I'm im a cold war with my father. I moved back in with him a couple years ago because he was having issues with functioning alone, and because I was making one last effort to try and repair our relationship so that the last thing I said to him wasn't "I hope you die soon". Things were pretty fine for the first year or so, he sold me the houses he was renting so he could qualify for medicare or something, I started paying the bills myself and took everything under my name, but then things started going downhill pretty quicky, he started getting more obnoxious, started letting homeless people spend the night on the couch, started blaring music and movies all day and night preventing me from sleeping, when I had to take a night shift job and had to sleep during the daytime, he would make no effort to be quiet, instead opting to play with powertool right outside my bedroom window during the hours I needed to sleep.
I have to have sitdowns with him at least once week because of his lack of understanding that he needs to shut up so that I can sleep and go to work, and every single time he says things to the effect of "you dont need to sleep", "you're young, you can handle it", "when I was your age I got one hour of sleep a day and worked four jobs". In addition to this, he talks smack about me both behind my back and right in front of me, making up lies to tell literally everyone he knows, ranging from petty things like "he keeps putting jalapenos in my pickle jar", to more extreme things like "he keeps stealing my money, but hes my son and I love him". My reputation in the neighborhood has gone from hardworking polite son to lying manipulating thief, to the point where I have to take time off work to stay at home whenever i have packages being delivered because either my dad will steal them or the neighbors will.
Last night was a prelude to the cold war that started today, went to go make some dinner, and one of his friends was over, and his friend got in my face about me stealing from my dad (which I dont do), I told him that dads lying about me again, and then yelled at my dad telling him to stop lying about me, and then he mocked what I said, and told me to get over it. At that point, I took the dinner he was making, and just shoved it off the counter and onto the ground, and walked right back to my room, and a few minutes later he comes pounding on my door screaming and yelling about it.
This morning comes along, I go to make breakfast, and he picks a fight over what happened last night, getting all uppity, so I finally yelled at him right back, saying things to the effect of "if you get in my face again, I will move out, evict everyone renting from us, evict you, and sell the houses to the first person to offer me a penny". He replied saying that if I did that be'd beat me within an inch of my life, to which I replied that if he lays a single finger on me, I will be forced to pull my gun on him and kill him. Then I went back to my room, got back to the computer to try and relax, when he decides to slam open my door yelling again, resulting in me finally pulling out my handgun, pointing it at him, and telling him to back off. (2/?)
At this point i'm looking for a place to go, but I got no savings, i'm selling things I dont want to bother moving, and gonna talk to my boss tommorrow and see if he's got any connections to get me a place to stay if I cant find something by the end of the month at the latest. This shits gotten out of control, he has no respect for me or anything I do, and i'm sick of trying to deal with it. I'm at the point where its a very real possibility that i'm going to end up killing my dad, when all I wanted originally was to try to get the whole father-son dynamic going. I'm tired of it all. (3/3)
Hahaha holy shit When I see people complaining about their parents I always think they are bitter fucks being unreasonable with their old folk, unwilling to do the smallest sacrifice to tolerate their old age quirks, and I've never been wrong before Until now Gotta hand it to you that's a tough call
>And from the rib that the LORD God had taken from the man, He made a woman and brought her to him. >And the man said: “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman,’ for out of man she was taken.” >For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh
Once you're of reproductive age only your children can be considered family. Am I wrong?
Yes that's a stretch, especially considering the Bible tells you to appreciate your parents and respect them. Don't interpret books like the Bible from isolated passages, do an organic interpretation (consider the whole so that your interpretation for the isolated parts is one that does not create contradictions with the whole)
You probably should give him back what he gave you and just leave everything that is connected to him.
You own a couple of houses. If you are that hard up for money, you can probably get a home equity loan.
Do you understand what's going on with your financial and legal situation since you're the legal owner of dwellings that are being rented? If not, you need to get that figured out because it's going to be important in figuring out how to disentangle yourself from your father, should you want or need to do so.
