Ask an attractive user who's good with women for advice

Making a move simply means when one person indicates they're interested in someone else romantically or sexually. It could be something you say, a flirty remark, or a non verbal like a girl touching your arm subtly. Making a move is just flirting, but a more overt wat of declaring your interest, it might mean asking a girl out, or asking her number. For example me "Making a move" on a girl at a party might involve me suggesting we go somewhere quieter so we could "talk" or something similar. You most likely just need to make your interest in women more clear. Either choose to become more overtly aggressive in your speech (Complimenting girls, being "alpha") or look for sarcastic ins for flirting while in one on ones or group settings. I prefer to play the more flirty role as I'm a skinny tall guy, so it usually lends well to my look and personality. Look at yourself objectively, evaluate your strengths and weaknesses when it comes to dating and with women, your looks, your social skills, etc. Ask a female friend for her opinion if you need to. Focus on your strengths (Are you big? Are you tall? Are you Asian?) And play to those. You'll find more success playing to your niche than going for simply any girl regardless of their type and your own type .

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She's just a manipulative and shitty person because of a troubled past with abuse and stuff. She still talks to people about seeing her ex boyfriend from months ago even though she meets this other guy pretty much every day. I should've known not to stick my dick in crazy to start with. Second time we had sex I got real drunk and coked up and intended to break it up with her, turns out she was into that stuff with me being angry at her and everything and we ended up going home to her for another session, baka.

Thank you user, wish you the best.

If i'm tall, white, skinny and have pretty good face, how are my chances with women?

In hindsight, I should have clarified the "strengths" point.

My point was that you will be put into a box regardless and be assigned a stereotyped regardless. Know your role and play to it. I'm the skinny tall "pretty boy". I won't have success with every girl, as some just won't be attracted to my "stereotype" or look. Learn to not take it personally and remember that generally you WILL fit into someone's "ideal type"

I'm very introverted and focused on my own world. When I do have a conversation I'm reserved and also bluntly honest. How can I succeed in finding a compatible partner without sacrificing my personality too much?

You're describing me user. It depends on how nice your face is honestly. You can feel free to post a photo if you'd like and I can give you advice. If you have very nice facial features (High cheekbones, a nice jaw) you can slay and do well for yourself, especially in other parts of the world (Asia)

TLDR
I don't have enough information to give you an accurate answer. Potentially amazing potentially mediocre

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First off whats your age and age of woman you generally find success with?
That plays into part 2- how to let one know youre interested in her, in person. It may help or hurt the cause, but i spend a lot of time in the gym. Women know theyre being looked at and probably dont want to hear another pickup line.

I'd say focus more on understanding your own core personality traits and learning what personality traits in potential partners work well with your own. You don't want to sacrifice your own personality as you'll never truly be happy in the relationship. Be honest with yourself and determine what is a "quirk" of your personality and what is a flaw. If you're quick to get unreasonably upset you need to work on that, but not everything that you consider a "bad" thing about yourself will be recognized as bad by others. Love yourself but be honest with yourself, and always work on improving yourself. There's nothing wrong with being introverted, plenty of people love it user.

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How do you initiate in a club./bar What do you do what do you say

I won't post my picture here i'm sure you can understand why, but I'd say my face is a 6.5/10, perhaps more perhaps less. I don't really know. Some of my male friends occasionally told me i'm good looking and I notice a decent amount of girls showing some interest but i'm pretty shit at getting clues sometimes, for example my ex and only gf didn't show any interest as far as I could see and we still got together. I'm a little bit too skinny for my taste though.
My facial features are like decently masculine, ok chin, very good cheekbones (imo), some facial hair (leonardo dicaprio style).

I want to get 'back' into the dating scene but I don't know how to do it and where.

I'm 20. I've found I'm successful with girls within my age bracket (18-22) as well with some above, as I tend to be a little mature for my age and women tend to read that quickly. Oldest I'd realistically date is close to 28-29, but I've had women as old as mid 30s-40s indicate interest in me.

Pt2. If you're at the gym, don't bother. Your best bet is catching her before she starts (Going in to the gym) but even then I wouldn't recommend it. The gym is a terrible place to initiate just due to the terrible association of gym guys. I would avoid as it may actually be the thing that kills your chances.

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1. How do you start talking to a random girl on FB? Or even face to face, without seeming awkward

2. How do you get over the anxiety and fear of saying something stupid?

3. Would you give your number or ask for hers?

4. I have an idea of making a random girl take my phone then progressively guide her to the contact list, then add, and ask her to add her number, would it be considered smart or creepy?

I hope you can help me out, and thanks for your time

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Tough one. I've never had to do it user. My club experience usually involves walking around with friends until a girl comes on to me. My best advice would be don't take it personally if a girl isn't interested in you, and that your best bet would to just be casual and if they're not interested don't get upset. Walk up, say hey, ask how they are, offer them a drink, honestly I would say avoid clubs. They're a social event in which women have inflated views of themselves usually, as you're competing with a ton of guys. But if you must, keep it casual, read her body language, keep it light. Don't get into any deep topics that could even potentially make her uncomfortable. Remember you're at a club and she's had her entire life to be warned about how you may want to drug her and hurt her. Talking to girls at clubs generally seems to be less about saying the right thing, and more about not saying the wrong thing. Let them talk a lot and they'll get more and more drunk, and conversation will flow more and more easily.

