Making another just in case some anons need any advice or help again, had some good results the other couple days. I'm at your service anons.
Attractive user who's good with women AMA/Advice thread PT 3
Attractive user here to, how do i regain my confidence? I had many gfs but since my last brake up, which was pretty heavy, i am terrified of girls. I keep hooking up with girls but my heart starts pounding really hard and sometimes i even shiver and i barely manage to bring myself for a kiss.This feeling wont go away no matter how many times i hook up. How do i get rid of it??
Keep trying. Remember that the only way you're going to feel truly loved is if you make yourself vulnerable. The only time people feel truly loved and valuable, the only time you can make genuine connections is when you're vulnerable. Nothing worth gaining doesn't have a risk attached to it. Remember that every heartbreak after the first gets easier, and that you deserve happiness. Keep going user. You'll find someone who treats you well and makes the bad experiences worth it in the end.
First, you’re already framing the issue from a perspective of self confidence. Good. Whether Or not you’d be objectively perceived as attractive by femAnons holds real weight but dating/flirting/loving/romance especially heteronormative dating with innately hypergamous targets (normie women).
If you’re actively improving yourself or working toward a career milestone or just getting by at the 7/11 because you need at least some income, you’re in the right mindset. Sure fire way to have a good health relationship is to put in the effort it takes to pay VALUEABLE attention to your romantic interest. That’s a full time job; random bs texts and nonsense or other superficial communication that doesn’t move the plot/relationship narrative forward making her feel wanted for more than looks Is going to talk you out of additional opportunities. Be yourself on dates. Early on if she doesn’t take u as you are authentically, you don’t want to grow with that person.
You want to grow with someone who might see your edgy 4ch humor or your interest in anime or whatever as cool and personal and that’s the person you’d be willing to lock up the naruto tapes and scroll apartment listings in stead of /r9k threads.
What should you do to increase your chance of getting laid on the first date?
im autistic fitizen that only revently become presentable and somewhat desirable. needless to say im also almost 27 yo and never had a date or even a kiss.
I recently started talking with one cute hardworking girl at my weekend workplace and she seems to like me.
I want to ask her out and take hersomehwere to eat after work to spend some time with her.
not only that i dont speak her native language very well,(the daily stuff mostly) and she doesnt speak mine at all.
i think she has okay english.
so thats double trouble for me given my lack of experience and communication barrier.
how do i ask her out, just go about the day, feel out if shes in good mood maybe make joke and say "hey i like you lets go eat something after work?"
So I’m talking to my coworker. Been messaging back and forth for like 2 months. Recently went on a “date” with her. We both had a good time, opened up to each other, casually agreed to hang out some time again. At work and in her messages she flirts a lot, sends videos to me of herself, etc. However, I seem stuck in this phase of like not actually getting together. Not like friendzoned because she saw our hang out the other night as an actual date, not just hanging out. I think I may be to blame since I never explicitly told her I like her. Should I just grow some balls and tell her straight up that I like her? I’m new to dating and trying to get a serious relationship going. I’ve done nothing but tinder and bar hookups throughout my early twenties.
make your intentions clear i think
if she wants something else it wouldnt work anyway,so might aswell roll the dice
How do you start building genuine relationships where people truly care about you from 0.
0 friends, 0 acquaintances, 0 everything social related.
Where do you go? What do you do? Who do you talk to, and about what?
Hey there! I am good at talking with women and attractive but I can never make my intentions known early enough in the relationship. I will meet a girl and we will get a long great, but I end up friendzoning myself because I dont know how to take it to the next level. By the time I try to make a move it seems to be too late and I am friendzoned or something.
Any suggestions for how to make a move/show your intentions and have more success with women before it drags for too long?
Act like you're not expecting it. If you appear to you'll definitely not get anything on the first date.
