How to avoid being hated in the workplace

I’ll start this by saying that no, I can’t just confront whoever started this because due to he-told-her-to-tell-me-to-tell-you -chains, I don’t even know who it is who’s talking shit about me. Regardless, the people don’t like me at my job.

I couldn’t make it into university. Whether that is due to mental illness, a lack of intellect or simply my personal failures as a piece of shit human being who does not deserve joy or happiness is largely irrelevant here. Regardless I still come from a background where that sort of thing was expected, my parents met in university, there are doctors and lawyers in the family, ”what do you want to be when you grow up” has always meant ”which path are you planning to take to success?”

I don’t spend my days moaning, whining and lamenting some glorious future that Could Have Been, that was not the path for me and no amount of bitter grief would change that.

So I work in a factory. I make OK money, I do my job and mind own my business, and work on my personal projects during my breaks, only talking to people if I’m spoken to, but I’ll be polite if I do. Plenty of people that I could swear I’ve never spoken to know me by name.

And apparently people really don’t like me. Saying that I’m pretentious, always pretending to be something better than everybody else, and being theatrical in pretending that my job is way harder than it really is.

There is *one* task I don’t properly know how to do and I’ve repeatedly asked the shift managers to either have someone instruct me how to do it or not make me do it. Being set up to a task I don’t know how to do and no instructions of how to do it is psychological torture, and it’s not in any way reasonable to expect me to know how to do it, do it instantly, correctly and without crying.

That is the only unamiable thing I’ve ever done in the workplace. I don’t know what else I could have done to be so disliked.

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>only talking to people if I’m spoken to
Big mistake. It's something that people who are introverted and aloof often do. At best it comes across as closed off, at worst as really unfriendly

Don't change anything you're doing. Just make sure you're working smiling. People who have no real fulfillment in their life will always try to stir shit up at work. (ie saying people don't like you to see if they can get a reaction out of you)

Just work happy, say hello be polite and never give a fuck about what other people say or think unless it's your boss.

I don’t know how friendly I can be if I start talking with people I have no interest in talking to. I’m not good at feigning interest and initiating a conversation just to be disinterested sounds really rude.

I do say my good mornings and all, I just don’t want to spend my precious 15 minute sharp coffee break listening to some girl going on about something boring her toddler said.

Nobody smiles while working in a factory, putting together shipment orders isn’t that fun.

The matter is, otherwise this wouldn’t matter, bur I’ve had my fair share of being bullied as a kid, and people capable of being malicious can and will find ways to be actively harmful, though I don’t know how they’d find a way to sabotage my work in a way they wouldn’t be caught.

I’m not naive enough to assume there is none, though.

>I don’t know how friendly I can be if I start talking with people I have no interest in talking to.
See that's the elephant in the room. You couldn't give a flying fuck and they notice. That's what gets you in trouble

Well, how am I supposed to be interested in the mundane lives of people I don’t care about?

If I’ve spent the past 5 hours of my workday looking forward to my glorious whole uninterrupted 30 minutes with my precious book and instead have to spend it listening to some boring fucker telling me about how his ex’s friend posted a picture of kebab on her facebook feed (I am not joking, this situation literally happened), I am not going to be thrilled and delighted about it.

People usually don’t like other people for reason, maybe you deserve what’s happening because of your past behavior. The guy everyone dislikes at work is usually so filled with energy and opinions that go nowhere, they go fast instead of pay attention to their job. So mistakes are more likely and that makes a hostile work environment when the boss is pissed at them.

You don’t matter so let’s get that out of the way at the top. So for you to think you’re too lazy for having empathy, give up trying to fit in because you’ll always be “that guy” people don’t want to be around.

I’m the opposite of a hyperactive mistake-maker. I’ve had bosses and managers admit that while I might not be as fast as many others, I *never* make mistakes, either.

That is why I freeze when given a job I don’t know how to do. I don’t know how to do it, and I don’t just run around doing the wrong thing if I don’t know how to do the right thing.

