18y/o gf fucked a 41y/o dude before

You're 18. Just avoid getting her pregnant and focus on school

You seem focused and well meaning with a desire for a meaningful life.

Apply that focus to all parts of your life and reserve sex for when you are married... can't go wrong with sticking to the owners manual

>I'm unsuccessful, will have less time for important productivity and self-improvement
You're not self improving 16 hours a day. Having a good companion who you spend quality time with is worth a lot, no matter what situation you're in.
>Everyone seems to hint that I can do better
Fuck them
>Will never have a long long term future with her because she's been a slut (unfixable)
>Will never have a long long term future with her because I want my future kids to look like me
She's your first gf at 18, there's no way this would last till the end of your life. But you could make it to 3-4 years of a quality relationship easily if you wanted.

I am focusing on school, my job, my side projects, lifting and running; I want to achieve my goals. That leaves little time for her and my friends. So idk if having fun at my age is a good idea? It's one of the main factors in the OP question, hence why I ask.

>Insecurity rising

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It would teach her the price of being a whore.

>You're not self improving 16 hours a day
But I am most of my days. Always either on payroll, studying, lifting, running, reading non-fiction or doing the required trivial shit such as commuting, eating, cooking or sleeping.
>She's your first gf at 18, there's no way this would last till the end of your life
I entirely agree
>you could make it to 3-4 years of a quality relationship easily
I am considering this possibility instead of ending it now. Nothing lasts and I'm 100% ok with that.

Thank you, that is indeed what I'm going for. I'm entirely uneducated with religion though, so my current standpoint on that is deism with a question mark. Reading the Bible and other religious works is on my todo list.

You must've misread my post, try again.
This would do nothing for me though. If I cut ties and she has learned her lesson, what would that matter to me?

Honestly, OP sounds like the red flag on this one.
He literally states that he doesn't love her
He also states that he's so focused on himself that he has very little or no time for anything else
And he broke up with a person because two consenting adults had consentual sex with each other, and only got back with her "because"

The relationship simply will never work out because OP doesn't care about it working out. It's fine that you have goals and want to work towards them-nothing wrong with that, but OP's way of thinking is not ideal for a relationship.

>But I am most of my days. Always either on payroll, studying, lifting, running, reading non-fiction or doing the required trivial shit such as commuting, eating, cooking or sleeping.
That's good to hear. Making time for people is important for your general well being though. I was supet autistic about lifting and martial arts to the point of neglecting my social life. Don't do that. I'm sure she fits into your schedule or you could even do an activity that you do for self improving together.

Cutting ties won't teach her anything. You, being male, are disposable in the mind of every female, no matter how ugly she is.

No point in offering advice to a retard.
Do whatever you gonna do.

>I was disgusted so I broke up with her the day after.
But what the fuck is wrong with age difference? Are you Amerifats all brainwashed? She was of age. He was of age. Are you all autistic? Older man have been dating younger women ever since the dawn of age. Can I make it anymore obvious? Ever since time began. Consider yourself lucky you are with gf your age, because most of the time you can see a 5 years difference or more.
>I took her back after she pleaded because of a "meh why not" attitude, but if she ever showed a red flag such as disrespecting me, cheating on me, I'd end it immediately.
Now that's the fucking red flag. You are the red flag!
>I'm an attractive guy with options to clarify.
What the fuck does this even mean?
>I'm getting busy with productive shit though so should I end it or spend less time with her?
Your attitude towards her makes me think your relationship with her is more meme than the hookup with the 41 y.o. dude

>What to do folks? End it or decrease time together? It will eventually end but I wonder when I should
kys

t. 33 y.o. fucking a 40 y.o. and loving her

>And he broke up with a person because two consenting adults had consentual sex with each other, and only got back with her "because"
>OP's way of thinking is not ideal for a relationship.
True, I generally agree with your post (but I don't see it as a problem) except for this:
>two consenting adults had consentual sex with each other
Having random hookups destroys pairbonding. Physically, there's a high chance that chimerism is legitimate as well but surpressed in academic literature since if that were to become common knowledge it would be detrimental to society. Many major religions, cultures and philosophies have advocated that hookups are bad news as well. Why would we be wise to ignore all that information?

