Wanted to die since 14

I am 27 now, and although I have had a few good years and met many wonderful people, I am ready to leave. I currently have nobody around me and my sanity and money is very limited.

I am going to spend the last few months of this year finishing my university application for a Master's program in philosophy, which requires a 20 page essay. I will write it about what I have suffered that led me to this decision, which also exemplifies a topic that is not discussed very much in philosophy, but nevertheless interesting.

I will stick around long enough to see a response, but then I would really like some peace and quiet once and for all. I know suicide is cowardly, but I have nothing left in me anymore except wisdom earned for too much sacrifice.

Attached: Susannah.jpg (1296x1293, 702K)

No te mates, yo sí te amo

Why do you want to kill yourself?

Where will I be able to read this essay?

PTSD, malnutrition during development (bow legged, brittle teeth), severe myopia, and brain damage from a steel pipe.

Mostly it's the PTSD and brain damage. I am unable to connect with people on any emotional level and the blunt force trauma I have suffered and caused myself gives me bouts of dizziness that are getting disturbingly frequent.

You sure it's due to head trauma? Have you had a scan done?

You'd be surprised what stress can do to your body. It can cause your dizziness. So can sitting or laying down for extended periods of time.

Trust me, I know how dead you feel being in a situation like that for a long time. I wanted to give up. Don't anymore. Maybe it was the stress. I realized some people were better off with me meeting them. I changed perspectives. Gave support to the lonely. Gave some souls meaning.

All you need is a purpose.

I'm not gonna try to talk you out of this since it is your decision after all, but how much would this affect people around you? if any

That's stupid. If you have nobody around you, just find new people. If you're so wise and philosophical it should be easy to attract people. You're just bitching out because you're afraid of the possibility that you aren't.

My skull is deformed and indented where the steel pipe struck, and the entire front portion of my skull is shifted to the side. There is also a massive bump on the top of my head, bone hard. It clearly looks like someone attempted to strike my temple with a pipe and I survived. I have no recollection of suffering the injury.

Neglect at the hands of my parents and abuse at the hands of my relatives was what caused this. I had a few relationships that were good while it lasted, but abuse suffered in childhood plays out again in adulthood. I have to let it die with me instead of passing it on.

Actually, I am 100% confident I will be accepted into all the top universities in the world.

I also have no intention of going. In a way, this gives me the perfect mindset to write. I know God is with me on this, as crazy as I realize that sounds.

Careful, you're going to break your keyboard with those crocodile tears. What a hero you are, taking yourself out of the gene pool because you're too much of a bitch to try to be better. And blaming other people all the way down. I'm sure they'll make a monument in your name.

Look at the edge on the faggot over here.

The only solution is to kill yourself and stream it

I know right? Claims to have a big wise philosophical brain but can't even figure out his own fucking life.

aight, it's your life. congrats on getting this far despite everything. i mean it.

That's how philosophy works

Take it easy their socrates, im not tryna ruin your philosophical bubble but simple saying "nobody cares about you" just makes it seem that people actually care, the reason you are even posting a comment like this is that your hesitant to actualy carry your suicide out so your trying to find a life changing reason not to, sorry to break it to you but there isn't, i don't know you, i don't know what you are capable of, i just know that your tough guy, no feelings persona isn't doing it for me, so yeah go and shot yourself in the face and come back with a better reason for me to care.

(Good) day, op.
First of all, I'd like to say good luck on your essay. i personally would try to stick around if I got accepted but then again, I don't know the pain and suffering you're going through. Be careful mentioning suicide or your intention to do it in the essay. If you're too explicit you will end up in a mental ward.
Skull deformations and brain trauma are one of my biggest fears. I don't have a great life but I am luckily physically intact and healthy. If I lost that, I would probably off myself too.
This guy is the one telling you to reform your skull and become unabused. His only potentially valid point is that you shouldn't blame people. At the same time, acknowledging the cause or root of something can be different than blaming that thing. It doesn't sound like you're blaming your parents/relatives but that you do accept that they caused some issues.
This guy is the only reasonable reply thus far. If you were serious about suicide you would have done it by now and not brought it up one Jow Forums of all boards. You have set a soft deadline (I.e. when the college responds to the essay) but that just gives you an indefinite amount of time to dwell on these things you feel and question your decision to kill yourself.
My honest advice is either to kill yourself immediately or to commit yourself to a pure hermit lifestyle. Get on disability and read and write until you die

I wanna read that essay cuh

I had glimpses of hope that kept me going.

I still have a few books to go through before I am ready to complete it. The first few pages that I have written convinces me this is worth the last few moments of my time here.