TLDR:
Keep it light. Have fun with it. Don't make yourself appear desperate and take rejection with stride.

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How fucked am I if I have no social media whatsoever?

My best advice would be to get on tinder. Play to your tall white guy stereotype and use every match as an opportunity to practice talking to women. Your objective is to become better at talking to speaking and becoming more confident. Not pussy. That'll come after. Have fun with it and don't be afraid to cut your losses of things ever get too serious and you want to have fun with it. Also, take every opportunity to go out you can, go to bars, clubs, social events if you can with friends. I've had a lot of interesting and amazing encounters at social events I was so close not going to.

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Fucked. Women use it to scope potential guys out. Having no social media is a massive red flag for many girls. I'd suggest getting on it ASAP

Wouldn't it be equally weird to just have a bunch of empty profiles?

Start building an Instagram, maybe post a couple photos of yourself, with friends and with a dog or something. Anything to give you any sort of credibility that you're not a random serial killer. Snapchat is optional depending on your age group but I would say instagram is universal and you should have one. You could realistically make a case for not having the others to most girls without it being considered weird.

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>Mostly normal guy
>Have friends and an active social life
>Have diverse and sociable range of hobbies through which I meet girls
>Groom myself well, dress well, even receive compliments on my appearance from girls sometimes
>Don't harbor incel beliefs, not a misogynist, don't blame women for my problems
>Have female friends and can talk to women well, platonically at least
>6 foot tall
>Decent looking as far as I'm aware, at least I don't have any glaring grotesque flaws
>Still a kissless dateless virgin at 23

What am I doing wrong OP?

Pic related is my accomplishments on the "normalfag bingo" that was a thing a while back. My answers on this haven't changed for 4 or 5 years.

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Does tinder really work? Everytime I ask a dude about it he tells me he's getting nothing out of it.
Any tips to make a more effective profile?

What if I don't have any friends anymore? Maybe I should just forget about it until I do.

I got snapchat a year ago and it helps a lot, Just doing streaks and commenting on girls storiesead to conversation pretty easily

Why do I keep getting played by girls?
Girls texting me first, leading me on, but cancelling plans together and disappearing after some time. Or girls suddenly texting me after not writing in a year and then expecting to get in touch again.
Last time I had a gf was 4 years ago ffs, they always ghost.

Tinder is useful and worth it as a guy if you're attractive. Basically if you're an 8/10 or above its worth it, you can get consistent pussy easily and you will generally have options regarding women at all times. If you're average you'll struggle and it's probably not worth it. As for making an effective profile you want it to appear as you've put in as little work into your dating profile as possible. It should imply you don't care too much about rejection and getting girls. A guy with a long bio is far more likely to creep a girl out than a short bio. Who puts a lot of effort into their dating bio? Usually people who don't go on many dates. Keep it short, sweet, and if possible, a question. Something that allows women to initiate conversation with YOU as opposed to the opposite. A girl messaging you first puts you at a massive power advantage and allows you to decide the tempo of the conversation.

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I think part of my problem is that I get put into a box that doesn’t fit my true personality. I’m a really good looking guy, get called a prettyboy quite often, been told I look like a jock in a high school movie. The girls who are interested in me are typically focused on my appearance and think that if they provide enough liquor, they’ll get the outgoing and aggressive man they’d envisioned. When that doesn’t materialize, they get frustrated.

The harsh reality is that you were their second choice user. Girls like guys prefer to not be rejected and want to feel desired. Most likely you were the back up incase their first choice rejects them. My best advice would be to try to get better at guaging interest through speech or body language, and to be honest when a girl is or isn't interested in you. Be realistic with your expectations and you'll find more success.

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Ok, good advice. Do you have to get the premium version? I hear people saying that free tinder gets you fucked by the algorithm.

Mainly for younger people i assume like

Choose a different persona then, accentuate aspects of your personality that you like and people who are attracted will be drawn to you. Maybe try the quiet stoic type? Maybe focus on choosing your words more carefully, focus on analyzing conversation and wait for your opportunity to say something that will be "impressive" whether it's a joke, an observation, or a compliment. When you speak less often, your words mean more. Women pay attention to that a lot. Don't be afraid to play into being a "mysterious" quiet type to gain interest intially.

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You don't have to get the premium version but it'll definitely give you more options and opportunities to talk to women and meet them. If I were to go back and live in Japan I would definitely use tinder plus while single, as I would max out matches every day

Alright, thanks a lot my man i'll try to do some catching up

You basically just described my actual behaviour to a tee. Literally every single word you typed is something a girl has said about me. Maybe I’ve got an uncanny valley effect going. Or maybe it’s that I am intriguing people but the signals they send are subtle and I don’t know how to escalate while remaining my reserved self.

Skimmed through this thread, and everything this guy said are either empty platitudes or straight up wrong. His good looks most likely carried him through all this shit
t. below average guy with better success than he'll ever have

I'm glad you've found success in your own way user. I'm just sharing what's worked for me. The best way I've found to talk to women is simply to think about what they want to hear, and I'm sure it sounds vague as hell but conversation and social interactions often are. I can only be so specific in relation to each question.

