My female friends sexual history repulsed me. How do I get past it?
Like apparently 20 years ago, she went through a phase where she fucked all her dads friends to spite him. It really fucking grosses me out because I have a kid and it really disturbs me that friends I have right now would want to bang her in a decade when she's old enough to have sex.
Like, all day, I've felt nasueaus because I'm repulsed, but she treats this like it's no big deal. I am literally banking on me forgetting about this because last time she told me this I went a week or so avoiding her because it bothers me so much and I'm not sure why.
Solution is to get decent people who wouldn't bang your child as friends. The first step is distancing yourself from people like this woman who think this is morally acceptable behavior.
Oh, and don't raise your daughter to be a whore. This is largely out of your control though.
>it really disturbs me that friends I have right now would want to bang her in a decade when she's old enough to have sex You've got some fucking yikes friends, brother.
That's part of the reason I was disgusted because this chick made it sound like yeah there's no stopping this. I'm probably going to avoid her until I forget this shit but it just really bothers me. I think what disturbs me most is the whole consensual deviancy. These guys knew her in diapers. How is this not long term pedophilia? I'm sure there's a better term for it but christ.
That's because your friends are garbage, and your kid is precious. If either you devalue your kid (extremely common the older they get) or get friends deserving of such a rare commodity (not as uncommon as you think). For starters unless you are an ageist, your friends maybe closer in age. Secondly if your friends were the most wonderful trust worthy people in the world and you still had a problem then you'll have a problem with everyone who actually gets involved with them. Just don't think about it, and keep your friends away from your family if you are still worried.
Sounds like not making it a big deal is a coping strategy for her since she's clearly messed up.
If you're worried about your daughter then don't become a dad she feels the need to spite in this way and don't have friends that would allow her to sleep with them to spite you.
Because they see reality in front of them. Everyone was a baby once, looking at each others baby pictures is a thing some couples do. The difference here is as a parent you are invested, and you currently recognize the investment of others. This might change when it's no longer your constant responsibility. Combine that with a willing and very convincing partner and suddenly your making someone feel gross.
You might change your mind in the country. Small towns have less elegible bachelors, and it's more common to have a significant age gap. Then again the average number of partners is lower, all this stems from the distance between people.
Just to clarify, I don't think my friends want to fuck my kid. I'm just disturbed by the prospect.
Well. You're freaking out but it's time to state the obvious. Father was probably trash because trashy daughter was raised to be trash to sleep with trash dad's trash friends to get back at dad for being trash. I mean what sort of mentality was behind this shit?
It should bother you because this woman is trashy. Do you want to associate with trash and have this trash around your kids? And if this is your friend then maybe you should reevaluate your other friendships.
I was thinking about this. I'm normally incredibly open minded. This just really bothered me because people influence our behavior. I remember a chick being super faithful and started fucking around because her new friend was a twice divorced train wreck and completely normalized being a whore. Like I worry for my daughter associating with retards and predatorial men. It just scares me that this shit isn't obvious and ultimately my kid could just do it because of a stupid moment. I think I'm going to puke if I'm at her future wedding or some shit and one of my friends approaches her and gives her a sly wink to remember a secret.
I'm on a similar boat here. Best friend's ex gf told me about her sexual history and she would only date proper fuck boys, you'd just look at them and you'd know what they're like. Anyway, this one guy fucked her and got to be her bf but since he's a fuck boy he cheated on her and in spite of that she went and found some random guy who was much older than her and she brought him home and fucked him. Then she met his friend and fucked him, the guy had a kid and she knew it, its a weird detail that disturbed me a bit more. She was 16-17 at the time and the guys were in their 20's. She also made out with some old bouncer to get in a club. And has some rape fantasies.
I felt terrible hearing all this, like my friend wasn't who I though she was. Then once they broke up she started coming onto me. Now, the image I used to have of her would make me think she'd be alright to date, but now I was so disgusted and repulsed I couldn't look at her the same way. Except in my case, she was one of my closest friends so to see her like this and not wanting to go out with her because of it (and the fact she dated my other close friend for a couple of years) and because of that, she'll just go after some fuck boys and let them fuck her, it feels extremely heartbreaking and disappointing.
