How did you get your gf? I need to see if there is a pattern

So ... I need to make friends.

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Not OP here but, i just don't understand any of this.

I'm a 23 year old guy. I'm relatively normal. I've been told by girls that I'm good looking (one girl even called me sexy, and genuinely meant it). I take immaculate care of my appearance and hygiene, before you ask. I have friends both male and female, I have an active social life. I go to college. I have sociable hobbies. I meet new people pretty frequently, through mutual friends, at social events, in class, etc.

And yet I'm a kissless dateless virgin. I've done 3 years of college and not one girl has ever been romantically interested in me in the entire time here. Girls are friendly to me, I can even make them laugh, but nothing more ever happens. It never progresses to any deeper romantic level. There is never even a hint that any girl I interact with even views me as a potential choice as a partner. I just don't seem to be on anyone's radar in that way.

I don't get it. What on earth am I doing wrong? Why do things not "just happen" for me the same way they happen for everyone else? Not even my closest friends know what I'm doing wrong. Whenever I ask friends for advice, they just say "I don't know man, you seem like you could get a girlfriend easily". And yet nothing ever happens. What is it? What am I doing wrong?

It didn’t ”just happen” for me either. It literally took a couple of years of pursuing and convincing, asking out, being rejected, and asking out again. Girls rarely make the first move and girls rarely consider you in a romantic light before you even ask them out. Often times it takes that risky move to turn a light on for them. And have you yourself even met a girl you like in that way? You don’t just want any girl for a girlfriend.

Then why is everyone in this thread talking as if their relationships just magically naturally spawned out of normal social situations? No one in the replies here has even mentioned asking a girl out. People are talking as if they just met a girl, started talking, kept talking, and just naturally gravitated into dating without ever having to make a forced "move" on the other person

>And have you yourself even met a girl you like in that way?
Yeah, I've had crushes on a few girls at uni. And there are plenty of girls I see here and there at parties, or in my classes, who I don't know too well but definitely think are attractive and seem cool. But none of them show any signs of interest in me. And the fact that I'm a kissless dateless virgin at 23 on top of that, just makes me think "what chance do I even have?"

You gotta go out of your way to talk to the girl you’re interested in, don’t wait for them to make the first move. If you feel like a girl is being overly friendly with you without any “romantic” actions, don’t think she doesn’t like you. Girls like when guys ask them out and make the first move.

I thought you asked how we met. I’m

>If you feel like a girl is being overly friendly with you without any “romantic” actions, don’t think she doesn’t like you

No girl is ever "overly friendly" to me. Girls are just a normal level of friendly to me

Her ex drunkenly introduced me to her at a party. Very awkward, but it was a good thing to laugh about later.

Yeah.
She told it (and that we got married a year later, etc) to a co-worker who was 38, never married, and childless and the co-worker broke down and had to go home

>What is it? What am I doing wrong?

How many girls have you asked out?

I've not ever asked a girl out in my adult life.

But why are you even asking that question? Only one user in this thread has mentioned "asking girls out". The other batch of replies, of which there are several, all lack any mention of any formal "asking out" event. All of these anons talk about meeting their GFs as if it just happened naturally, organically, effortlessly. That never happens to me. Why not?

>Only one user in this thread has mentioned "asking girls out"

That's because its a given you moron. Everyone in a relationship has either asked out or been asked out.

>How did you get your gf? I
Asked a girl for her number.

I am
Beats me. I am (IMO) below average in looks, indifferent to things like fashion, and never really bothered to keep up with current trends or events - although tall, broad-shouldered, and in shape with a deep voice. But I had no problem losing my virginity at 16 to a 21 year old, had had a number of almost-emotionless sexual flings before I met my wife, and was able to land her, a gorgeous, highly intelligent virgin, at first glance.
I have friends that are much more physically attractive, pay a lot more attention to things like fashion and such and that *really work* at being charming who are kissless virgins in their mid to late 20s while I am expecting another son soon

That's not the way anons in this thread are talking about it. No one mentioned a formal "asking out". I'm skeptical of whether or not anyone in this day and age actually "asks out" girls. Everyone I personally know IRL who is in a relationship was never "asked out" nor did they "ask out" anyone, they just naturally gravitated into a relationship with someone who they met naturally at a social event, and just organically started flirting with. That doesn't happen to me. Girls just treat me as a friend.