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I'm also good with women. I want to take a shot at this. Sounds like fun! :D

Practice real listening. Not just hearing their words, but letting their words paint a picture in your mind. Consider the other person, feel them, live in their shoes. You can never go too far with this.

It means to just go in and kiss her. Or take her clothes off. Girls want to be acted upon and not have you ask for permission. They'll say no if they're uncomfortable about something.

terrible!
Is THAT what you think women are looking for?

If you look at least average, then you're OK in looks.

What you should be concerned about is your social skills and consciousness. women are attracted to men who make their friends jealous of them. Be a great guy, with great friends, and bring life into a room, and all her friends will desire you, which will make her desire you.

Basically figure out who her friends are, what they desire, then be that guy.

>Hi, I'm user!
then start a conversation.

Don't overthink how you start talking to her, because it means nothing, what really counts is the quality of the conversation that you guys have.

1) Don't. But I did once a few years ago and it went fine. Just say hi, and how you found them.
2) Push your comfort zone with baby steps. Once you clear a part of your comfort zone, it's cleared for life, so just keep steadily pushing it.
3)ask for hers. Men call women, not the other way around.
4)Creepy. as. fuck. You should always be direct, shameless, and pressure-free when you ask a girl out.

If you just want to get casual sex? A lot. Girls always stalk me on socials

Not thinking about women and what they actually want, and what the other person is thinking of.

Your always thinking about yourself, improving yourself, and so on. Try to escape your own head and understand theirs. I don't know how to break you out of this... but maybe start with REALLY and honestly listening.

>Your always thinking about yourself, improving yourself, and so on. Try to escape your own head and understand theirs. I don't know how to break you out of this... but maybe start with REALLY and honestly listening.

This advice sounds really vague. I don't actually know what the fuck you're telling me to do.

It doesn't matter how much I try to "understand girls", they just don't seem to be attracted to me anyway. Feels like I get friend zoned by every girl I meet within 5 minutes of meeting her. But I manage to keep friendships and friendly acquaintanceships with girls pretty easily, so I can't be all bad. It doesn't seem to make sense that no girl has EVER been attracted to me, and yet this is the reality.

I would say your best option is putting focus on an individual person. If you limit your words and speak infrequently your words have more power. Maybe use that intensity to your advantage? Ask specific questions that imply something, like if a girl is seeing someone. Pick your words carefully and use those words to their maximum effect. Try that and see if it works with your look/personality better.

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Pretend feelings are real, like something you can hold in your hands. Everyone has them. They're different for everyone and every time.

Now if you're just flat blunt with everyone, especially girls, it's like you're knocking these balls right out of their hands.

Everything can be said honestly, but it can also be said with care. Be blunt and honest, but say it in a way that shows you don't want to knock the happy balls out of their hands.

I'm not OP but I'm 28 and date 18-24.

>ghosting
You're scaring them somehow.

My turn! What do you think about me?? :D

>It doesn't matter how much I try to "understand girls"
Yeah I knew you wouldn't get it. So I'll try again.

I'll take an example from your post. grooming.

When you "groom yourself well", why do you do it? To attract girls, of course, but why?

Why do you think grooming yourself will attract a girl?

Well it's because YOU think so. Not her, YOU. You are misguided because you're doing all this stuff for yourself.

For example, a hippie girl might not give a hoot about your grooming. And any normal girl will only care that you're just average or better. So why do it?

What it says about your person, is that you don't think about women, what they really want.

It's like saying "Hey I put a pound of flour in the over with 300 eggs and sprinkles, why don't I have cookies? wtf am I doing wrong?"

EVERYTHING.

These things you listed are not how you attract girls. It just stuff that YOU somehow came to believe attracts them.

So that's why I'm telling you to listen to girls. Break down everything you think you know, because obviously it's not working. It's not the correct way. So break it all down in your mind, start fresh, and listen to girls. Just put yourself out there, embarrass yourself a little bit while you learn, and build up again from the first brick; that is the only way.

From now on, do not take advice from women, or men who are unsuccessful with women. ONLY take advice from men who know what they're talking about and have the history to prove it. Only they know what women want.

Hey user. Sorry to take so long to get to you, at work so it's hard to respond as fast as I'd like. There could be many reasons. It could be you actually aren't as attractive as you think you are and that holds you back, or simply you're not playing to your niche. Many girls can acknowledge a guy as being attractive, without being attracted to him. That's where it becomes difficult and frustrating. Moreover you simply could just be too passive, girls think you're not interested, and decide to look elsewhere. Be more forward and shoot your shot whenever you can. sorry this is vague, if you can give me more specifics about yourself I can try again in more detail, or if you need clarification let me know

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femanon here lol
>I pet my dog every day. I give him baths every week
>I went to school when I was younger
>My laptop is Microsoft. I kinda like apple, but this is cheaper for me
>My favorite films are comedy
>I've never broken a bone in my whole life!
>I know how to ride a bicycle
>I EVEN was on a boat this one time

So why am I still a virgin at 23?? I just don't get it.

Here's a irrelevant meme that has information about my life.... What am I doing wrong?

(((That is what you sound like, but in girl form. Do you get it now?)))

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>When you "groom yourself well", why do you do it? To attract girls, of course, but why?
No I don't. Not primarily. Primarily, I do it because I want to look good myself. And I wouldn't respect myself if I was unkempt, dirty, badly presented, etc.