Your dad might be acting like a fucked up asshole because of age related brain issues. You might want to get him checked out for this. Unless you just want to bail from the situation.
I sure hope you have you gun secured well, if you aren't simply carrying it with you everywhere you go. You are at greater risk of death if you keep a gun that is unsecured, especially considering that you have pulled it on your father and threatened him with it, and that things are so bad between the two of you.
I wouldn't get much from an equity loan, just base don what the county says my places are worth, which is basically nothing, but money isnt really the issue.
The only thing I know about the whole thing is that a couple years we went to the courthouse, signed a couple papers, I paid a fee, and got the title deeds for the places.
He's a fucked up asshole because he can't work anymore because his back surgery was botched and no one will employ him.
If my gun isnt on me, it's locked in a lockbox that he doesnt have a key to. Realistically, if I wanted to die, i'd just totally fuck him and the rest of my family over by blowing my brains out in a way that splatter hits everyone and traumatizes my brothers kids. But I don't want to do that I finally landed a stable job and am making enough to get the fuck out of this situation and just finalize abandoning my family.
Sell one of the houses. Sign the rest back to your dad. And leave.
OP is not here for advice, he's here to whine.
>pulling your gun over your own father because of shit like that that gun will ruin your life if it's not now, it'll be in the next car wreck you get involved for the record I am not anti-gun, I am the most pro-gun guy you can possibly imagine, but pulling your own gun against your own father is the greatest sign I've ever seen of someone unprepared and immature to own it now you obviously won't throw it away just because a stranger on the Internet told you keep it on you while you're fighting with your father since it can keep you safe, as soon as you are out seek a therapist and explain what you did, get a professional opinion on whether you are qualified to carry a firearm or not, I say this for your own good, you might blow up on minor shit and pull the gun at the wrong person one day
If someone is coming at me with intent to strike me, i'm going to pull it on them, thats just how it is, its the first time in 8 years i've ever had to pull it out.
It sounds like since everything is in your name, you should have the legal authority to kick your dad out and issue a restraining order against him. Is there a reason you aren't able to do this?
He would know where I live and given that hes friends with and sells drugs to the various denizens of the homeless community, I dont want to have to deal with break ins and thefts.
Jesus user, this whole thing sounds like straight out of a movie that critics praise but the general audience found too complex.
It's bullshit and I hate it, thats why i'm trying to get the fuck out of this situation. The easy solution is selling the places and burning bridges, but the last thing I want is my family trying to hunt me down.
You're prepared to shoot your father in self defense but not some homeless vagrant? Can't say I blame you, though. No one wants to constantly look over their shoulder, but if you don't do something and take the associated risk, you may risk something worse happening. You're current reputation sounds like it wouldn't bode well in court if you shoot your father, plus you could always invest in a good security system. Do not let the psychological power struggle of this cold war blind you to the advantages and power you do hold, and be careful. Making the right move at the right time will always be worth more than letting your impulses get the better of you. To be angry is easy, but to be angry at the right man at the right time and for the right reason... this is difficult.
Your right. Guy has all these assets then complains he doesn't have any money to leave, then says money isn't the issue. He does have an amusing tale but it must be sad that everyone around him is sick of his complaining.
Money isn't an issue. I have no savings, but I have a job that pays well enough to get by, by t he end of the month i'm getting the fuck out of here, but in the mean time tensions are extremely high, I cant get a new place till my next paycheck on the 21st, but on payday I could easily just grab a UHaul, load up my shit, and find a new place within a couple days. Its the short term thats the problem. Up until last night things were, at the very least, manageable, like sleeping on a concrete floor, but last night that concrete floor turned to broken glass.
How about making amends? Show a white flag, at least for now until you can leave
It's too late for that.
He is going through the same tension as you except for he has much more to lose Try it.
Nope, I called my boss and hes willing to put me up for a short while till I can find a place.