>I have friends that are much more physically attractive, pay a lot more attention to things like fashion and such and that *really work* at being charming who are kissless virgins in their mid to late 20s

You've described me to a T. Except, in my case, I am literally the only person I know who is kissless or dateless. And the number of non-kissless non-dateless virgins I know is also very very rapidly dwindling as they are all losing their virginity and/or getting into relationships.

I just wish someone could tell me what I'm doing wrong.

Shut up you dumb nigger. You asked how we met our girlfriends and we said how we met them. Stop making bullshit excuses when you are afraid to ask women out because you might get rejected. You want a girlfriend? Then go ask some women out.

>with someone who they met naturally at a social event, and just organically started flirting with. That doesn't happen to me.
> I've been told by girls that I'm good looking (one girl even called me sexy, and genuinely meant it)

God you are retarded.

OK, user, what do you do for a living? What are your hobbies? why are you in shape?

Roommate's co-worker dater here

I find it's typically one of three things, usually a combination
1) Desperation
2) High-strung behavior/tendencies
3) Poor self-awareness

Let me crack the yokes for you
1) Desperation. Desperation is the point you reach where you start doing things like 'looking for a pattern' to getting a girlfriend, or 'finding books' or 'learning the trick.' When you remove the human element from the woman's side of the equation you've basically gone full desperate. The problem is desperation is the breeding grounds of substance abuse, physical abuse, mental abuse, and just generally the mulch of all things bad; it breeds desperate measures, and girls especially worry about that since rape is definitely more of a thing for them and men on average overpower women, so they're more on-guard about this shit.
Don't be desperate. Learn to love your fucking life alone because it's the longest god damn thing you're going to do and no matter how hard you try to escape it, all you'll end up as is alone anyway. One way or another, life will find ways to make you lonesome so learn to love it.
I reiterate because this is the important one, don't let being alone become anathema to you. You might as well grow a distaste for water or air. Life is not friendly, it is not obligated to your sensibilities, and it is not gentle around your flaws. You have to, have to, HAVE to learn how to be alone happily. Not only will it make you attractive to women leagues more than whatever else you're trying, it will make life so much easier to digest. As for how, you basically have to develop that yourself. I learned to love it by enjoying activities that all but mandate me being alone, and I've loved those activities for many many years, very deeply and passionately. Find your outlets, learn them well, and love them closely. They will save you from the absolute maelstrom that is life's shittiness.

One more time.
Don't let being alone damage you.
(Cont'd.)

Calling someone "good looking" isn't flirting. Even the girl who called me sexy was doing it in a pretty matter of fact, dead pan fashion. She was just telling me what she thought. She wasn't being seductive, or trying to flirt at all. And the conversation quickly moved on.

>You asked how we met our girlfriends and we said how we met them
Right. So can you clarify for me, did you ALL have a moment of extremely formal "asking her on a date"? Because the way you all described your experiences makes it sound very much like the situation was organic, that you both naturally and simultaneously started expressing interest in each other without either party ever making an overtly formal "move" on the other.

When we met I was a soldier. Now I am an Industrial Maintenance Engineer and part-time firefighter.
My hobbies are fishing, shooting, camping, wood working.
I've just always been active and in jobs where you have to be in shape.
Why?

thanks

What do you do for a living? What are your hobbys? Are you in shape and, if so, why?

