/sig/ - self improvement general

Too Real for Jow Forums jannies Edition

/sig/ Basics:
>YOU are 100% responsible for the way you experience life. Not your parents, not your surroundings, not your ex, not your bully, not your future spouse. YOU. Complete, sincere acceptance of this is the most fundamental step to bettering yourself, and it is by far the hardest thing you'll ever do.
>Work your way to becoming the best YOU you can be - one step at a time.
>Set realistic Goals and have a Plan. Use short-term Goals to keep yourself going.
>Learn helpful and effective daily/weekly/etc. routines, including mundane ones.
>Have a steady sleeping rhythm - one that works for you, so long as you keep to it. Get 6-11 hours of sleep. More Info: pastebin.com/h4CDDtKu
>Learn Mindfulnes Meditation. More Info: pastebin.com/0NMDEUNh
>Learn to be Brutally Honest with yourself. Stop being a slave to your Ego.
>Have the balls to follow any beliefs to their logical conclusion. Think critically, question everything.
>If you need to put others down to feel good about yourself, you are putting yourself in a position where you are dependent on the people you look down on.
>Focus on the essentials. If you try to do everything at once, you’ll burnout. Little by little.

>newarcitea.neocities.org/ - Overall Guide
>thework.com/ - "Simple" Mental Health self-help resource. You get out what you put in.

>s000.tinyupload.com/index.php?file_id=98969210042127012301 - Marcus Aurelius - Meditations
>s000.tinyupload.com/index.php?file_id=01374239493824328035 - Sam Harris - Waking Up
>misc.equanimity.info/downloads/mindfulness_in_plain_english.pdf - Henepola Gunaratana - Mindfulness in Plain English
>s000.tinyupload.com/index.php?file_id=93057425205857796418 - Dale Carnegie - How to Win Friends and Influence People
>Tsultrim Allione - Feeding your Demons

last thread on Jow Forums

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>You don't need a relationship, you want the feeling you've convinced yourself a relationship will bring you.
>What you actually want is not wanting anything anymore
>This is true of everyone. You aren't abnormal.

>The famous, beautiful, rich guy can be more miserable than you.
>The impoverished, ugly, unknown guy can be far happier than you.
>You decide your mindset, and the reasons for your misery or happiness.

>Ignorance is the source of all suffering
>You will always do what you think serves you the best - that is the limit of your free will
>If you consistently do things that make you feel bad, it's because you don't truly know how to do any better
>If you only know of shitty options, you will always just choose what you think is the least shitty option
>You need to increase both knowledge and understanding to give yourself the possibility to make better choices

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Thank you OP, this was certainly worth a read & it's ashame it's not picking up much traction.

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how do you guys get over the past? ive done some pretty degenerate stuff and i want to move forward but it hard

Simply accept that it's water under the bridge and that you're a different person now

finally moved from Jow Forums eh

Glad to hear you found this interesting.
People don't know what to make of this I guess. It's fine.

I suspect there's a new janny with a bone to pick.

There's no point in blaming yourself, but do take responsibility and resolve to do better in the future.
Start by not thinking "I've been degenerate" but instead "I did what I could with what I had" and work to figure out what you can do differently now to do better in the future.

How to develop better psychological defense and coping mechanisms?

Mindfulness Meditation. See OP.

alright thanks man
the thing is i was really addicted to porn a few months back and i kept watching weirder and weirder stuff until eventually it was like toilet stuff
im working on it man, i've accepted that its shameful and im no longer like that and i really hope the guilt and shame goes one day

Explain to me how I'm NOT screwed in life! No woman will want me, no employer will take me seriously, in fact no-one will take me seriously.
On top of that I'm average looking at best which is another anchor tied to me. So please tell me how I could ever pull out of this and make something of myself

You just wanted to feel good. Like everyone else in the world. And just like so many other people, you found a maladaptive way to do to that.

I understand that you'd feel ashamed. That's fine. Just realize that your fundamental drive to watch that stuff came from a totally normal place. Accept the feeling of shame. Don't push it away, don't cling to it, and don't let it become something that turns the porn into a forbidden fruit that's always tempting you.

Are you Mexican? Jesus christo it's not fair to Mexicans that white men are 10 inches taller than your people

No I'm white, but thanks for admitted I'm right

One of my friends is 5'1 ( 5.8 average here ) , bald, hairy and prone to rashes. Resting bitch face. Has a cute gf, works at a computer shop, owns an apartment. He's funny, empathetic and easy to get along with.