>So break it all down in your mind, start fresh, and listen to girls. Just put yourself out there, embarrass yourself a little bit while you learn, and build up again from the first brick; that is the only way.
Again, I literally have no idea what you're actually telling me to DO. Listen to girls in what context? I talk to girls all the time, pretty much every day, and they're not telling me anything in those conversations that gives me any indication of what I'm doing wrong that is keeping me a kissless dateless virgin.

The way you all speak about this, it makes it seem as if it's an ancient form of magic I just cannot grasp or comprehend. Like attracting women is some complex sorcery. It shouldn't be like that, all my friends regardless of whether they're tall, short, fat, skinny, funny looking or conventionally attractive, they ALL get dates and succeed with at least some women. What could possibly be so wrong with me that means no woman has ever been attracted to me in my life?

user is right.
OP here. If you're a decent guy and not making any large mistakes there's no reason you have so little experience with women. I'm not saying that to shame you or call you out, but rather to point out that there's most likely something under the surface that you may not acknowledge that stops you from doing well with women. You may just be unattractive physically. It's a shitty truth but most women (and men) are shallow and will make a decision regarding you being a potential partner very quickly I find. If you have more specific questions or can give more specific information (Even in private if you'd like user) I can try my best to help out.

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>I talk to girls all the time
Not talk. LISTEN.

You are missing the point here. Other people exist, other people have desires.

If you're not hearing the things you need to improve from women, then you need to listen harder. They will never tell you outright. You must have the social skills to understand subtlety, nuance, and envision the other's experience.

Everyone has feelings. There is no way to tell you how another feels. The words do not exist. Feeling something is an experience that cannot be reduced to words. I can for instance say "I'm sad", but what does that tell you? It doesn't share my personal unique experience.

So how you understand what women want, is to try and understand their personal unique experience. This is how flirting works. It's like saying
>"hah i know what you're thinking"
>"teehee i know what you're thinking too!"
>"now you're thinking of this other thing"
>"now i know you know I'm thinking of this other thing. You got it!"
and so on....

It's one big consciousness game. Women love consciousness. YOU ARE UNCONSCIOUS to what women are thinking, feeling, and DESIRE.

Read the sentence again with emphasis on the capitalized letters.

>What could possibly be so wrong with me that means no woman has ever been attracted to me in my life?
You're not conscious to female desire. Try to learn it, by realllllllllllllllllly listening to them. Not just hearing, not just talking, but really trying to cut into them.

The men who do this best, get all the girls. It's a game of scale. Like having big muscles or small ones. Your success depends on your skill here.

better

I'm going to try and translate
As I understand it. Essentially Peanut Butter seems to be saying (As I understand it, I may be wrong) is that you're viewing relationships and women as something like a recipe. You have all the traits you believe SHOULD get you a girl, so why haven't you gotten one? Peanut butter is saying that you're viewing women incorrectly and that. Flirting is a game of guaging the other person (In this case the girl), understanding their perspective, how interested they are in you, etc. And from there you make a guess as to what they want, and if you should pursue them should the interest be mutual. There is a lot more to the "chase" than you realize. Women want to feel desired by others, to the point where they're worth going after. Flirting is a representation of that, of the sort of power struggle where both parties try to size each other up as quickly as possible, and then play mental games, "One big consciousness game"

There is more to dating than having a checklist of desirable traits, it's a matter of how you apply your social skills to your advantage as well as how you subtly show your desirable traits. Don't tell women you're empathetic, show it.

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I’m starting to believe these hostile lonely guys aren’t just lazy faggots, who think they deserve a virgin because deep down they’re all basically pedos who are disgusted by adult women’s bodies.

but they’re actually autistic
(not memeing) and raised by exhausted parents who can’t be bothered to push reality into their grown son’s head. Because they cut down on bullying in public schools, these younger guys are weaklings who never got in a real fight or got their asses kicked by strict parents. The few amongst their age group that did have a traditional upbringing, are the guys these losers are jealous of for pumping and dumping their crushes.

>translate
lmao...

Thank you OP. One small favor, could you follow me around Jow Forums now and forever and translate all of my other posts? I get this problem a lot. Would be a huge help thanks :D

Most guys just don't understand women straight up. Which is fair because they're complicated as hell I'm glad I didn't misunderstand your point and didn't completely butcher the point you were trying to get across user. OP's translation services are now active apparently

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What is your opinion on Goro?

Sets unrealistic expectations for men that we can't reasonably achieve.

>You may just be unattractive physically
But I'm not. I'm relatively tall. I'm in good shape. I would post a pic, but I don't want to identify myself. I have a symmetrical face and a good well defined jawline. I've been told I have very nice eyes. Girls have complimented my appearance before, some girls even called me "hot" or "sexy". And yet here I am, 23 years old, never been on a date, never kissed.

>You must have the social skills to understand subtlety, nuance, and envision the other's experience.
Unfortunately I'm literally diagnosed autistic. There is nothing I can do to make up for that I'm afraid.

>Try to learn it, by realllllllllllllllllly listening to them. Not just hearing, not just talking, but really trying to cut into them
In a practical sense, please tell me what you're actually telling me to do. The next time I'm talking to a girl friend of mine, or the next time I'm meeting a girl at a social event, what are you suggesting I should DO in order to "listen to them" and somehow uncover these deep arcane secrets you're hinting at?

