I can't find any motivation to do anything. Studying is a big no (yesterday I hat a test for which we had over two months to prepare, and I didn't touch the textbook at all), playing vidya same (huge backlog, it's like I'm afraid of starting new games so I just sit in front of pc/switch while staring at nothing. Gf also gifted me animal crossing almost a year ago, but I'm still stuck at trying to find a name for my city and I'm eaten by guilt as AC is her favourite series and I feel like I'm hurting her feelings by not playing it), and even books have been a huge no for the past ~6 years, even if I used to be an avid reader. Not only that, my communication skills have become worse and worse, I barely can speak without stuttering no matter what language (mother tongue Italian, used to speak fluently in English) and even when it comes to writing I can barely produce the same results I used to (had to check the dictionary several times just to write this post). My appetite is a mess, sometimes I can eat everything I have home and other times I struggle with a small portion of pasta. My sleep is also extremely fucked up, I wake up several times at night and can sleep at best for a hour or two even if by 11pm I'm dead tired (when I normally go to bed at 2-3am. Yesterday I curled up into a ball crying because I thought gf didn't love me anymore, got up after a few hours and wrote her what started as a love letter but ended up as an apology, so I deleted it and started from scratch. I keep on seeing weird shadows/glares of light with my peripheral vision, which never happened before, and I keep walking back and forth in my room for no reason.
What the fuck is happening to me?
I can't find any motivation to do anything...
>I keep on seeing weird shadows/glares of light with my peripheral vision, which never happened before, and I keep walking back and forth in my room for no reason.
You are most likely mildly autistic like me, don't worry, you are fine.
This is all stuff I never had before in almost 25 years, isn't it kinda weird it started just now?
Well yeah, that is weird, i had urge as a kid to run around the house for no reason, but i am fine now, and about shadow thing i am not sure if its gone, i am 21.
>started
Have you never thought maybe you just got the perspective on these things recently?
What do you mean?
Bump
HOLY FUCKING BUMP
I’M IN THE SAME BOAT user
I can’t find motivation for the simplest things like watching TV or anime, I too feel some sense of fear. I sleep most days away, maybe spend half an hour of studying and maybe eat once a day.
yeah when I didn't have parents and I was at home I would see shadows outside of my windows, so I would always stay outside even when it was really hot, just because I was scared
I don't even sleep, I just spend the day staring at my laptop hoping for something to do to suddenly appear while switching the same few tabs on Chrome, maybe hoping for my Facebook feed to update or something. Sometimes I can break through this endless loop by starting a game I've played over and over already (or stuff without a goal like getting over it or poker night at the inventory), but I just end up getting bored after a few minutes
And it's one of those things where, even if you have something to do and the deadline for it is in the next few hours, you can't seem to just ... sit down and do it, right?
Same boat. Was going to start a thread like this, until I saw this one. I think the shadows and glares are likely just a product of the sleep deprivation though.
I do this too. I cycle between Jow Forums and wandering YouTube. For the past month though, I’ve been sleeping my days away
You have to begin from this feeling of emptyness and start doing something you like (even if you like it just a little), better if it may become useful in the future (like some kind of sport, or something you’d like to learn).
Right. But how do you start doing it? How do you get that initial bump into it?
do you have a job?
OP seems to be a college student, likely early twenties. If there is a job involved, it's likely part-time, and/or at the college. But I honestly don't think OP has a job.
Used to before I went abroad for my college
Thanks very useful
Can't say I'm not guilty of what you are going through as an international student (finals week is a bitch right now) but I'm at least trying to last minute study and write papers so I don't fail. If I fail then that would be on me for being a lazy good for nothing. Hope it gets better for you user.
Lack of routine. Plain and simple.
It's simple: stablish a routine, any routine, you can start simple and evolve from there.
And then you do it.
I mean, do it.
You do it.
I didn't ask about how you feel, you'll do it.
Sure fine you are miserable, but now you'll be miserable WHILE doing it.
Fuck if I care, you'll do it even if you bleed while doing it.
Some time you'll feel much better because you did shit and selfesteem is an illusion that never helps you (but tricks you into thinking it does, making you it's slave).
Holy fuck, same boat aswell. Currently undergoing diagnosis for high-functioning autism, so it seems like L is right.
is also right, routine also helps me. Get little things done, like opening up your books or taking a shower. And work yourself up to the big things.
I have seen it, and it is garbage.
I have no idea why they're diagnosing schizophrenics as autistic.
How come is this schizophrenia?
No it's not. The user you're replying to doesn't know what they're talking about.
Also bumping for you user
Seems like a lot of people here are in the same boat
Same boat user, nearly everything you've described is relevant to me, too.
I find that I tend to go through periods of being more active/being able to enjoy things/not stare at my screen, then go through periods like what you described. Is it the same for you?
Also I'm autistic, like nearly everyone else who says they relate to you. I would have thought it more like depression or something but here we are.
Rather than periods, it depends on whether I'm alone or not. If I do things with my gf then I have almost no problems.
Thankfully I managed to find an English speaking psychologist here in Japan, but it'll take a few weeks before my appointment