I let people watch me masturbate. How do I tell my gf?

I'm in a 7,5 year relationship with relatively low levels of drama. But I have fucked up.
I have a thing for people watching me while I jack off. It started out with masturbating with the curtains open so that my neighbor could see. I don't know whether she actually saw me (hard not to notice as she used to smoke near her window looking out), but the thrill was intense. She moved out, and then I started masturbating on sites like Chatroulette. It felt like a step up from regular porn. I did not say a single word to the people who watched me. They all remained clothed, except for one girl who showed her tits. Every time it was a matter of seconds before I came. I did this a handful of times.

The thing is that there was never any communication with the others; I just let them watch for (barely) a minute. That is how I justified it for myself. But in the end, I did share a sexual act with other people, so I clearly overstepped a boundary. Do you consider it cheating? I feel very guilty nonetheless and don't know how to tell her. I love her more than anything in the world and betraying her trust was the worst thing I could do.

tl'dr: how do I tell my gf that I let strangers watch me fap?
Pic unrelated.

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For the record, I mostly used camroll.net and loveroulette.net, as I didn't feel like watching other dicks all the time.

This is the sort of shit you stop doing and tell nobody, not even anonymous users online. If you must, go to a catholic confession or the gioyc thread and ignore the penance they advise.

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At first this is what I told myself as well: no one will ever know what I did. But now I feel like not telling her might be more damaging to our relationship than the act itself. It feels heavy to carry this burden.

Why not try to gauge her opinion on the matter? Instead of confessing that you've already done It, tell her that you feel the desire to be watched while performing sexual acts (don't say that it's masturbation specifically. From there you may work on it as a couple.

Why don't you ask her if you can masturbate in front of her

I might consider this. I recently told her that this might be my fetish. I did not really get a useful reply so I don't know how she feels about it, so I might try to bring it up again. Although she might become suspicious. And I still feel like I should tell her what I've done. I don't know if going this route will eventually make it easier to tell her. But it might be my best option.

I don't know why I did not think of this. Maybe the fact that it was in front of strangers was what made it so exciting. At first it felt like a safe way to explore this urge, as there is a distance between me and the other person. I would never approach another girl IRL or even flirt online.

I'm also afraid that someone recorded me and uploaded my dick to some porn site. I know chances are rare, but if anyone ever finds out this way then it's ogre.

>Shrek reference
>Pic related

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Never would have guessed the penises I disconnected with were connected to guys with actual feelings.


That's poetic. I don't know about the others, but I can at least feel shame and guilt right now, so that's something.

This isn't even a big deal. Well actually if you were jerking off in front of guys it is. That would probably worry your gf. Lots of people are exhibitionists, it's totally normal. You could put in masks and do cam shit together even. As far as weird sex stuff goes you're less perverted than anal

funny stuff I basically got the same fetish but I stopped because people saw me and that gave me anxiety
be careful with any public fetishes, they bring alot of stress
that being said, it's way better now. I could fap in front of my neighbour right fucking now

>This isn't even a big deal
This is comforting. You are right that there are much more extreme fetishes. It's not like I'm shitting on midgets or something. But what makes it troubling for me is that, how shallow it may be, it involves other people while my gf doesn't know. I might just tell her up front and hope she doesn't flip out.

I never took the step to masturbating out in public. Did you stop cold turkey? Do you still have these urges? I'd be afraid that someone calls the police. When I masturbate with the curtains open I can at least claim it wasn't on purpose.

I can't advise on that either way but it's really nothing to be guilty about. It's not cheating especially if you aren't even chatting

Thanks fren. I think I'll just tell her when she gets home then.

I'm wondering, do we all have these kind of secrets?

Oh no I did not mean in public, I wouldn't dare touch myself outside my room, but like you I had my curtains open. Although when I was 14 I did masturbate in a park and a family of four saw me.
I still want to fap like that, but I'd rather not be scared that someone's seen me and is keeping an eye on me.

I see, I misinterpreted that. I think we all did some stupid shit when we were young. And we probably still do when we grow older, but we just have more to lose I guess.