I still think about what she told me about herself and I can't get that image out of my head. I'm still on the fence how I feel about her, but I feel like we wouldn't be friends for long. I can't help but just feel repulsed by this sort of thing, it wouldn't even occur to me to do that. Later I found out she may have daddy issues, which made sense but it also made it all much worse because now I know that she might be psychologically led to do these things and that part of her feels like a different person. But I don't know if it makes me a bad person for not wanting to be around it despite knowing it is a "condition" and leaving "sick" people because they're "sick" makes me feel shit
You don't "get past it". It is repulsive and treating it any other way only encourages it in others.
>. I remember a chick being super faithful and started fucking around because her new friend was a twice divorced train wreck and completely normalized being a whore. Pic related. It's nothing new, and it's precisely why "open-mindedness" is a one-way street into a garbage heap. Do not tolerate whores. Condemn them. Your daughter deserves far better.
I would agree with this, but there again, avoidance also could lead to reinforcement or allowing, that behavior to continue since they think "I mentioned it to the guy and he didn't make a big deal, cool guess it wasn't a big deal after all".
I wouldn't just dismiss her and avoid her, I would tell her honestly what I think of what she did and what fear it put into me and that I don't think its a display of good behavior and since I may or have kids, I don't think it'll be ok for me to have someone like that woman to influence them so I'd have to deal with this relationship somehow, either talk it out and come to a conclusion or if you're really uncomfortable with it, tell her that you need to sever this friendship, but at least make her aware of why rather than leaving her think "maybe he's just busy and doesn't ignore me" or "maybe he's just an asshole, better off without him"
Dude 100%!!! I feel guilty because she admits she has daddy issues. Shes my close friend but every time she talks about this shit it really grosses me out. I spoke to another friend about it. He says it's weird but it's weird that I'm taking it hard. Like, same thing with the lion king. I used to love that movie but since I had a kid I cant watch that mufasa death scene anymore. Being a parent makes me hypersensitive to this shit.
It's very normal to be repulsed. I am repulsed as well by reading this story.
Why do you care? You’re not going to fuck her anyways and she sounds like a dope friend that is actually fun to hang out with. Compared to a nerd like you.
I think it all comes down to empathy and moral differences in both our cases.
I see her as near family almost, and its like seeing your sister get fucked by chad and get pregnant, what would you say then? "I told you!" you know? you'd try your best to steer her away from that and her making it difficult or her being indifferent to it creates gradual resentment. I just feel sick knowing some guy she met at a club would fuck her. Because to him, she's just another slut he'll forget about tomorrow. To me she's a close friend with feelings and individual thoughts whose idea of relationships and men can be distorted by how they're treating her and that's a terrible thing for someone to happen. In your case I think you're afraid of your kid going through the same life as your friend or knowing something like what your friend did happens, makes you feel like it's gonna happen to you so you try to shelter yourself and your family from that at all costs. I don't know what the answer to that is tho, like, I want what's best for my friend but I can't live her life for her and fix her mistakes, but seeing her make them and hear about them is very disappointing.
>avoidance also could lead to reinforcement or allowing, that behavior to continue since they think "I mentioned it to the guy and he didn't make a big deal" I didn't tell OP to ignore it. I told him to condemn it. If nothing else, he should cut her out of his life and keep her far away from his daughter. If she asks why, then he should be honest.
If I found out a close friend was a degenerate, I'd break ties. You can't "talk it out" over a fundamental flaw in someone's character. That's just going to draw out a painful process needlessly. He has a problem (or rather, she does and he's reacting to it), and there is a solution. The solution doesn't involve any sort of compromise on OP's standards.