You are making up a story about how your height is keeping you back since familiar misery is easier to deal with than unfamiliar challenges.

Prove this friend exists I could claim that I'm a 6'0 movie star, but without evidence it's baseless conjecture

I don't need to prove anything since it's not my mental health on the line.

It's up to you to choose to believe that being 5'1 will hold you back. If holding on to that belief works for you and makes you happy, by all means continue doing that. But you could believe differently.
Or do YOU have proof that EVERY 5'1" height man is doomed to be a recluse? Because unless you can prove that, you are just making the conscious choice that YOU can't make it.

alright man i appreciate the kind words, learning guitar right now to try and improve myself, i really hope i will forget about all this in a few years or at least make the shame a little less, i might have some form of ocd or low level anxiety disorder so that's not helping lol
Thanks for the help.

So you have nothing. I dont bother with beliefs. Only facts and the fact is that my height holds me from success

Provide proof that EVERY man in the world that's below whatever height you think is okay is doomed to be unsuccessful.

If you can't, I'm sorry to break it to you but you are very much operating on belief and not facts at all.

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I'm not the user you're replying to, but I have a diagnosed anxiety disorder and possibly OCD. It helps to recognise that porn definitely will NOT help with either of those things. It's helped me, and I've been essentially porn-free for a month and a half now, minus some minor relapses. Those will happen. You'll feel shitty about it. Just accept it and carry on; don't obsess over the guilt you have from it.

You are right I had a friend in college who was five foot two and he had the gf who was smoking hot. This guy had been the state wrestling champ so he had that going for him but was a massive alcoholic so there's always pluses and minuses but it is possible to over come being an Uber manlet

Why is this not on fit? Just curious.

Because it's too "mental healthy".

Look at all the CEOs and successful people all of them are 5'7 or above. also this


I've come to realization recently that life is too complicated for no reason. I've been seriously considering packing my bags and walking across/around the country. I want to understand *why* people work. I've been told my whole life that I need to to survive, but I don't believe them. There is so much unnecessary conflict and whatever "benefits" I'm supposed to get from society don't make me feel like anything.
Basically, life is an opportunity to experience and I feel like I'm wasting the opportunity.
I guess I'm asking for tips to be a vagabond

Your retardation is making me hate manlets

Go ahead and be mad. That doesn't change reality

Not good enough. I said prove that every short guy is doomed to be unsuccessful.

Even if you provided stats saying 99% of every short guy is unsuccessful, you'd still have to also prove that you are not among the 1% that can be successful.

Provide facts, not feels.

alright thanks

The fact of the matter is I'm a 5'6 manlet and if you ever get a bitch I'm going to steal her from you and your shit attitude and fuck her raw in front of you. Mate you're your own worst enemy it's so sad to see

Is this "wallowing in misery like a bitch" general?

is me

Fuck sorry user wrong guy.

Meant him

How do I get over the things I'll never be able to have?

>YOU are 100% responsible for the way you experience life. Not your parents, not your surroundings, not your ex, not your bully, not your future spouse. YOU. Complete, sincere acceptance of this is the most fundamental step to bettering yourself, and it is by far the hardest thing you'll ever do.

By realizing they don't matter. By its very nature it is silly to worry over things outside of your control. Practice stoicism - Marcus Aurelius.

You don't get over them, you just realize it's just poison to keep lingering on it and move on.

good job completely ruining a perfectly good thread

Firstly, do you know for sure you can't have them.

Second, do you really NEED those things, or do you just want the feeling you have convinced yourself that those things will give you?

Who's this directed at?

this guy started it all

I have crippling depression and constant suicidal thoughts. My life sucks. I'm trying to fix it but for the next 2-3 months it will simply be a living hell. How can I get through this time period without jumping off a building? It's all I can do to not reach for the razor blades.

I have some pretty bad sexual trauma that gets in the way of my life. The biggest triggers I have for flashbacks are feeling desired and/or aroused. What is there short of sexual surrogates and prostitutes is there I can do to safely be in sexually charged situations to feel comfortable in them and move on?

Find someone you love and trust to be sexual with

>just x bro haha

I just wanted to have an above-average-sized penis, but I ended up with an average one.
I'm convinced I'm missing out

I never said it was a matter of "just" finding the person. Obviously it's something you'll have to work at and build, and it involves recognising that that person is not the one who hurt you and caused your trauma. The specifics I can't give you because I don't know you and certainly don't know the person you light trust and love.