(Cont'ing.)
2) High-strung. The thing is, nobody likes feeling pressured. Period. You might enjoy the catharsis following pressure or you might enjoy the trial of pressure to see if you emerge stronger or unscathed, but in the end, pressure itself fucking sucks. It's like how nobody likes whining; you might like the person whining, or even sympathize with the cause about which they whine, but in the end everyone would prefer a format besides whining for the delivery. Being the kind of person who's overly critical or always pointing out the flaws will make you stale very quick. Less than 'lower your standards,' this is more 'learn to let the small things slide.' Obviously don't throw standards to the wind and fuck the first slampig who oinks at you, but exempting people or criticizing them on totally passable shit is a great way to exempt yourself from a lot of social opportunity.
Rather than looking at this step through 'standards,' look at it through 'grading.' You're not a teacher; the setting is not a classroom, the stakes are not high nor stringent, so don't berate a grammar mistake. If they totally lost meaning, maybe you go after it but if it's all there then... why be critical about it, right?
Likewise, realize that people digest you with flaws and with qualities alike, so don't make their flaws an issue and pretty quick you'll be able to sift out people who are just nasty simply by being around them a tiny bit and learning that they're definitely high-strung and critical and probably, as a result of those, expect to be impressed rather than to have to impress people.
Subtle nuance on paper, world of difference in action.

(Cont'd. Again. Fucking 2000 character limit piece of shit fuckin Jow Forums)

Just tell the dude if you asked out your wife or not

Yes you dolt. Just because it happens organically doesn't mean one person doesn't ask the other out. You want my story? I met her at work. We got along pretty well and after I quit we kept in touch and got closer. 4 months later we started dating.

You know what happened before we started dating? I asked her out. You know why I didn't specifically mention it? Because it is a given. Nobody writes about asking the other person out because it is so obviously a part of the story that it doesn't need to be written.

After almost two years of soul-crushing online dating
If she weren't as incredible as she is, I'd say it wasn't worth it, but it was

Also yes, I overtly asked her on a date, and insisted we go on a second one (she later told me she was just looking for a fling, but I grew on her)

(Last cont.)
3) Poor self-awareness. You don't sound guilty of this, but I can't count the number of times people have been 'good, but,' where 'but' is 'they don't wear deodorant' or 'they don't shower' or 'they don't respect personal space' or 'they constantly talk about themselves.' These small, tiny things that are totally curable, fixable, within a matter of mere hours. Somehow, somewhere, a person detaches from the idea that everyone's on the same level of importance. They begin to see themselves as above standards, above basic courtesies. As though they should be offered these things, but are under no requirement to offer them in kind.
Newsflash, dipshits, you're absolutely required to offer them in kind. In fact, I can safely say that in terms of social propriety, you NEED to be prepared to offer anything you even somewhat expect to receive. No questions, no ifs or buts. That's just how it is. And unlike the other two, I can just say 'fuck you' here; to the kinds of people who don't shower or have absolutely rank BO but refuse to do shit about it, fuck you. Nobody wants to fucking smell you from across the room.

Like I said you in particular sound innocent of this, user, but nevertheless remember that putting a good foot forward shows a level of respect. Again, you don't need to go putting everything to the nines, but you should definitely not smell, or arguably look, like shit. And that's not dress code, that's just... have your hair washed, keep yourself clean. Don't be wearing your jizz shirt or your booger pants out in public, save that shit for home. Do your laundry. That kind of basic shit.

Unfortunately, after you've gotten all that down pat, the rest is just a numbers game. You're basically out there hoping whoever hits you up isn't full of shit, and a lot of them will be and that's just something everyone deals with regardless of gender or state or residence or whatever. People are shit.
Just don't also be shit.

Of course!
We had dinner with our friends, had a ton of fun, and at the end of the night I asked for her number and asked her to meet me in two days for brunch.
After brunch, which was also a ton of fun, I asked her to dinner and a movie, etc.

I'm still reading and I like your language. Please go on, user.

Also, won't finding peace in loneliness remove the drive to seek out female companionship and thus take risks to gain it?

Your beautiful and comfy life absolutely sickens me.

Why?

>I met her at work. We got along pretty well and after I quit we kept in touch and got closer.
Okay, but all of this happened BEFORE you asked her out.

I never end up "getting close" to girls. I meet girls, we end up talking and cracking jokes, and talking a bit more here and there as time goes on, but we never "become close". There are no girls who just naturally become close with me like that.

If I were to ask out a girl, I'd be asking out someone with no prelude or precedent. Because no girls flirt with me or express interest, it would basically come completely out of the blue. Which is unnatural.

