How long should I wait on a person with anxiety?

Yeah I'm just stuck at the crossroads man. I dont want to give up on someone I know can do better, but at the same time she cant expect me to hollow myself out for her every whim. I'm glad your girl is atleast doing something cause mine isnt doing jack shit, atleast nothing productive. Shes turning into a slob and I hate that shit, but at the same time I know it's not her complete fault, but fuck me man be a fucking adult if even a socially inept one.

We broke up once because she said that her anxiety was spiking and that I wasn't there for her fully and I admit I wasnt, but in getting back together I told her that I'm willing to fully pay attention to her needs, but also that I wasnt gonna wait forever for her to get over this. Its been a month now and I'm not seeing any improvement on her part. If anything shes taking steps back. All of a sudden her anxiety keeps me from going to her house or her folks because all of a sudden I'm seen as a bad bf in her mothers eyes, sex is trash because she doesnt even act like she wants dick yet gets upset when I'm too tired to fuck, hell even using words like "I guess" and "umm" piss her off because it isnt exactly how she wants to be responded to. Like I said I give her the benefit of doubt cause anxiety is a monster, but im seriously starting to fall out of love with her.

Everyone has their breaking point, just gotta wait for yours. Do you really see yourself spending the rest of your life with her?

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At this point I dont because I cant be with a woman who cant hold the little shit down while I handle the big shit. Do you honestly think if you're tripping over nothing now that its gonna get easier when you have a house, kid, new life?

Fuck no and mommy isnt gonna be around forever either since she hangs off her moms ass due to her father leaving at a young age.

I'm trying!

Damn OP, I don’t have advice but know I’m going through similar shit. I’m dating a girl who’s very introverted and sheltered person and it’s been a year as well. I care way too much about her that it backfires a lot. I try to get her to do new things. Like she had never gone out for Halloween, so I took her to my old college town like an hour away, and while we ate food before we went to the bar she said she didn’t want to go to the bar anymore. I was pissed as hell I put all that effor and drove for nothing. And new shit scares her. Like we’ll go to dinner, she names the same restaurants. If I don’t pick a new one she won’t go. Her excuse is “I know more places” so she expects me to put more effort, as if Yelp and GPS didn’t exist.

But I too wonder is my effort being unrecognized? I’m a truly patient person, and sometimes I wonder if 99% of people would’ve bailed already. Is she just unwilling to change and that’s gonna hinge on me forever.

Yep it's a shit position man. Like I'm trying my best for this girl but part of me asks the question, "would a real man put up with this?". I've been watching videos up the ass and they all say the same thing, but they never address howling should your partner wait on you or even if it's worth it if you two dont work out. I dont wanna leave her, but fuck dude I dont wanna wake up at 38 and realize I'm trapped or that I could of found a better woman but I wasted my time trying to fix what cant. I'm scary and it's sad because I feel like I cant convey these issues to one who creates them because shes so gung ho about constantly doing shit that makes her feel good but overall adds nothing to her life and saying that she just needs time.

Having been in a similar position I'll advise you to break up. It clearly isn' t working on your end, and if you tried to communicate about the whole situation and got nowhere, now it's the time to day goodbye. End the story, move on and go for a more compatible partner.

Yeah my girl just says stuff like “I’ll try” or “just be patient with me”. One of our biggest issues is pda. I like the occasional kisses and stuff. She shits me down almost immediately. She’ll turn her cheek to where I end up kissing her ear. That’s like I know “ok kissing is over” and it’s humiliating. I’ll go in for a kiss later and she’ll go “no it’s too hot”. I’ll go in later and “stop there’s people here”. Like there’s so many rules. Then I just question is this girl different? I’m I too spontaneous a kisser? It’s a weird issue we have, but I try to be patient with her. It’s not like I can give her an ultimatum. If she doesn’t feel the need to kiss a significant other in random moments, maybe she doesn’t feel strongly about me.