I will try.
I don't care about an ex-girlfriend being taught lessons. I know I'm disposable, but it still goes like this: high value male > high value female > low value female >>> low value male
Why am I retarded?

>Having random hookups destroys pairbonding
OP doesn't look very pairbonded. Read his reasons to spend time with her. He talks like a retard... as if she was some kind of past time.

If he is good looking and strong as he claims to be, he should dump her... since he has no feelings. Dark triad maybe? Manipulator? Machiavellian?

>Why am I retarded?
>18 years old
Honestly it's probably because your brain is actually not finished developing.
Offering yourself that excuse won't help you as much as taking responsibility for who you are though.

But that's not what you were asking.
You are retarded because you assume to have knowledge you don't, and even worse you open your mouth (in this case type) to annoy others with your blatant ignorance of the world.

Compare yourself now to your ten year old self.
Now imagine that you just asked for life advice from people who average that much difference to your present self.
That is why you are retarded.

>But what the fuck is wrong with age difference?
It's the hookup itself that's more damaging. Read >You are the red flag!
About the "why not" attitude, sure. But not accepting disrespect, cheating and red flags? That's just self-respect and common sense, any man should follow this mantra.
>What the fuck does this even mean?
I'm not afraid that my sex life will end because I'm attractive and therefore I show 0 signs of neediness and this is in itself attractive.
>Your attitude towards her makes me think your relationship with her is more meme
Because my life doesn't revolve around another person? You're being retarded.

>t. 33 y.o.
I can't believe a 33y/o has the social intelligence with regards to relationships of a child. Someone who considers self-actualization LESS important than some external relationship that might end any day is a hollow, empty person. Why would you do that to yourself? It sounds like you should make a thread here about re-evaluating your values.

>OP doesn't look very pairbonded.
Because I simply can't. It's not how I am, there's probably a minority of people like this. Doesn't change the fact that I find this an important trait in my relationships.
>as if she was some kind of past time.
Yeah? That's most relationships, look around you. Our relationship is better than most people where the guy is spineless and the girl loose. We're both happy people.
>If he is good looking and strong as he claims to be, he should dump her... since he has no feelings.
I do have feelings, just no butterflies.
>Dark triad maybe? Manipulator? Machiavellian?
No, no and partly, I've read his books.

>your brain is actually not finished developing.
Yeah.
>Offering yourself that excuse won't help you as much as taking responsibility for who you are though.
Yep.
>You are retarded because you assume to have knowledge you don't, and even worse you open your mouth (in this case type) to annoy others with your blatant ignorance of the world.
Too vague. Point my ignorance out. So far you're sounding like a boomer ranting about kids these days. My knowledge about dating is based off experience, perception and reading and has led me to have far better relationships than a lot of middle-aged married couples even. In relationships: what I know I want is what I get (I don't know everything I want, hence my question here). "what I know I want is what I get" how many people can say the same, with relationships? Not many, which indicates the opposite of what you were saying.
>Compare yourself now to your ten year old self.
Just because everyone knows better at THEIR age 30 than THEIR age 20, doesn't mean everyone at THEIR age 30 knows better than everyone ELSE's age 20.

>It's the hookup itself that's more damaging. Read
Sounds like some 14 y.o. meme bullshit. Like New Age, Karma, misunderstood evolutionary processes.
>About the "why not" attitude, sure. But not accepting disrespect, cheating and red flags?That's just self-respect and common sense, any man should follow this mantra.
If she cheats on you, break up... of course. But that's not the point. The hookup she revealed in OP was *before* knowing you... r-right?
>I'm not afraid that my sex life will end because I'm attractive and therefore I show 0 signs of neediness and this is in itself attractive.
I misunderstood the English there. I thought "options to clarify" was a single idiom.
>Because my life doesn't revolve around another person? You're being retarded.
I am not saying it should. But have you ever fallen in love? It sounds to me like you have no emotions at all. Like a cold calculator. You stay with her... tell me why? Because the reasons you listed do not look enough to me.

(cont.)

(cont. from in response to )

>I can't believe a 33y/o has the social intelligence with regards to relationships of a child. Someone who considers self-actualization LESS important than some external relationship that might end any day is a hollow, empty person. Why would you do that to yourself? It sounds like you should make a thread here about re-evaluating your values.
Are 18 y.o. so arrogant these days? Going around lecturing people whose lives they don't know? I limited myself to what I wrote.