Language barriers are difficult. Your best option would to be extremely forward and clear as to your intentions. Just be honest and say that you like her, and that you want to go in a date. With the communication barrier you really don't want anything to get lost in translation. If she's interested (Which you think she is) she'll say yes. Just be yourself user, take it easy and pretend like it's something completely normal to you. Fake it till you make it really does work.
Just be honest and forward. The signs point to her being interested. See my advice above. If you pretend like you're experienced you'd be surprised at how often people will believe you. Despite myself being attractive, I was a very late bloomer so my confidence is still pretty low at times. Just remember you've got nothing to lose and shoot your shot. What's the worse that could happen?
Tell them. Read the above replies, just casually drop it like it's no big deal and you'd be surprised as to how effective it can be. It makes you look really calm, and the opposite of nervous or desperate. Just make sure you try to not overdo it and say something too long or anything that could be seen as creepy.
Thanks for the reply!
Is the best method of escalating the relationship to verbally tell them how you feel??
I always thought making a move physically would be the best but then I guess its a big risk as you dont know what is going to happen. You can read the signs but never know for sure I guess.
Do you have an example of what to say to let a girl know you are sexually interested??
I find when it's a girl you're not too familiar with, someone you don't know too well it's best to be forward verbally, for some reason women seem to react positively to me just matter of factly stating I'm attracted to them or that they're very attractive without me making a physical move. It kind of throws them for a second to have someone so plainly tell them they're interested, and usually is a pretty good way to intiate them flirting back as now they've confirmed you're interested in them, so they don't have to worry about you rejecting them if they flirt back. Imo it gives them a kind of safety net in their minds so they're usually far more forward afterwards I find.
This. It feels impossible to start out from where I am.
Male 27 here, fucked a girl 22, met her multiple times at parties etc where i was total douche, not really talk alot. Fastforward like two years, meet her at previous saturday again at my friends party, dont really talk alot, but we to dancing in the City, end up at her place, and like before anything happens she asks if this is one night stand, or maybe something more, friends with benefits was mentiond too. We fuck like crazy multiple times. Go home next day, text her i want to chill same day but i got to help my dad. She says yeah she wants to hang. Talk to her next few days ask if she wants to hang, shes sick, i just if she needs help or anything she says she will be fine, er keep talking some more, i get a message fra days after asking what i want, that i seem keen on her, she doesnt want anything serious now, and that i should know or otherwise it wouldnt be fair. I get a bit hurt but whatever, i say i might seem overly keen because didnt know she was this kind and funny, but we can hang as friends, or maybe even Fuckbuddys, she says thats New to her and has to think, says we can hang if it happens it happens, Also says shes very busy and is always doing something so if she says no to hang its not to reject me. I know the busypart is true, she is doing her hobbies etc. We small talk she messages me first too. I ask to go hike and stuff she says its her workweekend, i say thats fair maybe some other time, she just replies that we will see with one of those annoying emojis thats smiling but not really, this kinda bums me out. We start at the same uni in few weeks too. I want to pursue her indecisive was, but dont really know how, just keep smalltalking, or does it seem like a lost case and i need to move on
>What's the worse that could happen?
Normally I would agree with that statement, but seeing as she’s a coworker, it would be awkward as fuck since I see her everyday of my work week.
What am I missing out on by being a handsome man, but refusing to date?
I've mentioned this in previous threads, what are your hobbies? Find local business that cater to it, whether it's music, movies, videogames. Get a Facebook account and start watching for events that come up that you may be interested in. Go, have a couple drinks, and try to meet and interact with people. It'll be hard at first but you need to get comfortable with these kind of situations, you'll get better over time.
Your only chance to get her is to move on ASAP, as backwards as it sounds.
Depends on what you're refusing to do user? Do you mean like just not dating/talking to women? Or just only going for sex?