I am happy being alone. What I'm not happy with is being a kissless dateless virgin, IE. being completely excluded from romance and sexual relations FOREVER. That simply isn't a life I want to live. I don't want to find the love of my life tomorrow ffs, I just want to be able to date and explore relationships and sex like literally everyone else my age does.

Right, I don't think I'm guilty of any of the things you mentioned in this post. I'm not overly critical of other people at all. You seem to be talking as if I've been turning down opportunities because the girls weren't my ideal, but that isn't the case. NO girl of any kind has expressed romantic interest in me.

Yeah and I'm DEFINITELY not guilty of any of that. I am more anal about my own hygiene and appearance than anyone could even imagine.

Meanwhile, I have friends who I don't think have ever worn deodorant in years of knowing them (or at least they certainly don't smell like they do...) and yet they have never struggled to get dates and interest from women. I don't get it.

You said you had female friends. That means you have already gotten close to them. The only difference between us is I actually asked my friend out and you did not.

Stop making excuses and go ask some girls out.

OP here, I have the same doubts as you user, the difference is that girls already showed romantic interest for me, but I didn't feel the same way about them, so it was useless

I don't have any super close female friends. My female friends are really sporadic in talking to me. Like they'll message me a lot sometimes and then suddenly they'll stop sending me messages, so we just don't talk unless we see each other. And I never go for one on one hangouts with female friends. They just don't ask me to do that.

>They just don't ask me to do that.

What do they say when you ask them?

I merely told you what I see gets guys rejected. In reality, the girls you go for could just hate your green eyes, or your small nose, or just not like guys who are 5'10". I can't tell.

But from where I stand, desperation, critical behavior and self-awareness are the killers. If none of those are on you, then either you're lying (gonna doubt that) or you're just guilty of something far more innocuous like shooting out of your league, having a reputation (see: school, work settings) or simply trying to mesh with girls you aren't very mesh-able with. It could even be that girls in your area just don't like guys of your particular bearing.

And that's the fucking magic of it, it's invariably something that involves another human so after you get over the 'big ones,' it's basically a numbers game. I dated around a while before I settled down with my girlfriend and it took a lot of girls I thought I liked and had things in common with to show me a lot of that was just MUH DICK telling me to ACQUIRE WAHMEN.

Like I said I'm not outright accusing you of these but these things are what I see turn up as Achilles' heels in the dating arena. Use them as a basis and see if you can build off them. And when all else fails, just remember it's a numbers game, it really is.

I know that's not much help, but that's the nature of the issue. You're basically asking, 'how do I know if I'm someone's type, if my subtle nuances mesh well with someone, if our lifestyles will blend well and if our notions of respect and communication are the same?' And the answer is you really don't right off the bat.

I don't.

Well I can't be shooting out of my league, because I don't even shoot. Girls just don't show interest in me in the first place, regardless of what "league" they're in.

So you put in zero effort yet you still want results. Do you see any problem with this plan?

Because I want it too but life is not there yet for me..

Not previous user but I've found that the vast majority of people who say they never get flirted with have such a low opinion of themselves and their attractiveness that they actually just never Realize they are being flirted with. It's not that it doesn't happen but that they can't see it.

Unless there's something immediately and noticeably wrong with you (extreme asshole-ism, yelling at hallucinations, high or drunk as fuck in public, hijacking the conversation completely and instantaneously, proclaiming ridiculous conspiracy theories, shit like that), then chances are you just haven't recognized flirting as flirting.

Of course there's always instances on the opposite end, of people who take any non-negative interaction as flirting, which is better for them but worse for everyone around them. It's always better to play it safe and make sure.

>I don't even shoot
Okay well as the guy who dated his roommate's co-worker you better believe I was all over that. I got her number and fired off an offer to grab coffee. I let her know I was interested and into her company one-on-one. Of course that was nearly ten years ago, too

You gotta make shots. Like I said, it's a numbers game. You gotta rack up numbers. You gotta show girls you're interested. And importantly, you gotta be ready to take those rejections 'cuz they're gonna come. Dropped 50 bucks getting a nice ass dinner for a chick to be 'just friended.' It's fine, I move on, she moves on, life moves on. At least I tipped the waiter.