Also, to address your point, you are telling me I have the social intelligence of a kid because I have meaningful relationships with people who live up to expectations? Because that's what my life looks like.

Instead, you seem to dwell within the paranoia of "external people" who "might leave you at any time"... and so you come to me and lecture me about the fact that having deep relationships with other is tantamount to overlooking my own self-development.

To me, it sounds like you are an overlooked child who got his expectations shattered... so you are like a crybaby who boasts he is "self-developing" and "not reliant on anyone". But that's not the nature of human society.

Actually, your very idea that deep relationships with others and self-development are mutually exclusive is utterly childish and is an either/or value that smells of mental illness or some kind of frigid / rigid attitude towards otherness.

I have meaningful relationships.
I have a-plenty.
I know that life and contingencies might keep people apart.
I also know that some people do not live up to expectations (and the same applies to me).
And yet I managed to self develop without acting like a cold calculator.

You remind me of a friend who always thought you had to spend time with people only when it is "useful to you". Well... sometimes it is useful to them. Doesn't make you a mat to yield occasionally.

Print this and read it again in 10 years' time.

Op you are a god damned idiot. Yes break the fuck up with her, holy shit you're a god damned moron for even asking. Who gives a fuck if she's 18? She won't be 18 forever, but she will be a cheater. You fucking idiot I should meet you so that I can beat the ever loving shit out of you for being such a god damned fucking stupid piece of shit. You deserve to get cheated on for even asking if you should break up with her you dumb fuck.

>Sounds like some 14 y.o. meme bullshit. Like New Age, Karma, misunderstood evolutionary processes.
It isn't all infalliable, but I'm not a fan of the idea of putting everyone from every culture before our lifetimes into the camp that they were just dumb. This issue is really complex. I don't believe having hookups will not affect someone at all.
>The hookup she revealed in OP was *before* knowing you... r-right?
Yeah.
>But have you ever fallen in love?
Nope, doubt I'm capable of this.
>It sounds to me like you have no emotions at all.
I just don't feel butterflies. I have normal emotions for the most part. I do like her, but that's the limit.
>You stay with her... tell me why?
We're both having a good time, she's having a great time.

>Because I simply can't. It's not how I am, there's probably a minority of people like this. Doesn't change the fact that I find this an important trait in my relationships.
So wait a second. You blame her for a past hook up because you consider hookups a heavy damage to pairbonding... and yet now you claim you are not prone to pairbonding. Like: you blame her for not developing a trait you claim you do not have.
Logical thinking!

>Yeah? That's most relationships, look around you. Our relationship is better than most people where the guy is spineless and the girl loose. We're both happy people.
Which country are you in? I see a lot of happy couple around me! It seems to me you are confusing the bias in the eye of the beholder (you) with how reality looks like.

>I do have feelings, just no butterflies.
Well, so maybe she's not the right one. Why are you wasting her time? She has butterflies for you, clearly.

>No, no and partly, I've read his books.
Aw, you're so green. "Machiavellian" is of course a reference to Machiavelli (the Renaissance politologist). But I wasn't comparing you to Machiavelli. I was mentioning the "psychological trait" usually referred to as "Machiavellianism": en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Machiavellianism

>Too vague. Point out...
No.
>Just because everyone...
We all thought this way.
I don't care to prove it, you will come around in time.

There isn't any secret knowledge, user.
We don't think we're better than you, just older.
Time and life will do the job of advising you, just like it did for all of us.

That said, I will impotently offer you this one thought
It should be obvious if you have an analytic mind, but life-and-reality are our masters. We cannot disobey them.
If we already have one have of a solved equation all around us, why are we always looking for answers?

Summary time!

