How do I get rid of the stupid fantasy of wanting to be a writer?

How do I get rid of the stupid fantasy of wanting to be a writer?

I don’t like writing. As a matter of fact I actively hate it. And I keep falling in love with ideas that require too much research, downright impossible research, and can’t find anything interesting in things I’ve got any kind of familiarity with. I can’t write of what I know because what I know is boring as fuck.

Yet, the thought keeps nagging me, it keeps coming back to me that I want to write a book, I should write a book, I’ve got all these great story ideas just going to waste.

But when it comes down to sitting down to actually write, I would rather break my hands with a hammer.

I hate this so fucking much and I just want to be free of it, to stop being bothered by these thoughts and never be bothered by them again. If I felt this way about painting, I’d blind myself.

But how do I get rid of writing?

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record your stories with an audio transcriber.

Nobody’s going to publish an audioclip of a guy telling people unfinished story ideas. People would actively pay money to avoid that kind of guys at house parties.

Twilight, hunger games and Harry Potter demonstrate that you don't really need to know shit.

If even YA fiction was as easy as that, you’d be a published author, too.

I’ve TRIED writing books for teenagers, even a children’s book, but there’s a point where you run out of plot and just can’t force out any more of it. It’s like eating a bowl of ear wax with a spoon.

>mommy, why can I be epically good at meaningful things without putting in any effort?
>Why is life so 'unfair' ?

stop being an unrealistic lazy little bitch
if you have dreams, pursue them, otherwise STFU

Write down your story ideas in case you ignore my advice, but it seems like you don’t want to work as a writer, you want to BE a writer. This difference is subtle but is A UNIVERSE different.

You seem like you just want the trappings which a successful writer has: the fans, the autographs, the image of being romantically literate, of having accomplished something few people can do well. Of working for oneself, of being so full of good ideas that putting them to the page is enough to convince others ro pay you for them. Sexy to smart women, respected by epithets like “Author”, seen in coffeeshops and asked for pictures, and so on.

You want all that, but you don’t like doing the one thing that inspires all that, which is writing something good, and doing it often.

Much like a kid who wants to be an Olympic swimmer athlete, but never even goes to their local pool to swim laps, this is not realistic, and you won’t ever have these trappings without putting in the time.

This doesn’t mean you can’t fake or do stuff to have the parts you want (Go read in a Starbucks if all this is really about is that you want to sleep with /lit/chicks), but realizing you just want the trappings, not the commitment, is key to getting realistic and doing what will get you what you REALLY want.

What I was explicitly asking here was how to GET RID OF this fixation, not how to achieve it. I know for a fact and truth that I will not go through with it, I don’t have what it takes and I don’t want it in my life.

If I felt this way about being a painter, I could just blind myself. Then I’d be free to never paint again.

What can I do to be free of writing?

I’m trying to teach you how to get what your fixation is ACTUALLY on; there’s nothing to get rid of, you’re already NOT writing.

The next step is figuring out how to achieve the parts you actually wanted rather than just abandoning the foal because while having ALL of writing’s perks without writing is hard, you can get many or most of the things you ACTUALLY want regardless.

I want to be aknowledged as an exceptional person with a brilliant mind.

I’ve tried going into STEM but considering I can’t handle the math and chemistry involved in being an electrician, I don’t think I’d thrive.

People often see this in people who speak many foreign languages, which take serious students about 9 months to 2 years (for hard ones like Chinese) to achieve fluency. If you do it as a serious hobby, pick european languages, and took your studies extemely seriously, you could speak 4-6 languages in five years.

People value the minds of creatives and makers. Perhaps consider taking up an art you would like that is equally as expressive as writing, but less demanding, and with different vibes. Podcasting, theater, improv, standup comedy, making youtube videos, painting and drawing, film-making, woodworking, skilled gardeners, and cooks all command similar respect in their domain. Maybe one fits you better.

Don’t count yourself out of STEM. Math in college, compared to high school, is VERY different at upper levels. Those are about being able to show, indisputably, that complex word problems are true or false, and breaking down real world problems into provable questions. If you’ve never taken upper-division proof-based math before, it’s a whole different animal. Additionally, math research departments are always hungry for fresh meat, the prerequisites are easier to meet than you think, and having your name on a published paper opens doors much more than you’d expect.

Those are just a few alternatives to get what you really want.

Is writing even profitable any more? I never see people reading.

I’m bilingual with finnish and english, can have a semblance of a conversation in swedish though I sound like a retard, can understand simple texts and do tarzan-talk in spanish, and understand some words in french and russian. Knowing languages isn’t that impressive in Europe, depending on your job it’s simply expected of you.

I gave up on painting and drawing when I was 17 and realised I wasn’t the best in class anymore and couldn’t compete with the adults. I draw a silly stick-figure-art-skill-level comic now, but any time I try to make a more serious comic with actual art and an actual plot, I slam straight into the same wall as I do with writing a book.

I couldn’t do electricity current calculations in vocational school. Can you do complex math if you struggle with simple math? Can you thrive in it?

When I have an idea I want to kill, I summarise it in a sentence (oversimplifying if needed) and then post that sentence from a pseudonymous twitter account.

A gay enemies-to-lovers romance between a priest trying to convert local pagans to christianity, and a hot shaman dude.

No, I still think it would be worth writing as a book.

Ok, yeah, I realise now that the single-tweet version only works for me because the ideas I want to kill are sci-fi; oversummarising emotional stuff that way can't do it justice.

Still, I think you could sum up the main beats of your story - what happens, and what makes it unique and compelling - in a dozen tweets or a short tumblr post, and that this would be preferable both to letting the idea fester and trying to write it 'properly'.

I pour 90% of my ideas onto tumblr, and some still stick around and want to haunt me and want to be turned into a book.

I want to stop having ideas. I hate this. I don’t have the resources to be pushed into this.

>Can you do complex math if you struggle with simple math?

If you have a good handle on algebra, can follow and listen to directions well, and are stubborn as a mule when faced with a challenging problem, you will succeed.

Most math homework assignments for upper levels are 2-7 problems. They’re not about speed or hard computations, so much as thinking about how to approach a problem as math in the first place. Questions, from for example, graph theory, look like

>(Triangle inequality): Prove that a triangle can only be formed if the combined length of any two sides is greater than that of the third side

>(K5 not planar): Prove, if you drew a graph with five points, where all points are connected to all other points with edges, it is impossible for two edges to not cross.

>(Hunters and rabbits, Matousek on probability) There are N hunters and M rabbits. The N hunters, simultaneously and without coordinating, choose one of the M rabbits at random to shoot at, killing it. Hunters can accidentally pick the same rabbit since they shoot together, wasting their one bullet. How many rabbits on average do we expect to be alive after the hunters shoot?

And you learn how to take similarly seemingly non-mathematic questions and compose them into solvable problems. No one gives a shit about calculators or raw number crunching besides if it helps you work a little faster, because they won’t help you one fucking bit if you don’t build the logical understanding and intuition.

People who dislike raw integration, multiplication, derivatives and number crunching can still be very happy in a math major

I really can’t handle problems or challenges I can’t solve with physical violence. I don’t like hurting my brain.

Don’t major in math then. It’s a 4 year lesson in beating your brain into submission, even if the beating looks very, very different from high school.

Consider teaching PE, but doing a really good job of it (i.e, win a state championship and not diddling the kids).

Whut! Change your direction a bit. You gotta know the end before you start. Every story is a secret message in disguise. You gotta know the message. Example: Broke back mountain. It doesn't pay to be gay.