one though) at an open house viewing, I fucked her throat until she was sick and all sorts, and that's the immediate stuff, I pretty much reached the point of anything short of striking her out of anger was acceptable before I got rid of her.

>She told you the truth because she cares more about being honest to you
>the imporant thing to take away is that your wife came forward to tell you this and that she is genuinely remorseful that it happened
No, she told him because she wanted to feel better herself, you don't tell someone because you want to satisfy a need to be honest you spergs.
>The person who deserves the brunt of your wrath is the guy who leveraged his illness to coerce his female friend into having sex with him
She fucked him, regardless of him choosing definite dying or not, she decided to cheat on her husband/father of her kids, cancer doesn't make it any better and if she cared about OP she would have too it to her grave.

If I were you I'd do paternity tests

>The dates make me think my 1 year old might not be my child but "mike's"...
DNA tests are cheap, get one on both, there's no guarantee that's the first and only time

Do paternity tests on both and leave her.

Fuck this. I wouldnt put up with that shit. She had to clear her guilt. It was eatting her up. Dont be a cuck. U can forgive, but time to move on my man.

She seems genuinely remorseful but the marriage is already dead, its just gonna take years to be in your face dead.

My opinion- stay for the kids and paternity test.
Maybe god will pull a miracle up his ass and make you two romantically attached till death but I doubt it

Are both the kids yours?

Damn OP. I don’t know what to do if I were in your situation but you need to set an example to your children. If you allow this to happen, they will think it is fine to do the same to their future husbands. Honestly OP, of my wife did that, I’d walk away and start new. Life is so precious to be betrayed by someone you will be spending the rest of your life with.

That's because genuine remorse is the sure route to getting the slip for fucking a guy who had a foot in the grave

What a whole new meta of cheating for Jow Forums. Making sure the nibba gonna die so he can't snitch. Total control of the situation as far as she's controlled; it's like the perfect crime for cheating. Wait til he gonna die and take that dick like plumbing

This, cheating is now acceptable if the other participant dies.

You just took this off of Reddit.

Spoilers: The dead dude knocked up the wife before he died and the 1 year old is his, not the husband's. He decided to just upend everything and leave.

In the extraordinary case that this is not bait:
She is a dumb whore for telling you. She should have kept it to herself and everything would had been more than fine.
Now it's totally fucking fucked mate, big time. Things will never, EVER be the same.
Secure your assets now.
Stupid whore.
> Probably bait though.

Forgive her and move on. Humanity means you have control over your emotions and impulses, and if you do, then use this control to make everything well in the family. It's a bad thing that happened, but cherish all the good things in it. Love the fact it wasn't a drunk one-night-stand, and instead it was with someone close, super close, in an extreme circumstance. She still values herself as she only sleeps with people that are close to her. Cherish the fact that she was honest and admitted it to you. Just like Mike, she could have taken it to the grave, too. And cherish the fact that she loves you and has probably always been a good woman.

She made a mistake. Don't let her "make it up to you", don't ask for anything. Just forgive and carry on like normal. Unless she's necro, you know it's never going to happen again and you don't have to worry about that. Focus on the outcomes of your decisions. If you decided to make a big deal of this, then you harm your relationship with her. If you full-on freak out then you harl your kids too, and probably destroy everyone's life with a divorce. If you, however, forgive her, you will give her the comfort that she needs that she can trust you even when she makes mistakes. Trust her to punish herself, don't punish her. She'll do it to herself. Your role is to be as strong as you can and forgive her. For the sake of your kids, your relationship, and your own health and happiness, this is the best option.

One day will come when you make a terrible mistake of some sort, too, and you'll feel absolutely terrible about it. You'll want anything in the world for the guilt to go away, to have not harmed your wife, to be forgiven, to HAVE HER BELIEVE YOU WHEN you say sorry. Think about it; that's her right now! Believe her when she says sorry, know she's true, and forgive her completely. No debt, no "making it up" to you, just a full release. That's what it means to trust and to forgive. If you don't do that, then you don't trust her.

