I just want her to be happy

what the fuck am I doing wrong
what the fuck else should I do

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Empathy. She needs empathy not your positive mindset facebook quotes.

>Empathy
What a meme

What you actually need to do is to remove anything negative from her life and/or enviroment.
You don't have to 'feel' anything while doing it.

I do emphasize with her I do feel her
I didn't use positive facebook quotes or anything
I told her I loved her and she was beautiful and that I was rooting for her and that I would give her my life if that's what it took so I can see her smile (I gave her a gift previously and told her not to thank me)
what should I have said user..
please help me
why do I always fuck up

Kek, you can‘t make the world a place without suffering. Not for yourself and definitely not for someone else. Trying to do that will only make op depressed af.

It seems to me like you‘ve never experienced how it feels to receive honest empathy. If you would have, you wouldn‘t think it‘s a meme.

we don't know why she is upset
we can't help you

a lot of it is harder than anything I could remove myself like memories of abuse from her childhood
she and her family struggles financially too I always offer her money but she refuses to take them I bring her food and snacks and gifts and anything I think would make her feel better
I tell her that she can talk to me any time she wants and that I'm always waiting for her

I don't know
today she was sad, she sent her cousin a message saying she loved her and her cousin ignored it
I sent her a long message yesterday saying just what I felt towards her (not fake positivisty) and this was the response

I love her so much but I don't understand where I went wrong

>Kek, you can‘t make the world a place without suffering. Not for yourself and definitely not for someone else. Trying to do that will only make op depressed af.
This is just a defeatist attitude.
Making bad things go away isn't a lost cause, like you make it out to be. Of course the world is big and bad and scary and your job as a man is to make it less so.
Part of the reason the world is bad is because of spineless fags like you!
>It seems to me like you‘ve never experienced how it feels to receive honest empathy. If you would have, you wouldn‘t think it‘s a meme.
It really is though, everyone wants to be 'understood' and have people surrounding them who help them through tough times.
Some are better at getting through the tough times, and consequently better at helping others get through them.
Survival is a learned skill.

Hey hey, don‘t be so harsh on yourself.
You did what you did with nothing but good intentions, but it wasn‘t what she needed.
See, imagine that you messed something up and now you feel like a stupid fucking failure of a human being.
Your mom patting your head and telling you that she thinks you‘re a smart boy and making you pancakes is a nice gesture and suddenly better than your dad telling you he‘s disappointed in you but it will never do the pain you feel any justice. It will probably just make you feel like an even bigger fuck up because people are trying to cheer you up and you still feel like dog shit.

There‘s one thing, and one thing only that would be a relieve for your tormented soul. Feeling like someone understands.
And it‘s hard to not try to fix or sooth but understand. It‘s not easy to not try to cheer up or gloss over but instead try to take the other‘s pain seriously.
Infact, when you give someone who‘s down a gift and then are annoyed that they‘re not happy again, that‘s pretty selfish. It basically means that you can‘t STAND them not being happy. That it is a burden to you and that they should get their shit together and be happy again asap. That you feel responsible to make them smile again. No, you‘re not. You can show them that they are not alone even when in pain. Everything else is basically selfish because the goal is to not feel responsible to cheer that person up again. The trick is to learn that it never WAS your responsibility to make others happy again.

How can I make true empathy for someone user?

>I just want her to be happy
dumb faggot

>I just want her to be happy
Don't use the word 'just' unless it's actually a small goal. When you use the word 'just' describing something that's big, then you are whining.

Example:

>I just want one cube of sugar in my coffee.

>I just want 10 million dollars.

thank you user
I definitely don't feel that making her happy is a burden or not stand her being unhappy
she has depression
but I was caught off guard by that message because she never talked to me like that before
I don't want to make her feel like I hate her for being unhappy
but it's true that I'm happy when she's happy and sad when she's sad
I trust you user how do you think I should apologize?

It‘s pretty simple but it‘s not easy.
You need to stop trying to fix her pain.
You can try to guess how something feels for her, but word it as a guess, not a diagnosis. And you can try to guess what her needs are that don‘t get met.
But don‘t take that as a demand to you to meet those needs.
For example:
It must have been horrible to be affraid of your own dad when what you would have needed was your home to be a shelter from the world.

Maybe she‘ll let you in and tell you about her fears and needs. And if you feel like you could contribute to her getting her REAL needs met, then by all means, do it. But telling her she‘s beautiful will not help her feel secure in a world where she has learned that the person who should have been her steady rock was actually the source of her biggest pain.

Find a sexier, more beautiful and smarter girl. Things always go better once you force yourself to upgrade.

The only problem will be all those girls who thought less of you will be trying it on once you hook up with a superior female.

Ask a girl to help you get a girl. It works!

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1.no way I'm leaving her
2. there isn't a girl that's more beautiful or smarter than her
3.we're not hooking up
she's my best friend and the person I love most
thank you user this really helps I'll make sure to keep your words in mind
it's true that her father is the source of her biggest pain
I guess it will always hurt that I can't fix those things myself
but I'll remember your words
I have to do what I can for her

>I'm happy when she's happy and sad when she's sad
This is exactly the burden you‘re putting on her.
She feels pressured around you to feign happiness because you make her responsible for how you feel. That's exhausting and over time will make her not want to be around you because she can‘t be genuine with you without risking you feeling down because of her.

There‘s no need to apologize. If you feel like you want to tell her what you've realized, you can say something along the lines of: i realized that i tried to cheer you up i stead of understanding your pain. It‘s hard for me to do that because i love/like you and would want the world to be nothing but joy for you. But i get that that‘s not possible and that i‘m putting pressure on you with my attempts to make you smile. You don‘t feel like being cheerful and al smiles right now and i respect that. I‘d never want you to feel like you can‘t be genuine with me because that would result in me trying to fix everything even though nobody can.
I‘ll try to just be there for you when you need to be sad with me just holding you.

thank you so much user, you helped a lot. I won't forget your help.

I really hope things work out for the two of you.
It‘s obvious that you care about her a lot and that‘s rare. You‘re a good person and i hope you can use that to give her the comfort she needs. And i also hope that one day she‘ll be strong enough to be your steady rock when you need one.
Good luck.

Needs a lot more context.

this should be a very interesting thread

why so?

>this
You're so tough man, how was that early life big ol DIVORCE your parents had
Or is this an episode of "I'm chronically single and so I masquerade totaled stoneface?"