Is it cheating to go on a date with somebody else when you're in a relationship?

Is it cheating to go on a date with somebody else when you're in a relationship?

I love my boyfriend very much but recently it's been extremely difficult and we don't seem to be getting on as well as we did. He moved away to another city to work for the summer so I barely see or talk to him and he has expressed doubts about whether our relationship will work long term. He's all I think about and I love him immensely but I've been getting lonely recently and don't feel like he is putting in much effort to contact me so I decided to go on a date with somebody else for the evening. It is primarily just for some company and maybe get a fresh perspective on my relationship.

Is this a huge betrayal?

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Yeah? It's obviously cheating if it's meant to be a date, how can you be dumb enough to even ask this?

Even if its just a casual drink and there is nothing physical involved?

Why are you calling that a date? You just want to hang out with your male friend right? That's fine, I have a female friend I hang out with from time to time despite her being engaged. We've drank and smoke together and nothing physical happened. If you think the guy might come onto you then mentally prepare for backing him down.

I went on dates with other girls while with certain girlfriends. It was because i just didn’t like my gf. I felt guilty and never hooked up except once. Generally there is a reason you’re going out with someone else while seeing your current girl. You need to address it by fixing the problem or being single.

You dumbass roast beef sandwich, of course it's cheating. Are you really that dumb or are you just trying to justify your urges? If you love your boyfriend "immensely" why are considering to lead in another man? If you are so lonely get out of the house and hang with some friends.
Also, if it's just a drink, then not only are you breaking your promise of fidelity with your bf but also leading on another man.

>and he has expressed doubts about whether our relationship will work long term
>and don't feel like he is putting in much effort to contact me
You need to have a long talk about how you feel in regards to his lack of effort, and his doubts. Try to find a middleground. If he is not willing to find a middleground, not willing to compromise in any way, shape, or form, the relationship is over. It already sounds like it's over, actually. Do this as soon as possible. Don't dawdle, just do it.

>Is it cheating to go on a date with somebody else when you're in a relationship?
Yes of course.
A dates purpose is to find out if you could develop romantic interest in that person.
Dating other people while in a relationship will lead to both betrayal of your current boyfriend, when he finds out (and he will) the relationship will be over, whether you want it to be over at that point or not and you are also leading another guy on who might develop interest in you. Who knows how he is going to react, he might very well be pissed and call you out to your current boyfriend once he finds out you are already seeing someone.
No matter how you put it, it's wrong. It's immoral towards your boyfriend and a short sighted step that has lots of risks involved.
If you are unhappy in your relationship you either make an effort to fix those issues or break up, after which you'll be fine to go on dates again!

good advice

you are a worthless cunt whore

boooh hoooo you can't last a couple of months in the summer, woa is me. Go fuck yourself you entitled slut.

You sound like a nice, empathic sort of person.

I don't like to do anything physical with somebody I'm seeing for a while regardless of whether I'm single or not. It just seems as if my current relationship has reached a roadblock and my partner isn't making any effort to make things work. He calls me probably once or twice a week. Texts me once a day if he can be bothered. I have waited for months but I'm starting to think maybe some company and being around somebody who values me might help me decide whether to continue with the relationship I'm in now.

He wouldn't break up with me for going on a date with another guy. He would probably question why and not be entirely happy but as long as nothing physical happened he wouldn't kick off. He isn't possessive like that.

I’m sorry I just got broken up and feel very bitter.

If you don’t like your boyfriend then spare him the grief of you cheating

not wanting your partner to go on dates with other people isn't possessive.
Arguing that it is makes you sound entitled and immature.
Any guy who gives two shits about you is going to be upset about it.
In case he doesn't he is either your bitch (which this doesn't sound like) or is fucking other girls himself, so congrats on creating a dysfunctional relationship.

>woops hahah it was a one night stand I was in a dark place honey sorry haha

Yeah, if you have to ask, you know it's not right. A platonic date is in a grey area, but you're building yourself up to cheat. Just break up. You can always get back together later if he comes back home and you still want each other. But if you do stuff behind his back while you're still calling yourself his girlfriend, you'll fuck it up permanently.

this is how women operate. she knows it's cheating but wants someone to come up with a convoluted excuse so she can go on the date anyway and not feel guilty

kek this

>He isn't possessive like that.
Haha, all guys are "possessive like that." That's exactly why you're doing this - to make him angry, make him feel threatened that you might leave for someone else, and thereby pressure him into giving you more attention. This is a revenge date, which typically progresses to a revenge fuck if it doesn't have the desired effect on your boyfriend. This isn't a new thing.

