What could a man possibly get out of going out of his way to approach me several times, wear me down until he get's my number, take me out on a date that went well and insist on paying for both out food, text to ask about my day nearly every day. Then when I try to initiate asking him out again he blows me off completely?????
I mean I never thought I was a prize or anything, but this is just confusing. I'm pretty inexperienced with men/dating...Am I being played somehow? Is this a neg technique or am I in the beginnings of being ghosted?
>Gets a free meal >Wants another free meal >Chimps out at first sign of difficulty I think I see the problem (You)
I literally asked him how his sunday was going, we had a little back and forth about that and then I messaged saying to hit me up next time he's free because I owe him a meal (clearly offering to pay). and he basically said "don't worry about it" and left it at that.
I honestly think he probably just met someone better in between. He's also busy as hell so it could be that. I was actually super uncomfortable not paying for myself and insisted I would pick up the tab next time. but it seems like he doesn't want to see me again at this rate.
You're so dumb he probably meant don't worry about paying him back
So either the date didn't go as well as you thought, or he's busy as hell. If you really want to see this guy again, be more proactive about it. Wait till the weekend or whenever you think he's free, and ask him out. None of that "hit me up" shit that's just putting the ball back into his court to make a move.
Not exactly related to you, but it really pisses me off how women want to have their cake and eat it too, in the sense that they still expect men to be the pursuers while also preaching equality between sexes. I'm all for getting with the times, but this shit needs to end, although it probably won't.
The reason I didn't give a specific day and time is because he's a resident (as in training to be a specific type of physician) so he doesn't always know when he'll be free or awake enough in his free time to hang out, so I was trying not to put pressure on him or make him fell like he had to explain himself.
and yeah maybe he had a bad time on the date, but then why would he continue texting me afterwards?
flip the scenario, roles reversed, what do you see? you have to be objective, only you know what feels right.
Politeness/indecisiveness. A lot of people don't want to ghost or just flat out tell someone they're not interested these days. So they'll just kind of draw conversations out until the fizzle out and die "naturally". I've certainly been guilty of it. But you should ask him when he's free straight up. If he doesn't give you an answer to a direct question like that, you can be more certain that he's not interested anymore. This is better than just wondering why he didn't hit you up after you put the ball in his court.
If I flipped it and I were him (assuming he's into me) I would be happy the girl made a move to initiate a second date and I would make sure to express that that's something I would want too (even if I didn't know exactly when). So by that logic I guess I have to assume he has lost interest (if he ever had any in the first place)... definitely makes me feel sad but I accept it.
I do want to ask him "does that mean you don't want to see me again?" but god if that doesn't seem so pathetic. I mean I'm preliminarily interested in him and i wanted to get to know him more, but at the end of the day we had 1 date and about 3 weeks of texting. He doesn't owe me a thing, and I guess I should just let it go.
I really want to ask him why though. why can't dates have exit interviews?
You didn't really initiate you told him to hit him up when he was free. You just made it so that he has to re initiate. I've had a couple of times where a girl told me to hit them up when I could, and when I did I got ghosted. Consider how your actions are perceived by others, not just what you intend them to communicate.
I mean I think I already am the one that got dumped in this scenario. And It's not like being asked out is a common thing for me, but I can give it a try to be more proactive myself. He seemed really cool, wish I could've had more time to get to know him and to prove myself, but that's that.
You can fucking asking him, holy shit. You don't even have to do the whole sad-faced puppy "do you never want to see me again" shtick. Jesus just ask him straight up when he is free. Don't ask him to hit you up when he's free. Be more direct, goddamn. Why are women so bad at this?
wait so you honestly think theres still a chance for me? I explained why I didn't give a specific day though I didn't want to pressure him since he already has a heavy schedule, but do you think I should ask him out again? I'm afraid that was a brush off and anything else I do will just be troublesome to him.
I already addressed your explanation. You need to stop worrying about "pressuring" him, your time is valuable too. If he really is so busy or not interested, asking him when he's free will tell you this. Either he'll dodge you and say he's busy or something, or he'll appreciate your directness and give you an answer. Literally all you have to do is text him this weekend saying "Hey user, I was wondering when you'd be free to hangout soon?". It's just a goddamn text, you're not troubling him at all. To be honest, I think you try to convince yourself that you're worried about bothering this guy, when you're actually just afraid of being direct. That's fine it takes time to get used to it. You can also gauge his interest by being even more upfront by saying "Hey user, I was wondering if you wanted to do X friday or saturday". If he says he's busy and doesn't give an alternative date, he's not interested.
Do you not see how you're clouding things up by asking him to tell you when he's free? I want to stress again that this is not really initiating, it's just you putting the ball in his court for him to re-initiate at another time. If anything, this puts more pressure on him than what I'm suggesting you do.
Why are women like this?
That's perfect. And there's no need for the disclaimer. One thing I've learned from initial dates is that if a person actually likes you, they will be proactive in finding a time to see you. This guy already had the confidence to approach you several times to get your number, you don't have to worry about him being timid or getting cold feet. If Friday actually doesn't work for him, he will suggest an alternative time instead of just giving you a raincheck or some shit.
Also, what was the setting in which he approached you?
Ok sweet. i'll try this and then I'll have my answer. If I'm totally honest it feels scary as fuck to put myself out there like that knowing that i could be making a fool of myself. He approached me while I was doing laundry in the basement of the apartment buliding we both live in, which normally I might be creeped out by, but he was really nice and interesting and had some questions about the buliding, and we kept running into each other after that and having good conversation so eventually we exchanged numbers.