I have the nasty habit of trying to throw myself at women I trust to try to achieve this. It hasn't worked. I also keep freezing up when girls want things to go farther than just flirting, because I of course need a little bit of time, but this just makes them leave and not look back. I really don't understand how I can find someone who is going to be patient enough to let me work through all of the crap I have going on before things even get to the point of being sexual and then still stick around if things go poorly once I do get sexual with her.


>have to bump your metathread and it's not even 60 posts down
Please, dude

I do something similar, and I've only got regular intimacy issues; nothing abuse-related. It's easy to think that a girl you trust will be "the one" who'll help you overcome your problems. It's a comforting thought. I think it helps to remind yourself that they need to trust you, too, and throwing yourself at them is not the way to accomplish this. You'll have to conquer that knee-jerk reaction. It's tough. Like I said, I'm still struggling with it too, so I apologise if that's not much help. Either way, I wish you luck

Can someone give advice on how to improve these things ?
>brain fog
>poor social skills
>skinny fat
>low intelligence
>being bad at math
>random episodes of sadness
>suicidal thoughts

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eat better, more sun, less weed (no weed really), more exercise.
>I do all that

Study math

Feel like my SO is holding me back sometimes because I always have to deal with their extreme swings in emotion and constant anxiety about everything. I'd feel bad leaving though because I do care about them but it's just exhausting

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>suicidal thoughts
Get professional help.

>brain fog
>random episodes of sadness
Mindfulness Meditation ( check op ). Doesn't require that much active effort but it does take dedication and work.

>skinny fat
Diet and exercise. Start running. Swimming. Yoga. If those seem too involved, try starting with a little bit of low impact calisthenics per day. Don't have a good guide for this but do marching in place for 2 minutes, bodyweight squats for 3x10 reps ( easier: do it by sitting on a chair and getting up again ). Push ups for 3x5 ( easier: girlies, or against a wall or a table - adjust angle to be a bit challenging ). Do at least one more rep each day. Also check for Apps. Doesn't matter what so long as they start low and provide progression.

>low intelligence

Read. Start with Mindfulness in Plain English in OP since it'll help you with everything else.

>being bad at math
I'm incredibly bad at math. Probably worse than you. I also don't need it a whole lot so I'm not pressed about it. I've found that understanding very basic things gets me the information I need in most cases and if my ability to calculate things in my head ( pretty much anything over 1+1 ), I can just use Excel/Google Sheets to do the work for me. I just ask people help for formulas.
If you WANT to be better at math, try khanacademy.org/


So i keep cheating on my wife and its really hard to stop. I dont even know why, i feel like its just out of habit and lack of sex. I have 2 girlfriends right now and im about to get a 3rd, but im hesitant to start because this 3rd one is recently married so i feel bad for the guy.

How to self control?

Figure out why you need to cheat.

Get psychiatric help.

This is true, but what if your past self completely fucked you over to the point you the life you only now realize you wanted all along may never be?

You don't want things, you want the feelings you tell yourself those things bring you.

When you think you want a certain kind of life, you've just convinced yourself that kind of life is the only way to get those feelings. For example, "in order to be happy, I must be rich" - this is just plain false since there are plenty of people who aren't rich who are happy. You have on your own, based on your own subjective experience assigned value to certain things and have then convinced yourself that those things are necessary, but do you actually have proof?
If you don't have proof, then why make the choice of believing in something that just makes you feel bad?

I don't want feeling, I want purpose. I want to dedicate myself to a woman, have a family, protect and serve that family and raise my sons and daughters to do the same thing. I want to serve my civilization and people by ensuring my civilization and people can continue.

But because fucking childhood me went MGTOW before it was even a thing and decided it was better to be small and weak and that "I don't like eating, so I won't do it", I am trapped in the body of a boy halfway into my 20s with no history of social interaction.

You're right on the wanting part, I vividly recall this kind of materialist mentality from my childhood, but now? I don't think a family is a want, user, I think it is a need, and fucking pissstain teenage me fucked that up.

Why do you want purpose?

I wish this could be stickied.

Because it is a fundamental part of human nature and what allows civilization to exist.

That's one way to answer what the nature of purpose is.

It does not answer my question though. Why do you want purpose? Why is it important to you in specific?

