I'm super pale, flat chested and have really narrow lips. These are my biggest physical insecurities yet, a couple months ago, I met this guy from the city who says those three things are amongst his favourite things about me. I notice him staring at my lips, sometimes when we're together he'll just be gazing at my body and he's very physically affectionate with me.
But when I told my bff and his gf, they both told me it sounded manipulative. Basically that he was exploiting my insecurities to make me fall for him, which I have. My bff was especially angry about it, saying I should be careful of "such a sleazebag".
I have to admit, this really upset me because I've been so happy since I met this guy, thouhh apparently I've been blimd to all the red flags.
Does any of this sound manipulative to you? Should I tell him I'm worried? I was meant to be seeing him this evening.
Why would they be red flags? If you like him go for it.
Did he know about your insecurities before complimenting you on them? It’s hard to say whether he’s doing it because he cares about you and wants to alleviate your insecurities or that he wants to control you and make you fall for him. Tell us some more details about how you guys met and the way he treats you?
Just because they are your insecurities doesn't actually make them unattractive to everybody else. There are guys that like flat asses, double eyelids, albinism, body hair, ect. Taste is subjective. Though with your atributes, I'd question if he was pedophilic and trying to cope.
Your bff is the manipulative one here. The dude finds you attractive and he says so explicitly. That's how hitting on works. If you like him go for it, but still get to know him beforehand. He may be interested only in your body, it's a possibility, but that's the first step of attraction. Just be sure there are actual feelings behind.
Maybe this poor guy simply is able to have his own tastes without getting influenced by the "beauty stabdards" that society forces into us.
Why would one think he's manipulative for just liking different traits in women?
I don't see any problem. Even if he's trying to make you fall for him, this means that he likes you anyway. So what's the matter if you like him too?
Sometimes males lie about what they like to win girls' hearts, but they do so because they are actually interested in that particular girl.
Bet he knows you’re insecure about them and wants to make you feel better about yourself. He can’t agree and say that those qualities are bad.
What is the alternative, not making any mention of your physical characteristics? People will complement characteristics they find attractive and everyone has different tastes.
And this is why girls should never have male bffs, they just see you as their gf and get all possessive
I'm attracted to those things as well, don't see anything bad. Also, maybe he is just trying to make you more confident in yourself, it's a good thing.
>pedophilic and trying to cope
How do you mean? That he likes those things cause they're child like?
Kiiiinda, I was talking about mixed raced girls one time about how they all seemed to be super curvy with Angelina Jolie lips and he interrupted me to say that me not having those features that made him find me so beautiful.
After that I started noticing the nonverbal stuff but I couldn't say if he was doing it before.
If he was just being possessive, why did his girlfriend agree?
it was me not*
Or he actually likes those parts about you. Crazy thought.
So you were fishing for compliments and he gave you one? What is wrong with this world?
>I was talking about mixed raced girls one time about how they all seemed to be super curvy with Angelina Jolie lips and he interrupted me to say that me not having those features that made him find me so beautiful. In what universe does this constitute manipulation? Your bff has poisoned you.
>That he likes those things cause they're child like? Yes, girl.
Ok that mostly seems like he’s just giving a compliment, very obvious flirting at most. Saying he’s manipulating you is just reaching way too far.
Unless you have further evidence he’s manipulating you, your bff is either just misunderstanding something or he’s way too overprotective of you.
Is that all the guy told you? It seems to me there must be something else he might’ve said so your bff would react like that.
if your "friends" wern't such faggots, you would be happy with the guy now...
Ok, lets say he said those things on purpose... purpose to what, for you to like him, or for make you feel good about yourself and loved in his presence?? What the fuck, the guy wants to make you happy and your "friends" are searching a reason for you to not be...
i don't know, if you don't like the guy, don't meet him anymore, If you like him and want to fuck him, do it.
I don't look like a child, don't worry.
He does tease me a lot, but it doesn't hurt my feelings. I think, maybe if I didn't know him like I do, some of the jokes might upset me. Like he'll write stuff on my skin with his fingernail cause it stays for ages, or he'll joke about how hard it is to grope my boobs. Stuff like that.