Right. I wonder why.

And if I don't go on the date and persist with an unhappy relationship in the hopes it might fix itself and regret not going for a drink with somebody who could have made me happy?
I don't think it's the act of going on the date which is important, it's the intention behind it. At no point did I say I want to go out to fuck some stranger. I said I wanted to go for a drink with somebody who will make me feel valued so I can put some perspective on my current relationship and hopefully finish the evening knowing how important my boyfriend is to me.
He wouldn't leave me over that, he's a grown man, not an insecure 20-something kid.

>so I can put some perspective on my current relationship and hopefully finish the evening knowing how important my boyfriend is to me
How do you make that logic work in your head? That makes absolutely no sense. Look, do it if you want to, nobody can stop you. But don't lie to yourself so you can feel like you aren't doing anything wrong. You wouldn't have made this thread if you weren't doing anything wrong. Nobody is gonna tell you what you want to hear, so just make your decision without the bullshit self-justifications

>who could have made me happy
That's what they all say before they bang the mailman
>He wouldn't leave me over that
He's a cuck

and you're a man-child calling 38 year old strangers cucks.

And you're a woman-child who can't take responsibility for her own decisions without lying to herself and seeking the permission of strangers on the Internet.

Leave the evening knowing whether of not my current relationship is of enough value to me to continue waiting for him and work things out, or whether it will make me realise that I am in a position where I would rather be seeing other people.

I get the feeling that female made threads are laced with this vicious misogyny and if this same thread were written from a male perspective he would be encouraged to see other girls but because its a female lead thread it's just another excuse to call a woman a whore and a cunt.
It is what it is..

Testing a new person out for a possible relationship while you are already in a relationship is cheating. Period. End of story. The fact that you are claiming any one is immature or entitled because they don’t want their partner to do just what you are thinking about is pure projection and hypocrisy.

Here’s a thought, if this is really alright with you and “should” be alright with your boyfriend, tell him what you are planning on doing without mincing words. Tell him “I’m going on a date with another guy to see if I like him more than you. If I do, I’m leaving you. If not, I’ll stay with you... until I end up dating another dude that I like more.”

Let’s see how that goes over lol. Or, better yet, imagine your boyfriend said the reverse to you. Would you dump him? Would you be cool with him assuming you’re a decent back up plan? What about him doing it without telling you? How does that make you feel?

I'm not being viciously misogynist. I like women. I know a lot of women who don't play games like this. I also know some who do. The problem here is that I actually know women well enough to recognize this behavior for what it is, I've seen it before and I know what happens next. I'm judging your actions and your attitude, not your gender. You made this thread looking for one single person to tell you what you want to hear and give you permission, so that you could ignore every other person telling you the truth. But I don't think it's going to happen, so just make up your own mind and do what you want to do.

You sound very young.

Who said anything about 'testing out a new person' I never said I wanted a relationship with this person. All I said was that I wanted to go out and have some company for the evening.

And you sound overtly condescending and insecure. Again, you’re projecting your immaturity and everyone reading this thread can see it for what it is.

He has been out to see other women for the evening. Thats his prerogative. As long as he isn't fucking anyone who am I to tell him he can't talk to other women?

You're upset that your boyfriend is neglecting you. This is a play to make him jealous, put the fear of God back into him, and get his attention back on you. Be honest and call it what it is, and we could have a real conversation

Again. Very young.
Are you a virgin?

40 year old guy here
age doesn't really matter when it comes to giving advice are you even considering anything anyone on here is saying or are you just waiting for that one response that says your fucked up mentality is perfectly ok?

You literally said the purpose was to test whether or not you wanted to move on to someone new or stay with your bf by going out with another dude. It doesn’t matter who it is. You’re cheating on your bf to see if you want to stay or not. It’s cheating. Just bite the bullet and break up lol.