>telling you to leave her, since you clearly don't love her
Similar to:
>telling you to have sex only with very meaningful people in your life

>telling you to live the moment, not the past

>telling you to beat her or do something nasty

>saying you are the problem because you are not treating your relationship seriously
>saying you're an idiot

>telling you you have no value in her eyes

>telling you are being too dogmatic about everything

Good for you that you have meaningful relationships. But if you still think that your intimate relationship is MORE important than self-actualization then that is very idiotic.
It's hypocritical that after your rant about me presuming things you presume things yourself. I'm a pragmatic person, yes, but I have a good family and lifelong friends that I'd take a bullet for and them for me. Just because I don't "fall in love" intimately doesn't mean I have a problem.
>paranoia of "external people"
My mindset grants me the opposite of paranoia. Things come and go. If X or Y leaves my life, I would accept it and move on. Hell, if I died tomorrow I would accept it gracefully, because that's the sensible thing to do.
>deep relationships with others and self-development are mutually exclusive
You misread. They are not, but the simple fact that my girl and some friends are taking valuable time is true. Time spent fucking around socially and time spent self-improvement ARE in fact mutually exclusive.

She didn't cheat, she was being slutty before she met me.

I believe that brown eyes exist but I have blue eyes.
Logical thinking!
You're a dumbass and I did not read a single word after that. Have sex.

If person A develops per year with a rate of 2.0 and person B with a rate of 1.25 than person A will be ahead of person B even if person A is younger. There will be 10-year-olds wiser in fields than I am and there will be 30-year-olds whom I'm wiser than in certain fields.
>If we already have one have of a solved equation all around us, why are we always looking for answers?
What does this mean?

>If person A develops...
>I'm wiser than...
Your mistake is in your conceptualization of people as being separate from each other.
Persons A and B are abstractions of a much more complex system that involves everything moving in unison.
Separating them in your analysis is where your analysis breaks down.
It no longer reflects reality once you have assumed one does not affect the other.

>What does this mean?
Like all language it is a reduction of reality and means nothing at all just like this conversation and all your concepts of existence.

But that's not what you were asking.
It means life was solved before you and I arrived and will remain so after you are gone.
It is always perfect and any attempts to improve it or yourself are expressions of that.

>I believe that brown eyes exist but I have blue eyes.
This is not a good analogy of my argument.
You said that you do not like her undermining pairbonding: Then you claimed you don't pairbond because that's how you are >Logical thinking!
Are you annoyed by me calling you out? Because a dude said you sound analytical (he said it here ... but I think you are just being dogmatic.

Came here looking for Jow Forumsice and you are spending the whole thread defending your entrenched position.

So logical of you!

>You're a dumbass and I did not read a single word after that.
And that's why you come to Jow Forums. I see

>Have sex.
You sound like those feminists who blame incels for being incels. Why don't you try to tell us what you make of this thread, instead of dwelling within a defensive stance?

>If person A develops per year with a rate of 2.0 and person B with a rate of 1.25 than person A will be ahead of person B even if person A is younger. There will be 10-year-olds wiser in fields than I am and there will be 30-year-olds whom I'm wiser than in certain fields.
And doesn't this prove that she correctly hooked up with an older man? It annoys you, but you have just proven that her behaviour is utterly understandable. Maybe she is more relationship-developed than you *even if* she tried a random hook up *once in her life*.

She showed you her... er... cross? Or something she was partly ashamed of... and you are literally nailing her to the cross. Stop it.

a literal incel talking about dating

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What an essay. Yes, I'm dogmatic, a feminist and not relationship-developed (lol), how did you know?

Rent.
Free.

I would end it if only for her sake. You sound like kind of a bitch boy for the whole situation, but all you talk about is how you don’t want a relationship and you can’t love anyone (because youre some huge edgelord? What does this even mean). Just let her go and quit wasting her time

fucking lesbians i swear

>What an essay. Yes, I'm dogmatic, a feminist and not relationship-developed (lol), how did you know?
Your words, eh... user just repeated your words... haha

Nah. He's just in love so he expects anyone to be.

>all you talk about is how you don’t want a relationship and you can’t love anyone

However, OP here: laughs at the other user who said he is not relationship developed... and yet it was OP himself who began calling people out for being childish here.

He is not ready for Jow Forums wisdom. He comes here with his contradictions and demands everyone listens to him.

He also asks for advice, but the only advice he would accept is the one that serves his purposes.

ITT: OP red flags himself

Don’t wife up a thot. Use her pussy until you know you have the next one lined up

Okay, but who is this

You sound like a desperate autist. She can do better than you.

>I will never see her marriage or even cohabitation material.

