Been dating a girl for about half a year now, she's dreamy and loves me to death. Sex is great but recently we had a bit of an argument about it.
For context: >right before our first time she told me she was raped a few years ago >very insecure about sex and her body (she's fit tho and I always compliment her) >sympathized with her but still decided to go for it, super gently >she loved it and said she feels comfortable with me >ever thankful for helping her overcome her fears >also had a hard time believing I was a virgin being so confident and caring >thanks softcore porn hehe
But naturally she's still a bit reluctant to have sex. We only see on weekends and whereas once a week already feels insufficient for me, she wants it maybe once or twice a month. She feels bad for me and fears she can't please me. And it's not just benis into bagina, I fucking love eating her out and making her feel good.
Can I somehow make sex more natural for her? Therapy is a no apparently.
It's a conundrum with rape victims, because a healthy sex life has male domination at its core. That honeymoon period is supposed to be her walking around the home and kinda lifting her tail whenever she sees the horny bastard coming after her.
Therapy is scary, but it might be your best option. If not, you'll have to talk honestly with her about seeing you as a man as well as a partner.
Yeah I mean even if I start touching her at the wrong time, she will clasp her thighs and just paralyze (too afraid to say no) which kinda kills it for me.
I tried talking her that I still have my needs and she definitely feels bad for me. Even suggested that if our things don't work out, I can have a sexual relationship with someone else. Tempting but I really want to do it with the person I love the most.
>Tempting but I really want to do it with the person I love the most. Tell this to her. You need to break her defense mechanism. Convince her brain that you mean safety and will never harm her. Always assure her that you’ll never hurt her and keep your promises.
The other thing that helps is lust. Find out what turns her on and keep pressing that one button. Women are tough to please, and as my old man used to tell me >women are like an airplane panel - full’o buttons and gauges. Unlike us men who are far easier to get up and running, women take time and practice, but the bright side is that they feel pleasure in a different way too. Once you figure out which buttons to press, she’ll never send you away.
But remember, you need to earn her trust. Having sex with a rape victim is just like dealing with a skittish horse - you always keep a hand on the horse so it always knows where you are and what you’re doing. This >Yeah I mean even if I start touching her at the wrong time, she will clasp her thighs and just paralyze Is both catching her when she’s not turned on and/or catching her by surprise.
It’s true that seeing each other more often would work wonders to bridge the trust gap, and by no means take this as if she doesn’t already trust you. It’s just like facing any other fear - it takes time, patience and reassurance.
Having been raped has broken a part of her, and you now have the opportunity to fix it, OP. If you do this right you’ll earn yourself a lot more than just a loyal horny girlfriend and browny points.
>Yeah I mean even if I start touching her at the wrong time, she will clasp her thighs and just paralyze (too afraid to say no) which kinda kills it for me. That is hot. I would love to use her, all paralyzed in submission to my thick and vascular sausage.
>Tell this to her I've talked about it, and she definitely admires my dedication despite saying that I "could have anyone I want". But having history with rape and cheating men, I'm ready for the challenge to win her heart completely. One waifu laifu.
>But remember, you need to earn her trust I know, and she definitely knows I'm dedicated to her. Her exes have been cheats and assholes so I'm all about being the best possible man for her. Keeps saying she doesn't deserve all my care and that she's not used to someone being as good-natured as me. So I guess it's just a matter of time and patience.
Oh and by "wrong time" I don't mean any kind of surprise-secks-out-of-nowhere but even after kissing and cuddling she just might freeze up if I try to proceed.
But thanks for the wise words, at least I know I'm playing my cards right and not being an asshole for wanting to fix her.
I was gonna say this
>I can have a sexual relationship with someone else DO NOT FUCKING DO THIS (EVEN IF SHE APPROVES) DO NOT FUCKING DO THIS (EVEN IF SHE APPROVES) DO NOT FUCKING DO THIS (EVEN IF SHE APPROVES) DO NOT FUCKING DO THIS (EVEN IF SHE APPROVES)
>not wanting a threesome Buddy are you gay?
No worries, I've denied it many times. I know she's just testing my loyalty and I have no intentions of letting her down.
Still kinda funny how things turn out in real life. Even if she was okay with it, it's a huge fetish for many men that I'm turning it down. The guilt would just crush me.
>She subconsciously does not trust you. IIRC it's more about her just not being comfortable with intimacy since she hasn't had any since the incident. You could be right though.
I tried talking to her about therapy but she really just doesn't want to talk about it to... anyone. Even telling me was a task and I still don't know much of it. But she's smart and hardworking, applying for unis and always so adorably cheery. She seems to be over it but you never know. I too told her about my depression and anxiety, and now that I'm finally contemplating therapy, I hope it will encourage her too.
>write a love letter Haha man, haven't done that just yet. I'm a real hopeless romantic and she always teases me about it. I always compliment her, surprise her with food, take her out on dates and keep her close. I always tell her it's these things that make me happy with her, not just sex.
Does she whimper when you touch her like that? Does she present her buttocks to you in a sign of complete and abject surrender to your manly lust for her trembling body? Does she prostrate herself in worship of your carnal desire?
If yes, you should train her to maintain that servitude towards you. It is a quality very difficult to find in a woman.
Why am I not surprised with this post? Somewhat disappointed, but not surprised.
Maybe leave pin it as a “long-term” project, y’know, for when she has already warmed up to your dick and you don’t have nearly as much problems in the relationship as you have now.
Laddie, why would wanting to fix her equate to being an asshole? >one waifu laifu Indeed.
>even after kissing and cuddling she just might freeze up if I try to proceed. That was more like what I meant. >She subconsciously does not trust you. She has the right to distrust anyone that approaches her in a sexual way even if there was foreplay and warming up. It’s natural for her body to “shy away” from things related to past trauma.
But alas, it seems like you and I agree on everything that has been spoken, so as you are in the right path I have nothing else to say.
I’ll just lurk this thread until something else comes up. Peace and serenity to you, user.
>Therapy is a no apparently. Then she needs to self therapy/self help book about sex so she can become more comfortable with the subject and try harder to put her trauma to bed.
You’re a lying neck beard loser. Only a fake loser would write a post like this. Get the fuck off the internet, call your Dad, and move on with your life before you become some sort of freaky rapist.
Okay, new reply: most of the people replying to this are just like you. Weird losers who’ve likely never had consensual sex. You ALL need to get the fuck off the internet before you do something stupid.
This is so sweet user. I think this is your best chance OP
>Laddie, why would wanting to fix her equate to being an asshole? Eh, could've expressed that a bit better. Despite being the horny 20-something fucker I am, my goal in this is her (if not our) best and not just my own selfish good. She had a hard time understanding this as well.
>it seems like you and I agree on everything It's still good to hear I've been on the right path all along. Thanks for your input.
It honeestly seems she doesn't want any kind of reminders from that time, but I'll think about it.
>only see gf on weekends >she lives in another city than I am currently studying/working in >she's currently applying for a uni which is even further away >fucking hell >out of nowhere, she has a surprise for me >if she doesn't make it into the uni, she wants to move in with me >tells me how she's tired of being alone and always missing me all week >she's never wanted to live with anyone else before >is this real life
I guess I'm doing pretty good
Also she felt bad for being on heavy period for two weekends. She said it would be nice to "have some fun" again. Lord give me strength on my nofap until weekend......