They just need to learn to mind their own business.

If you don’t know what to do, just fuckin google it. That’s how simple it can be solved. I’m shocked so many people seem to forget the internet is our best tool for learning.

Plus fitting in at work is stupid, because unless they're a friendly person at your core they’ll talk behind your back.

Here you go OP
*Good morning
*Howdy
*smile and wave
*how are you? if you get a sad response say I'm sorry you, or I hope it get's better.
*take it easy
* see you later
* see you at the next one

If you don't want them to dislike you then you need to give a shit or at least act as if. You don't do that then they'll think bad of you. It's pretty simple. If you want to go down the path of giving no empathy to anyone then be prepared to get into that situation in the future again

Kindness triumphs in the end OP.

First and foremost be kind to yourself, then be kind to others. I see that you're very self-critical in a negative way that probably follows you in every aspect of life (it's just an assumption since that's what happened to me). That kind of negative emotions against yourself eventually ends up showing critical of other people as well. Many people are huge assholes, but you gotta remember that's not your problem. If you treat them as kindly as you can, you get this confidence that you tried and that's the best you can do in the situation. Of course I don't mean get taken advantage of, but it does give you mental peace.

How do I google how to arrange the section C dairy shipment carrages to Helsinki? They don’t have any markings I can make sense of.

That is literally what I do.

Why do you even car about not being liked if you don't even care about the people. If you wanted to be friendly with them and then they hated you, that would be one thing, but you actively don't interact unless its absolutely necessary with them so why do you care what they think?


>Being set up to a task I don’t know how to do and no instructions of how to do it is psychological torture, and it’s not in any way reasonable to expect me to know how to do it, do it instantly, correctly and without crying.

They probably do this on purpose because they see how it affects you. If people aren't willing to help you out in a job, then that means you have to acquire independence and judgement. You can't just freeze up everytime you're confronted with something that you don't know how to do in fear of looking "stupid" or whatever it is that you're afraid of. This is life, and situations like this can and are already happening. If people aren't willing to help, then you must seek the answers yourself by finding the instructions on how to do so whether its a booklet, a video or whatever else, and if you make a mistake then so be it. It's part of the learning process. The only time you shouldn't attempt a task is if it requires a professional to do.

If you still care about being hated, then either learn to put on a face for work, or get another job.

Lower middle class people are crabs in a bucket who want to drag you down and make you suffer. If your bosses like you don't care what the trash thinks.

I’m not a chatterbox and where I’m from it’s not considered inherently rude to not be chatty. The finnish language doesn’t HAVE a word for ”small talk”.

The shift supervisors decide who does what job, it is decided before our shifts start and dictated from above, it is not freely chosen by the workers themselves between us. I have repeatedly asked not to be put into tasks I don’t know how to do, my instructor did not show me how to do them.

When I was put to arrange the section C carriages, I spent like 5 or 10 minutes trying to figure out where to even start guessing what I’m supposed to be doing here, before someone else came in, told me to go do this different job that I do know how to do, the one who was supposed to do the simpler job would take it from here.

Every time I ask ”how do I know how to-” or ”how do I tell where to-”, or any way wish to be explained how to do things, someone either offers to do it for me (without showing me how to do it myself in the future), or shrugs and says ”you’re just supposed to know”.

I wasn’t fucking born with an instinctive 6th sense of how to run a dairy product redistribution plant.

I used to be a lot like you OP, and still am, and most of comes down to acting and quick wit.

Years ago, I’d be working, but in my mental zone, and if someone ran up to me and started talking about kebabs, I’d just stare at them and nod, because I didn’t give a fuck and it felt disingenuous to pretend to, and I thought they would pref to know so that they don’t waste their energy and can instead tell someone that does I’ve a fuck.

That pisses people off and sets you apart from the group.