Then move on and stop wasting your time and hers. She has less than a 7-year window to use her youth, beauty, and fertility to snag a man who is willing to commit to her before the next generation of girls comes of ages and is 4 standard deviations higher in attractiveness than her and she no longer has a chance at a family or happiness. She'll become a far leftist and vote for more welfare for single moms, open borders because of her mothering instincts going unfulfilled, take up valuable jobs in companies that could have gone to men to support a family. Don't let that happen, set her free.

It's also disrespectful to yourself to waste your time, money, and other resources on someone you don't plan to be with long-term.

Why don’t you just go with your other options instead of being with her?

Drama Queen.

Just imagine that 41 year olds tiny choad feeling and satiating you girlfriends tight little pussy, how good he must have felt while dicking your girl

>Jow Forums wisdom
Those don't belong together.

>I don't date you and I don't date men (assuming you are) so I'm indifferent
Brainlet

No dude, that's an absolute redflag. Just drop her as easily as possible.

Based

When you each agreed to commit, you took yourselves out of the game. That’s a good thing, past relations are no matter. Your love is bigger than anyone. But allow me to bestow on you some wisdom, from a keen obsever of life and love. Never approach a female with criteria of how she should behave or have behaved. That’s a week link. You got to have that game tight Boy! They're on the net, in the web. Some have gone before you. Patients is mightier than the sword. The hunt is cat like, not dog like. (I love animals). Now comb your hair, straighten that tie and go get em tiger!

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*Weak.

End it man, no good, you're too young, have some respect for yourself

You don't love her, you have 'great sex' (That's all you care about) and she's had Great sex with a 41 year old man. Perfect for your shallow character. How about YOU change first before throwing the stone at her?

Dude, you sound pretty selfish.

Even if you guys are both 18, you have to respect her past and she has to respect yours. She fucked a 41 y.o, so what? It doesn't mean that she is a slut unless you know more about her than the 41 y.o man.

>>Will never have a long long term future with her because I want my future kids to look like me.

Who the fuck you think you are? You are 18, you think you have live enough so far? You really think that you will not make any mistakes in the future from now on until you die? Your are an idiot for thinking like that, your kids will follow your steps and your wife's but I'm pretty sure you will not talk about the girls you have fucked, the ones you will fuck, the parties, the hang overs, the dramas and shit, and your wife is not gonna talk to them about her past neither.

Seems that you are not happy with her, so why you accepted to get back?

You should brake with her, don't make her waste her time with a kid that takes advices from Jow Forums instead of "man up" and use the brain to think.

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Big, hairy, musky, dad bodied men roughing up on (legal!) teenage girls. Could there be anything better? By the way OP: she loved it more than any pathetic excuse for "sex" you've given her.

pretty much this one,

>We're both 18
I think this pretty much negates any need to take this story or situation seriously. She's young, damaged and impulsive. You're thin-skinned, insecure and reactionary. Its pretty typical teenage shit. It doesn't really matter whether you leave or stay with her. When you grow up and hit your middle age you'll look back and realize that she was pretty damaged and the 41 year old guy is way more to blame than her. There's nothing bizarre about teenagers being easily influenced or making bad decisions.

You should have asked her as part of your telling secrets kiddy shit how many men she has been with.

She is alredy used goods, are you perhaps a roastie in disguise?

>both 18

Lol chill enjoy it while it lasts then move on

You should get a younger woman to settle with anyway.

>dated a 41yo
whatever
>hooked up with...
break up

this

She sounds like a slut with daddy issues and you sound like a massive asshole. Break up and move on.

What did the 41 year old do to seduce her? Asking for a friend.
It's funny that age matters so much to some people and not at all to others, I'd prefer an 18 year old who's slept with one 40 something than an 18 year old who's slept with two other teenagers.

And for what it's worth I think you should either break up or make it a FWB arrangement; it's cruel to lead her along is you don't intend an LTR.

>Hitler wasn't so bad if you ignore all the war and stuff

It's not like she cheated on OP.

Break up with her so she can find someone better more deserving of her you piece of shit

Hitler was a sensitive man.

youtube.com/watch?v=O_v1mwK5vl0

If you can't handle closet skelletons, you will end up alone or exclusively in abusive relationships.