Hey guys. Time for another one.
Since I last posted here about my crippling loneliness and fear of dying alone, I tried to get my act together.
I now have a circle of friends, and I even went on a date.
Why do I feel more empty and alone than I've ever felt? These people seem to genuinly care about me, but I'm still the most expendable person in the group. I still feel so genuinly alone.
Hey guys. Time for another one
Hey guys. Time for another one.
There's no way for us to know what's wrong with you without more info.
Ask away user. I'm not sure what else I can tell you.
I will try to elaborate a bit. I'm allways the third wheel whenever we go somewhere. Everyone in the group has that one other person they are super close to, with yhe exception of myself.
I'll take anything here. Even just a genuine conversation with another person who isn't most likely faking interest
What exactly did you do to get a circle of friends? How long have you been friends with them? How often do you meet, and what do you do together?
We live in the same apartment complex. We are all a the same university. Thr benches right outside my flat is where they all smoke, and a few of them are people I knew from highschool. We became friends because we allways sat there and talked. We see eachother daily. Mostly we just talk shit or walk to class together, but we occasionally go out. I'm not one for clubs but I try to bear it and go with them.
Do you share anything with them beyond age and physical location?
You probably are self centered and only socializing to help yourself. You are spiritually aimless and so will always feel lost.
the problem is you're the type of person that'd be like
"hey lets talk"
"idk, i just want conversation"
thats annoying as fuck. get some abundance in your life, give people a reason to want to talk to you and soon enough you'll have way too many people trying to be your closest bestest friend and you'll hate it to no end because you will understand and realize that people just use other people for dopamine
Good advice. The thing is, I live in a shithole country where most people aparently can't even turn on a computer, and most of my interests are tech-related. Vidya, shit like that. I have no interest in sports and that is a HUGE part of this places culture. I try to learn and participate, but it isn't fun when you never get to share your passions with anyone.
I'm studying the same sunject as one of them. Beyond that, no, we dont really share any other properties.
Considering I have been alone (like most of us on here) for most of my life I think that mindset isn't uncalled for. Despite that I try to contribute, but as I said before I share so little interests with them. And it's not that I didn't try to find my crowd. I have been looking for people like me for as long as I've been here and I've had no luck.
thats why forums for hobbies exist
Then maybe they're just not the right friends for you. You need people to connect with, not just people who'll share a common space and a few words.
I said earlier. I am trying. It doesn't help at all. I havent found anyone in the past 8 months here.
What have you tried exactly?
Stop being so self centered. That's why you don't have any friends. Try giving instead of always taking, try being useful instead of using other people, try being good instead of expecting and demanding other people to be good to you. Then if you have any sense, orient your life towards the ultimate good, and happiness will follow as a consequence.
No reason to feel bad. You were a shut-in some time ago and now you made some buddys. That is something to feel good about.
Next step will be finding some closer friends. These tend to share attitudes and interests with you. It's important to know that friendships need time to grow. They don't come over night but develop. And most importantly they can't be forced.
A starter would be to find like minded people through hobbies or mutual mutual acquaintances. Be open about people even if you don't super like them at the start. With some of my friends today I had arguments at the start or I met them through people I didn't feel anyer deeper connection to, but who knew other people.
That's a fair point, but it can't substitute physical contact.
I think you missed my point. I try to talk to them. I try to cobtribute, to be there. At a certain point it just becomes shitty that we never (and I genuinky mean never) talk about any of my interests. If it's selfish to just want to talk about my passions and projects every now and then, then so be it. I cant help wanting that.
Thanks for the adv. I'm trying, I really am. Sometimes it just feels a bit hopeless you know? I'll keep pressing forward. I'm sure things will turn arround.
Going out, going to events that are specifically centered around my interests, talking to a lot of people in my classes, even trying to host DnD nights here. I managed to find a group but we don't play often, and they're not interested in my interests either.
Happy to help. It will work out in the end. But to reach the finishing line it's important to relax.Try to focus on your interest for their own sake and not just as means to meet people. Through them you have something to talk about and you show passion for something. at the same time. With this likeminded people will show up eventually.
feeling like there must be some night and day difference instead of a gradual change
feeling like you have to be unbearably happy instead of just content
feeling like you're better than them (this is a hard one to spot sometimes and very hard to change)
could be this
why not bring up your interests? what are you even interested in? you could expand your horizons
I have a pretty broad horizon, but it seems they only talk about drinking, clubbing and rugby. I don't like going to clubs becayse the loud music gives me terrible headaches. I am not sporty at all, but I can hold a convo about rugby (I helped manage the team in middle and highschool). I dont really enjoy drinking that much. When I try to bring up something like net neutrality, the war in the middle east, any video games, dnd, tv shows or movies I like,fuck even something about cooking they contribute nothing and change the subject as soon as they can.
I realise it's impossible to be perpwtually happy, but I cant go a day without feeling like this. And I don't wallow in self pity. I try my best to get myself out there. To talk and participate in what they're doing. I posted here because after what is ultimately years of trying I'm bot getti g anything in return. I never feel content with what I have. That sounds very high and mighty, but I think at this point one friend who shares at least one of my interests isnt too much to ask
I'm heading off to sleep. Hopefully the thread is still up, or at least archived so I can see what you guys said. If it is I'll reply to everything else as soon as I wake up. Thanks for the advice so far.
Love you guys. Have a good night
you may have to find that on-line
there's a good chance though that you'll be able to find someone on-line who shares something with you and lives near enough to visit
Well you're probably the newest to the group. It happens with everyone when they join a new group of friends. Just keep at it and you'll get more comfortable
how do you do this
That's the thing. I'm not. I've known one of these guys for 14 years, two of the others for 4. The 14 years guy is practically the leader of our group, and the other two are doing great socially. It's just me that seems to be in this shitty position. But I will try to keep at it.
you come across as a moron
these fags aren't friends they're your smoke buddies
which basically means you know they're OK people but you only have smoking in common with them
you need an actual friend to talj about
learn to discern who are your friend and who are just people you know
and for friends keep trying to put yourself out there, look for an individual who shares or disagrees with your opinions and is willing to talk about them in a light and humoristic way
that's a friend
Hope not, I dont want anyone I know to know I've been here on this site hehe. If word got out I would probably get a label worse than what I have now. My social life's a wreck as it is