I was actually a new guy telling you to stop shaming people giving you honest answers to your question. And no I’m not a virgin and have been with the same girl for the past 3 years. Of course, virginity has no real impact on this discussion. It has more to do with you being a selfish cunt.

"fucked up mentality" for proposing going for a drink with one guy after months of feeling as if my partner isn't making any effort any more?
Are couples supposed to have this kind of possession over each other? Is that normal now?

>And if I don't go on the date and persist with an unhappy relationship in the hopes it might fix itself and regret not going for a drink with somebody who could have made me happy?
Then break up with your boyfriend and go one the date. There is a choice to make here and you can't go with "why not both lol". You either try to fix your relationship or break up and go on the date.

>I don't think it's the act of going on the date which is important, it's the intention behind it.
Wanting to feel "valued" and getting attention from other guys? Of course the guy is going to be extremely nice to you and make you feel "valued", he wants to fuck you.
A date with another guy is no benchmark for your relationship.

>He wouldn't leave me over that, he's a grown man, not an insecure 20-something kid.
You keep telling yourself that. Why not have an open conversation with him and say you want to go on dates with other guys to feel "valued"?
I assume you already know the reaction that would have so you are looking for any excuse to do it behind his back anyway and not feel guilty about it.

You are mad at him because you don't get enough attention (whether that is just perceived on your end or an objective truth is a whole different point) and are trying to get back at him by applying pressure and hurting him by going out with other guys behind his back, wanting us to come up with some convoluted excuse as to why you cheated so you can feel better about your actions when you are eventually caught.

Fuck off we are not doing that.

Fix your relationship in a non-toxic way or break up.

Yes, and it always has been. If you wanna act like you're single, break up with him and be single

No, it's fine. Ignore the incels here.

This. Thank you, this is exactly what I said earlier and she never responded lol.

Do you even know what that word means? How can someone be an incel if they literally had their dick in their gf last night?

But what would you do?
If you'd built something with one woman over years and there was a deep emotional complexity there and ending it isn't as simple as just saying 'it's over'. She moves away and becomes progressively more distant and doubtful but you love her and don't want to lose her completely so you wait and become doubtful and unhappy. You meet someone friendly who said they can take you out for the evening and keep you company and it never goes any further than that but it helps you to understand that maybe you are capable and worthy and have the confidence to be without your partner any more. Or Maybe you decide that it was nice seeing someone but actually your partner is more important to you than you thought, the date was a distraction from your worries and your relationship is something you want to hold on to.

It’s a betrayal and it’s cheating. You’re clearly hiding it from him so you must know it’s wrong.

Doesn't matter if the incel-mentality is still present.

I will tell him. It won't be some great secret he will go nuts over. He understands the position we're in right now is tough. I think it just means we'll have to have a chat about where we think we can go from here.

>I decided to go on a date with somebody else for the evening
>It is primarily just for some company
Fuck off you lying bitch.

You seem nice.

The thing is, I completely sympathize with your situation, and I think it's natural that you're tempted by this idea. But I also think you're being dishonest about your intentions and your reasoning. And since we're all anonymous strangers here, it seems like you can't even be honest with yourself. So it's hard to have an honest conversation about this.

It's a bad idea. You're either trying to make him jealous, or you're testing the waters to see if you want to have an affair before he gets back. How do you imagine the intentions of the guy who offered to take you out? Do you really believe yourself that there's no chance it will go further than a platonic "date?" I think you know perfectly well that this would upset your boyfriend if he found out, it would make him feel jealous and worried, and I honestly think that's why you're doing it. I don't think you plan to cheat on him, I think you plan to threaten him with the possibility that he COULD cheat so he stops being neglectful.

It's understandable, but it's a bad idea. Because the thing is, even in the best-case scenario where your boyfriend comes back home and you stay together, you've damaged the trust. Look at all the responses in this thread assuming you're planning to cheat, and understand that your boyfriend is not a completely different breed of man from the rest of us. The same suspicions will linger in his mind. He might take you at your word that it didn't go any further than dinner, but he will also know that it's POSSIBLE that you slept with the guy while he was away, and that doubt will poison the relationship.

What I actually think you should do is talk to your boyfriend. Tell him that he's being neglectful and you can't even tell if the relationship is still good anymore. Tell him that he needs to make more of an effort if he still wants to be your boyfriend. It is completely understandable that you're upset and lonely. But the date is a bad move, it will backfire.