I'm really leaning towards it. This weekend she went with her friend to San Diego and I'm happy shes taking a break from her own mind, but at the same time shes given me time to think and I'm honestly dont down for this anymore. What I'm probably gonna do is talk to her about how I feel, if shes unwilling to listen or gets defensive then I know it's time to call it quits cause I refuse to believe that anxiety can be so great that you literally ignore all other relations in her life.

Well on a video I saw it said pay attention to actions more than words and I've spent this weekend going over that in my mind. She talks nice words but shes not doing jack shit or does the bare minimum and acts like she deserves to have her pussy kicked cause of it. I had more patience when I was in high school, but I'm nearing 30 man so I need a bitch who on some level can hold herself down and not doubt her entire life when she takes an L.

Interesting situation OP. My girlfriend actually dumped me because of her anxiety. She didn't like to talk to me about it and when I would try to get her to open up, she would constantly try to deflect. I was gone for a few days going innawood in the mountains, and the day I got back she dumped me. Shit hurts, definitely didn't help my inferiority complex and my self-image problems. I don't know what to do right now. It's a lot more nuanced that that, but that's the gist of it.

Sorry to hear that man

I broke up with my anxiety gf last november and that was the push she needed I guess. after the breakup she started to become the person I wanted her to be and started doing things for herself. I feel a lot of regret not being fully supporting of her and looking for a way out instead of committing.
I really want her back but a part of me still doesnt know if I can accept her clinical anxiety, like if she ever becomes a slob again or becomes so socially crippled she cant leave the house. I like to believe in the power of love and all but I dont know man. Its really hard for both people to live with

Exactly. Hence if I get any attitude back then I know my choice. Like I said I know life is heavy and shit, but if you let this affect you to the point it's a love triangle then you need to be single for a very long time to figure things out. I love this girl, but I'm not coming back a 2nd time if either of us decide to leave

I know this isn't a fun suggestion, but she needs therapy. Is she currently seeing a therapist? If you genuinely love this girl and want to make it work, I suggest couples counseling. It seems stupid but it might be nice to have someone make her feel heard but to take your side too. If that doesn't work, or if you don't want to, it might be time to leave.

tfw no anxiety ridden gf

She goes to therapy same as I, only I actually apply it outside of the office. The problem is she goes to therapy and takes meds and is ok for like a week or so. Then bullshit happens and she spirals down. I'll suggest couples therapy because I didnt really think of that one, my main issue is that I hope shes not so far up her own ass that she sees it as an insult or waste of time.

Must be nice

Couples therapy can make or break a relationship. She may be that far up her own ass. But just explain that you think it'd help if you both spoke to someone together because you really care about her and want to make everything work. I'd rather someone try counseling with me and then decide to leave than have someone just throw in the towel and give up.

I have my bouts too. It's quite comforting knowing your partner 'gets it'. Finding comfort in someone when nothing else does can make for a strong bond.

Could it be that her boyfriend, by being so caring, keeps her in her anxiety? I have no idea but your experience of the anxious girl changing for the better after the breakup seems more common than you think and I don't see a reason for that at all..
could some of them fake it or only think they suffer from it because it keeps getting them attention from their current bfs and they're just scared he'll walk away?

If that's the case I'm leaving her then. I told her before that her acting like this isnt keeping me in the game with her, so if I breakup with her and she pulls that 180 never leave bullshit then well she can keep it.

Yes I know and I'm sad that she thinks she needs to isolate herself rather than just toughing it out and being with loved ones.

So update. I texted her today and told her how her anxiety was interfering with the relationship and that rather than getting mad at her, I would try to understand her more and thus she can placate my needs better. I'm at work today so she said we can talk in person tomorrow, but overall she seemed ok with me bringing this up. Hopefully me laying out exactly what makes me unhappy and how we can compromise can let her know and doesnt end up in a defensive argument.

Get some more info because that was just a thought and I don't know if it's the best course of action at all times..
But yeah if you judge it's time to leave her then it's your call obviously.