I know my BFF had a bad gut feeling when I mentioned a guy approached me on campus, so I think he's just being cautious for my sake.
Knowing nothing else, it sounds like the guy likes you and wants you to feel comfortable about yourself and know that things you don’t like about your appearance might not be as bad as you think. Sure, maybe he’s trying to get in your pants but it definitely doesn’t sound malicious from what you’ve said.
It’s a little messed up though that your friends would immediately turn on someone because they complimented your appearance. Like “we know you’re an absolute slag, what’s his angle?”
>so I think he's just being cautious for my sake. He seems jealous and is purposefully trying to sabotage your relationships. If you're happy with this new guy, then good. it seems like he likes you unless there's something you're leaving out
Your BFF isn't being cautious. He's the one being controlling and manipulative. That's what you're really blind to. I'm sorry, but you're an idiot.
This. I reckon the BFF, or a good friend of the BFF, has a crush on OP.
Seems a bit overly sexual for just dating each other. Consider the possibility he’s just trying to get in your pants.
But you should be the judge in that situation, you know him after all.
Do you find his sexual comments about groping are making you question his intentions?
Are you 12? Adults fuck when they date. Adults fuck on the first date if they want to.
I guess where I’m from it isn’t that common of a practice. I get that it might be different elsewhere tho.
To have sex before marriage?
No, just to have sex on the first date (unless it isn’t serious then its like whatever)
We've already slept with eachother.
Only thing that's made me question is that he says he wants a big family and, since we're a similar age(20 and 23) I figure he'd be wanting to get started soon, but he's never mentioned us being together together beyond telling me he was looking for something serious on our 2nd date.
Exploiting your insecurities would be... I don't know, saying that you are lucky to have found somebody that likes you even if you look like a freak (mind you, you don't look like a freak based on your description, just saying what a manipulator would say).
Women can't understand men, and men can't understand women, but you have to understand men have wildly different tastes. I love tall women, my friends love short, for example.
You are somebody's type, don't think it too much unless he hurts you in some way (psycologically speaking)
let me tell you the non-bullshit answer
your fuckfriend does really like your traits indeed being your insecurities doesn't make them automatically repulsive or unattractive, keep this in mind your girlfriend is stupid and is making conclusions based out of something which doesn't really happen in real life; he says he likes those features probably because he actually likes them AND because he wants you to feel good with the intention of making you associate him with that feeling of goodness, which is what we mean when we say we "like" someone in a non sexual way your friend wants to fuck you but he's a little bitch, he's trying to get rid of his competitor by undermining your opinion of him with accusations of trickery (this is way more common than you would think, and you can spot an untrusthworthy man just by this), but bear in mind that we tend to see in others our own intentions: he's the manipulator kind, which is ironic since that's exactly what he's doing although it's probably safe to say that's what's happening, there's always a little chance that your male friend is stupid as well
you've been blind to your own friends' red flags, but your human dildo doesn't seem bad at all, at least not with the little context you gave
>Basically that he was exploiting my insecurities to make me fall for him, which I have. that's just cortship described with bad-sounding words you fucking retard i'm just answering because you're 20yo and you are fucking clueless jesus christ
This guy is smart. Once again, you're being retarded. I have a "big family" and I didn't start until 30.
He wants something serious, you’ve said it yourself. With the information you’ve given, I don’t see why you shouldn’t just stay with the guy.
Your friend seems odd, any good friend would be happy for you. He either low-key likes you and wants to manipulate you into staying single or he’s just fucking dumb and can’t accept men can have very different tastes.
Despite what some girls might think. Not all of us prefer the model-type body. I prefer chubby women myself for example.
I like small lips and small boobs too. don't think you're being negged.
It's the Groucho Syndrome.
Groucho Marx once joked "I wouldn't join any club that would have me for a member"
You think so little of yourself that there has to be some ulterior motive for him to be liking you.
Consider the possibility, however remote, that he actually likes you.