I recently took a chance and got rejected, am I being an asshole now after though?
I met this girl, she is awesome, conservative values, beautiful, smart, has a good career. We got along super well and she's given me sorts of indication of wanting to be with me, mainly just the sheer attention she's been giving me, physical touch, affectionate words, mention of wanting a relationship, etc. Just things you don't do with just a friend, watching movies with me going on little dates working out, etc.
Anyways it's been like 2 months of this and I feel like I want to be with her now and not just friends, I ask her for more and she rejected me.
It ended alright I took it okay and she left my house after, now I just have been removing myself from her. Just not replying to her anymore and I think I will just overall remove myself. I don't think I can be friends without being hurt along the way when she inevitably finds a bf whose better than me to her.
Is it completely wrong of me to do this or will she understand?
If she's mature she'll understand. But there might be a chance she tries to contact you anyway because she thought you were the beta type she could string along, but all you have to do then is continue to not respond.
Why don’t you be an adult and let her know you aren’t comfortable at the moment just being friends ezpz so you aren’t being an asshole leaving her in the dark?
She already has sent me a few messages, one even saying she misses me, I guess she misses talking to me but it's only been 2 days now.
I just haven't been replying, I basically feel like I put the ball in her court and if she doesn't want more with me than she can't have any of me. This sounds like a childish way to do this but I really care more about my own feelings.
I did the same thing to a girl that rejected me. I didn't want to look like the beta bitch that keeps orbiting a girl who rejected me.
Well our conversation irl ended with basically her knowing how I felt and that I don't know if things would be the same now.
That's how I want to treat the situation as well. I told her how I felt, she didn't want more from me, so now im just done with it, I haven't talked with her anymore about it and i guess now I'm just clinging on to the idea that maybe she will change her mind. But either way I'm just going to exit. Won't I won't allow though is for her to fish me back into being a companion/friend for her I just don't get everything I want out of it.
childish is an overused insult to mock someone's behaviour, but it's never really applied to childish stuff why isn't selfish when you don't owe anything to people an ok thing to do?
you did the correct thing, doesn't matter any moral aspect of it since it is not anything of importance, really she's going to respect you more for it, which is always better than having her around but thinking you are a lesser man
Yeah I really pride myself on trying to do what is right for everyone in a situation, but in this one I can't help but feel like I just have to act selfishly and deny her a friendship
I don't think it's wrong of you, OP. You seem to be going through a very similar situation to mine (I just found your post after posting my own thread below):
I told her also that I don't feel comfortable with this and that I might need to distance myself. In my case though she actually started seeing someone else. But even though I've let her know exactly how I feel, we still talk because we've mantained a good friendship. But it hurts like hell to me to know I won't have what I had before or at least a chance to be the person I wanted to be to her. So as you can see, I'm also swinging between just plain ignoring her or be stuck in a loop of telling her that I don't feel good about it until it possibly eventually she gets fed up with it.
So maybe just distancing might be the best.
Yeah yours is similar but I didn't even have a FWB situation. You had way more reason to believe there was something there. A chance. I just want to move on from it it's been replaying in my head over and over and I just wanna not be cucked or an orbiter or whatever the buzzword is for a friendzoned guy
>but in this one I can't help but feel like I just have to act selfishly and deny her a friendship the thing is, sadly, women only have fuckfriends or girlfriends, no in between, as bad as this may sound once you declared her your intention, she had to use the old one friends tool, not only because it's a nice buffer (it feels bad rejecting someone, it always hurts to be rejected), but because she can't risk it by being overly direct in her rejection and making the man go bonkers like a lots of guys do, which could result in him just going around harassing her and trying to make everyone else think she's an asshole this is just an example tho, but it is always convenient in any way to at least show the intention of keeping you as a friend, because it sounds good and mature it's not a genuine offer of friendship, because she knows it's not convenient
just do what is best for you both: walk away, don't reach her again unless you see each other on the street, and she'll actually see that you aren't the kind of guy who get attached of an illusion and sadly clinges in whatever is given to him, and who doesn't waste his time that he could be using with other prospects
even if you are fugly and she'd never want to be with you, you'll have her respect because people don't respect morals, people respect will
Thats makes a lot of sense user. Your examples too. I'm not fugly by any means I'm put together for the most part I guess that's why this hurts a little more I have an image of myself and I guess she doesn't see it the same.
Yeah I will just move on. If I see her I'll act cool but I laid it out she declined so I'll find other prospects like you said.
don't worry man, even the most sober people get a turbulent mind when they have hard emotions which is why it's good to get some third-person advice
now post ass I'm really hard right now
I'm a guy
I only have shirtless pics
I didn't mean your ass retard
I don't have any to post I'm sorry user
If she ever wants something more with you, just keep in mind that you're a person and not some kind of reserve/chance for her
You don’t have to worry about that. She will be fine.
I don't think I could resist her if she changed her mind. I hate that that's the case but she's awesome
I'm sure you're right. I'm positive I'm having a harder time coping than her.
I forget how it feels to be rejected in this way. Makes me feel less willing to put myself out there
i don't see anything wrong with this. i wouldn't hang out with a girl if i saw no chance at romance with her. you're doing the right thing user, you'd cause yourself pain if you strung along with her only to see her get with different guys.
Yeah as I've said to the other anons that's how I'll play it out. I refuse to be someones orbiter
You're thinking with your heart, some things aren't meant to happen that's life. I know that its hard for you right now but it will get better as time goes by
You handled it perfectly well then, don't listen to the weirdos here. Opposite sex relationships don't work if you're both straight. Just keep the door open for her if she realizes she made a mistake