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well damn, i wasted 5 minutes of my life for nothing. oh well

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have a threesome duh

We all did, Peebz, we all did.

Link to the Reddit? Now I’m curious.


>Love the fact it wasn't a drunk one-night-stand, and instead it was with someone close, super close, in an extreme circumstance
If I was in the situation OP described and you were my friend and said that to me I'd punch you. Actually I wouldn't only punch you I'd beat you half dead. I'd take out all my frustration on you. I'd do to you the things I'd want to do to the guy she cheated with. That's the last thing anyone in that situation would want to hear. The absolute last.

>That's what it means to trust
How the fuck would you trust someone after you just found out they cheated on you? God, you should never, ever give advice to someone in real life.

>I'd take out all my frustration on you.
That is an indication of a lack of humanity. In your case, if you were cheated on, you're under complete submission to your emotions.

Most men, especially higher men, have control over their feelings and impulses. Work on improving your humanity in your life, in general. Don't let your emotions control you.

>trust someone after you just found out they cheated on you?
You trust that they're honest when they say sorry. Like if you make a mistake and hurt your friend, you would want your friend to know that you mean it when you say sorry. It's this capacity of trust that enables society, friendships, and relationships to exist. The higher you can take this virtue, the stronger your relationships are possible.

If you can relax and think; I believe you have a lot to benefit from my words.

This is the worst advice in the thread. Do not listen to it.

Yeah that's not an argument. A pity because I would actually like to know why you don't like that advice.

But no, my advice is the best because it's the most mature and virtuous by far. A problem on this board is that its occupied by mostly very young, immature men, with a boyish mindset. They haven't grown up yet and often have lots of problems themselves (hence being on an advice board). This means they haven't learned the spark of altruism and civility yet that you learn at some point of growing up and being a man. It's like an echo chamber of immaturity. That's why I give these threads so much attention. I'm trying to balance the destructive advice with something more helpful.

Just consider, user. The kids. That alone is enough reason to forgive her immediately. But it's far from the only reason.

Don't you try to explain men to me, you're absolutely clueless about us. Or about trust. Or people as a whole.

Actually fuck that, I'm not going to try to have a debate about psychology with you. You're a fart sniffer if I've ever seen one so I doubt I can convince you of anything. The only thing that would convince you is the good beating you're going to get when you say something that dumb to someone irl at the wrong time. You have nothing smart, interesting or unique to say. Everything you say has been repeated to no ends by everyone who tries to sound wise and wholesome. You're not trying to give advice. You're not trying to understand the problem or the person you're responding to, you're not trying to be comforting or useful. You just love hearing yourself talk and watching yourself type. You disgust me.

I'm not saying you'd benefit from my words if you "relax and think", but you might get to know yourself a little better. And next time you try to give advice to someone, please consider how they feel, don't tell them how to feel, especially if they're in a situation of distress. That's the first thing any therapist, psychologist and counselor learns. And it should be common sense and courtesy.

Im Cheating is not acceptable no matter the circumstances but im worried about the kids who has nothing to do with their fuck-ups but it turns out that op is a fucking reddit copypasta b8 and the kid is not his.
its good he left.

Speaking from experience, my dads wife told him that they should've gave my mom a few grand and fuck off when I was young despite knowing the fact that mom was an abusive parent+gambler and my dad is the very reason I haven't killed myself in hs.

and yes, im his biological kid.

Let's make something abundantly clear OP; That was not the first time they had sex.

whats the point? even if they are not his, hes still legally the father

Id theyre not his he can opt out

how can he even do that? hed still have to pay child support

You dont have to pay child support dor kids who arent yours lol. At most hell have to pay alimony.

doesnt work like that here in burgerland

She sure as shit wouldn't give you that kind of lee way of "I was emotional". She cheated, that's all you need to know, user.


