I feel incredibly starved for care and affection. Sometimes it gets really bad and my chest starts to hurt (like a tight feeling, like when you're really nervous or upset) and I shiver uncontrollably. It's usually worst at night when I'm in bed because it hits me how alone I feel, and I start imagining how nice it would be to have someone there. I feel miserable and sometimes cry until I get too tired and pass out. This morning it took me 2 hours to get out of bed because the loneliness felt so crushing and opressive. I hugged a pillow and tried to vividly imagine it was a real person for a while, which surprisingly made me feel a little bit better, but once I came to my senses I felt just as bad as before. My family members keep asking me if I'm okay or if something is wrong so I must be giving off depressed vibes.
The few people I've talked to about this problem have said it's not normal. What should I do? What's wrong with me?
>How am I supposed to address something so personal and humiliating with a doctor? Make a list of everything you experience during these moods. Write down how it affects your day-to-day life. Sleeping, eating etc. Take list to doc. >What would they even suggest? Potentially a psych referral. I could throw out some guesses here, but it's best to see a professional.
I think this is more normal if you're a girl. I used to get calls from this girl at midnight to come see her, probably because she was lying in bed feeling like you.
Is there anything I could do without seeking professional help?
I hope you were able to help her feel better. I'm not a girl, though.
Your body is dying due to lack of reproductive success. To cure it, go outside and talk to people. Ordering a prostitute would help to.
OP you should try to find some friends and love. But also ask yourself why you feel this way. For me the answer was scary but felt very real and true. I have always really felt this way because I had a bad childhood. Whatever your reason just ask yourself and try to empathize with your own self.
At least I'm not the only one that feels this way, I guess. Thanks user.
>go outside and talk to people I do try to stay social to some degree; I always make a point of hanging out with friends for the day at least once or twice each week. >ordering a prostitute Like I said, feels pointless to pay for a brief simulation of intimacy, as I'm sure I would feel worse after anyway. Besides, the loneliness isn't primarily sexual.
>find some friends and love Had a gf for just under 6 months, it was really nice and I didn't have these feelings. But we broke up 2 months ago because I didn't feel our personalities worked well, and there was usually conflict about what we did or didn't do together. The problems I have now are the same ones I had before her. >ask yourself why you feel this way I've considered possible long-term reasons. I guess I never really got much affection or validation from my parents or peers. I got mocked a lot as a kid and even into highschool and kinda ended up developing a low self-esteem, and maybe that's partially the reason I really want to be loved and validated. But I try not to go armchair psychologist on myself when I'm not really qualified to make any conclusions.
>I'm not really qualified to make any conclusions. That's not true user you are the only one who is qualified. That sounds like a rough past. I can relate and I too feel very lonely. It may be helpful at least to acknowledge it wasn't good and even if you feel like crying over it that can be healing. Good luck user.
>I do try to stay social to some degree; I always make a point of hanging out with friends for the day at least once or twice each week. Thats a good start. Now try talking to girls and asking them out. Eventually you'll get into another relationship. In the meantime, if you have female friends you could just say you're feeling a little down and ask for a hug. >feels pointless to pay for a brief simulation of intimacy It would make you feel better in the short term and would alleviate some if your pain. >I'm sure I would feel worse after anyway I dont know you and Ive never done it before, so I cant refute that, I can only disagree with you. If youre in pain and unbearably deppressed, it'd be worth a shot imho. >the loneliness isn't primarily sexual I feel the same way. Maybe you could just cuddle with a hooker? Im pretty sure an hour of cuddling would be cheaper (and more legal) than an hour of sex.
>Now try talking to girls and asking them out I've been home for the summer (currently in college) so it felt more or less pointless to pursue anything here when I spend the majority of the year somewhere else. Part of me is really scared that even if I do get into another relationship, they'll find my desire for affection to be off-putting or needy. >if you have female friends you could just say you're feeling a little down and ask for a hug Ironically, this is basically how my last relationship started.
As far as prostitutes go, I really don't think I would ever want to, or that it would help. But thanks for the advice user, I really appreciate your post regardless.
This might be a really bad idea, but how about adopting a dog or something? Dogs are pretty cuddly and get lonely and stuff so... yeah. It's not as good as a person, but hey.
But yeah, therapy man. Sounds like a good idea. (nothing wrong with going to get some help)
Can't really stand dogs, they're too hyper for my taste, although my family did recently get one. Also have a cat at home, but they don't like to be touched most of the time (they're a rescue and I think they may have been abused previously).
I've had a lot of people say I should get therapy.. it's just really intimidating, and a lot of times I feel like I just experience a stronger version of a pretty normal feeling. It's hard for me to imagine a solution that isn't directly addressing the problem (i.e., receiving care and affection).
Hm. Yeah. I guess since a relationship worked in the past, it's likely to work again in the future.
Then there's the problem of controlling it, if it were to become too demanding. (Which sounds like a problem for a professional... -_-)
How about like "personal attention girlfriend roleplay" videos? (Unless that just leaves an empty feeling) -shrugs-
Honestly, I think that your problem is a real one, and if it's causing you distress, I'm certain there are counselors who would be happy to help you reach a healthy solution that can better tailor your specific lifestyle and needs.
I'm sorry you have to deal with this. I hope you figure something out.
Yeah, I suppose it comes down to getting a relationship, toughing it out, or seeing a professional. I guess I'm just scared of talking to a stranger about something so personal. I've never done any type of therapy, or all the stuff that goes along with that.
Thanks for your sympathy and your post, user. I appreciate the time you took to respond. I really hope I figure things out too.
Thanks, I read up on Schizoid personality disorder and it fits pretty well.
The indifference to praise and criticism, and having a schizophrenic uncle and others like him in the family, cued me in the most.
Get a cat or a dog. They like sleeping in bed with people. They like giving and receiving physical affection. They can help alot with loneliness because, if you're the primary caregiver, that cat or dog will pretty much be a constant companion whenever you're at home.
And spray it with women's perfume.
>As a female I honestly don't understand why you don't either buy a wife from some Russian federation place or ask a girl out that's a 4/5 they won't reject if your better looking then them Because we're what you call, Plan B.
>personal and humiliating with a doctor We've seen everything. And being lonely isn't humiliating. I'm a doctor and due to my hectic work hours the only female contact is from family, co-workers or patients. I can't pursue any romantic interest
>outside and talk to people. People are assholes.
>this is what being a filthy crab feels like Lmao, neck yourself it doesn't get better
Isn't it kind of humiliating? It's a very desperate and needy look to be so upset by loneliness, isn't it? How do I know I'm not just being a baby? This is something that most people have to deal with at some point in their life, I would think.
>Isn't it kind of humiliating? No. >upset by loneliness Nothing to worry about, Humans are social creatures, some feel lonely and need companions other shelter themselves and draw strength through solitude.