Gf parents are extremely abusive, both verbally and physically, and today they pushed her so far she had a breakdown. She already has suicidal tendencies, and with the shit they tell her (just today they told her to jump out the window) I'm afraid she might really do it. What the fuck do I do? I asked her to leave everything and run away to live with me, but she refused, and I'm at a loss of what else I can do
Gf parents are extremely abusive, both verbally and physically, and today they pushed her so far she had a breakdown...
go live with her until she gives up and moves in with you
That's an awful relationship to have. It is wise to avoid dating suicidal people because you'll inevitably place yourself in that awful situation where you consider yourself responsible for their mental health, which is just not true. I am saying this because you should start learning to care a little less about her. If she is dragging you down too much do not be afraid to break up with her user.
Regarding her parents, I don't know. Is their anger justified? What are they asking out of your gf? You already offered her to live with you, why did she refuse?
Honestly if she was a more normal girl I would consider asking her in marriage, so that she would trust me more and move with me, but her suicidal behavior is way too much of a redflag for me to consider that.
Right now she lives with her parents, while for uni she should be sharing an apartment with another girl (which is the very reason she's fighting with her parents, as they want her to go live in a 2 square meters room while she's claustrophobic, and no i'm not exaggerating, the room is that small), so me living with her is not a possibility. I might drop out from uni and go live close to her though, if things look bad enough
She's not dragging me down at all, and I want to be with her. Their anger isn't justified at all, as they overreact over the smallest thing done by gf. Read above for what they're asking her. She didn't tell me the actual reason, but it's most likely out of fear towards her parents, but also because she wants to finish her studies. We're already planning on getting married as soon as she's done with uni tough, and next year I'd be moving with her after I'm done with uni myself, but like I wrote earlier I want to stall my year and resume it once she's better
user you are considering stalling your entire life for her. How is that not dragging you down?
It's a year, plus even if I do get my degree, there's not really a job I'd like to do, so I'd start by working part time and then find something, so it's not like it'd change much
That's your rationalization to justify what you are doing.
If your gf has depression she will hate the idea that she is stalling your entire life, and it could make her even more suicidal. In fact I think that's more likely than the unnatural scenario of her enjoying the changes she forced in your lifestyle.
If her parents want her to live in such a tiny place maybe they are struggling with financial problems. And if they are struggling with financial problems they will definitely be very stressed, which leads to them discounting their anger on your gf (which is not right of course). I'm just saying this is much more complex than it appears, and you are considering hasty decisions because of a romantized idea of yourself being able to save her from problems that are ultimately up to her and her only to fight and solve.
Let me be honest: if she was a normal person I would guarantee you that she will get over it and in a few years she will look back at that situation and say it was just a normal struggle of life. But depressed people are not "normal", I would be irresponsible if I guaranteed that she will be fine. So she should see a therapist, get medicated if she isn't already, and just hold tight, sounds like she only has to hold off for one more year.
Once again, coinsider not stalling your entire life for her, especially because if she has any sort of sensibility she'll hate herself even more for the thought she forced you to do that.
>That's your rationalization to justify what you are doing.
That was my plan before we even got together
>they are struggling with financial problems
They're actually paying 3x how much that place is worth. It's a sub rented room with the same price of the whole apartment, so they're being scammed and no matter how much gf and her sister tried to explain, they didn't listen
>So she should see a therapist
The parents won't let her. Just today she asked them to, to which they replied that she isn't really depressed and that if she wants to visit a psychologist it should be because she doesn't study (yet she has great grades)
Anyway, I wouldn't be moving because I feel forced to do it, but because I want to. I can just pick up where I left whenever I want, and for the job I may end up doing I don't even need to finish my studies
Why would she need permission from her parents to see a therapist? All she needs is money and two legs to walk to the place. You can send her money to cover for that.
You said it, money. She doesn't work, and I have no job myself yet (we live somewhat far away right now, so getting one would make me see her even less)
Forgot to write, she probably wouldn't accept the money from me no matter what
How old are you two? This is honestly baffling
23 me, 20 her
Well user I see you have good intentions and you want to go through great lengths to take care of your girl, that's something few men are able to do nowadays. The problem is that you are not at the stage of life in which you have the means to do that. You don't even have an income which is something basic to protect your family. Now money is something easy to make and you sound smart enough to be able to imagine a few ways to make some quick emergency cash to help your gf. But you said she wouldn't accept it. Why is she overcomplicating thingss? And if she does not accept your money, do you really think she would accept you dropping college and moving just for her?
From my perspective she is 100% not worth the effort and you could be much happier with a mentally healthy girl that does not impose such stress on you. But you sound like you are way too much in love to even consider dropping her. And if you two already have plans to marry then maybe you really should insist in her, but in a lighthearted way. Finish your degree, get a good job, make money and use that money to solve your problems. As for her survival on the mean time there is absolutely nothing you can do, it's 100% dependent on her. You can give her the emotional support and tell her to be strong but that's about it, maybe someone here will have better advice but that's the best, most honest and (in my opinion) most realistic advice I can give
Leave her. There are plenty of less damaged women in this world. You don't need a crutch, you need a partner.
(same user here) For the record I'm giving you that advice because I was once in a similar position. I was dating a very depressive girl. But the scenario was a little different since she had nothing wrong in her life. In fact she was highly priviledged with comfort, friends and a good family, but despite all that she kept bitching about being depressive and suicidal. It took an immense weight on me since I kept doing my best to cheer her up and be there for her and basically fix her mood and life. When we broke up she immediately moved on to drag down another guy. To this very day she keeps doing exactly that. I have seen a similar pattern with many other girls by observing from far away. Depressive women are a pain in the ass user. You will never fix them because they don't want to be fixed.
She is my partner though, and I never have considered her a crutch nor I will
She would accept money in case of emergency, it already happened in the past. I can probably save enough to actually pay for her, but it all depends on her, I know that
Your ex sounds more spoiled and attention seeking than depressed from the way you talk about her, honestly
Well First of all You did not explain Why Her Parents are abusive "Both of them"
I presume the Problem You and her are having is You, They probobly do not aprove of You.
"I asked her to leave everything and run away to live with me, but she refused" Probobly because You cannot Support her with The Funds that You have.
I bet You are Black and 25 years old or Younger.
You need to make 60K a Year Minimum to own a House, 80K a house wife and 2 children.
The Parants Probobly dont want to see their Child bring home a Child to their doorstep.
If You Love Her, Go and get educated and find a Job, than reaproach her and her Family.
>They probobly do not aprove of You
Nope, due to how toxic they are she still hasn't told them we're dating
>I bet You are Black and 25 years old or Younger.
>Probobly because You cannot Support her with The Funds that You have.
We'd be staying with my parents (not American, and it's pretty common in my country) until I'm done with my studies (about to start my final year), then move on from there.
user you seem serious about having a family
get some goddamn financial independence
you can't fucking have a family by having your gf/wife live with you in your bloody parents's house
there's nothing you can do for her in that scenario
it's technically not your fault since no one should have that sort of responsibility at the age of 23
but then again it is your fault because you brought that relationship on yourself and you're not willing to let her go
She likes the abuse and will never expect it from you. you need to run away as fast as you can, before she fucks up your life too.
Her children will be born with mental illness and she will treat them just the same as her parents did her!
All you know about her parents is the complaining she gives you. You don't have to do anything but listen.
That's exactly what I was thinking. You are only hearing her side and she not exactly the most neutral narrator.