There's a fine line between being retarded and trolling. You ride that line with grace my friend.

Wow, one person with some actual sound reasoning.
Thanks. Honestly. I'll give it some thought.
And thanks for managing to give me some advice without calling me a whore. That is much appreciated.

Nah he's right

You're welcome, but I said the exact same thing in several other, briefer posts up-thread, and I never called you a whore. You called me a child and a virgin, though. But I wish you the best and hope you can work things out



I have a female roommate, and we will go out to eat at nice restaurants together sometimes. Even that feels weird to me. It’s just two roommates getting dinner together. But even still sometimes it feels weird to me.

OP is your typical woman.

Things aren't going perfectly with her current boyfriend, so she monkey branches off to another guy and rationalizes it inside her head by saying bullshit like: ''it was only for company''. Give me a fucking break. And women seriously believe this lie they make up themselves.

It's bullshit. OP is sniffing out what her options are and weighing them up. This is female monkey branching 101. If the monkey branch attempt fails, she'll just pass it off as if it was an evening spend together with him as good friends but nothing more. If the monkey branch attempt succeeds, she'll jump ship to this guy and ditch her boyfriend because ''one thing led to the next :3''.

Well yeah, the fact she even called it a “date” is a major major problem

>gets sounds advice that goes against what she wants to hear
>virgin, child, misogyny
This level of entitlement is embarrassing. Get some self awareness.

>t. 28yr old female

>Is it cheating to go on a date with somebody else when you're in a relationship?

If you have to ask, then the answer is always yes.

Prob bait but I cannot comprehend how you don't see it as betrayal. If you don't want him anymore, break up with him first and then go try other people.

>Acts like a whore
>Plz dont treat me like a whore

It's not, especially since her motive is very clearly to move away from her current relationship and distance herself. Disrespectful, don't feed this bad behavior.

This, fix your shit or get out of a relationship before doing this.

That's not possessive, and if by some fluke he isn't upset by what your describing he sure as hell should be.

Honestly from this wording alone it's very obvious your already detaching from the relationship, women like to call normal territorial and protective behavior "possessive" when they have grown tired of their current arrangement.

Women love "possessive" men when their enjoying the relationship, but they only describe it as such when their no longer enjoying it.

I'd call men out for this same shit, you either fix it or get out. You don't jump from relationship to relationship like Tarzan on Vines. It's disrespectful for anyone to do it.

That's what a date is, don't play these games. Your trying to twist the narrative now, if your comparing him to your boyfriend in any capacity which you clearly are because you want to use this for "perspective" or whatever.

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You know what Op, I'll answer you seriously as a woman who coincidentally has been in a similar situation. I was in a long term relationship for a guy I cared for very much. I had to move about an hour away and go back to school while working, so I was very busy and he couldn't handle that very well. I started to see all the cracks in our relationship and I broke up with him. But it felt awful because I still loved him, so when he came back weeks later saying he had worked through some stuff and thought things through I got back together with him, And he was better.

At the same time a man in my apartment building approached me and was very friendly. We kept running into each other and having conversations and eventually we exchanged numbers and went out for a casual slice of pizza once. I kept telling myself it was a friend situation, but at the end of the day the doubt came to me that that might not be the case for him, and then I found myself thinking I wouldn't hate it if he did think it was a date. And I barely knew anything about this guy. It wasn't about him and we never did anything that could even be considered flirting, but that was enough.

That was when I realized I had to break up with my boyfriend.

Do it if you want to. Every idiot has their own definitions of cheating. This may not be within yours, fuck even if it is, everyone has a right to cheat if they want to. Your boyfriend will dump you if he finds out though.

Its a slippery slope. Typical shank excuses If you can't be 100% committed to your bf. Then just break up

You remind me of a girl that was trying to date me once, very similar situation you described.. I got rid because of this kind of cancer. You aren't wife material for a guy worth anything.

talk to him instead of cheating

Unironically this right here
If someone else justifies it, strength in numbers

You are a cunt

Break up with your boyfriend first you stupid whore. You "love him" but you're absolutely about to cheat on him because you're not getting enough dick and fight too much. Just end the relationship.