There's ALWAYS something repressed with best friends of the opposite sex.

>She can't unfuck him
This right here. Deed's done.

He is, but there's another person alive who shouldn't be. The act took two.

Women are better equipped to not work and use their feminine wiles to woo a rich man to do all the work so she can stay at home all day.

Why does everyone lie about this? The problem isn't gender roles. women would be happier being like this, the problem is thinking the woman is INFERIOR because of her role. telling the woman to go to work and try to compete with men is stupid and goes against nature. this is why you get all these women complaining about how they are 37 and making 150k a year and still single. well, its because men don't give a shit about how much a female makes because that's not what they're suppose to do anyway. you know they aren't suppose to be the bread winner because if they were meant to be the breadwinner men would be designed to select women based on their resources.

Women aren't selected based on how many resources they have, they are selected on their beauty and youth. their beauty and their youth. that's right, that means ALL YOU HAD TO DO WAS JUST THROW A MAKE UP AND DRESS ON AND YOU"RE GAURANTEED A SPOT IN THE GENE POOL. why do people make this fucking complicated?

in fact a women trying to get a degree is almost a complete waste of time. you would be better off just spending your college years finding a rich 35 year old if you're 21. if a woman has the power to find a rich man like that then why bother working or going to college?


AND YES ALL MEN ARE ATTRACTED TO 15 YEAR OLDS GET THE FUCK OVER IT. make all the fucking consent laws you want, men like youth. get the fuck over it instead of lying about it

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have you ever considered that many women actually enjoy professional/career success and get degrees according to that?

if all i had to do was stay at home all day i’d scoop my fucking eyeballs out

also a lot of men choose women not only because off looks but because of education etc

I'm sorry to hear about that, user.
But I'm so fucking mad after reading this. Your wife is fucking stupid and that's it. Hiring a hooker for him would be better than THIS. I just can't stand shit like this. I'd dump her no matter how much I loved her if this happened. Yeah, I would feel bad for th kids, but I just can't imagine living with a person who fucked her friend when she already had a family. This isn't normal. Having sex with a friend just because he's dying. What the hell? I wouldn't fuck my best female friend if she was dying and I would never ask her to do that even if I was dying AND I already had a family.
I wouldn't be able to live with this shit and rather just leave her be. Yes, that will make her very depressed, but what about me?
I can't trust her at this point because she told you all that after 1 year or whatever.
I would just end this. This is not ok. She basically cheated on you because she felt bad for her friend, but what if she would 'cheat' on you again with someone who is dying? What about that? Would you forgive her again? No you fucking wouldn't.

tldr; leave her and live your life. Shit happens and you can't avoid it. I'm sorry.

>She told you the truth because she cares more about being honest to you than you leaving her.

Just imagine
>I care about my husband
>but I also feel bad for my best friend
>fuck him
>he dies
>tells you he fucked him and the younger kid isn't yours
>Cares about you
Bullshit. She's just stupid and doesn't understand what it's like having a family and what you can and can't do when you have one. Fuck this stupid whore.

Why did they have sex?

>The only thing that would convince you is the good beating you're going to get
If all you can offer is violence, then you don't have much substance.

>And next time you try to give advice to someone, please consider how they feel, don't tell them how to feel
I don't yield the truth to feelings at any scale. As men we have the ability to control our feelings, thus if we can, then we are obligates to. You can't possess the ability to control your feelings and still be a utter slave to them at the same time. You can pick one, but not both, because it would be evil.

i agree 100%

Would you forgive your wife fucking her friend and then raising this friends kid? Why the fuck? It just doesn't make any sense to me.

the romans punished adultery with death. are you worse than the romans, OP?