Two questions: 1) how do people like this female exist? 2) why do people like op willingly continue to associate with them? Fucking disgusting
Because some people don’t have your boring sensibility and want to live it up. But no idea why OP is friends with someone he find repulsive. He should get other normalfag friends and have couples dinner-date and talk about the season.
The existence of the second group is the reason why we have the first. Degenerates are only contained as much as society is willing to contain them--that is to say, not very.
I honestly can't tell if you're joking or not.
Nope. Instead of complaining about friends like a little bitch, maybe focus more on your own life.
Good thing I'm not friends with that whore, then
And I’m sure she is very happy not being yours. See how easy that was. It’s like we solved the whole issue right there.
Yes. Still wondering how people like her exist, though
Idk, but it sounds like some serious trauma that stems from a shit childhood/parent(s). It’s definitely fucked up, but I would rather have her as a friend than OP. One you get crazy stories, the other one is a complainer, not a hard choice.
Why do you care though? Everyone does stupid shit to get back,at their parents when they're young.
1. no 2. there's variying degrees of stupid shit, this is definitely some of the worst
Yeah, it's pretty bad. But assuming she was of age, it was relatively harmless compared to some things people do to spite their parents. I think this is all an overreaction.
what she did and what those people did with her is a result of pathological upbringing because these people grew up thinking this behavior is acceptable. Objectively you can look at it that neither party is correct, but when you add morality to it all then the scale starts to go off balance in favor of one side which in this case is OP's side. He grew up in an environment where good morals were reinforced and that sort of degenerate behavior doesn't have place in there. For someone who grew up in a more degenerate environment with looser morals, rape could be a thing everyone is aware of but nobody says anything because its so common.
In my home town, my friend got pregnant when she was 10 years old. Nobody seemed to care much for it and nobody talked about it. 14 years later I look back on it and think that if it was to happen right now, around where I live, and with my morals, I'd be shocked to hear shit like that happened. See my point? he's right to "overreact" but some people wouldn't even care about it and that isn't right either, because you allow that behavior to continue since "who cares right?"
OP Here. I am pretty flexible with a lot of things. And you folks are right, this really is none of my business because ultimately she's not my girlfriend and the past belongs in the past. However, I can't shake this off because it feels evil. She has stated several times she has had daddy issues and for sure the guy is a dick. But guys, where do we draw the line? These guys grew up with her dad and knew her all her life. It just feels so gross because if I were her dad I would question every time these dudes complimented my daughter. The age of consent is a legal line in the sand and little physically changes the day you turn 18. So does that mean these guys were eye fucking her for how long? Pedophilia is gross enough, but this feels like a long term game. What's worse, she was a willing participant. She purposely sought them out because she knows he would feel the same way I'm feeling now. I don't even know if the dad knows and I pray he never finds out because I can't even deal with this shit hypothetically. Maybe I'm a wet towel but legit this just feels like degeneracy that I simply cannot tolerate.
Good points. I can only share my point of view as a middle-class, suburban American who grew up in a non-religious household. To me, it sounds like something worth being upset about if you're close to them, but not something worth ending a friendship over out of principle. The fact she used sex as a way of getting back at someone is the part that I'd be upset about, not necessarily with whom.
I don't really understand how you feel if you're that upset about the implications of her relationship with her father and his friends, and how you would empathize.
People do things wether or not society frown upon them or find it acceptable. We can all be in shock and disturbed, but no place on earth does it hinder people from acting out. Traumatized or not. Granted good behavior breeds good behavior, but it foes both ways. And it’s nice that OP grew up with a sense of morality, but clearly he was kept in the dark of how the real world is and instead of having a compassionate approach or even a sense of understanding, he acts out in disgust like a toddler.
She was clearly being taken advantage and used by older men that’s supposed to be a friend to the dad. You can’t say no to a teenager? I’m more shocked by the men than a child.
I think OP's worry is more about the fact that some older guys the father was friends with would do something like that to a much younger girl. If my friend's daughter asked me to fuck I'd never say yes, not a chance. Even if she was of age and super hot, its still my friend's child and c'mon, how would the father feel? would you like to feel what he would've felt? if the answer is no then how could you not be upset with who she fucked?