Now if I’m working with headphones in and Sally sits next to me and starts trying to talk about Kelsey’s Instagram kebabs I’ll pop one headphone out but keep working, glancing over for eye contact occasionally while feigning an “in thought” face, and I just think of something to say about kebabs and stop listening, and throw in my tangential kebab comment while she’s taking a breath. I didn’t have to listen, but I’m on-topic, so it’s good enough.

If they’re complaining, just respond with a “That sucks,” or “They sound like an asshole,” or somesuch. If they’re asking a question and you haven’t been paying attention, just give a casual, “Hold up, ?” Sometimes you’ll get lucky and they’ll just start ranting again without needing a proper response.

Sometimes you can even just giv a bemused smirk to let them know you think what they’re talking about is retarded, but use those sparingly, and only if you can say something funny if they complain. A lot of times even if you just smirk at something they said; that shows engagement and it’s good enough for them.

Also, laugh along with shit even if you think it’s inane. Those people will start trying to provoke reactions from you if you don’t give them any.

As for not knowing how to do things - you’re probably just going to have to at the start of shift, pick a position you don’t know, ask whoever’s working it if you can watch them do it for a couple minutes before starting at your station, ask some questions if needed, then go start doing your station before hints get too backed up, and just do that once every couple days until you’ve got them down. Sucks, but if your leads and management aren’t concerned with proper training, what else are you gonna’ do?

Where's your employee's manual? If you got hired as a factory worker to sort things out then there should be written documentation in there or somewhere else on how to do the tasks you are having difficulty in.

>I have repeatedly asked not to be put into tasks I don’t know how to do, my instructor did not show me how to do them.

So did't you tell them that you CANNOT do these tasks because you don't know how to do them, or you DO NOT WANT to do these tasks because you don't know how to do them? There are differences between the two statements.
>someone either offers to do it for me (without showing me how to do it myself in the future), or shrugs and says ”you’re just supposed to know”.

this is when you are suppose to observe their actions and take notes and you keep doing that until you have a good enough grasp.

>I wasn’t fucking born with an instinctive 6th sense of how to run a dairy product redistribution plant.

No one is, but the good thing about modern technology is that we have the internet. Seek out mangers of dairy product redistribution plants through websites like Linkedin or whatever and send them a message if it really has to come down to it.

That’s not how things are done here. We don’t have ”a manual”. I asked for once, and not only did the person I asked have no fucking idea what the hell was I even talking about, she laughed at my face.

I hope for your sake that you're seeking out another job. If everything you say is true, then this sounds like a terrible place to work for.

It’s one of the biggest food companies in the country, we just don’t do ”manuals” like they apparently do in america.

>I do my job and mind own my business,


From the outside, shyness or social awkwardness can look just like aloofness. What you call "minding my own business" they can see as "thinking you're too good for them".

Make even the simplest gestures toward being friendly and the bad rep will collapse

I am friendly, I do talk with people if someone talks to me first or if it it can be brief.

>How to avoid being hated in the workplace
From my very limited experience: Do your best, take initiative and responsibility for your work, and try to just be a positive nice friendly guy in your interactions with your coworkers.

Based on what you've said one of two things is going one. Either;
>your coworkers are just assholes, you don't seem to be a bad guy based on your posts
>youre being rude without realizing it
im thinking the later is more likely. If youre naturally shy and introverted like me people may mistake your shyness for coldness. That's something I struggle with myself and I need to check myself often.
And this here is pretty telling
>I do say my good mornings and all, I just don’t want to spend my precious 15 minute sharp coffee break listening to some girl going on about something boring her toddler said.
That's a kinda selfish thing to think. Youre assuming that everyone's lives are boring and not worth your time. If you actually take the time to talk to your co workers youll probably find that many of them have some interesting stories and experiences to share.

You have to make an effort to reach out to your coworks. Once you do they'll warm up to you

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As much as I’d want to take your words in consideration, that picture was completely inexcusable.