My girlfriend is amazing, she writes thousand word paragraphs everyday proclaiming her love for me, always give me loads of affection, puts me first in everything. Yet I want to break up with her, i can't stand any of the nice things she does for me. Every time i see she's written me a para i want to die, i feel sick when i kiss her or do anything with her. I want to break up with her but im scared i wont find anyone better. What do?
My girlfriend is amazing, she writes thousand word paragraphs everyday proclaiming her love for me...
I’m guessing you can’t respect her, because you know that if you started behaving the same, she wouldn’t give a shit, and would likely stop caring.
what do you think it is you’re doing to get these paragraphs?
Do you think you’ve done anything to earn them?
I don't believe I do anything out of the ordinary, I do treat her with respect and kindness though
Tbqhwy OP I would probably feel like you do in that situation, but for different reasons. My self esteem is so low I make myself sick and the idea of anyone actually loving me for what I am makes me sick of that person. Kinda why I have a femdom fetish and want to be used and abused.
Break up with her; she doesn't deserve someone who doesn't reciprocate. Of course you won't and will continue stringing this good woman along because you are nigger salad.
I want to break up with her but I know i won't get any better then her
user, if you don't want to work on this problem to salvage the relationship, save both of yourselves the trouble and end things ASAP.
If you do still feel like you'd like to try and make the relationship work if possible, then you need to talk to her and be open with your feelings. Say that something about the dynamic isn't working with you and that you need her help to make this relationship something positive for both of you. This will be easier if you do some introspection and have your feelings sorted out and understood before hand but not necessary. Maybe you need her to not just be someone who adores you but also someone you can have experiences with and grow as people with in life. Maybe you'd be able to like her more and appreciate her signs of affection more if they were coming from someone with their own life outside of the relationship. Does she have hobbies and friends of her own outside of the relationship ?
If I tell her how I feel she will 100% leave me, there's no doubt in my mind about it. And yeah she has a good life outside of our relationship
Clearly you don’t like that amount of attention in a relationship.
Don’t think about what society tells you a “good” girlfriend is like.
Does she make you happy? Are you happy right now?
Clearly not by what you wrote.
So, even if 1000 other guys would love to have your GF, she clearly is not for you.
Stop wasting your time and her time.
Give me her number I'm gonna take care of her
Reading this makes me want to be nice and soft to you user
Despite how you see yourself, you deserve to be loved. please don't seek out a bully for low self esteem reason
OP maybe she is coming on too strong or clingy or desperate?
There is nothing wrong with being put off by her overeagerness. There is something wrong with you staying in a relationship because you're afraid you won't get anything better. You will damage this girl if you continue. Please man up and break up with her so that she can find someone who wants to be with her. You will find someone who wants you too
You're either repulsed by her autism or look either way you'll break up eventually
Ask her why she loves you so much? Maybe if you know what's so amazing about you, you'll empathize with her?
She was in a really dark place when I met her and without even knowing it I manged to help her through it, that's why she loves me
Break up now to save you both the pain of doing it later
That is not amazing and she doesn't love you. She's insecure and it's manipulation to make you think she's not worth leaving.
If she actually loved or cared about you, she'd do stuff for you.
Instead, she does crazy things and then shows you so that YOU give HER attention. She doesn't love you, it's just selfish attention. It's all about her.
Hence why your subconscious mind is telling you to run away. Why you don't love her. That 5% of your brain that is critical and conscious has been bamboozled by her, so of course you don't rationally understand why you don't love her and you'll even call her "amazing". But your unconscious mind knows better.
Leave her. Guilt free. After you cut her off for a few weeks, you'll start thinking clearly again and you'll look back on all this rotten stuff she did you to and you might even hate her.
The important thing is to stop talking to her.
Can you expand on what you mean by "she'd do stuff for you" Like what kind of stuff?
beat and delete
This is terrible advice and just someone trying to mess up your life btw.
In many cases I’ve seen, he may not be far off.
I would feel uncomfortable, too. Too much love and affection is anxiety-inducing and a normal person wouldn't do that every single day just to show her love. She seems a bit cray-cray.