I just don't know what it is you're telling me to do. All the advice you're giving me is vague, wishy washy, "feelings" and "vibes" shit. You're not giving me anything concrete I can actually do in order to escape my kissless dateless virginity predicament.

user, we can't give you anything concrete because there's nothing concrete in relationships. A sentence can mean many things depending on tone, I can't tell you exactly how to tell if a woman is interested in you based on facts, but I could tell you if I was in front of you. You've said you're diagnosed autistic, so there may just be a lot of social cues you're missing, or perhaps women write you off immediately upon realizing you are autistic, it's not a pretty thought or comforting by any means, but it's important to be realistic.

There isn't a single person who can give you a concrete 10 step plan on how to nail a chick, and and if someone says they can they're probably lying. The best anyone on here can do is give you the tools you need to better yourself, or the advice you need to pursue you own growth. I can't tell you exactly how to tell if a woman is interested in you, but your goal should be to get better at that, not pussy. Focus on the true objective, understanding women. Not getting pussy. You'll do far better long term having understood the intricacies of social interactions and how to speak to women than you will after having recycled a script given to you off an user here to bang a girl at a club.

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I'm op, expanding upon my previous post to clarify. I could tell you if a woman was interested in you for example at a party, by her body language, how she spoke, etc. It's very hard to guage that sort of interaction when not present, and even harder to set theoretical guidelines as to what does and does not constitute a girl being interested in you.
Learning to read women's tells is very difficult, and it's something you'll never fully master, everyone is different. Every girl, every conversation, every situation is an opportunity to learn more about people and how they tick, I really cannot stress how much the little things (Body language) matter.

>Focus on the true objective, understanding women. Not getting pussy.
Yes, but what the fuck is it you're actually telling me to DO?! What is it I'm actually supposed to be doing to try to understand women better? I already talk to women all the time, and evidently it's not been leading me to "understand" them any better. Is there something I'm missing here? What do I need to do to have a better understanding of women? I just don't get it. It shouldn't be this hard for me to just get a first date or a kiss from a girl.

>please tell me what you're actually telling me to do
To exercise your consciousness until you become very conscious in general. Then use it to give women what they want.

For example, a girl desires to feel comforted and hugged. If you are aware of this (conscious), then you are able to take the action and make her happy.

But if you are not conscious, then you are unaware she's feeling uncomfortable, which means you will never take the action. She will not like you more.

This is why it's so hard for you to understand. You're not conscious of all the signals girls are sending you. It's not a question of "what to do", because once you know, you'll do it right away. It's a question of being aware.

Since you're autistic, this will be a challenge for you, but not impossible. I think autistic guys who master women are the most attractive men. So my advice to exercise your consciousness is to:
-Be curious, limitlessly curious
-Ask long chains of "why" questions (to yourself) until you reach a root
-Suspend the past and future and just live in the present every once in a while
-Speculate that everyone is always lying, be a bit cynical
-Take LSD.

These things will augment your consciousness and eventually you can use it on girls. Once you use it on girls, you will easily give them what they want. Then you will get a girlfriend and she'll love you because you make her happy.

I'm telling you to understand their thought process. The end goal of flirting is literally being able to read the other person's mind. Flirting is like poker, you're trying to gauge of the other person is interested in you while not showing your own hand (Making yourself vulnerable/being rejected)

Have you tried asking female friends why they're not interested in you? If not I'd recommend it, they may have insight none of us do. As for what you're not understanding, women. Your goal is to be able to read her mind and do exactly what she wants, without her needing to ask, put simply. You need to learn to understand what the girl will want and how to give it to her, whatever it is she wants (Comfort, someone to vent to, someone to console her, etc)

Here's an example of unconsciousness that stands out to me:
>It shouldn't be this hard for me to just get a first date or a kiss from a girl.
That is what you want. But do you know what a girl wants?

Not in general, but the specific girl you're trying to kiss? This one, individual unique human being. How can you give her what she wants in return?

By being aware of it.

That's it.

that is your problem, my man.

To solve it, you just need to work on your consciousness. Also practice helps, pushing yourself out there. But I know you're already doing that, which is why I'm focusing on your consciousness problem.

>Have you tried asking female friends why they're not interested in you?
Generally, my female friends are girls who I'm not interested in romantically myself. Not because they're unattractive, but just because i've "friendzoned" them kind of - I'm so used to them being platonic friends that I just don't think of them in a romantic way. So I wouldn't ask them "why aren't you interested in me". For one, that seems like a kind of pathetic question to ask, it makes it sound like I'm demanding something from them.

I asked a couple female friends why I'm not good with girls. One of them was shocked and said she presumed that I was okay with girls and was just private about whoever I was getting off with or dating. She told me that she didn't think there was anything wrong with me that would be off putting to girls.

The other friend I asked, I asked her to be as brutally honest with me as possible as to what I'm doing wrong to repulse women. She didn't tell me anything bad at all, only that I come across as "closed off" or unintentionally rude sometimes and that maybe girls who don't know me well interpret that as disinterest. I don't know what I can do to fix that, since it's probably an uncontrollable effect of my autism.

>unintentionally rude
bingo!