I avoid talking to women and refuse to date or have sex
Fucksake, you telling me to move on, others say keep making small talk, i dont know what to belive anymore
>date near perfect woman
>planned to propose on 3rd anniversary this year
>in March she broke up with me out of nowhere for reasons nobody believes
>5 months of minimal contact later, I miss her friendship but she's become immature and irresponsible so we're done
>meanwhile family issues arise
>develop pain in my feet from job
>fired since can't walk well
>job shuts down soon after
>American so can't afford doctor to address feet
>no doctor so no disability aid
>fired so no unemployment aid
>went broke looking for a job and moved back with parents at 28
>depressed, contemplated death daily
>do odd jobs at local church to pay bills, still there now, can't find real job, pays well but irregular hours
>also in March
>7 days after breakup
>beautiful lady I met a few times irl through mutual friends popped up in my "people you may know" fb list
>never spoke as we were in relationships but our friends were always surprised we weren't friends with each other
>don't add her
>check her profile while plotting an hero
>she moved to a neighboring state for school last year
>comes back during breaks
>as I lurked she posted a live video of herself in a car saying "someone needs to hear this right now- don't give up, keep pushing forward, even if you don't think so someone out there needs you, you have more to live for than you know so keep living, if not for yourself then for me, please"
>break down in my room as that was for/to me though she had no clue
>the serious look and legitimate concern in her voice still move me to this day
>last week she posted to Instagram saying that after 1.5 years of recovering from a toxic abusive relationship she's healed and shared how that process looked for her
>not sure if it's an emotional response from that video or legitimate desire but I'm interested in her
>objectively she's everything I wanted from my ex but her hobbies are different
>barely know her but want to get on her radar, at least as a friend
How to proceed?
The whole myth about having to have hobbies or interests in common is false. If anything you and your partner should have different hobbies so you can introduce each other to new things. Anyway, I say go for her. At the very least request her as a friend, reintroduce yourself, and see where it goes.
Well just keep in mind that alternately there's not one right thing to do and everybody is going to have completely different opinions. It's up to you ultimately to decide what to do and all we can do is just offer our half assed opinions based upon the information you give us
Friend her. Start to get to know her. But please don't get your hopes up because she unknowingly saved your life one day. Respect her for her wisdom. But don't let yourself get carried away on your high opinion of her. She is still human. And still has faults. She may not be your friend even. But you can sure try.
Learn from her and heal from your wounds. Just keep in mind, if it doesn't work out like you want it that it's ok to move on to pursue the next person. Surprisingly, it's not that rare to find like minded people like her. Understanding souls. And trust me, that sort of understanding comes from a learning experience. She might be as damaged as you. So don't see her as a goddess. See her for who she is.
So I meet an internship girl on a work, we hang out ones with other coworkers. She was shy and distant. Then she moved back to graduate from University, I was texting, said stupid shit, she blocked me for 2 weeks. Month later, she comes back and I don't know should I pursue her or just move on. Sorry for bad English, btw
I don't live in affluent countries, no business/venue/event cares about my hobbies.
They are all alone at home shit anyway.
How often do you record yourself fucking some chick with your phone? I never understood the appeal in wanting to be recorded as you fuck. Is this a common thing to do?
I agree. I meant "she's what I wanted from my ex except their hobbies are different". New one is into photography, nature, writing, fashion, and graphic design while my ex is into books, animals, traditional art, astronomy, and pretty much anything from Japan. I'm into music, fitness, and video games but I'm also the type to learn a little about everything so I can roll with whatever and find common ground with anyone, so different hobbies don't bother me unless they're really fucked up.
I like damaged people- they usually have the wildest stories of life, the best wisdom, and my entire family is broken and hurt on both sides so they have that familiar feeling. They're usually good people but don't see where they're hurting or how they're hurting others, and no matter how tenderly you point it out they explode, even if they're the ones who asked you about it. But if they're set on changing it feels great to see them 6 months to a year later in a better place in life and they thank you for encouraging them to make the hard changes and be successful, even if that looks like working inside the Walmart rather than in the alley behind it. This lady wouldn't be viewed as a project or anything, just a person in life viewed as she is for who she is and I'd simply like to get to know her better.