To be able to say yes to fucking a girl like that is really moving morality aside consciously for personal gain because the temptation is too strong and the chances of getting caught are low because people are stupid and think things like this are always kept a secret
I mean, in the OP he says he's repulsed by her sexual history, not the history of her dad's friends. He's upset about how she perceives the event. And honestly, if two consenting adults want to have safe sex, I can't understand how someone could be upset to the point of genuine disgust. Sure, being upset that it goes against your personal morals makes sense. But to be repulsed so bad that he can't talk to her for a week is crazy to me.
Honestly, I don't think you're wrong for feeling disgusted. I know a girl and tried to be friends with her but after she told me she fucked all her male friends, and after I found out she cheated on her bf with one of my friends and continued dating the guy like nothing happened, I distanced myself from her, especially after she started acting flirty towards my own boyfriend (while she herself is still in a relationship with that poor guy I mentioned).
Maybe unlike the girl I mentioned your friend doesn't do this shit anymore but regardless it makes sense that people disagree and drift apart due to moral issues as well. It really all depends. If she doesn't do that kind of immoral stuff anymore, if she's otherwise a genuinely good, kind, interesting etc person that you enjoy spending time with then try keeping the friendship but I don't blame you for feeling how you do... I've been friends with a lot of immoral people and ultimately they ended up being shitty friendships
Said it before and i'll say it again.
Women who have sex/relationships with significantly older men (6years+) is a massive red flag and they should be avoided.
It's always because of psychological issues.
That's stupid. If they're both adults age doesn't matter. Maturity isn't just a number.
Sorry but thats just bullshit. Life experience matters, and there is only so much you can experience when you're 18 or a teenager, normally you realize your mistakes and become more self aware in your 20's and had you been in the same situation when you're 21 and not 18, you'd make a whole different choice based on how much you figured out about yourself and how morally tuned you are and how you perceive the world as an adult (which isn't 18, lets be honest).
Talking to an 18 year old when you're 23 feels like talking to a child thats barely out of school. Now, talking to an 18 year old when you're in your 30's/40's, it feels like talking to a toddler and saying that "legally she's ok" is enough, is like fooling yourself to justify your actions which you know are fundamentally wrong. You can justify everything if you use the right words. I'm sure that if you had an 18 year old daughter and some guy in his 40's would fuck your daughter you wouldn't be too happy about it. Based on your answer you'd say "she's legal, its her life, nothing weird about it"
I carry a similar mentality. Just because something is technically allowed doesn't remove all weirdness. It is perfectly legal to have 30 abortions but yikes.......
Also, I am open minded with a lot of shit but this feels weird. Older dudes hooking up with younger chicks isn't my gripe though. My gripe is having a relationship with a child and then turning it sexual as soon as they turn legal. I see that as a predator.
Then it also disgusts me because yeah that's the only reason she did it. Because she knew it would humiliate him. She says the sex was terrible but it turned her on to humiliate her father since he was a shitty dad to her.
Guys I'm never dating this chick and I'm sure in a few years I won't remember her name. It's just that as of today...I'm disgusted and I just want practical advise to move past it. I try not thinking about it but this while thread is evidence that I'm doing a shitty job.
Female friend? What is she, like, a next door neighbour? You seem as upset as if she were your girlfriend.
>I worry for my daughter associating with retards and predatorial men Whether this behavior happens is largely due to her relationship to you - most of the girls that I know to be whores have little relationship with their parents, or their parents are fuckups like them. Yes it's true that the sexual liberation meme is shit and can poison women's minds too, but everything I've seen points to well-brought-up girls being less susceptible. Btw OP, don't smother your daughter and become a heliparent otherwise when she rebels (all teens do) she might to go off the wall.
>I just want practical advise to move past it. I try not thinking about it Someone earlier on the thread already said it - make it very clear to yourself that this behavior is wrong and don't associate with her further. That's the way to "not think about it"