If you were aware of how the girls felt, you would have been able to sidestep and avoid being rude.

Are you starting to see the pattern here? Awareness/consciousness. Your weakness, user

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Everything you said is a lie. Likely a virgin. Get off the internet and maybe, just maybe you will actually meet a real life person someday.

>But do you know what a girl wants?
No. I don't have the slightest clue. I don't know what attracts women anymore. I see girls I know dating guys that are shorter than me, fatter than me, guys who smell funny (one of my guy friends - no offense - is attractive but smells constantly of sweat and BO and yet he never has a shortage of women to date or casually fuck). I see girls dating guys who are probably more autistic than I am even, guys who seem to have no social awareness or who are emotionally unhinged in public.

The theory I have is that there is basically an entirely separate set of "romantic/sexual skills" that aren't intrinsically linked to social skills. You can find plenty of guys who are shit at talking to people in social settings and have high anxiety around people, but for whatever reason if you put them with a girl they find attractive, they can suddenly flip some switch and gradually seduce that girl like a complete natural. Meanwhile, I may be autistic but I'm generally socially high functioning and have constantly pushed myself to become better at interacting with people, and yet when it comes to seducing women I am utterly and completely hopeless.

There are guys out there who have almost zero social skills who are getting girls, and that frustrates me to no end given how much effort I've put in to overcome my autism and be a better socializer.

I hate this racist fucking song.

>The theory I have is that there is basically an entirely separate set of "romantic/sexual skills" that aren't intrinsically linked to social skills. You can find plenty of guys who are shit at talking to people in social settings and have high anxiety around people, but for whatever reason if you put them with a girl they find attractive, they can suddenly flip some switch and gradually seduce that girl like a complete natural
It's called consciousness. I am also autistic and have anxiety and girls are not a problem in the slightest.

>completely hopeless
If you're feeling hopeless and life is unfair, then improve your optimism and maybe take antidepressants.

But when you're ready to improve your situation, this "missing piece" you're mentioning, is simply consciousness. Luckily, it's something that can be exercised, like a muscle; it can be improved.

So I've well answered your question now, I'm leaving this thread. I wish you all the best user.

>system of a down
>racist
what, mate?

I understand your frustration user, the best thing I think you could do would just be to try and take the plunge as often as you can, perhaps try to have a wingman on you if possible who can point out if a girl is interested and their tells (Maybe a friend at a party who tells you a girl was looking at you in a particular way, or a girl was laughing a little TOO hard at one of your jokes) and learn through repetition. You'll get better at recognizing those signs and tells the more experience you have, and from there you'll gain a better understanding of what signs mean "Continue, I'm interested" and what mean "Fuck off, I'm not interested"

I sense that my problems are too entrenched for Jow Forums advice, I'm checking out some therapists, but I'd appreciate a word if you could. I've had close to zero friends, and actually zero friends close enough to do stuff with, from age 17 (entering college, dropping real-life contact with old neighborhood friends) to now at 29. I simply never engaged people, they almost never engaged me, and I was fine with that. I'm no longer fine with that, I want a family and a career to support them. I'm not socially anxious or unconfident in myself personally, but it's hard to break habits and mannerisms built from mostly ghosting other people for more than a decade and never (literally zero times I can think of) initiating social contact even before that. Textbook schizoid. And I know that many facts about myself are giant red flags to a stranger with no inherent reason to trust me. I couldn't even make an online profile because I have no friends to do anything with and no pictures of myself aside from practice selfies I took this week.
Where would I start?

That's a toughie user. You're already behind as you've been inactive socially for a long while. What are your hobbies? I would suggest creating a Facebook account if you don't already have one, looking for places that cater to your hobbies (into anime/videogames? Find a videogame themed bar and watch for events on Friday nights!)

In regards to habits I would say make it a habit to push yourself our of your comfort zone. Make it a rule to never turn down plans when invited (in the future) or something similar, make it a rule to go out every Friday, to respond to every text within 5-10 minutes if possible, etc. Find schedules and rules you can stick to, and follow them. Put yourself out there and don't be afraid to make yourself vulnerable. You will get hurt, but it's worth it in the end, you can find that love and happiness user, but you gotta work for it, just like everyone else. I hope this has helped at all, if not feel free to ask any more questions or for clarification.

TLDR:
What are your hobbies? Find People with similar interests, seek out events in your area related to that hobby, be extraverted, try to make friends, and take risks. Talk to those guys talking about a game you love, talk to that girl, make that joke, etc.

For the autist:
A practical way to implement the advice you’ve received would be to form hypotheses about the people you are talking to and what they are thinking about or feeling at any given moment. You can then test these hypotheses to see how accurate they are. Over time, you should hopefully observe an improvement. I’ll also add that making an out of the blue insightful comment about someone is one of the fastest ways to make them feel closer to you. I’d probably keep the comments to myself until I’d been at it for a while, though.

user I have a question, what is your first name
Is it matt by any chance?

No it is not user.

Sure OP. How do I get my first GF? I'm confident that I'm husband material, but I csn never get anything going with a girl
Not ugly, just very shy, no confidence, don't know how to talk with people

>1) Don't.
Ok, then how does he meet girls if hes not supposed to talk them?