There are ways to show love and feel secure in a relationship without being incredibly clingy and needy.
I don’t think so, neediness and over-affection is repulsive to the vast majority of people, that’s why it’s called smothering.
How can I tell if she actually loves me or if she's just crazy?
I had this exact same situation and after breaking up I can tell you I’m fucking miserable now. Yeah she was clingy and a bit needy but to have someone who LOVES you, truly loves you and would do anything for you is an extremely rare thing. Don’t take it for granted. Also remember how miserable dating is, do you really want to go back to that shitshow? Do you wanna be lonely again? Be smart user and communicate with her but don’t just dump her because you’re too lazy to put in the work to make the relationship work. You really don’t know what you have until it’s gone.
I know it would suck to lose someone who actually loves me and it's a risk since I may never find that again but before her I had never been in a relationship before. But from what I remember I was content and satisfied being single, when I got with her I explicitly told her I wasn't looking for something serious but she was really full on and kept asking me to make it official so I caved in. But then again I don't want to take any chances either.
Maybe you are self concious or feel bad in some way, not used to this kind of behaviour so it throws you of. If you actually like her then maybe you need to be able to accept her compliments. If you dont like her then you are just wasting hers and your timr and need to end it. Either cause an argument or be distant till she asks whats up so you have an excuse without having to man up to your own feelings.
She was my first too, I had been single for 19 years and did not have a big problem with that. I thought I’d go right back to being single and “free” with no worries. Now I miss having someone to spend the days with, that companionship. Who knows maybe you’re right and you’ll be happy when you’re single again, but you’ve gotten a taste of love and it’s much harder to be alone when you’ve had that love in your life. At least in my experience, I’m not trying to convince you have to stay I’m just giving you my personal advice. Give it some time and talk to her about her clinginess but realize she’s not doing it to annoy you, she’s doing it out of pure love. Don’t hurt her just have an honest conversation about what you don’t like that she does. And this is what I really wish I had known: YOU HAVE TO PUT IN THE EFFORT TOO. Even if you don’t want to because you think it’s corny or dumb, go buy some flowers, a gift, and take her on a nice date and tell her how much she means to you. Give her some love back.
Break up with her. If youre with her because youre scared then youre doing a disservice to both of you. Youre probably young, and you sound like you dont know yourself very well
Leave her and work on yourself, figure out what it is you want and then think about getting into a new relationship
I put in a lot of effort as well, everytime she send a paragraph I send one back. I buy gifts and remind her that she's amazing and smart. I'm scared if I tell her I don't appreciate her clinginess she'll take it the wrong way and think I don't want her anymore. But thanks for the advice
No bullshit, if I didnt know better I'd think I wrote this myself, this is literally almost exactly what's been going through my head since I broke off my relationship, and it was my first after 19 years as well
It fucking sucks but it’s how idiots like us learn
The important part wasn't the word 'stuff', it was the word 'you'.... meaning that she would be doing things for him and not herself.
She's only writing those messages for purely self-serving reasons. If she cared about him, she would be doing stuff he likes, whatever that may be, perhaps just saying "how was your day, what did you do?" and listening to him and just being a pleasant person for him.
Instead she's not caring about him, completely disregarding how much she's annoying him, and writing these messages to just satisfy herself.
It's all about her, not him. Then she acts fake and falsely innocent if he ever says anything. Because the only reaction she'll accept from him is praise and attention. OP does not have the wiggleroom to be honest with her and just say "hey that's cute, and of course I love you, but you don't need to do all that and actually it can be quite annoying. Instead why don't you _____"
I think I've broken this down enough for you. But yeah their relationship is completely toxic and she is an awful girlfriend.
I'm benevolent and only very rarely do I advise people to break up. Only when I'm super confident.
Feel the spirit of her words and actions. Sit back and reflect on the last time you hung out. Think about random things she did. Did she do it for you, are for her? I mean really for you, or her?
If you think writing those long messages are "for you", then you might want to reflect on your social skills.
OP do not listen to this incel
Now that you mention it I do feel as though she's more in love with the idea of being in love then she actually is with me. She always mentions how she's wanted to love someone and I'm that someone to her, I'm not entirely certain though