How do I make my ldr boyfriend chase me if weve been together a few years?

How do I make my ldr boyfriend chase me if weve been together a few years?
He tends to avoid me because of work and stress. We talk things out when we need to, but he still goes days without talking to me. I feel like when he does talk I seem too eager to please him or something.
I really want to be less attached to him but weve been throigh a lot and I dont want to break up.

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First of all, you will get the response that your ldr boyfriend is not really your boyfriend at all. Especially if he avoids you due to work or stress.

Second, with regards to being too attached, that shouldn't really be an issue in a relationship. Honestly, you are either in or you are out. In your case, you are in, he's apparently out.

I'd advocate having a discussion with him about it, because it's especially unhealthy to be in a relationship with someone who avoids you.

Ive subtley brought it up before and he apologized saying he doesnt mean to do that.
I dont know if having a discussion would make me seem even more needy. I hate asking people to do something because if they act different because I had to tell them, it means nothing to me.
Ive contemplated breaking up and talked to him about breaking up but that just created more problems and made me realize how sad I would be without him.
My goal is to put him on the backburner and also be "out" until im good enough and thus ready to leave him.

Unfortunately the only question you have to ask yourself is 'is this the type of relationship you desire and want?'

Talking does help but it doesn't always solve the issue if the underlying issue simply distance which it often is.

Are you happy for the relationship to continue if it continues the way it currently is?

Op here.
He goes hot and cold but I really feel like he doesnt do it on purpose. He goes periods with talking to me then periods without. The inconsistency makes it difficult to just ignore him.
Its like when I ignore him he gets really worried and paranoid. Then i feel the need to lovebomb him and reassure him.
And he does often apologize for not being talkative. Hes very good with words.
But since idk what to expect I get excited when I do get a message and find it hard to wait a day to respond like he would.
I just want to go completely cold and stop caring.

Do you have any value to him as a partner? If yes what is it?

No value huh? No point in him chasing you

>is this the type of relationship you want?
Im not sure.
Ive talked to guys that like me and want to talk to me all the time and I find it tiring bc i dont like them.
I want a guy that cant get enough of me but also gives me space.
I dont even know why I like him anymore. Im attracted to him but I dont find him physically attractive anymore. And I find his mannerisms annoying irl but I still love him.
We drive to see each other every 3 months and I enjoy spending time with him.
>am i happy to continue the relationship the way it currently is?
I feel like this time of my life is for improving so it doesnt matter that im not happy with how it is now. Because im not my best self so I dont deserve the best relationship I could get.
Im loyal to him and understanding.

Holy shit initials?

Im M and hes T.

What are some examples of value? How do I provide that?

How old are you two? Is there an age gap?

Im 27 hes 28. So not much of a gap.

Kek you can't even imagine what providing value as a woman in a relationship means? Take take take take take

It could mean different things to different people. I try my best to put value into the relationship but he doesnt seem to take it.
I try to help him when hes down, i try to bring up interesting topics, i take him places, i show interest in what he tells me about.
But since he mostly rejects those advances I just keep it at a minimum.

Those aren't things men want. Sex, purity, children. That's it maybe a sandwich

I do give him sex and spice it up
were not ready for children
I did give him my virginity.

>men dont want loyalty, or being understood
Should I start fucking other guys? Would that actually be a good idea? It would be difficult to do because I have standards.

I’ve had his exact experience OP, and let me tell you the guy doesn’t really care about you as much as you do him. LDRs can work, but if he ever goes days without talking to you in an LDR, it’s basically dead. Your relationship is already over, it’s a walking corpse.

I’m in an LDR that is very nearly done being an LDR, it’s a great relationship and the best thing that’s ever happened to me. He and I both need space, he needs a lot - there is still never an occasion where a whole day goes by and neither of us want to interact with the other. It’s been almost 2 years. LDRs work through consistent interest and continually reaffirming that connection every day. Your only contact is through specific conversation with each other, you don’t get the benefits of their silent presence or touch. You need to somehow make up for a full and complete connection through words and cam alone. It’s really fucking hard, which is why LDRs basically never work unless there is a true and intense bond, with consistent passion for each other, that can make the effort and the distance not matter.

You should find someone who really cares OP

Can the mods ban this spammer

Did you throw your purity in the garbage?

You were supposed to save it for the guy who would risk his life for you, now it's gone it's not a bargaining chip. Not ready for kids, don't have sex, I bet you would be ready for kids then instead of stupid shit like wage slaving or college

So theres no way to know what would make him want me or what he wants in a girl?
What do you guus talk about?
I like small conversation about anything but im not the type to spend hours exchanging paragraphs for the sake of intellectual conversation. There has to be some type of middle ground?
But I am heading into my late 20s and im afraid I wont find someone better. I can hardly make friends because of how socially retarded I am.
Congrats on your relationship btw.

OP, if he can go days without trying to talk to you, he really doesn’t care about you. He wont suddenly change who he is or care about you if you find random topics.
Random topics become interesting and naturally come up when you already love someone and give a shit about them. Random topics won’t make him really love you if he doesn’t yet

Do you think he will ever regret not carong about me after I leave him?