She's cool with us having sex like 2 or 3 times a week. She's also 39 and I am 26 so I'm thinking maybe her sex drive just isn't that high. But the thing with the smell is disconcerting. Sometimes I do have a bad gut feeling around her but not consistently. Although my depression has gotten kind of worse.
She works as a massage therapist and could easily arrange hookups at a nearby hotel, or even be prostituting. But she says that cheating or giving happy endings goes directly against her values which could be bullshit. I also saw her massage therapist coworker mention something via text like "that's the only kind of happy ending I'm ok with" in reference to selling the clients more products or some shit. Could have been a joke but could also have been an underhanded reference.
OP she is a middle age woman fucking a 26 yo boytoy so yes she is fucking other men. I get fucking her but do not get wanting to be in a relationship with her.
Another thing is since the beginning of the relationship any time I try and initiate sex before she's ready to go to bed, she turns it down and says lets wait until later because I only like to have sex at night (wtf?) and then when we do its like she just lies there until she's close to climax then she grinds on me a little and finishes and that's it. So I'm thinking either she's cunning as fuck or she's just not very energetic.
Well I'd tracked her phone for a few weeks before and she never was anywhere besides work and home so she'd have to be leaving her phone at work and leaving during hour breaks between clients. So it would have to be at a hotel or someone who lives nearby. Which means its not anyone I know or am friends with if that's the case. She lives with me and says her family won't let her stay with them because of her dog which I got her which could be a lie so unless I catch it, there's no way to avoid being in a relationship with someone who could be lying to me everyday and I don't want to live like that. So what am I supposed to do...
Anyone got any advice for this situation?
Why in the world do you want to be in a relationship in which you feel compelled to track her phone? She is either actually deceiving you or she isn't and you don't believe her and mistrustful. The mistrust is either based on reality or in your own head, nonetheless that is so not worth it.
This is so retarded. If you think she is cheating you need to base it on actual evidence not the fact that she occasionally smells different. Everyone smells different for various reasons occasionally
Yeah but the vag? I guess it could be ovulation cycle related / sweat that is the reason for different smells.
Is not a boy toy type arrangement, she says we are pretty much married since we live together. Says she doesn't like the dating game, would rather just settle down.
I know you perceive yourself as low value but Jesus man.
You're not mature enough for a relationship and she's trying to lock you down.
You're 26. You have so much time to find yourself and THEN find a woman you're comfortable with.
But you won't because you're too lazy to change.
>tracking her phone Wow you’re gross
Perhaps in the workplace?
You're saying in other words that perceiving myself as low value would lead to the assumption people are screwing me over?
The fact that you don't trust this woman, you're living with her and she had 10+ years on her is enough for you to eject ASAP.
The cherry on top is she's a massage therapist that has a stinky snatch.
Massage therapist is one of the highest stress occupations for relationships for obvious reasons
Get out and figure out where your lack of self worth is steming from before you invite more people to treat you how you view yourself - unworthy of love
That's great advice and everything, I just don't know where to start. I don't want to lose her, I have been thru too many breakups of long term relationships, and then end up back in one soon after. I'm not sure if I can even be alone with myself. I've tried counseling and psychedelics repeatedly but haven't found any groundbreaking insight. I had an extremely traumatic experience of childhood and has led me to have anxious and avoidant attachment styles. Everyone I know who knows her attests to her being faithful but they are all wiccan/pagan so I feel that blurs the moral lines and I don't know all their values. I may be over my head with this but she is financially dependent on me and can't move out since apparently her parents didn't want her moving back because of the dog I got her.
>That's great advice and everything, I just don't know where to start. Break up >I don't want to lose her You don't even love her , you're just trying to heal childhood wounds by projecting maternal archetypes onto her most likely
> I have been thru too many breakups of long term relationships, and then end up back in one soon after. Doesn't matter, that's the past. You just fear being alone.
>I'm not sure if I can even be alone with myself. I've tried counseling and psychedelics repeatedly but haven't found any groundbreaking insight.
Well you're only avoiding and compounding the problem by giving up. avoid psychedelics tho
>I had an extremely traumatic experience of childhood and has led me to have anxious and avoidant attachment styles. That's the past, make it empower you. I'm sure it's given you a lot of beneficial traits as well. Seek a better therapist or start your own process. Exercise regularly and journal.DO SOMETHING >Everyone I know who knows her attests to her being faithful but they are all wiccan/pagan so I feel that blurs the moral lines and I don't know all their values. Doesn't matter. Your not with someone you want to be with , you don't even love yourself. How could you be in a healthy relationship? >I may be over my head with this but she is financially dependent on me and can't move out since apparently her parents didn't want her moving back because of the dog I got her. JESUS FUCK. hope this is bait at this point it's so fucked.10/10
If not bait WAKE THE FUCK UP. THESE PEOPLE WONT HEAL YOU! ONLY YOU CAN! She sounds like a train wreck desu. You deserve better.
dude no one on Jow Forums can tell you if she's cheating. can you trust her? if not why are you with her?
>>puts her bare hands all over naked mens' bodies...but isn't cheating.
Dude. Drop this slut. She's already cheating by virtue of her "job".
lol why are you dating a middle aged woman? wasting your youth
I have a fishy pussy and im not cheating. It comes from shitty sugar ridden diet, and even me using a bath bomb. Shit sux but its not cheating.
I'm not that controlling and I say that because I simply don't see that as cheating. The way she describes the muscle groups and body parts in a technical way, and talks about enjoying relieving pain and getting compliments for it from men and women, so far has convinced me she really is passionate about it. Unless all of that is posturing and a lie but surely she's not a sociopath.
Because this stems from my own issues. This isn't the first relationship I've been in that I had trust issues with. I am starting to see a pattern though, it's only the women older than me who I have had issues trusting. My current and last two long term girlfriends have been older than me...
I appreciate the insight. This thing you said regarding projecting maternal archetypes could be true. She's into a lot of self development stuff and that has convinced me she's unique and I don't want to let go because of that unique feeling. But also wouldn't a mother archetype be unique? So what if I am clinging to the proverbial mother? Hmm.