Femanon here. I live in an abusive household. A few weeks ago, I was beaten by my dad twice and it left bruises, some scratches, and a bump on my head. At one point, he had his hands around my throat. He threatened to beat the shit out of me. If he had a knife, I think I'd be dead. I didn't call the authorities because I have younger siblings and they have a relatively stable life at home. I'm the scapegoat kid-- he only ever loses his temper with me. I want to fix my problems in a way that doesn't shake up the family and potentially ruin my siblings' futures.
So I'm planning on moving out next spring, but I'm in university and I only work a part-time. Should I even move out? How do I cover my ass financially?
Dorm with 2-3 people apply for a student loan or try to get scholarships
If you leave, they'll be the scapegoat
this snitch on his ass and record the abuse
literally exactly what my mother did to my siblings when I left. Get him locked up
If he laid a hand on my siblings after I was gone, I'd call the cops, but right now I don't want to risk it because it's relatively stable for them. My dad basically supports the entire family and with that income gone, idk how the kids are going to get funding for uni/college when they get to that age. I'm also scared CPS will get involved and take them away
they will take them away... it's hilarious you prefer them to get abused just for college warped society
No, I wouldn't. Right now they're not being abused. If they were, I'd call the cops. But if there's a chance that they won't be abused and they'll get college funding, then I'm going to take it. I'm hoping to move out, get a stable career and my own place, then move my siblings in with me.
Again, my dad's never hurt any of them and I'd fight tooth and nail to keep them siblings safe. If CPS took them away... they'd be out of my control and I don't know if I'd ever see them again.
by all means go for it don't be surprised catching your siblings with bruises though
Fuck. This story is too familiar. Exactly what happened to my wife except she got kicked out at 16. Was sent to live with relatives. And yes, her little sis got the abuse afterwards. Their mom never left bc she didn't want to be alone despite her having a decent job. Got any close of kin who can take the kids on after you move out?
Haha, I wish I got kicked out. Would've made my life easier. Hope your wife is doing well and has made peace with her past.
My family is fucked up on both sides. My mom's side is probably willing to take them in but can't afford it. My dad's side can afford it but I don't know what my relationship with them will be if he does get prison time. I just think I'd be making a mess of the family and I feel a lot of guilt.
In addition, no-- the kids will only be moving out if authorities get involved. None of my family will take them in otherwise, nor would my parents allow them to. They're fiercely overprotective helicopter parents.
Ex-cop here femanon from the states. If your dad beat you up in the same household, it's domestic violence and your younger siblings would be placed into emergency custody in most states. Your dad will be evaluated and probably given visitation rights, made to take parenting classes, and go to therapy. If you're a legal adult, it doesn't change the domestic violence dynamic.
>I want to fix my problems in a way that doesn't shake up the family and potentially ruin my siblings' futures. Your siblings are already screwed up from the abuse, even if they don't get beatings. If you leave, they'll probably get abused the same way.
>Should I even move out? How do I cover my ass financially? You can go on food stamps, get emergency housing, get a job, the list goes on. If you still have visible physical marks on you but for whatever dumb reason don't want to disclose, just go to a woman's shelter and let the marks speak for themselves. They'll help you with housing, getting a job, and so on.
If your life or life of your siblings is in threat, moving out or staying will not prevent anything. Isn't there some sort of procurator for such situations?
>procurator I messed up translation. By that I meant some organization that deals with that stuff, something you would do before going to police.
You're afraid CPS will take them away? I wish I could've gotten them involved back when I knew my neighbors had serious issues. They had a bunch of kids and those poor kids grew up seeing all kinds of shit, drugs, infidelities, verbal abuse, etc. I did try getting the authorities involved but for some reason they managed to avoid getting in depth investigations. I don't understand how they did it, there's no way DCF missed the fact both parents were druggies unless someone in the system was pulling strings to drop this case.
Thank you for the insight. I'm in Canada, but I think most of your reply still applies. Do you know what would happen after emergency custody?
>Your siblings are already screwed Some part of me realizes this, but I guess I don't want to admit it. They are emotionally abused when they come in contact with him, though my sister grey rocks while my brother sucks up to him in hopes of gaining some kind of affection. Both are extremely unhealthy coping habits.
I know none of this is my fault, but I can't help but feel very guilty. If they're taken by CPS or end up homeless or end up without a means to provide for themselves as adults-- I'd feel responsible for all these scenarios.
I haven't looked into this. My school offers therapists and I know there are domestic violence shelters. I'm certain both would get the authorities involved which I why I haven't reached out yet.
They'll take your statement, take photographs, video record your interview, and provide you a victim advocate most likely. The'll appoint a victim's advocate that will make sure you have housing, food allowance, therapy, etc. if you want it.
They'll take the kids out of class, interview them with a cop and social worker. It'll be done very discreetly and your parents won't be told. They'll then be placed into emergency foster care. Your father will be informed usually during or after work. If there is enough evidence of him abusing you, they'll just arrest him. He'll be told not possess any firearms, and not to have any contact with any of you, or he'll risk arrest.
Your siblings will be interviewed by police, social workers, and psychologists then they' make a temporary recommendation to the court. Rarely are they placed with another family member in these situations because of the risk. I've only seen it a few times, and it was relatives who previously complained and really showed they weren't going to risk their safety. Your siblings will be placed into foster care with a stated licensed foster care provider. Sometimes, there are exceptions, like being placed with a teacher if there is severe lack of options (by law foster care usually can only have certain amount of kids per provider).
Usually, the parents have limited and supervised visitation rights for a while when court is happening, if at all. A parenting plan will be developed. Basically like a custody plan. Your parents will be required to see a psychologist, take parenting classes, do drug testing, have employment, and the list goes on. It varies.
His court proceedings concerning your abuse would most likely be treated separately from CPS's trial, but have some overlap.
Thank you so much for your detailed reply. I'm going to keep this all into consideration moving forward.
I'm leaning more towards calling the police at this point, but I want to feel more secure before I do that. I'll likely reach out to more family in the upcoming days and try to explain everything before shit hits the fan. Foster care worries me a lot, so I'm hoping if I plead my case enough, one of my family members will take the kids in. Again, thank you for the reply. This makes everything feel more concrete.