Girls historically have tough times getting close to me because I use humour to create a very tough-to-cross distance between them and my personal affairs. Appearing unflappable and largely unaffiliated has made me an odd duck for women to approach. So if I want to 'get close,' I have to do that and show them I want to do that. Chances are you will too, at a glance and a guess you're the guy who's too nice for girls to properly parse whether they're being hit on or just being treated nicely, so you'll want to express to girls early on you're interested in their company.
I always suggest coffee. It's easy, low-key, looks simple and the perfect mix of formal and informal, takes you into public and allows for visits long and short; I've spent hours and ordered second drinks with some girls, while others it's been convenient to have the excuse to finish a drink, look at our empty drinks and say 'wellp, it's about time I gotta get going.'

It sounds like your problem is you're a fantastic friend. And again, my recommendation is you express interest clearly. I have the same sort of problem where I chum up well but seal the deal poorly, such to the point that most advancement in my relationships has been at the girl's insistence.

I feel bad because my girl advice sucks

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Holy shit just ask them out, it doesn’t matter if they don’t show interest first

But that isn't what other people in this thread are doing. Other people are getting interest shown first, and THEN they ask the girl out.

I put in plenty of effort, I put effort into my appearance and I put effort into approaching and talking to girls. I just don't ask them out, because I get no signs of romantic interest.

You have at least two people ITT who are saying the exact opposite. Everyone else has just yet to clarity or say one way or the other. Hell someone said they had to ask her out twice over the course of a long time. I am a girl and I did not have or show romantic interest in my bf until AFTER he asked me out. If you really want, remake the thread and ask “How did you meet your gf? Did you ask her out? How did you ask her out? Did she show romantic interest before that?”

No dawg, that's never part of the formula in our heads. It's why we end up as a couple, because we're both interested, but you better believe it's a market and we let them know we're selling. You show interest and you show it directly and clearly. Ideally she'll either accept or shoot it down clearly and directly, and then you move forward from there.

In general, if she isn't clear in her communication, she's not worth the time and effort-- move on to someone else if you keep getting rescheduled or 'hmm'd' or vague answers/'mind games.' You're an adult and you can do that

You need to move on them. Show them. Women are basically conditioned to believe they're not hot enough to ask guys out, and with the incel culture taking over girls are never sure who's gonna be civil and who's gonna be a Nice Guy.
Make friends, never be afraid to be friends, but always express interest. Just also... don't be the guy who's 'in love' after one date? Like take time to learn her flaws as well as her qualities. But that's down the road, you need to start showing interest. It doesn't need to be pushy, it doesn't need to be super formal, but you do need to let the woman know you want her company and attention.

>I put in plenty of effort, I put effort into my appearance and I put effort into approaching and talking to girls. I just don't ask them out, because I get no signs of romantic interest.

You are probably just dense as a brick and don't even know what women showing interest is like. If you talk to them and they talk back then they are at least somewhat interested. If you try and talk to them and they give you this look and don't talk back then assume they are not interested. If you like a girl then ask her out and she might say yes. It's that simple.

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she was the gf of a friend of mine, they broke of because he cheated on her , after a couple of months we started talking and eventually we just started datin
I had feeling for her for a long time but never acted on them and later she told I was one of the reasons that she fighted with her ex, because he knew she had feelings for me

None of this corresponds to my real life experience though. All my IRL friends in relationships, it happened like this:

>They met someone at a party, or through a mutual friend, or in class
>They started talking to that person
>They started hanging out more and more, organically
>They started being flirty and teasy
>One day, out of nowhere, it comes out that they're dating

It's as if for everyone else, these things "just happen". I don't believe that anyone is forcing dates like you anons keep telling me.

