My therapist thinks I'm a narcissist based on my dating history. To be precise:
>Dated a guy from 2009 to 2012, dumped him for someone else >Started having an affair in late 2013, officially dumped 2012 Boyfriend for another guy the next year >Dated him for three years before engaging in another affair, and leaving Boyfriend C for another man Christmas Day 2017 (my timing could have been better lol) >Have been cheating on Boyfriend D for a few months, and have been gradually transitioning over to the new boi >Based on how much I like him, I could see us being together for maybe 2.5 to 3 years before the process repeats and I leave him for someone else
The weird part is that I don't even feel guilty about any of this, even though they were all kind and loyal people who would hang the moon for me. Whenever guys cry and talk about how much they trusted me, all I can think is "I've done this to all my partners in the past, and you know this. What made you think you were special?"
I thought narcissism was about having extremely high self-esteem, though. I'm not in love with myself. I really have no thoughts on myself at all. I'm empty inside. So how is this narcissism?
>So how is this narcissism? You're a cunt and don't realize why. That's not your fault tho, you're just mentally ill in this case.
Nah, my exes spelled out for me pretty clearly why what I did was wrong. Broke their heart this, betrayed their trust that. Why did I pursue them so aggressively for months only to dump them for someone else, why did I continue lovebombing them up to the day I left them, yada yada. I might not care, but I do understand on an intellectual level.
No, I meant you lack the ability to care and emotionally comprehend it.
>all I can think is "I've done this to all my partners in the past, and you know this. What made you think you were special?" You hear this guys, once a cheater ALWAYS a cheater.
I worry I'm a narcissist sometimes. But I might have just been in a shitty relationship. I get very angry at slights. I have the rage or whatever. However I hate hurting people. Except my ex. She hurt me and I hurt her. I loved her but hated her for hurting me. Do you feel like that for you exes OP. Do you feel dislike and then hurt them in this way?
Bait, no way your psychologist didnt already explain why you're a narcissist.
You’re a narcissist because you think that your trivial whims (that boy is hot, me want sex) are more valuable than the feelings and emotions of your partner who has been putting emotional labor into maintaining your monogamous relationship.
It is narcissism because your guiding thought throughout is your own immediate gratification, with no consideration of (or interest in) their feelings.
It is also notable that you are never without a man - you keep the old one on hold even while you're looking for and auditioning his replacement, and only dropping the old when there will be absolutely no pain or even inconvenience to you.
Because you're only concerned with yourself. You want to get everything you want, with absolutely no consideration for the effects your actions have on others. Human interaction is built on give-and-take, society could not possibly function if everyone (or most) are like you, which is why you're considered mentally ill
Narcissism is the opposite of what you think. It is because you were most likely treated pretty crappy and have no self-esteem, if that's really a thing.
There's empathy, and you didn't get any;therefore, you don't understand that you hurt others or how it feels.
It's okay while you're young, but as you grow older, your pool of "supply" or people to use up and dump will dry up. It's a fast track to being lonely because there is supposed to be trust, loyalty, keeping your word, and older people may figure you out quicker than young people, and avoid you. There's also the issue of your visiting a therapist, so maybe take the help. You will find out that as you get older, you'll never be able to bond or have any intimacy with another.
Also, blaming your it's they should have known better is equivalent to a criminal like a rapist who blames their victim bc they were available for a crime and you're just an opportunist rapist doing what rapists do. That's a core problem with narcissists, they take no responsibility for being a douche.
Basedz >"I've done this to all my partners in the past, and you know this. What made you think you were special?" You’re correct and your boyfriends are idiots. I don’t think you’re a narcissist, I just think you’re a hoe, which is fine because some women are like that. Your boyfriends are dumb for thinking otherwise.
P sure this is bait
u a bitch ass bitch
You sound more like a sociopath to me
This is simply not true. If I dated a billionaire, I would never cheat on them.
Nice almost quints. Nah, I don't hate them or have any desire to hurt them. The passion of the early years fades, I find someone I become endeared to, and I switch teams. I don't think I'm doing anything wrong, for it's normal to throw away the past and embrace the present and future, but I certainly don't take any pride or joy in hurting others. I just wish they would detach as easily as I do.
The accusation annoyed me, and she changed the subject quickly since it showed in my expression.
Fair points one and all. Thank you.
So why is the common understanding of narcissism virtually the complete opposite of reality? And why does having no self-esteem translate into avoiding blame? Shouldn't people with no self-esteem blame themselves more?
That actually pretty spot on for narcissism. Outwardly NPD displays arrogance and exaggerated self-esteem (for grandiose NPD), even coverts narc's (vulnerable NPD) have an ego to them that shines through. However, all narcs only act this way to hide the deep insecurity and ego trauma they really feel. This is why the term 'false self' gets thrown around a lot when talking about NPD.
Honestly, I'm surprised you are reflecting about this at all, however, posting here does grant you access to narcissistic supply so there's that.
Now are you trying to discover more about NPD, or are you looking for ways to cope and find better ways to interact with people?
At this point you dont even deserve to find love, not that I think you ever could
Why don't you think OP deserves love? What did he/she do wrong?
Literally cheats on every single guy she's ever been with, that's just not ok
But it is hot.
>Why did I pursue them so aggressively for months only to dump them for someone else, why did I continue lovebombing them up to the day I left them, yada yada. Thank you for the life lesson. I was waiting for a girl to basically do this, but now I know that if they do, she won't be life-long material.