>You dont have to pay child support dor kids who arent yours lol. At most hell have to pay alimony.
you're in for a nasty surprise one day lmao

Get paternity tests. But, honestly, I know it sucks for you, like legitimately, dead on the inside type of thing, I don't think you should divorce.
It's extremely, EXTREMELY, bad for the kids. You should wait a decade, probably. Children of divorced parents and absentee fathers are just worse at everything and have a vast array of minor psychological issues that slightly fuck up every area of life.
If they are both yours, you'll have to take one for the team, since, currently, kids are more important than you. That is until they're capable of functioning on their own, around 13 - 14.

Are people responding to this thread? It's clearly bait, it's a reddit thread.

Yet somehow, it unironically sparked a better conversation here than the high rated comments

All this proves is women will come up with any reason to fuck behind your back, yet still insist they love you and only you. You can be a saint yet another dick becomes more saintly and the only thing that can beat a guy dying of cancer would be to fuck a firehouse knowing they all would soon die in the twin towers.

An educated woman is the devil. Look at all the female world leaders of the world and in the helm of big corporations. They create death and destruction wherever they go.

Of course I would forgive her. I'm not in love with the fact she isn't cheating on me 24/7, I'm in love with HER. Even if she makes mistakes (as all humans do, not just cheating) she is still 'her' if you know what I mean. She might even make more mistakes than I do, she might cheat a few times and I never do... I'll still forgive her and release her from the guilt. Life is not fair, not perfect, and contains suffering. I've come to accept this fact and I know that humans make mistakes, accepting it, and choosing only good people (people who feel bad and truly apologize) makes life so much more enriching.

I think the difficulty for you comes in the fact that you expect perfection from an imperfect being, you don't love the person but what they offer you (selfish), and you don't trust someone to properly feel bad (and thus punish themselves) when they make mistakes. So you feel this need to do something more, to be destructive.

Also I would empathise with her a little and understand how hard it must have been for her, in that situation, to be with a man she is so close with and watching him dying. If I was a woman and if I was her, it would take me a lot of willpower to resist offering myself to him, a man I love and want to take care of. I mean this is pretty obvious, it's not exactly a stretch. What she did wasn't exactly evil, it was out of love. So yeah, as long as the kid is still mine this would be super easy for me, personally, to move on from.

If the kid was not mine, I would leave. But I'd still love her and feel like she was my best friend, probably. Friends have harmed me in the past, but I always understand their point of view and don't stop loving them just because they made an error.

Also if the kids were mine, I have a higher responsibility to them, to give them the best life possible. A good father is ready to take a few punches to protect and serve his children.

It was stated by OP in the Reddit thread that the second kid is not his. It's this "Mike's" kid.

>It's this "Mike's" kid.
And exactly what the wife wanted. To have Mikes child. For Mike and for her to have a remembrance of Mike for the rest of her life. She only confessed since the paternity would at some point be in question and her desire to let the child know of his wonderful dead father who passed before it was born. If Mike had lived its probable she would have divorced and married Mike and raise their child together and OP's child would be raised by Mike.

>Wife had sex with best friend before he died of cancer

Sounds like a great country/western song

Too bad that probably wasn't the only time. She's probably been fucking Mikey for the past 14 years. Sorry, but it's true

It is true and OP better have a dna test for the older child too.

>She wants to make it up to me
Get a paternity test on both your kids, push her down a flight of stairs and tell her she has to forgive you.

Then just take my post in theory. I was mainly just answering user's question.

>reddit spacing
Yep. Found the cuck.

>fully formed paragraphs
>accuses of reddit spacing
wut m8

Im not offering violence, Im saying that you seem like the kind of person who only changes his mind after a big impactful event. Like a good beating.

