Comparing my ex to others

The only reason you had a hole that needed to be filled was because you’re an incomplete person. Stop looking for people to fill that hole in your person, and learn to fix what’s wrong with you so you can feel whole and complete on your own, and then will you be ready for a meaningful relationship with someone who is ALSO complete.

Note I’m saying complete and not perfect. Nobody is perfect. You need to seek balance, not perfection.

I've been trying to find someone I can talk to for hours without realizing the time has melted away. Someone who's just so blatantly compatible with my interests and tastes. Someone who just motivates and inspires me to be alive and do things for both myself and for them.
He wasn't perfect, but he checked so many boxes. And even though I've met and tried dozens of people, no one's come close to being someone I WANTED to be with. I couldn't imagine spending my life with any one of my other friends or acquaintances or people I've met. I don't think the problem is that I'm incomplete, I think the problem is that I can't find someone I want, and it feels like you're telling me I'll never find someone like that and that I should just settle for someone I'm not entirely happy with.

He's still my best friend and someone I talk to daily. I'm talking to him right now.

Shit, now that I read more about it, I realized I actually got pretty much all of the symptoms of BPD.

>Is it because I'm still in love with him
Speaking from experience, yes. It's as if he's that figure that occupies sooo much space in your head and is entangled with all of your emotions. 2 months after the break up you're still in that stage, everyone is. It's like that person was a drug, making you feel and see things you never felt before. And now without that drugs life is empty and dull more then ever before. But as time goes on and you keep going with life and keep making new experiences, those experiences overwrite the old ones and that mighty figure that's in your head and herts will fade and wither away. It sounds sad but it's a good thing, life will get color again and at some point you can say "I'm the old self again"

Are you saying you can't move on while you're still talking to them?

Like I said, I had someone like that too, and eventually she decided she didn’t want me in her life.

I still consider her my friend, and she’s played a major role in my personal development, but I had to let go, and though painful, it was a cathartic experience that helped grow as a person. It wasn’t easy, there’s a part of me that still considers her special, because of the experiences we shared. I tried looking for a similar vibe with other girls, but never found it, because she was one of a kind, not a perfect person, in fact far from it. But I learned to accept the temporary nature of my relationship with her, and moved past needing that kind of interaction again. Every person you form a relationship with brings something different to the table, because every person is different. So take what you had for what it was, cherish it, but also embrace the possibility of what something new will bring. It won’t be the same, no, you’ll never have that exact thing again in all likelihood. But have an open mind at what ither things, other people can bring to the table, and, what you can do for them as you continue to grow and change as you go through life.

The world is very big.

>He's still my best friend and someone I talk to daily. I'm talking to him right now.
There's the reason why. If you had cut contact like you should have you'd be in a better spot

You won’t be able too, no. You need to create distance, as if it were a drug.

Your getting old so your value is only 25% of what it was 12 years ago and now the good men are taken. I don't know why people don't understand that.

This is such crap. No woman is complete without a man. What would be her purpose?

OP here. Thank you, that's the answer I was hoping for. You're right, I'm going through hell right now, it feels exactly like a drug withdrawal. There was a time I thought I was born just to meet his soul and be with him and now he's just gone. But I guess I just have to deal with the pain, just like everybody else. I'm lost.

Damn, you're so wrong.

>Dozens of men
Lol. Let this be a lesson guys when they whore around you will never measure up even if they do settle for you, cock number 737

I had zero motivation. I quit my job and I lost all interest in a degree, I was once truly passionate about. Now I'm getting better, it's just that I miss that person so bad, I'm full of regret I completely lost him.

>It won’t be the same, no, you’ll never have that exact thing again in all likelihood. But have an open mind at what ither things, other people can bring to the table, and, what you can do for them as you continue to grow and change as you go through life.
I think I already understood that. The problem isn't that I'm necessarily trying to find someone exactly like them, but someone I like AT ALL. Everyone just feels unsatisfactory. Like I said, I've been with dozens of people and none of them feel like someone I want to spend my entire life with.
I don't think "someone I like talking to for hours" and "someone who shares some hobbies with me" are particularly high standards, but here I am.

Maybe, but it's been over a decade. Do you think I should do that now?

Iktf. Two months in is hell, emotional roller coaster all day erry day. 6 months in you'll still miss him hadly but you're off the emotional roller coster most of the time. The feels will seep back in from time to time again but you'll be back on your feet quicker and and quicker everytime it happens. The hits will come every week, then every two weeks, then every month, then every two months. You'll feel like you're at square on every time, but you'll bounce back quicker and quicker. One year in and you'll feel joy in everyday things on the regular again. Life is good most of the time and the weight is off. He'll still be there in your heart and mind but in the background with all the other stuff. The most important thing that you can say to yourself is, "it hurts like hell and I am a shell of myself , but I have to endure it one way or another. Time will heal my wounds like it healed all wounds and I'll be myself again in the future. I know it even if I don't feel like it now". Godspeed little bby

same. i tried killing myself last year. i was engaged and she called off the wedding and then ghosted me.

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>Maybe, but it's been over a decade. Do you think I should do that now?
Yeah. Let the dead rest and move on.

Is that why all single women over 30 are on ssri's and hoard cats? Most whores can't even go a few days without having a man around before freaking out

Maybe you can attract him back by getting a degree, guys love females who think they are smart

Never said finding someone new would be easy. Took me 5 years.

But I've known him for my entire relevant life. He's my best friend. I talk to him every day.

You know it yourself, you can't let loose and the reason is he's still in your life. But it's up to you. You could cut him out, suffer for some months and then let life go on like it should. Or you can keep him in contact, never recover and always be hung up over him

Is there honestly no other way? I mean, I've TRIED to move on and find anyone else, but they just haven't been anywhere near good enough.

If I stop talking to him, it's not like anything is going to change and I'm magically going to start liking people I normally don't, right?