I feel like I'm wasting my 20s with my partner

Hi everyone,


I am in my early 20s, and am currently with my partner of ~4 years. We are living together and this year have moved into a new place which I am the main tenant of. We both have successful careers and get along fine, no fights or anything.


The problem is that I feel like I'm pretty much going through the motions of my 20s by spending it with them. I feel that every month spent with them is another month that is...wasted? Deep down I know that I want to spend these years going overseas out of my comfort zone and just taking it all in. And I want to do it on my own.


So the solution seems simple right, just break up? The issue is that we have only JUST moved into a new place, and they have spent the majority of the effort in making the place 'a home'. Can I please get some advice from the wealth of knowledge here on how I can possibly go about:

1. How do I conduct the breakup to minimize the stress for my partner in finding a new place, and specifically,
2. How do I conduct the breakup with regards to:
a) Do I tell them to move out within a time period?
b) Do I sleep on the couch and them in the bedroom until they find a place?

I'm really at a loss for how to do this without it being incredibly awkward and logistically a nightmare.
Thank you for your help!

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Young people are so fucking dumb.

>I care more about seeing da world and skydiving or what-the-fuck-ever than I care about my loved ones lol

I think everyone under the age of 40 needs to be given tranquilizers to calm their unloyal, hedonistic asses down.

I'm in a similar situation where I felt like I was missing out on my early 20's, but sharing a house with them makes it way tougher.

I'd say its better to pull out sooner rather than later, but that's way easier said than done.

This.

I broke up with my ex while living together.
I left the house and gave them time to pack their stuff, find a new place and move out. Gave him a couple months.
In the meantime, I lived at my parents.

It's awful for a while but it is worth it. Every day I know it is worth everything.

>just live a mediocre life and be unhappy so you can be safe

OP is a roastie and needs killing

>just leave your partner because you're bored then whine on the internet five years later about how you let "the one" go

It feels like the relationship has become cyclic and every week is just following a schedule. Is it bad to not want to settle at

>Just leave when things become run-of-the-mill. Don't try to save the relationship, simply upheave it entirely.
>It feels like the relationship has become cyclic
And there is absolutely NOTHING you can do about it, right? It simply ISN'T possible to shake up the routine, huh?

Living with someone you love IS happiness. It's worth a whole hell of a lot more than chasing the adrenaline highs of skydiving or water skiing, or 'broadening your horizons' by going to see the world. It's not about mediocrity, it's about having your priorities in the right place. Attitudes like what OP displays make me lose all respect for a person, because it means their only loyalty is to themselves. They care more about having fun and bombarding their brain with as much stimuli and as many happy chemicals as possible than they care about anything else.

I'm a male.

If the problem is that I'm leaving someone who I could potentially stay with, isn't it wrong to stay with them due to 'you might not find another' and potentially sow spite in the future if I feel like I truly did miss out due to sticking with them?

When I turned 23 I realised that everything I built in my life up to that point was fucked.
My relationship, the things I was studying in university, the place where I chose to live, my friends, the way I conducted myself. All of that shit was choices I made because I was told they were "right" and "safe" and not because they made me happy. I was incredibly depressed, and I had been for 4-5 years. To the point I struggled to get out of bed, get enjoyment out of anything, gained weight.
My relationship wasn't bad. We rarely argue, we were alright with each other. But I never had a spark of joy out of it. I never had fun with him, smiled looking at him, genuinely wanted to fuck him. He wasn't my best friend, we didn't want the same things in life and it was always one of us sacrificing for the others.
I dropped it all. Broke up with my ex, dropped out of uni. I found a job overseas in 3 days, packed my shit, and 10 days later I was on a plane and moved abroad.
Best choice I made in my life.
Actually ended up meeting *the one*. Never felt like I missed out on my ex.

That's a really good point. I will try to be introspective about what you've said. Thanks.

Be a slut overseas nobody cares, and if a new guy asks for your body count or sees how beat that pussy is, just call him a mistysoggyknees, in cell,or whatever.

Sorry for being harsh. Threads like these trigger my abandonment issues.

Yours is unique considering I don't think OP has lived the life you have.

I hope your ex found someone as well. He sounds like a good guy who deserves happiness.

I'm going to be honest, and I know this is going to sound unappreciative as fuck, but there have been times where I've gone to bed hoping that there'd be no need for sex but just went along with it because I knew she'd be upset if I refused. A lot of the time, I don't have sex due to her appearance causing a rising lust in me, but instead because we know each other well and we have a good connection in the act.

Is it bad that I almost rely on that connection at this point? Should there always be a primarily physical aspect to sex between a couple?

I live with the man I defined *the one* in my post. We have so much fun I never desired being anywhere where he isn't. We laugh so much I get stomach aches. We do everything together. Sometimes I miss him so much when I go peeing that he comes with me so we can keep talking.
And I love it. I love living with him.
But living with my ex was having an alright roommate I sometimes fucked. It's not living with someone you love. Not all relationships are equal and if yours is making you feel trapped just leave.

>the pronoun game
for this reason i will not advise you, but instead instruct you to fist yourself

He was. We weren't made for each other. But I really do wish him all the best and tons of happiness.

Yeah, but OP never said he isn't in love with his girlfriend. It sounds like they have a healthier relationship than what you did, and that he'd be throwing away a good thing for pretty shallow reasons.

But who knows. Maybe there's something I don't get. I've always been a homebody who's lived in the countryside, and I am 100 percent fine with that. I can't relate to anyone whose life goals don't basically amount to retiring and living a cozy, secluded life. What most young people (I'm young myself, turning 32 in a few months) consider a fun lifestyle just seems like stressful sensory overload to me.

I had a healthy relationship with my ex.
Never had a fight, got along fine. But we were roommates who fucked 3 evenings a week.
It was... going through the motions, as OP put it.

My boyfriend and I stay at home 90% of the time. We are buying land off the grid, building a house there on our own. We go on roadtrips sometimes with our dog. That's it.
There's nothing wrong with living a cozy, scheduled life. There's a lot wrong with not feeling tons of joy out of it.
At 6 PM every night my boyfriend and I cook dinner together. We blast music, dance in the kitchen, sing and cook. On sundays he cooks breakfast, we grill lunch outside, and then he plays on his laptop while I do chores. We watch tv together.
That's literally every day. But we have so much fun doing it because we are together, it's not going through the motions. It's living the life.

We all know you’re a woman just by your complaints. No need to use gender neutral terms/pronouns. Just break it off now so you don’t waste anymore of HIS time and money. Or realize your adventures will be empty and actually commit to him. I would say do your traveling with him since you both have good jobs, but I’m guessing you wanna Eat Pray Love with the exotic locals.

cont.
also you should be the one to move out, since he did all the work. This will kickstart your adventures anyways.

you sound like a massive whore

He's a man, said it here:

I take people serious when they say 'partner'. It's extremely deceitful

I felt very similar to you OP, I didn't want to waste my 20s away without experiencing anything. I also had the additional problem that my gf wasn't the best looking and I knew that if I went out of my comfort zone and travelled somewhere, I could meet girls that were way better than her. So I said "fuck it" and made the decision to get out of my boring life.

After almost a year, I'm in a cushy job on the other side of the world and the loneliest I've ever been.

I don’t buy it, unless he’s a really effeminate queer. It’s women that couch their whoring around in romantic ideas like travel. Men are happy to man whore wherever. If a man wants to do something overseas that requires being single it usually a specific dream like being a writer in Russia or a painter in Italy. Not some generic overseas adventures.