As for the truth, what truth are you offering? "You should forgive her" is not a truth, its not even a hypothesis, its an opinion. Youre basically saying "you should dismiss your feelings and do what I tell you to do, otherwise youre a savage who cant control his emotions". And you seem to not truly understand what controlling your emotions really means. Its supressing them, not changing them at will or deciding what youre feeling. No one can decide what emotions theyre feeling. So yeah, if you told me that I should love the fact that my girlfriend cheated on me with a guy she had an emotional attachment to in an extreme situation and I beat you bloody that would be a case where I couldve and probably shouldve controlled my emotions. But if your girlfriend cheated on you and you only see her as that person who betrayed you and broke trust you cant "control your emotions" and JUST LOVE HER LIKE NOTHING HAPPENED BRO. And most men just cant forgive someone who cheated on them. Theyll be paranoid, jealous, bitter and angry. And no one can have a relationship with someone who makes them feel like that.

Talk to her about it again, but this time record the conversation. Even if you don't plan on breaking up with her, it's a good idea to get this evidence just in case something happens in the future.

Tell to get in her and tell her she loves, have the bitch crawl lick your snake skin boots. I am just waiting for a love to betray me so I can give punishment!!!

>Newfag thinks full paragraphs is reddit spacing

might be divorce time user.
on the surface it may appear as a one time thing because of the circumstances and their prior relationship, but if you let her get away with it it will only cement in her mind the fact that she can well, get away with it.

basically she has the capacity to do it again, and what's to stop her from being in a "really emotional time" again.

Holy shit user...

She had another mans child and passed it off as OP's. That is unforgivable. She wanted the child of Mikes.

t.retarded cuck

>he ded now its ok to comenclean
She cheated, now she wants to rationalizate it.
Never compromise with cheaters.

Just so we're all concurrently aware

Mike manipulated your wife.

OP's wife manipulated him

Divorce the whore. Lmao fukkin cuck

DESU, children aren't that old and for they could adjust pretty fast if you divorce and take custody of them. But that thing is really tough to pull off in this female-centric laws

>you seem like the kind of person who only changes his mind after a big impactful event
I'm not, far from it.

> No one can decide what emotions theyre feeling.
I think this is where we disagree. If you can't control your emotions, then do what you have to do, break the things around you, but I don't understand why you're feeling so emotional. When there's so much at stake, the future of your kids lives, you know ,other human beings... you have this incredible responsibility. I would GLADLY take a punch if I knew it meant someone else's life would be better. There are more important things in this world than me.

But if you really can't control your self, then yeah; do what you have to do.

But none of my advice involved being a gullible fool. Only forgive if forgiveness is due. That means if you trust your wife. If she is TRULY sorry, then she will punish herself and you don't have to. One day, you will be sorry for something too.

The idea of being a "gullible fool" or doormat is a topic that comes up nearly every single time I discuss the topic of forgiveness. It takes a very mature, open, and abstract mind to fully understand forgiveness. Forgiveness is a virtue that allows a society of imperfect beings to exist and relationships of love to last. Find your ground of control, and use whatever ropes you can grasp for goodness. You may be emotional, hurt, and vulnerable, but if you can yield even 1% of your anger, then that is 1% less pain you inflict on the woman you love, and to her, that might mean the entire world. You have no idea, you never really know.

Divorce isn’t a big deal these days desu.

Maybe if you sleep with someone else you’ll feel like you’re “even” but really you should probably just break up.

The fact that she did it behind your back means she either contemplated it for a long time or it might've happened multiple times.
If she truly had no feelings for him or whatever then nothing would've happened or she would've told you beforehand.
Still it's BS that it happened, why her? why not a hooker if he wanted to get laid? you've been backstabbed OP and betrayed

your wife comforted a guy that probably wouldnt have had sex with anyone else. If i were you, id feel better if it was planned between the three of you, but your wife isnt totally heartless....thats a good thing?