First off, be honest with yourself. Are you attractive? Are you intelligent? Are you witty? Are you charismatic? There's no one to impress here. Objectively look at yourself in the mirror, find the things you're proud of, your strengths, focus on elevating those and playing to those as opposed to negating your weaknesses. I'd need to know more about you user, but my best advice would be to seek out any social event you can, and spend more time listening than talking for a while. Make a conscious effort to pay attention to girls (Don't be creepy, just listen to them. Observe how they move when they're comfortable, uncomfortable. When they're interested in a guy and when they're not)
After a while you'll learn to pick up on those tells, and from there you can begin to use them. I would strongly suggest getting tinder or another dating app if you think you're attractive, and just talking to women. As I said before, know yourself and play to your strengths, but don't be someone who you're not. If you're a shy guy perhaps focus on choosing your words more carefully so they have a lot of impact. You can say a lot with very little, and you'll learn what you can and cannot say to a girl based on the situation, (If she's interested or not)

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1) How do I step up to the next level? I have no issue with speaking and fucking around with chicks, I just find that final level before the number difficult to get to. How do I get over it?

2) What context clues show a chick’s into me?

3) How do I get wittier in order to make chicks laugh?

4) And lastly how do I loosen up? I always find myself trying to play “the cool guy”-kinda faggot shit every time I’m tryna hook up. How do I show my true self and roll with it?

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This is basically... Impossible to answer user. A lot of these are context sensitive, so without being there while you're talking to a girl it's kind of difficult, but I'll do my best.

1. Be forward. If you think things are going well don't be afraid to ask a girl out in the middle of a conversation. It can create a great atmosphere, it doesn't have to be an end of conversation thing. It can be a right after you make her laugh or something, just a "Hey do you wanna do something sometime?" Or "Hey we should go do that!" When talking about a mutual interest maybe. Close the deal in a sense. Take the shot. Make your intentions clear, if you get rejected you get rejected

2. Body language is extremely important, as well as specific words or speech patterns. This is honestly anecdotal and not a true science, so your best option would be to just talk to women and listen very intently, analyze everything they say and consider why they said it. Try to track their train of thought. When you can predict how a woman will react to something you can literally do some fallout level charisma check shit. You can throw a compliment knowing you'll get one back because she's interested, which you can then turn into a move, like asking her out or touching her if it's serious. Does that make sense?

3. Honestly watch celebrity interviews. They're celebrities for a reason. Don't mimic anyone, you don't want to be a knock off. But I've found understanding how the people we deem asked the most charismatic or interesting to watch try to portray themselves to the public is very interesting. They put a lot of thought into their image. If not celebrities watch people you admire or consider witty walk. It's worth noting it's better to make jokes at your own expense than others, as it makes you appear insecure.

4. Don't take yourself seriously. talk to women more. The more experience you have the more natural it'll become

Places buzzing with activity ramp up my anxiety like crazy. As soon as there are more people or more activity than I can keep track of, my mind blanks and one of two things always happens
>total dissociation, textbook depersonalization. totally in my head so much it feels like there is a distance between my consciousness and my eyes. I imagine I look like an animal in the jaws of a predator on a nature show, one that simply stops its struggling and tunes out consciousness to die
>fighty, testy, aggressive, feel everyone is watching me and scrutinizing me for weakness, every conversation is plotting to take me out, every laugh is about how weak I am. Gotten into a couple fights over literally nothing for it and even gotten injured

I've tried and tried for years to go out and immerse myself in it to desensitize, but it hasn't worked. I'm 29 now and I still try fruitlessly. I'm not a bad looking guy by any stretch, and I've had a really hot gf before (she was a mental case but she also hated going out), the problem is that I just can't go out to places where people typically go to meet each other without freaking out in one of those two ways, and girls from online have never been cool with meeting up one-on-one before meeting somewhere public and populated first (and I can't blame them for that, honestly), and I almost always blow it.

I want to go to a class/hobby meetup, a dive bar, or a coffee shop and be able to just act normally. The way I am one-on-one, or with a small group of people I know.

Any advice?

How do I talk to my mom

My advice would be to seek therapy or medication if you want to be attending large events. It may be something that needs to be worked through or something that is treatable (Anxiety is a really common problem, lots of people are medicated for it)

Otherwise, seek smaller events, lots of people are in similar situations to you, and not everyone is the life of the party. I'm sorry user, I don't have a lot of advice for your situation, but know that there's nothing wrong with not being good with groups. Lots of people experience the same thing and lead happy successful lives. Take it easy but try to push your boundaries when you can. Baby steps yk?

I've been in therapy of various forms since I was a child, and I've been medicated since I was 18. Don't know what I was hoping for.

Thanks for trying at least.

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There's this qt I see in the bus to work almost every day. She's mostly asleep but we sometimes exchange looks and I wanna talk with her. How should I do it and what should I say?
I get a few smiles from women here and there, so I'm not particularly unattractive, if that helps.

Maybe you already know this but stop focusing so heavily on yourself. That's the reason this type of shit happens. Focus on others. I was similar to you though my situation was a lot less serious and the solution was to literally focus on others and the environment instead of myself, that cured my figurative autism.
You might need a few attempts to finally understand what I mean, and xanax can help immensely. Stop thinking of yourself as someone who doesn't belong there and think of you and others as one single entity, one group, and focus on the others.

