I have a violent criminal record. Long story short, I've kept my nose out of trouble for a couple years and have basically managed to rebuild my life. I attend university now and have an entirely new circle of friends.
It's complicated, but one of my friends has now come across information that reveals my criminal record, and he's presented it to me like "what the fuck mate?" He seems pretty shocked about it basically. I don't know yet if he's told anyone else. How do I respond to this in a calm and reasonable manner?
By the way, the crimes I committed were completely unjustifiable, there is no way I can explain them away. To be honest, I'm having a panic attack right now knowing that this has all finally gotten out.
idk why would "friends" even care bro fuck up a few dogs u fuck up a few dogs. u can lie if insecure
What did you do?
I really don't want to go into great detail about it, but it really was quite despicable. And the crime on paper sounds even worse than it actually was in reality, due to the nature of it. I was let off very lightly to be honest. I'm grateful for my freedom.
Okay, was it a sex crime or not? If it wasn’t, you’ll have an easier time asking for forgiveness. Just tell them that was a past life, you did your time, and you’re a changed man.
No, not a sex crime. A violent crime inflicted upon another male.
This is anonymous board so any shame you feel in what you did is irrelevant in posting it. If you dont give us specific information, dont expect specific advice back
Need to know what the crime was to give advice.
Unprovoked violent assault on another man, basically. But the specific crime it was recorded as makes it sound even worse than it really was.
Come clean. Real friends will accept that you've changed and grown, and those who won't are not real friends
You can only really tell the truth, and let them know you've changed and bettered yourself. Even if it does create an awkwardness to an extent as long as you don't make it a huge deal, they won't really take it as one.
That tells me nothing. Dont tell me what the charge was - what actually happened and why? Think of it as practice for telling your friends. We'll be your trial conversation
I attacked a guy unprovoked, beat him round the head a few times and kicked him, also called him some slurs which meant the assault got classed as a hate crime. Was caught on CCTV, police patrol found me not long after and arrested me. I got let off pretty easily as the guy didn't want to press charges for some reason, and it was my first ever offence. I've not done anything like it since.
>also called him some slurs so you beat up a nigger for being a nigger? that's pretty fucked up, man.
No, it wasn't racial. Homophobic slurs. And I did it for no reason at all actually. I had a rage attack and simply noticed his appearance, and called him slurs based upon that while hitting him.
OP, ask your friend if he's the exact same person he was 5 years ago. Ask him if he's not changed or grown in that length of time. Ask him if it's possible for people who've made poor choices in life to change and rebuild themselves to try to be better humans.
If they say "no" or give you shit about it - then that should tell you all you need to know about this small-minded person.
You're rebuilding. You're growing. You're allowed to do that.
Here is the part where you realize some things can't be undone and you must carry the weight the rest of your life
I get that. But I've tried my absolute best to move past this and make amends for my crime. Is there no way I can fully atone for it?
You didn't NEED to tell these anons FYI. Once you got to "unprovoked attack". You told us the charge is worse than it is, so I dont know what the fuck this user is talking about.
Even if he thinks it's a hate crime, past life should work. Hell, if you actually we're racist or bigoted, the story might just impress him more that you changed.
Another thing, make sure not to lie. Be honest and forthcoming about it and it will be easier.
That would just make it a bigger deal than it should be for OP.
OP only needs to say it was stupid, he's changed, and if his friend doesn't ask him more questions, he can stop talking about it. If he *does* ask more questions, then OP should just answer them calmly and openly. If he's sad or whatever, that's fine, though if he's nervous, it will be easier if he calms down.
Maybe just something roughly like "Yeah I don't know what happened I just snapped. It's never happened since then and the papers make it sound worse than it us. I mean, yeah I called him names, but that's because I was in a rage"
And if he says something like "but you called him a faggot. An ass-plunger a [whatever the fuck you said]. You said [...] That's fucked up." or whatever the fuck, you can just say "yeah I know" because you do know.