Obviously you have to kill mike though. The question is however, did your wife fancy him all the while or was it just a "oh you're dying let me help you" kind of thing or did she crave his cock during your entire friendship with him? And was this even the first time?
never trust a female, not even your wife. but regardless it wont happen again. Just keep your wife away from dying guys and fuck her good.

k everyone this shit is from fucking reddit sage

THis, women can't be held accountable for their actions

it's 2019 like HELLO

Don't twist my words. I didn't say you can't control yourself. I said you can't control what you're feeling. As in, you can't chose to love someone. Or chose to feel anger. This doesn't mean that if you're feeling angry you can't control yourself and you have to destroy things.

Problem is, your motivations are reliant on emotions. So one day you love your partner and they mean the world to you and you'd do anything for them. But if they cheat on you chances are that that will change. She won't mean the world to you anymore. She won't be that precious thing you need to protect and cherish. You keep failing to see this point, that for most people once the woman they loves cheats on them she stops being the woman they love. That's what you can't control. Then the problem isn't that you need to "control your emotions" to keep what you love, you already lost what you love.

To give a simple analogy, let's say that you absolutely love eating apples, they're the best thing in your life. You would do anything to eat apples. They're your reason for existing. You'd put up with bad things, you'd suppress any emotion, anything it takes to eat apples. But one day something happens that makes you stop eating apples. In fact, it makes you dislike apples, it makes you be paranoid that apples are bad for you, it makes you wary of eating apples. This is what cheating can do for relationships (and usually does, albeit not as extremely as this analogy may suggest).

>I hate to admit it, but I really love her.
why do you hate to admit that?!

>you can't chose to love someone. Or chose to feel anger
I understood. I'm saying you can.

And if you can't completely, then you should try to a %. It's part of what makes us human. The more control you have over your emotions, the more of a human you are.

>She won't mean the world to you anymore.
If you live by virtue and not emotion, then the bad times will be no trouble. Storms of emotions, or time of emotional desert will come and pass as you guys get older.

>that for most people once the woman they loves cheats on them she stops being the woman they love. That's what you can't control.
So again this is just the part we disagree, I say you can control it. We're men not dogs.

>To give a simple analogy, let's say that you absolutely love eating apples
Your analogy lacks virtue. If all you exist for is emotions, then your relationships will ever only last as long as you feel like it.

However, if you live for something higher; like for example serving your children or society; then it won't matter how you feel, you are a human and you will live up to a higher abstract cause. Even if it means taking a punch to the face, you can do it even though it destroys your pride and feelings, because you know there is something in the universe worth more than your feelings.

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I swear to god, you're just reciting feel-good cliches.

A virtue is just a behavior that's grounded in morality. And morality is a set of principles discerning between good and evil. So, you're assuming that everyone has or should have the same morality as you. Which is not very reasonable of you, unless you have access to the source of objective morality that we, petty humans are unaware of. And if you do please present it, it would save a lot of philosophers a lot of time.

But that's kind of irrelevant here, the bigger problem is, how is morality and therefore virtues and therefore your reasons for "choosing" your emotions obtained? The answer can't be "pure rationality" because logic can't find any truth or value without a point of reference.

Let me explain. Reason can only prove or claim that A is true (or in our case, valuable) based on a B. And B can only be accepted as true based on a C and so on. So for any logical proof you either have circular logic, where A < B < ( ... ) < A (which is obviously a fallacy) or "self evident truths" where A < B and B is assumed to be true. So no morality system, no virtue can be based purely on reason because there always needs to be a basis, something that is considered valuable or important or meaningful to begin with. And how do you think we find that which is valuable and meaningful and important if not through pure emotion (or feeling, instinct, whatever you want to call it)?

So, to come back to the question, morality and virtues have a basis in emotion/instinct, not in reason. Reason is only a tool we use to refine it. But this means that your actions always stem from emotions. So what are you going to do, control emotion with emotion? Obviously not. You don't have full control. You can't chose what you feel, because what you feel is the basis of your behavior.

>itt: my wife had poor self control but let’s forgive her cus she’s sorry

Wtf. I wouldn’t stop thinking about how she was thinking. She must had fucked Mike several times, long before he had cancer.