>I get no signs of romantic interest
Women are experts in the art of secrecy, they could see you as potential as well as any other guy in their radar but we ALWAYS go for the one who's charismatic enough to ask us first. Even when we initially liked someone more. Better that than making the first move.
You don't have to be "confident", you have to show you're trying even if you're afraid of rejection. Even if it doesn't work out, taking rejection well is a good sign and something you eventually have to learn how to handle

>They started being flirty and teasy

who do you think starts flirting? the girl?

But if no girls ever show interest, how am I supposed to know what they really think of me? Yeah, every girl I know is nice to my face and gets along well with me, but how do I know that they won't be repulsed and disgusted if I ask her out? They might secretly think I'm creepy or something, they might be able to sense my virginity

No, I think that flirting happens in natural and organic moments, where neither party can pinpoint who exactly started the exchange, it just emerged naturally.

Holy fuck. Do they touch your arms/ shoulders when they laugh? Do they stand just a little too close?

They are woman not fucking professor xavier

>how do I know that they won't be repulsed and disgusted if I ask her out?
You don’t, and we don’t want you to know. We want you to put yoursef out there and risk rejection because that shows you’re a confident and strong person.

you start flirting and you see how they act and if they flirt back. i had a guy do this to me recently, where he was testing the waters, seeing how far he could go, and it was so fun for us both (because i'm really witty and he was too), even though he ended up getting back with his ex. don't you want to have some fun too and flirt playfully? maybe choose a girl that is kind and not a total moron.
>They might secretly think I'm creepy or something, they might be able to sense my virginity
not being a man whore is a good thing for a lot of girls. aren't you more concerned in what YOU want..?

I met my gf on Tinder. We live together and are going to get married

After failing to even get a date using online dating
I met a girl through friends.
Super cutie, and I put a shit ton of effort and thought into how to date her.

now she's mine :)

Hung out as mutual friends at a small room party, met her again a year later, invited her out to dinner with me and a few friends; turned out I make her laugh and happen to be her type so we went on an official date months later.

As many before me. Mutual friends.
I met all (apart from one) of my (ex)GFs including my wife through mutual friends.

Not really. Only if they're drunk or something

I really want to do that, I'm just scared that girls might secretly find me repulsive, and they're going to make that clear if I ever try to flirt with them. I've never flirted with a girl in my entire life either, so i have no experience in doing it.

(1/2)

Question mostly for the femanons. How bad did I fuck up this girl's perception of me?

Last year I met this girl who I became sort of FWB with, but we became somewhat emotionally attached and acted pretty much as if we were in a relationship in every aspect. But we both admitted we were scared of commitment after our last relationships so we always took things lightly.

It was an amazing six months, and by the end I started really having feelings for her, while at the same time noticing she was starting to become a little more distant, less affectionate, etc, which is why I never got to tell her about my feelings, because I had this feeling things were going to end anyway and I could do nothing about it, plus our "agreement" of not-a-relationship

Two months ago we were out drinking in a bar, it was 5am, we're super drunk and she sees this acquaintance of mine there. She says she keeps seeing that guy around whenever she goes out and is overly curious to know him. Starts blabbing drunk shit to me that she's "tired of physical contact in general" and that "we both knew things weren't gonna work out long term for us", and that she really can't avoid going to talk to the guy because she's "intrigued" and wants to know him.

I should have been fucking pissed. Maybe I should have left the place. But I was just so struck with awe and sadness and at the same time kind of already expecting this to eventually happen (just not at all like this) that I couldn't be mad. I empathized with her due to our "just fwb" agreement and ended up leaving in a pathetic shitty sad note (she apologized, hugged me and gave me a kiss), and stayed there (it was closing time) to go talk with the guy. That's when things were 'over' for us.

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Shit... I thought I was posting a thread, not a reply. My bad.

>I really want to do that
great, then do that!

Met her via Tinder, saw her name was easy to make a pun off and swiped right, we matched.

But how?

You sort of rub your dick when facing south. Usually works, assuming your end goal is to edge-yack-oo-late.

Call her cute. Smile and look her in the eye. Stand a little to close. Compliment her.

if you have male friends who are successful in flirting ask them how, don't ask here

I just laid back and let it happen, after I stopped looking so hard I had a bunch lining up to date me.

I stopped too, nothing happens