Can't handle uni, help

Long story short
>start my bachelor's degree at 22, in 2013
>late start, doesn't realize it yet
>in humanities, because that's all I could get into, and I didn't mind back then
>it's all good, get two close friends, first real friends I've ever had, and get A's and B's
>then, in 2016 I do a year abroad as part of my studies
>it fucks up my mental health for a number of reasons, social isolation and inadequacy being two of them
>I basically went from having two close friends and being one of the best in my class to having no friends, literally not speaking for days and being one of the dumbest
>come home, see a psychologist (doesn't help), finish my bachelor's by 2017
>can't find a job, move back home with my mother in redneck land
>this fucks me up further mentally
>plan to continue studying in 2018, this falls through because reasons
>finally get into a master's programme this year, and oh my lord I'm not ready for this

I've had TWO classes, and I already see myself failing. The curriculum is far too advanced for me, there's hundreds of pages to read three times per week, and these aren't your ordinary texts, it's a very heavy academic language that I find really difficult. An analysis of what I just read is to be submitted every class, i.e. three times per week. I've never learned to analyze an academic text, I can hardly summarize this shit I'm reading now. Every submission will go towards my final grade this year, there won't be an exam. First submission is TOMORROW. I'm having panick attacks, I've been, quite literally, shaking and crying ever since I got back from the first lecture. I hate the fact that I'm almost 29 and doing a meme degree that most likely won't even land me a job. I hate the fact that I lost contact with my two aforementioned friends, I have no one to talk to anymore besides my mother. I hate the place where I live, there's a noisy AC unit outside which keeps me awake at night. I hate my life and I want to die.

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Dropping out though, means money wasted because of loans, and having to move out of my apartment within two months, because it's a student apartment, reserved for students only. Unless I can find a job and a new place to live in those two months (VERY unlikely), I'd have to move back in with my mother. Mind you, I moved out from there three weeks ago. It would be the biggest failure of my life, and I honestly don't care. I want to drop out with every fiber of my being. I can't exaggerate how difficult this stuff is for me, it's like taking a bachelor's in Spanish, and signing up for the master's, only to find out it's in fucking Greek. That's how I feel. Not to mention I'm in NO way prepared for the course load. And it's two more YEARS of this, where things will only get more difficult. My anxiety goes into overdrive just by thinking about it. Maybe I'm just not cut out for higher education?

Quitting is not an option, neither is continuing. I've never been more distressed and afraid in my whole life, and trust me, my life has been pretty shit. What the fuck do I do lads?

PS: Please don't say suicide. I haven't been suicidal for years, but these last two days I've started considering it again. I'm in a very fragile state here, pls no bully.

PPS: Please don't judge me because I find something difficult that you maybe don't. My mental health has deteriorated for years, and I thought I was ready for this, but I'm not. I don't need criticism of my decision or abilities, I need genuine advice.

Professor writing here.

You're having a panic attack. You are almost certainly not as out of your depth as you think. Talk to your professor in office hours. Often a one-on-one session of practical "how-to" advice can do wonders.

And if by chance you ARE out of your depth, back up a bit. Not everyone belongs in - or needs - a MA program. Perhaps the degree you already have is enough. Talk to an academic adviser (probably in your department) to see what options and alternatives are available.

I did a year part time due to similar problems there's options available but like
said you need to let them know.

Thanks for the encouragement. I will talk to my professor and hear what they have to say. I've given it some thought though, whether or not I'm overreacting or if I'm actually out of my depth, and I honestly think it's the latter. It all feels very similar to my year abroad, where I also were faced with a curriculum that was too advanced for me. Back then I coped better with stuff and hung in there, but it never really got better, and it fucked me up mentally. I look at my curriculum now, and it doesn't look like it's going to get easier. And I'm not exaggerating, I really don't understand shit of what I'm supposed to be studying.

But yeah, I'll talk to my professor and see. If others have more advice or similar experiences, please do share.

Had a break down going into 3rd year a lot of it was problems outside the course or corriculum but a part of it was the stress of going into the last couple of years and the step up required. I spoke to my professor and was given a year out to get myself sorted. When I came back I did 3rd year part time to ease myself into it and then completed 4th year as normal. I believe you can deal with the course and you are able to graduate but you could use sometime to address the other problems your having and get back on track. Your health mental and physical should always be of primary concern the university can adapt to you as you need it too. Best of luck.

Where did you study abroad if you don't mind me asking? And what about it caused you to feel so inadequate?

Thank you. I'll schedule an appointment with them and hear what options I have.

I won't say exactly what degree or country, because it will derail the thread and it's not relevant. Suffice to say I studied area studies, which involved learning a foreign language. I was naive back then, I wouldn't have chosen the same today.

I went abroad after two years of my bachelor to study at an institute in a country where this language was spoken, as a linguistic and cultural immersion. In my home country, I was one of the smartest people in my class, but at this new institute, I was put in a class where everyone were smarter than me. I had trouble understanding what the professors talked about, and I never bonded with the other students. It's an utterly shitty feeling, being asked a question by a professor in a language you've been learning for three years, and not being able to come up with a simple reply. I had undiagnosed anxiety at the time, which didn't help, and there was constant trouble with my accomodation. Never made native friends either. In the end I became a semi alcoholic, I got blind drunk on weekends, and then on some weekdays. Relieved some of the depression then, but it obviously didn't help my situation in the long run.

It's that same feeling I have now and it scares me. I feel exactly the same now as I felt back then, this feeling of inadequacy and isolation. That shit is 3 years behind me, but I still struggle because of it, and I just can't cope with the thought of having to go through that again. Try it yourself, not opening your mouth for days, sometimes an entire week, with Jow Forums your only way to socialize. It will fuck you up if you're used to talking to your friends daily, I can tell you.

Anyone else?

Do you have counseling at your university? My university offers it for free and they are experienced in dealing with the sort of trouble you are going through.

And don't think that much of yourself as a failure. Even if you fucked up on an career-level there is a lot more to life and yourself. Try to focus on these things to get you out of your black hole. Other options will come with time.