My bf of two years has been living a double life...

My bf of two years has been living a double life. He hangs out with friends who have previously ridiculed me behind my back, at events that span multiple days that he hides from me on his social media accounts (whilst also telling them "never to tell me"). He made up lies to me whenever I couldn't get a hold of him, saying it was "work related." He also does this when he's clubbing or partying with other women or with friends he's previously said he's "cut off," also hidden from me on his social media. I also found out he's been had sex with other women behind my back, on 2-3 specific instances. Lastly, he's been messaging his ex on social media for almost a year - sending her nudes, insulting and lying about me and our relationship status, and flirting excessively with her. The list actually goes on.

I found out all of this recently. Friends of friends told me, word got out, people felt bad, etc. I've been crying and mulling over what to do. I told him that I know what he's been doing, and he said during that "period" (almost a year), he did it because he assumed I was cheating on him - which I did not - with an ex, and that we wouldn't be long-term anyways. He's going on a trip with his friends to a foreign country for a month, so I guess I have time to think about all of this.

I know I should probably ghost him and move on with my life. But I'm still in love somehow and want to make it work. Why am I so pathetic? How do I get over this kind of toxic, sociopathic, socially charming and manipulative kind of person?

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Leave him, I get it you don't want to, you want to wake up and think it was a dream. That he'll think he was wrong and you'll never have to think about it again or that you can make it work despite every problem. OP, that's what my own mom thought because she had a very similar version of your events happen to her. And she took my dad back in despite my advice and now wishes he was dead every single day. You have to grow a spine and leave, it will never get better, he will beat you to hell and back and when he's done you'll either be dead or wish he was dead every single moment of the rest of your life.

>But I'm still in love somehow and want to make it work. Why am I so pathetic? How do I get over this kind of toxic, sociopathic, socially charming and manipulative kind of person?

What was your relationship with your dad like?

There will be your answer.

Haha I like how he flipped it on you when you caught his dumb ass. What a fucking loser.

I’m sorry you caught feelings for slime, OP. It happens to the best of us. Feelings can be irrational, don’t beat yourself up over it.
You will have to gather a lot of inner strength to do what you know is right.
If you don’t, things will get worse than you can imagine.
Godspeed OP, and remember that you are worth it. Leave this ASAP.

I've always had a good relationship with my parents, and they're still together. I just don't think they were ever emotionally available growing up, and I think due to that I have anxious attachment.

Thank you so much.

He's never hit me, but I know what you're saying. There's a part of me that hates him and wishes this was just a nightmare. The fact that it's real eats at me.

I know, I know. But believe me, you either leave and reflect on how you feel better having the left someone who doesn't care or keep suffering with an incredibly small chance he might care about you for a moment before resuming his own selfish activities.

Don’t waste your youth and fertility on this man who uses you for sex. Dump and start looking for a real man, before you hit the wall and complain “where did all the nice guys go :(“

He's bpd or something of the like. He's not long term material for anyone.