Am I the bad guy?

So I'm about to be homeless, with nowhere to go, and I can't find or keep a job. I always had SSI (for mental illness) but now I don't get it. I'm also on parole. I'm on the verge of total meltdown and I have no one who believes me when I tell them what I'm going through. It's pretty frustrating and I've had setback after setback for almost two years. I'm slipping deeper and deeper, and I have nothing to hold on to. I have a few things I could possibly sell, but I can't be sure anyone will buy them in time for me to make rent. I'm about to say fuck it and just flip a coin.

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jeez user
what happened?

Search gmaps for shelters. Get your resume in order. Keep applying for jobs on your phone, or on the library's computer (assuming you have a library card).

I destroyed my own life through a continuous series of poor decisions. Now I must decide a proper course of action given the dire circumstances.

user every time without fail that I encounter someone like you they are a pyscopath with crab bucket mind set and a self fufillng prophecy .

My advice to you is to stop thinking about setbacks or how unfair and start at square 1

I was in a shelter previously. It was not a positive experience. I fear that my situation is more extreme than others. I've no way to prove it, but I believe that I am being targeted somehow. I know how crazy that sounds.

There is no square 1 to return to.

If you can change your mentality you are doomed to be a laughing monkey.

I hope you post this kinda shit in big why as me Facebook posts so you at least entain some people

Fuck Facebook and fuck you.

>mentally ill on SSI
>being targeted
Why does this sound suspect

Yes you're the bad guy, fuck you, you despicable homeless fuck.

>but now I don't get it.
SSI? Why you don't get now? Is there nobody you can shack up with? They don't kick you right out if you're not on time with rent. You can explain yourself.

You will lose something dear to you,
Something that can't be replaced.
And no matter what you do,
The pain won't be erased.
You will suffer for so long,
And not forget your loss.
Mark today while you're strong,
Before fortune takes its toss.

Because it is.
Because they cancel benefits when you go to prison, and according to their website you can't apply if you already received benefits previously.


Op just quit while you are ahead, like I said be humble and restart, do not contact those from your past life

Listen to this book

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I've been here myself, and I've had both friends and family who are near and dear to me right there as well, so I can say with some certainty that no, you are not in fact the bad guy. I like to think that in the interest of fairness, all humans hit rock bottom once in their lives and experience that feeling of sinking when there really should be no more "down" left to go. I also like to think that in the interests of fairness, all humans have at least one person on this shitball planet that care enough to help them fortify themselves and drag themselves out of the muck, but sadly it seems that its not really "Fair" in either case. People get left behind.

My best friend hit rock bottom with a meth addiction, and my brother spiralled way out of control, strung out on coke debts. Both of them did eventually manage to not only get out of those situations, but lock down solid jobs down the line, and now both of them make quite a bit more than I do. But both of them, and I, had each other and other people to talk to and grieve with and couch surf amongst. Not having those things is going to put you at a disadvantage.

Having said that, probably the reason why nobody in the thread seems sympathetic, other than the fact that they're all miserable self-hating misanthropes, and probably also responsible for nobody stopping to listen, is that it seems like you're trying to use your grief to absolve yourself of the responsibilities that nobody else is ever going to take on, like getting you a job, providing you with income, or furnishing you with a home. You have to do those things, your friends can't do that for you, and acting like somebody owes it to you makes it really hard for anyone to get on board. We can barely support ourselves, much less anybody else. We're all equally poor these days. Except for Jow Forums anyway.



The reasons I hate arguments like the ones people are throwing down in this thread are twofold, actually. For one thing, being angry and hateful at the world for putting you in a shit situation, and working hard to better yourself are not mutually exclusive.

I'm angry all the time. I think the world is unfair and full of shit people and it should change. That doesn't mean that I am suddenly absolved of my responsibility to be the best person I can be. I have to keep learning even though the value of skills has gone down, I have to keep exercising even though "Masculinity" is frowned upon these days. These things improve me. Allowing other people to keep me from seeking a job, or saving my money, or buying a home just because things are unfair is just as unreasonable an argument as the people saying you shouldn't complain. You should complain. Things are shit and you should tell people to their faces when they offer you a shitty deal. But then you have to get back to the business of improving yourself, because nobody else can do that for you.

The other problem I have is that people like this Somehow don't understand that if they just gave an inch and allowed people to air their grievances peacefully, and then treated those peoples' grievances as legitimate, because they are, and allowed them to go on their way - those people could probably get back to living life instead of stewing on anger and feeling like nobody wants to understand. We all have these problems, we just all must act as if those problems don't matter, because we are all currently being treated as if OUR problems don't matter, and if I have to pull myself up without complaining, then so do you! It really is a useless, crab in bucket sort of mentality.