My main issue is I have no idea how to start a conversation with her. My ex was a coworker from that previous job so it was easy enough since I saw her every day and could ask about work stuff then her opinion on things, how she was doing, etc. With this one how many times can I use stuff like "Nice design- what's the inspiration behind it?", "I like how you captured the shadows and the light rays in that shot", and "Those cookies look professional! How long have you been a baker?" without seeming desperate?
Is it possible to go from never having a gf or having had sex at my age (26), to being legitimately good with women and having a lot of partners?
practice makes perfect
I mean with practice though.
How should i practice? How do I get over my fear of talking to women?
What are you afraid of? They're just people.
Are you afraid of rejection? Dating is a numbers game. You win some you lose some, but you have to be prepared to lose if you're going to play.
If you go up to her and try to talk and she rolls her eyes or scoffs, don't be walk away depressed and dejected. She'll see you as a weak man, which is what women don't want.
>If you go up to her and try to talk and she rolls her eyes or scoffs, don't be walk away depressed and dejected. She'll see you as a weak man, which is what women don't want.
If there's a girl like this at my job who I have a crush on who I hear doesn't like me, should I try with her anyway? I feel like she doesn't dislike me 100%.
never try anything with girls from work, this is a golden rule
even if she were into you she would refuse because of that rule alone
>girl i was seeing (who is now in another country but will come back) keeps sending me nudes but telling me about dates with other men
i'm guessing she just wants my attention. should i just ghost dat hoe?
Getting over a girl quickly and remaining friends puts her on the backfoot generally, as it seems like she was extremely easy to get over and thus must not actually be that desirable. It just levels the playing field again.
I'd do it if it was something I was proud of. Like banging a hot girl while working abroad or something.
Don't go after her hard, just pretend like you want to be friends and pursue other girls. Mention other girls in passing, don't make it obvious you're trying to gauge her reaction. If she's interested eventually she's going to be forced to make a move. Girls like that aren't worth chasing. Let them come to you or move on.
i have syphilis from the hooker i rimmed
Do you ever go for girls who obviously start to flirt with you? Or is it only the ones (who make your think) you pick yourself?
If she’s too aggressive red flags shoot up if she’s a complete stranger. For the most part younger guys like the “hunt”, where older dudes go for women who approach them with a crush.
I tend to just go after girls I'm attracted to. I'm at work right now and a girl basically spent an hour with her friends following my around the store working up the courage to talk to me. Even did once, but my coworker greeted them instead of me. Under normal circumstances I would have probably gone after her, but I'm with my girlfriend so it's out of the question. I honestly just go for whomever I'm attracted to most and see what happens from there. If it doesn't work out, shit happens. There's plenty of girls.
Yeah getting over her, should i be the one to stats i just want to be friends or let her future that out by just not talking to her anymore, but she has made it clear that we can be more than friends, but it's all very vague and indecisive, i guess i just wait it out
State* fucking phones
I'm too polite/reserved to make my intentions clear to girls, how do I get over the idea that I'll be rude or annoying by asking them out
I'm in an affluent country but a smallish town, and I have a similar problem. No social groups, no dating groups. It's a college town and you're expected to either have friends/dates, meet them in school, or content yourself with your family and neighbors.
I feel like I might have to move just to not die alone, but it sucks because I'm comfy here otherwise
In your position if she was being flakey and indecisive, the worst thing you can do is enable that behavior. Don't be at her beck and call. Tell her you're cool with being friends if that's all she wants, and play it cool. To really seal the deal casually drop female friends names in conversation if the opportunity presents itself.
It's not rude, it's honestly flattering most of the time. Be civil and respect that they don't owe you your time and you'll be fine.
I think I'm pretty handsome, but I'm very antisocial, so that kinda kills my chances for getting a girlfriend. The thought of talking to strangers, especially making small talk, just sounds annoying to me.
Do you have any advice that would help me WANT to be more sociable?
Aight thanks friend, never been in a position like this with a girl i like, i hope it works out