I'm like this. I hate to say this but the only thing that motivates me is fear really, but not enough that i snap. You need to be super blunt that you need her to change soon/get help for her condition. Don't mention breaking up at this point

I had an anxiety gf as well
"fixed" her though
Tried all the be nice and try to get her extroverted stuff, same results as you guys
One day, I got really mad. Honestly, so mad, I realized how mad I was in the middle of it, and thought "well im too deep now, maybe this new approach will get through her head", so I played it up and got as angry as I could. Now don't get me wrong, there was no violence, but I did not even let her get a word in. I'm sure my neighbors 4 houses down could hear me. I was just screaming about how shitty of a person she was and how much she could be if she didn't have such a shit brain etc etc, really mean stuff. She look terrified all the way through, I think she hobestly thought I would kill her in that moment. Anyways, she tried to better herself everyday from that point on, and I've made a point to never get angry again unless she starts slippin real bad. Kinda surprised it worked, she's great now.

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It just sucks. She assured me that it was all her fault, that I was a good guy, that she felt bad about it, and that she didn't want to ruin what we had going. I took that as she needed a break and we'd talk again in a few days or a week at max. Two weels after I asked one of her friends about it and I was told that it was my fault the relationship ended, I was a bad guy for her, she felt trapped, and is better off now that she wasn't talking to me. I asked around some more and I got mixes of that response and her initial breakup. I finally talked to her again personally and got that I wasn't a bad guy, but I wasn't good for her and our relationship wasn't worth saving, along with a few other complaints. I don't know what's going on, or what I should do about it. She was really nice when she wasn't having problems, but she wouldn't like to talk about it, and would then have panic attacks. I want get back together, but I would need to drastically change my role in the relationship if we were to get back together.

>bullying your girlfriend into improving herself
I kinda want a gf like this

You really don't.

That sounds like when she first broke up with me, but then she backtracked cause I guess her episode wore off and she agreed to get back together, but to take things slow since the loss of her job, shit at home, and our relationship was fucking her mental up. I agreed but I also told her that she cant ignore shit in her life she needs to handle. The problem with my girl is that she gets defensively indifferent. She can use the typical female BS and bring up shit I've long forgot about, but when I address she does the same shit or different shit, she retreats and gets bitchy indifferent. However when this happened was usually from a place of anger, so this talk I'm going to calmly but firmly tell her that I'm ok with being with her, but that shit has to change. My problem with arguing her is the same excuse every person with anxiety uses, "I need time", but time waits for goddamn nobody and soon you'll be saying this in your 30's and 40's. I can understand you need time, but to just let time flow as if that's the answer is a halfassed way to go about healing yourself.

This, my gf is black so aggressiveness backfires hard cause she can go into extreme bitch mode from just her genes alone.

Been there done that OP got the fucking t shirt. Still fucked from it. She got knocked up from the next guy so I guess it was me though other women I've been with say I'm a sex God type thing. But now I'm like all fucked in the head from it. I'd advise you to pull out while your not ground into dirt by it.

Mine would just freak out. If I was there in person, I could tell something was wrong and attempt the correct the problem, but most of our communication was via calling. It's a lot harder to realise something is wrong over the phone. There would be times where she just wouldn't respond or she would change tones drastically. I would love to help her, and I'm sure that it would help, but she just wouldn't trust me enough to really open up much at all.

I dated a girl with depression/anxiety for a while. Broke up a couple of months ago because I couldn’t take the constant arguments whenever I’d want to do something. It got so stressful that I got shingles (stress related condition) at 20. I still miss her dearly, but Id like to think that I’m in a better place now.

Don’t give up her just because it’s hard, but if you can’t love her anymore, you can’t love her anymore.

Well my convo tonight with her is my last ditch effort. I'm going to tell her calmly but firmly that she needs to take this relationship and life more seriously. If she gives me any type of attitude or indifference then I have my answer straight up.

at which point you just lift her up and force her to bed
black girls and aggressiveness basically means fighting or sex and if you're the bf you just gotta fuck it out of her

yeah, I was always in a constant fear of being an enabler which also lead me to be more of the one who disciplines her rather than comforts . . . I didnt know what to do