Alright OP after reading this thread you seem to have a lot of knowledge. Where do I find opportunities to make moves or flirt if not in places like clubs or overcrowded bars? I just have a moral objection to these places and really don't feel well when there.
I'm in college and also work. Neither places give me many opportunities, nor should them. What would you do? I have been thinking of trying Facebook's new dating platform.

this shit is hilarious and frustrating at the same time
i refuse to be part of these mental games of "chasing" and "consciously listening" (what the fuck does that even mean?) and that's why i remain a virgin

He's not suposed to start talking to random girls, not girls at all. Your friend should have friends, and some of them should be girls, or maybe the friends of a sister or a cousin. You might have a job, a hobby and/or studies, all of those things eventually put you close to girls in specific contexts that are much better suited for meaningful interaction than randomly saying "hi" to one at a bar. Even on social media, instead of just trying to find a way to talk to a girl, you should find something you want to talk about, and then talk about that.
This is something people in this board seem to have a hard time rgasping: if you're prone to having dificulty talking to girls, you can't just ask how to approach random women, because it simply won't work. It's hard ot pull off and you need to have some self-confidence that most anons don't have. You need to start on solid grounds.
>what if i don't have a job, a hobby, friends, or anything that puts me in contact with people never, under any circumstances?
Then you should start with that before trying to approach women, as clearly there's a problem in you as a person. Fix yourself first, talk to women later.
The key point is that talking to "a" woman should not be the objective, it should be the result of other objectives. Talking to a very specific woman who you already know and are comfortable with, however, is perfectly valid.

You seem to think you are too intelligent to comprehend these abstract words the other two anons are saying but it's the opposite. You are too dumb to grasp abstract concepts. Humble up and open your mind to what they are saying since it's actually good advice.
The reason they can't explain it properly is because it's instinct stuff, you should have literally learned it by yourself, yet here we are, so just listen to what they are saying

I apologize user, I wish I could help more. You've seen to have hit a roadblock that really does hurt your potential. I would suggest following
As they have some great advice. Remember that everyone is always a little uneasy in social situations and worried about making themselves appear impressive just as you are. Medication can really help as I mentioned before, don't be afraid to reach out to your doctor and ask about possible solutions.

Try to make eye contact with her, or a small in to initiate conversation without it being weird. Give her a small wave after making eye contact a couple days in a row and a smile! If she does the same it's a good sign. After a couple days of that I would recommend honestly just asking her out, approach her if possible while ON the bus (This is VERY important) and make sure to keep it light and casual. It is important that you consider how she feels and her expectations regarding being hit on. If you play it casual and just speak to her as if you have a genuine interest in getting to know her, everything will go well I think user. Another good idea would be to look for an opportunity to sit near her, say if the bus was full. It's a little vague but the bus is definitely a hard place to initiate with women, it's very public and can create some awkward situations. Come up with a compliment you've been "Meaning" to give her. Be honest and flatter her if she appears to be interested, tell her she makes the bus ride home bearable or something similar. Nothing too intense but enough to clearly indicate your intentions.
Tinder or social media would be a great place to start just to gain experience with talking and interacting with women. Aside from that I would recommend going to Facebook events that interest you (Met some great friends at bar events I found through there) and always taking the shot. Take every opportunity you can to go out. (What are your hobbies user?)

Word count :/

>What are your hobbies?
Oh, nothing interesting, I'm a loner and my hobbies reflect on that. Other than gaming and anime like any good manchild it's mostly running, tea and poker. The classic nerd. Poker is the only one that gives me social contact but believe me when I tell you that you'll meet 5x more women in a video game competition than in a poker casual game.
Anyway, I'll try these dating platforms you mentioned, and I've never tried using Facebook events the way you described so I'll give it a go too, thanks. I'm not too autistic so hopefully I can figure out the rest of the path by myself after this.

what do you mean with tradicional upbringing

They're abstract concepts because the human experience is abstract user. Emotions can't be measured or regulated, the best I can do is try to explain the dating game in my own words, but I'll try again here.

The ideal scenario for flirting is that you can essentially read the girls mind. You don't need any clarification as to if she is or is not interested, if she wants you to make a move or if she doesn't. Getting to the point in which you can make those calculations (Tracking someone's train of thought based on what you have said and how they should respond theoretically) and use that to your advantage is the goal. You want to be able to say something knowing the exact effect and expected response to that sentence. For example, if I'm at a club and a girl is interested in me and I know it, I may throw out a compliment because I know I'll get one back, which will give me an in to get closer to her, and make a move. When anons talk about consciousness they're talking about perception. If it makes it easier to understand imagine you have a shitty Perception stat in fallout. You're not recognizing all the subtle little tells that indicate what someone is thinking or feeling. I can't tell you exactly what to look for as they differ based on person and are too vague to be written down in stone, but I'm trying to explain to you the thought process that gives you the tools to decode a woman's thought process so that you can understand it and talk to them with more success. Whenever you're in a social situation you should be hyper aware of what everyone is doing, saying, how they move, their facial expressions, etc. Eventually you start to be able to recognize patterns (Oh this girl just touched my friends arm and seems to be watching him closely, she's into him) or (This girl keeps shifting her weight and has closed off body language, she may be uncomfortable) you can USE this information SO well. A girl is uncomfortable and you notice? Subtly ask to help!