Problems with small talk and getting over woman

>29
>Fall for colleague
>Hard
>Think i got a shot
>Lack of experience fucks me up, get friend zoned
>Still friends

Big problems are

>Base every interaction needing to be "perfect"
>Get super high if good, get low if bad
>Today was bad, talked too much about myself when we went for lunch
>Showed weakness by talking about my future plans and concerns
>Talk about how i want money
>Show i have low self confidence
>Still come across as clingy
>Known her for about 4 months

My two main issues. How to stop being infatuated and to vastly and consistently improve my small talk.

Sometimes I can be very good at active listening, others I feel awkward with silence or just waiting to go in to talk about myself.

Any advice for both of these situations?

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Ideally you should have some real talk with her and find that out from the source. All I can tell over the text you wrote is that there is something unhealthy about your thought process, but I won't be able to help you. Ask people who know you in real life. Perhaps even go to a support group or a shirnk if you can afford one.

Real talk as in? I know she does not like me that way.

I am somewhat aware my thought process is unhealthy but can you elaborate on that?

You're still friends right? Ask her what about you is weird.

As far as your thought process all I can tell you is the perception you give across.
>Today was bad, talked too much about myself when we went for lunch
>Showed weakness by talking about my future plans and concerns
>Talk about how i want money
>Show i have low self confidence
>Still come across as clingy
Sounds neurotic. The kicker is that you will probably be like this until god forbid someone actually accepts you. And I honestly don't know what to tell you. It's a shit situation with no way out. Eventually you may or may not find someone willing to help you through this, but if you're 29 then you may just be SOL. Maybe you'll learn to fake it until it becomes real. Or maybe you'll get a shrink and fix this through ten thousand dollars in two years worth of therapy.

I would recommend turning to some successful friends if you have any. If you can afford it, get a shrink. If you can't get the cheaper variant of group therapy. If you're completely strapped for cash, you could always give a fake name and ask for advice strangers at a pub whom you'll never meet again. You'd be surprised how helpful women can be if you make it clear that you're not hitting on them and just want advice.

SOL?

Here is the kicker too. I have talked to friends who have given me varying advice. Ive tried to kick it. I have. But jesus fucking christ its eating me up so hard.

I think she is the best looking woman etc etc. My mind is like it is on heroine. In hindsight while I am happy I met her, it has been fucking awful for me in the aftermath. 3 weeks we spent together. It was intense, I grew feelings. Then she met others, I fell down in priority as she met more socially competent people.

I got friend zoned. Now I am where I am. Sometimes we talk great, others like today is poor. I am "in love" but it is horrible.

>You will be like this until someone accepts you

In what context?

SOL = Shit Outta Luck

The advice you get will of course vary, and sometimes you can do the right thing five times in a row and fail fives times in a row anyway. It takes years to unfuck yourself from those things. The only difference between you and everyone else is (not) getting the positive feedback of reciprocation around age 18. You'll find you have all the same skills as everyone else, just practiced less, and that you're mindfucked about it. And now you have 10+ years of emotional baggage built on top of that which you will have to spend 10+ years undoing.

I wouldn't give up on her just yet. Persistence is an attractive trait. You just need to figure out a variant of non-pathetic-looking persistence.

What I mean by "you will be like this until someone accepts you" is that the neurosis just goes away after your first proper success. Alternatively you can beat the shit out of yourself for a couple of years in hopes of defeating it, but no one will care, or give you any kind of medal even if you succeed, and it's one of the most difficult things anyone can go through.

Please let us know if you figure out a solution. I think some 28% of men are not sexually active so it's becoming a grave societal issue, but no one knows how/cares enough about these men to help them, and there will be consequences for us all.

That is brutal. Well the situation is mildly complex in that there is a large age gap, 7 years, and she has just moved here where I am at the latter half of my ESL contract. I like her, a lot. But my social skills are not strong compared to the others who on a more casual basis are better at chat than me.

Hence why I would like advice how to be better at active listening and improve my chat skills. That said, thanks for the overview of my situation, it is fairly accurate.

Bump

Holy fuck is this thread me?

I'm in exact same situation except I'm a year in and realized wow this is going to hurt when she inevitably gets a boyfriend.

So I've been cutting down contact and chatting significantly. I think I'm going to just ghost her and get it over with.

You kind of have to ditch the thing of feeling you HAVE to succeed. If you want her too much, like you appear to, then that is ironically the thing that will destroy any chance you have. You have to approach her with an attitude of, I want her, and I'm going to make it obvious by saying she's hot, directly, and then I'm going to invite her to an obvious romantic date situation, and I'm going to make a move, touch her leg, get up close to her. If she's not into it at that point, you never had a chance to begin with. But at least she knows your true intentions. Hiding those intentions will lead to nothing except further friend zoning, whereas trying and failing can at potentially change her way of looking at you.