So we're being moved from Jow Forums to Jow Forums now?


Why do I need to justify a basic biological drive beyond that? The need is beyond my control, it's just a core of my being.

I looked but cant find specialists under $200/hour available.

I tried doing some self reflection and ive ckme to the conclusion that i dont like cheating, id rather masturbate than have sex with someone and have to hide it and sneak around. But when the opportunity is there, i just cant resist, i keep going through the motions. In the past i used to remedy this by introducing my wife to any possible lovers so they could get along and id be cockblocking myself, but it backfired in the sense that my wife just dislikes anyone who is female, and that pushes my mind towards them even more.

You don't need to justify it to me, but you should check if you're basing your worldview on an objective fact about reality, or a personal belief.

Unless you can provide proof that without fulfilling those needs people can't be satisfied in life, you're talking about a belief. So, you are choosing to believe something that makes you feel bad.

I had a similar argument in this conversation chain:

Then my suggestion is reading Feeding your Demons. But do practice Mindfulness Meditation first since the FoD method is pretty involved and if you can't access yourself honestly and non-judgmentally, it most likely won't do much for you.

Other people are good motivation for sorting your shit out but they can easily get you looking too far ahead if you're not careful.

>believing in something that makes you feel bad.
But I thought we had already determined the opposite -- self-based materialism -- was "just as" bad?
I've done time with all of these ideas as driving force - and all brought me equal misery in the end. I went into my developmental years thinking I needed certain things for people to like me, only to come to the conclusion halfway through that I needed only myself to achieve happiness, and that has landed me alone save for online "friends" halfway across the world and distant relatives.

You can't just decide "I'll just be with myself and that makes me happy". You need to actually find that happiness inside of you, understand where it comes from and why.
You don't purposefully avoid people. You welcome people if they come and let them go if they go. You don't make "being alone" into an identity.

This kind of thread is 200% what Jow Forums needs.

I didn't "just" decide, I thought about it, weighed my options, and went with it. And at the time it worked, I was content, and every now and again even now it works, but I am miserable. I am alone, no lover, no heirs, only myself and my hollow, meaningless little world.
I lived in the moment and damned my future.

>I lived in the moment and damned my future.


You can do ALL of these things and still be 100% isolated and alone. Considering that isolation is many of Jow Forumss chief problem as it's concerning their motivation, their depression, their hopelessness all in one, I think /sig/ is fundamentally flawed. Socializing needs to be placed at a much, much higher priority. By Jove, the first sentence of "Improve Social Skills" says "Stop thinking you need other people." That is patently false. Humans NEED other people to have a positive outlook on life. We have a social instinct, and it compels us to find a group and feel as though we're meaningfully contributing towards it. When we feel that, our brain rewards us with positive feelings. It's far more important than being Jow Forums, far more important than being well read, far more important than everything else on /sig/.

But of course, the people who started /sig/ are social failures themselves and they don't have any real advice on it, and for normal people who don't need /sig/, socializing comes as a matter of course and haven't developed any techniques to improve it, so there's nothing dumb siggers can copy/paste into the socializing box like they can for fitness and books.

Teach me how to socialize

Nowhere does it say that you shouldn't HAVE other people in your life.

It just says that you need to drop the idea that you "NEED" other people. Because thinking that you need them leads to grasping, which leads to bad relationships, or makes you difficult to like since people will sniff out the desperation from you.

Be happy with yourself, be content, don't judge yourself or others, be compassionate towards yourself and then extend all that to other people and you will never lack people who love you.

The hard truth

How do I stop thinking negative shit all the time? Will meditation help?

Every day my internal monologue is telling me shit like
>I'll never get a good job
>I'm going to be poor and I'll never be able to retire
>I'm too stupid to do anything
>Nobody will ever recognize me and I'll die a nobody who did nothing important

And shit like that, and it feels very discouraging.

>hit new prs on bench and incline bench
>very battered
>shoulder doesn't hurt
>do ohp, can't even rep out my working set
>ohp is gutted and shoulder muscle hurts a bit
I think it's not an injury i just battered it too much, my shoulders have been feeling better than ever, my clicking has been gone.

Only if you skip over half the text in the posts and only focus on the parts you want to focus on.

>Will meditation help?

If you put sincere effort into it, yes.

Do look at Athlean-X vids. He's obsessed about shoulders for good reasons.

There's a /sig/ on Jow Forums