My advice? Break everything down and make it as simple as you can. What do you need? Well, you need shelter, food and water, and presumably electricity in (current year). (2/3)


That means you need an income. Update your resume while you have access to a computer, and figure out where the greatest concentration of potential jobs is - your downtown area, or business sector. Anywhere you can find the most restaraunts, clothing stores, bars, hardware stores and so on all in one place. Walk into as many stores as you can, shotgun your resume as much as possible, and hope you land a shit job just so you can keep a solid income to your name.

From there, its off to the races. You can always, ALWAYS make a deal for yourself with someone as long as you have some cash. Someone will take your money and offer you a couch, a spare room, or an RV trailer they keep in their backyard, even if you don't have enough income right away to lock down an apartment. Often private citizens will rent for half the going rate or less of an overpriced apartment, just to take a fat chunk out of their own rent.

That would cover your immediate needs. As for your personal problems... well, hell, I'LL talk to you about it if you want, but you have to understand something on a fundamental level - whatever you're going through, people still aren't ever going to be like "This dude is too disabled to work!" and give you a free ride.
Its true that that happens in life sometimes, but you really can't afford to allow yourself the illusion that anyone other than you is going to take care of your needs, or that anyone else should.

That people should care about you, and about your situation, absolutely. Everyone on this rock, no matter how shit they are, should at LEAST have a friend to their name. I believe that, truly. But you can't force that friend to feed you or house you or clothe you. We have to do those things for ourselves, and we can't afford to do that for you too.

isn't that from chrono trigger?

What state you live?

Thanks for the well-written and thought-out reply. I must confess that I never really had to worry about work until just a couple years ago. I was on SSI from the age of 18 and lived off of that for eight years till I wound up getting incarcerated. For about two years now I've been bumbling through my parole. I don't really do anything to get into trouble, but I have a difficult time with people, and I never learned how to gain and maintain employment successfully. I don't have much of anything to put on my resume, since I only have my GED and a very spotty work history. I do have legitimate psychological issues but I don't like to hide behind them. I tell myself that people endured this without psychiatry for most of history. Aside from that, I really can't prove that I'm being monitored/targeted, and I know it only lends credence to the notion that I'm mentally ill. Suffice to say that I have a negative reputation that has been rather problematic to overcome.

No idea, I got it from one of the other boards.

You know, its actually funny you should say that. I, too, have been on SSI from 18. I guess I was one of the lucky ones who actually got the full ride for Le Meme Aspbergers (Yes really) but looking back, though I have some legitimate personal issues, it was really more of a lack of self respect and a crippling fear of social situations that I was letting hold me back, more than anything.

I guess holding down a job is what made the difference, at least for me. It helps that I managed to hook a job with at least a little dignity, first in a hardware store, then a small locksmith shop. (Basically still a hardware store, but the people in there actually have skills.)
At some point after that I lost the guilt that comes with being a decent enough person to know I should contribute, but not contributing, and the depression that comes with no upward mobility.

I can at least tell you that the GED and the spotty work history aren't as big a deal as you'd think - it took me a long time to realize, in both a reassuring and terrifying way, that the bar is set REALLY low in the professional world. Honestly, like, I'm surprised anything ever gets done and that the trains actually run on time, with how stupid and incompetant some people, even managers, often are. As long as you want to work, you show up every day on time, and you have a desire to learn the skills, you are immediately above the vast majority of your competition. Then you just gotta find a place that is hiring, and convince them of those things. That's a bit harder.

I won't ask about the incarceration, but can I ask why you have trouble holding down the jobs? Is it clashes with coworkers, time management issues, panic attacks at work? There are a lot of legit obstacles you might have to tailor a job around. It helps that you seem to know yourself pretty well.

I have trouble fitting in and being accepted, and I let it bother me. I don't necessarily want to be friends with my coworkers, I just want to do my thing in peace. That doesn't ever happen unfortunately. I'm a hard worker, I do what I'm told until it's done, and I don't screw around on the clock. But it seems that isn't enough. I wish I could obey myself as well as I do my bosses. I'm eager to please but it never works out. I'm pretty frustrated at this point and really don't want to do something foolish.

Why the FUCK did you not contact a staffing agency? They find criminals work all the time

I fucked up.

No matter what happens in the near future, get a library card at your nearest library. Running water, comfy couches, decent bathrooms, items you can rent, free internet, and most have job search/employment resources as well. It can’t hurt at all.

I have crippling social anxiety, and I'm extremely paranoid.